M helps Dominick study for his GED and decides that a good way to help him learn English is by MiSTing a terrible Dream fan fiction. Will the MiSTers survive a short story about a now defunct girl band? Will Dominick get his GED? Will Tempest sex anybody up?
Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.
I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed.
My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, my MiSTers, and the mad. My characters are used only with my permission.
This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others.
It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.
Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Dominick Dante – Uhhh, I came with Mel.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softly and carry a palm pilot.
Jarred Zion – Strangers are just friends that you haven’t met!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – I’m not a nymphomaniac, I’m a sex addict. There’s a difference.
Kalinda Beckham – Yes, that’s right, I’m the only remotely normal person here.
(M and Dominick are sitting at the conference room table with several books spread out around them. Dominick is furiously taking notes in a notepad even though his handwriting is impossible to read.)
M: Okay, Dominick, now concentrate. In the sentence “The nurse searched for a vein on my arm so that she could take my blood” how is the word “vein” spelled?
Dominick: V… E… I…
M: Come on, Dommie, you’re almost there.
M: Yes! Great job!
Dominick: (^_^) Yay me!
M: Okay, here’s another one. What is a passive sentence?
Dominick: Um, it’s when the subject receives the action of the verb.
M: Great, can you give me an example?
Dominick: The MiSTers were tortured by M.
M: (-_-;;;) Ignoring the subject matter, yes, that is correct. Can you turn that sentence into an active one?
Dominick: Uh, M tortured the MiSTers?
M: Are you asking me or telling me?
Dominick: M tortured the MiSTers.
Dominick: (^_^) Double yay!
M: You’re doing really well, Dommie. Especially considering that you were barely literate when we started.
M: Truth hurts, honey. I know.
Dominick: Let’s keep going. The GED test is in a few hours and I need to be ready. Like, ready, ready.
M: Okay, let’s review a bit. What is a metaphor?
Dominick: A comparison that doesn’t use “like” or “as”.
M: And a simile?
Dominick: A comparison that DOES use “like” or “as”.
M: What is the grammatical error in this sentence: “Me and Gwen went to the store.”
Dominick: The use of “me”. It should be “Gwen and I went to the store.”
M: What’s the capital of Denmark?
Dominick: Copenhagen. Which is also the largest city. Denmark was also the setting for Shakespeare’s Hamlet.
M: Excellent! You’re going to get your GED for sure! I’m so proud of you, Dommie.
Dominick: (Stretches.) Yeah, I’m pretty great and all.
M: Okay, now let’s —
(Suddenly the song “Fight For This Love” by Cheryl Cole starts blasting over the speakers. M looks up.)
M: Hey, it’s the Bad Fic Finder.
Dominick: Not again!
M: Come on, Dommie. The best way for you to practice your English is to MiST a fic.
Dominick: Really? That’s the best way?
M: Well, maybe not totally the best way, but still fun and adventurous.
(The other MiSTers trudge into the conference room. Tempest is wearing her new Victoria’s Secret sleepwear set and yawning, Kalinda is filing one of her fingernails, Jarred is dancing to the music and Deangelo and Gwen lovingly gaze into each other’s eyes as they go to take their seats.)
Melanie: Hey M, what’s the deal?
M: Going to go check it out right now.
(Melanie flops down besides Dominick and glances at one of the books they were looking over. M exits the conference room and returns a few seconds later holding several sheets of paper.)
Melanie: You know, M, you could just move the Bad Fic Finder in here. That would save you a lot of running around.
M: Yes, it would. Good idea, Mel.
Gwen: So what’s on the chopping block this week?
M: Well, it’s a Dream fic.
Jarred: A dream fic? You mean like a fic were everyone’s dreaming?
M: No, a fic about the now defunct pop group, Dream.
Jarred: Oh. I liked my idea better.
Tempest: Yeah, I mean those girls were so underage when they were big. I mean, what’s the point in marketing people as sex symbols when they’re not even 18 yet? Yeah, you can have fantasies and stuff, but it just feels wrong.
Deangelo: Thank you for sharing, Tempest.
Kalinda: Well, time to shuffle off into the MiSTing room. Come on, kids, let’s get this over with.
M: Now, now, let’s keep a handle on our enthusiasm.
(The MiSTers enter the theatre and discover Rosie asleep in Jarred’s usual chair.)
Jarred: (>^_^<) Awwwww! Rosie is so cute! Melanie: Well, looks like we can’t MiST. We can’t move the Leopardita and Jarred has nowhere to sit. Gwen: Yes, I suppose we should just go back to doing what we were doing. False alarm. M: (From the control room.) Hey Rosie, there’s catnip in the playroom. (Rosie bolts out of the theatre at top speed. The MiSTers sigh.) M: (From the control room.) Well, looks like that problem’s been taken care of. Kalinda: Yeah, great. Tempest: Perfect. (The MiSTers assemble in their usual chairs.) M: (From the control room.) Is everyone ready!? MiSTers: No! M: (From the control room.) Here we go! >The Adventures of Dream
>Chapter one: the beginning
Deangelo: You know, if you’re going to name your first chapter “The Beginning” then you really needn’t bother naming it at all.
>One day Ashley,Melissa.Holly and Diana were in their dressing room getting ready to perform.
M: (From the control room.) Bonus points for anyone who remembers any of Dream’s songs!
M: (From the control room.) Hmm, never mind then.
Gwen: Honestly M, you can’t really chastise someone for forgetting forgettable pop songs. Why do you think they’re called “forgettable”?
>”It’s hot in here!” Diana said
Tempest: So take off all your clothes!
Dominick: Uh Temp, they’re underage, remember?
Tempest: Oh crap, that’s right. Damn it! I need to wash my eyeballs out with soap again!
Others: (o_O) Ew…
>”I think I’ll go outside for breath of fresh air. With that Diana went outside and sat down for a moment.
Kalinda: She then began to ponder her existence and realized how pointless her life was and how fast she would be forgotten once her fifteen minutes of fame had truly come to an end. Her suicide followed shortly.
>While she sat down Diana saw something strange.
Dominick: A pop star that could actually sing without a backtrack and auto-tune.
>It was a green stone. The stone looked so beautiful to Diana that she just had to pick it up. And pick it up she did.
Gwen: With hilarious consequences!
>Dsiana felt a strange surge go through her body.
Tempest: What kind of surges? I’m vaguely interested.
>A few minutes later it endened and suddenly a jewel theif came with a crowbar and threatened Diana to give him the stone. “No” Diana said.
Jarred: Uh, hold on. How is this guy automatically a jewel thief? Is he wearing a name tag that identifies him as such?
Melanie: Good point. Diana picked up the stone, which clearly isn’t hers and now she doesn’t want to give it to the person who misplaced it, so technically that would make her the thief.
>The theif raised his crowbar and was getting ready to hit Diana but suddenly the bar bended and hit it’s owner in the head.
>That is when Diana realized she had psychic powers.
Kalinda: (O_o) This is going to be a looooooong MiST.
>The thief ran away whimpering.
Dominick: Yeah, when you can’t even beat up an unarmed 16-year-old girl, you know it’s time for a new career path.
>” I gotta go tell the girls about this stone Diana thought. So she picked it up and headed back to the dressing room.
Melanie: Just in time to find out that their album had flopped and the group was no longer popular.
>Chapter 2: The discovery
Tempest: The girls learned what tofu is actually made out of. Their lives change forever.
>Diana ran back to the dressing room. When she got there she immediately showed the other girls the stone.
Kalinda: They were all fascinated by the bright, shiny object.
>”Touch the stone she urged them.
Dominick: Peer pressure… Peer pressure… Peer pressure…
>The girls were about to touch the stone but the stageman came in the room to tell them that they had five minutes before showtime.
Tempest: The girls then stripped down to their underwear and were ready to go perform!
>Diana quickly hid the stone under her jacket.
Jarred: Hey, maybe the stone is made out of Kryptonite.
Dominick: Or the stone could be made out of fail.
>When the stageman left Diana once again pulled out the stone and Holly,Melissa and Ashley all touched the stone and felt weird surges go through their bodies.
Deangelo: It was the same funny feeling they got when they watched Justin Timberlake’s music videos.
>They each got different superpowers from the stone
Gwen: One of the little tartlets got the ability to grow her fingernails.
Tempest: “Little tartlets”? Seriously?
>Holly with unbelievible speed and superhuman stregnth, Melissa with laser eyes and Ashley with the power to control weather.
Deangelo: Is the power to control the weather really that useful? I mean, you can get out of your family reunion’s outdoor picnic and make sure there’s sunshine on your wedding day, but other than that, what can you do with it?
Tempest: Maybe she can like make the temperature go up to a million degrees or something and then everyone would die from the heat.
Deangelo: Yes… Including her.
Tempest: Oh, right.
>”Wow!” all three of the girls said after getting their powers.
Dominick: (The girls.) This is almost as cool as the time we all painted each other’s toenails.
>”What about you Di” Ashley asked. “Oh I already got mine” Diana replied.
Kalinda: (Diana.) You can thank me later.
>The girls were getting ready to try out their newfound powers. But suddenly it was showtime and the girls had to go and perform.
Melanie: Uh, I think getting super powers is reason enough to cancel a performance.
>But when they got back they were gonna try out their new powers.
Dominick: On their neighbor’s cat.
>Chapter 3: The decision
Deangelo: Super or regular?
All of the girls: (O_O!!!) Wha!!!!
Gwen: Deangelo, darling, please refrain from ever saying that again.
Deangelo: Oh come on, if Dominick had said it you shouldn’t have cared.
Melanie: Well yeah, but when Dominick says something silly or awkward, no one really notices.
Tempest: When you really think about it, no one really notices when Dominick says anything at all.
>After performing, the girls rushed back to their dressing rooms quickly changed and snuck outside into an alley.
Kalinda: Yeah, outside in an alley, that’s a great place to play about with super powers. Too bad they didn’t get super smarts.
>There the girls tried out their powers. They were having lots of fun with the powers.
Jarred: (Melissa.) Wheee… I’m having so much fun.
Melanie: (Holly.) Me too… (Yawns.) This is so awesome.
>”Het girls what do you think we should use our powers for?” Diana asked.
Gwen: World domination.
Tempest: Getting dates.
Melanie: Super-powered crime sprees.
Dominick: Convincing more people to buy our music.
Jarred: Fighting evil!
>” I think we should use it to stop evil in this world. All of them agreed.
Kalinda: But how are they going to do that AND be pop stars at the same time? Oh wait, their music career is only going to last for another few months. They’ll be fine.
>”What about suits?” Melissa asked.
Deangelo: Right. After getting magical powers the girl’s first concern is what they’re going to wear.
>”No problem I’ll make them” Holly replied. “You sure that you know how to sew?” Melissa asked Holly. “Yes, as a matter of fact I’m gonna go in side and sew the suits right now.
Melanie: Well, first you go rip rip rip
Kalinda: Then you go snip snip snip
Gwen: Then you whip in a zip zip zip
Tempest: And split it up to the hip hip hip
>Hollly signaled for Diana to come with her. Inside Holly and Diana went. A few hours later the suits were done.
Deangelo: Meanwhile, the other girls shopped for matching accessories, because you can’t fight crime without complementary earrings.
>They were shiny black with boots,gloves,belts and special laser guns.
Kalinda: Hang on a second, the girls sewed laser guns?
Tempest: Just go with it, Kalinda.
>”They look so beautiful!” Ashley exclaimed. “There is even a bigger surprise outside, come on I’ll show you. Ashley and Melissa followed Diana to the back lot.
Jarred: It turns out that Diana had used her psychic powers to assemble a pack of fan boys to do their bidding.
>The surprise was a big veichle Diana had built with her pshycic powers.
Melanie: She did what?!
Dominick: You know, saying that she has “psychic” powers is very vague. The only power the author described previously is telekinesis. So it’s technically not illogical for her to have enough powers to somehow assemble an entire vehicle.
Deangelo: Dominick, do you ever really listen to yourself talk?
Dominick: No, not really.
Deangelo: You might want to keep it that way.
>Diana took Melissa and Ashley on a tour of the veichle. It had so many controls and buttons.
Kalinda: Well, this is descriptive. It’s a vehicle and it has controls and buttons. It could be a RV, it could be a 747. How the hell are we supposed to know?
>While the girls were getting use to their powers a mad scientist was hacthing up an evil scheme miles away.
Jarred: As so often is the case.
>Chapter 4: Successful
Tempest: Uh, spoiler?
>From the day they had gotten their powers Dream ecame well known superheros. Radio stations were talking about them as superheros. They fought crime whereever it was.
Melanie: Because they were superheroes and superheroes do things like that because they’re superheroes with super powers that fight crime like all other superheroes that have been superheroes because superheroes —
Kalinda: We get the point, Mel.
>The mad scientist heard about them and became enraged.
Jarred: Why are scientists always mad?
Gwen: Yes, why aren’t they ever disgruntled or mildly annoyed?
>”Nooo!, this can’t be happening!! They might foil my plans! I have to get rid of them!” the scientist exclaimed.
Dominick: Um, yeah. If a bunch of teenage girls that are mediocre singers pose a threat to your world domination plans, then you’re probably in the wrong business.
>He stormed up to his labrotory and started making lots of robots. They had weapons of evey sort. The scientist powered them up and sent them to destroy Dream.
Tempest: (The scientist.) Well, that was a full day’s work. Now to look at some mechaphile porn.
>The robots landed where Dream was a few minutes after flying.
Kalinda: Diagram that sentence. I dare you.
>As they were walking Diana peeked out the window and gasped. “Suit up girls, robots at twelve o clock!!!”
Dominick: (Dream.) We can’t fight evil without the right clothes on! Always dress for combat!
>With that the girls jumped into their suits and went outside to confront the robots. The girls were overwhelmed there were thousands of robots.
Gwen: Nice to see how alert the American government is.
Tempest: What do you mean?
Gwen: No one in the government noticed a legion of flying robots and realized that they might pose a slight problem?
Tempest: Maybe they just figured that Dream would take care of them.
>” Hand me your guns” Diana ordered Holly’Melissa and Ashley. They gave their guns to Diana and she powered them up some more with her pshycic powers.
Dominick: But how did they even make the guns? More psychic powers? What do they run on anyway? And how did her psychic powers suddenly give her crazy advanced technology?
Melanie: Those are all good questions. Questions that cannot be logically answered.
>She then gave the guns back to the other three girls and they started blasting away at the robot. The girls wiped out half of the robots with their guns. Diana took care of the rest.
Kalinda: Wow, that was a thrilling battle scene. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Seriously, my nails are bitten to the quick.
>The mad scientist looked down to see about the robots “Aw shit!!! Those little bitches destroyed my robots!!!”
Jarred: Well, that was inappropriate.
Tempest: What? So he can try and take over the world, but the moment he starts swearing, he’s gone too far?
Jarred: You can take over the world without using vulgar language!
>The mad scientist went back to his labrotory and built bigger and badder robots.
Melanie: That’s right, if your plan doesn’t work right the first time then just do the exact same thing again.
>”Ha Ha Ha!” the scientist exclaimed “Those shitty little bitches won’t beat these robots!” The scientist sent his new robots out to destroy Dream.
Deangelo: I would really like to know why this scientist wants to take over the world anyway.
Jarred: Maybe he just needs a hug.
>”Don’t forget to squash them like they’re bugs!!” The scientist shouted giving evil laughs.
Jarred: Yeah, he definitely needs a hug.
>Chapter 5: Defeat
Tempest: (>_<) Spoiler!!! >The robots flew to Dream’s tour bus and landed. Ashley looked outside and at once informed the girls.
Kalinda: (Ashley.) Stop plucking your eyebrows, girls. It’s time to fight evil again.
>They all once more suited up and went out to fight the robots. These robot’s were harder to fight than the last.
Deangelo: Because these robots were powered with Duracell lithium batteries.
>The girls had to keep jumping around because if they didn’t the robots would’ve smashed them into pancakes.
Melanie: Ah yes, the Tomb Raider school of combat. If you keep jumping around then the enemy can’t get close enough to actually hurt you.
>Holly was the only entergetic of the four girls, the others were getting very tired.
Kalinda: Yes, this battle does sound exhausting, doesn’t it?
Tempest: My mind is going numb with over stimulation as we speak.
>Diana soon remembered about her powers and jumped behind a trash dump.
Gwen: She soon remembered? The dozy bint forgot that she had super powers?
>Diana used her phsycic powers and controlled one of the robots. Controlling the robot was easy and it destroyed all the other bots and then itself.
Jarred: But if she could control it then did she really need to destroy it? She could have let it live. Then they could have been friends.
Deangelo: Um… Yeah…
>The scientist looked down on the fight
Dominick: From his floating sky lab.
>and was enraged. “Shit!!” shouted the scientist
Melanie: (The scientist.) My plan that already didn’t work didn’t work AGAIN! How can this be!?
>”I’m going to have to make something more indestructable!” The scientist again went back to his laboratory and began working on mutant blob soldiers.
Dominick: Oh thrilling. I can’t wait for that climatic battle sequence.
M: (From the control room.) Actually, the fic is over.
Dominick: Wait, it is?!
Melanie: Woot! Finally!
M: (From the control room.) By the by, Dominick. The GED test starts in a half hour. You might want to get going.
Dominick: (Glancing at his watch.) Holy crap, you’re right!
(Dominick jumps up and races out of the theatre.)
Melanie: Good luck, Dommie!
Jarred: You can do it, Dominick!
Tempest: All night long, if you want!
Gwen: Remember everything we’ve taught you!
Dominick: Thanks guys, bye!
(Dominick exits the theatre. The MiSTers sigh.)
Jarred: Do you think he’s going to pass?
Gwen: He should be fine. I hope.
(It’s several hours after the MiST and M and the hardworking MiSTing crew, minus Dominick, are relaxing in the conference room, playing a game of Loaded Questions. Tempest is winning.)
M: Okay, okay, okay. Here’s the question: what’s the best advice you can give to your child about sex?
(The other players are almost done writing their responses when Dominick bursts through the double doors.)
Dominick: I did it!
Deangelo: You solved for X?
Dominick: I got my GED!
Kalinda: You did? How did you get the results so quickly?
Dominick: Well, technically I didn’t get the results, but I know I passed. I just know it!
Melanie: And what makes you so sure?
Gwen: Yes, you just KNEW that the Magna Carta was the treaty that ended the American civil war and we both know that that was wrong.
Dominick: I know I passed it because I was totally confident about 95% of the questions. Seriously, I breezed through that test.
Tempest: Well, that’s cool. (^_-) You know, we should celebrate. (She licks her lips and smiles at him.)
Melanie: (Standing.) Yes, Dominick, WE should. (She kisses him.)
(Tempest rolls her eyes.)
Dominick: Hey, you know what I’m in the mood for?
Jarred: Singing a Cheryl Cole song?
Dominick: Uh, no. Playing some Raving Rabbid’s TV Party.
M: I think that can be arranged, Dommie.