MiST Super Special 11 – Emo Short Stories

emo-trannyAn emo writer named Jimmy churned out several short stories on Quizazz. Most of them are barely coherent and all of them are incredibly bad. And emo. Very emo. It’s not just the girls that write emo stories. Unfortunately, all of them were too short to MiST on their own. Fortunately, all of them together make one hell of a super special.

Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.


I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed.

My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, my MiSTers, and the mad. My characters are used only with my permission.

This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others.

It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.


Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Dominick Dante – I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softly and carry a BlackBerry.
Jarred Zion – Strangers are just friends that you haven’t met!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – Hey, you’re cute. What are you doing after the MiST?
Kalinda Beckham – Yes, that’s right, I’m the only remotely normal person here.


(The MiSTers are all hanging out in the conference room. Dominick and Melanie are facing off in a DDR battle, Gwen is reading a stack of legal papers, Deangelo and Kalinda are playing Pokémon Platinum on their DSis (Kalinda is winning), Jarred is reading the latest publication of Happy Fluffy Bunnies Monthly, and Tempest is typing away on her laptop. Suddenly, the door swings open and M staggers into the conference room.)

M: Dr…… Pepper……

(The MiSTers look up in surprise.)

Dominick: Holy crap, M! You look like hell, what’s wrong?
M: The pepper, the pepper, the pepper…..
Melanie: Pepper? But you don’t like peppers. Not on their own anyway. I don’t think that anyone is adverse to a little pepper mixed in with a stir fry.
M: The Dr…. (M collapses onto the floor.)
Jarred: (0_0!) Good thing we just vacuumed in here.
Tempest: Uh, she’s not dead is she?

(Gwen walks over to M and quickly takes her pulse.)

Gwen: She’s still very much alive, Tempest. She seems to be very ill though.
Kalinda: I wonder what’s wrong with her.
Deangelo: Wait, didn’t she mention something about a doctor before she fainted?
Jarred: Yes, but what’s so significant about that?
Deangelo: First she mentions pepper, then she mentions a doctor. Dr Pepper, of course.
Dominick: Oh yeah. (^^;;;) I knew that.
Kalinda: I better check the Dr Pepper storage room and see if I can find any clues.
Jarred: I’ll come too!

(Kalinda and Jarred grab flashlights from the buffet and head out of the conference room.)

Dominick: Hey wait, we have a Dr Pepper storage room?
Gwen: No time for that. Deangelo, help me roll M over. We should make sure her airways stay clear.


(Kalinda and Jarred open the door to the Dr Pepper storage room and shine their flashlights inside. The tiny lights look like only pinpricks inside of the massive room.)

Jarred: Wow, I’ve heard about this before, but I’ve never actually been inside of it.
Kalinda: That’s what she said.
Jarred: What was that?
Kalinda: Uh, nothing. Anyway, spread out and look for clues.
Jarred: Right, clues.

(Jarred heads to the right and smashes into a large shelving unit that is totally empty.)

Jarred: Ouch!

(He rubs his injured nose then feels his way over to the wall. As he continues carefully navigating through the room he discovers a light switch. He flicks the switch and suddenly the entire room illuminates.)

Kalinda: Ah! Light!
Jarred: (^-^) I found a switch!

(Kalinda opens her mouth to respond but then realizes that there entire Dr Pepper storage room, which takes up most of the satellite’s basement area, is also completely empty. She gasps in horror.)

Kalinda: This is what must be wrong with M. She’s run out of Dr Pepper!
Jarred: Oh no! A Leopardita can’t survive very long without a healthy dose of Dr Pepper in her system. Come on, let’s get back to the others.


(Jarred and Kalinda race back to the room to find Gwen taking M’s temperature with her Hello Kitty thermometer.)

Kalinda: Guys, we’re out of Dr Pepper!
Deangelo: Out of Dr Pepper? That’s impossible?
Dominick: Yeah, that storage room holds a 10 year supply of Dr Pepper.
Melanie: Uh, when was the last time we restocked it?
Dominick: Well, when we moved in, of course.
Melanie: Which was?
Dominick: Um, 10 years ago.
Gwen: We had better get M some Dr Pepper very quickly, otherwise she’s not likely to last very long.
Tempest: But there isn’t any in the ship. How are we going to get some?
Jarred: We need some help.
Dominick: We need the help of someone with way too much time on their hands, a blind desire to help others, and access to a vending machine…
Melanie: Well yeah, but M is unconscious.
Deangelo: Wait a second, what about Ingie?
Gwen: Of course! Brilliant idea, Deangelo. Quickly summon him, M can’t hold on much longer.

(Deangelo and Dominick head over to M’s office to summon Ingie. They reemerge a very seconds later with Ingie carrying a case of Dr Pepper.)

Kalinda: That was fast.
Ingie: When you need an Ingie, an Ingie does not hesitate!

(Ingie opens a can of crisp, refreshing Dr Pepper and kneels down by M. At the sound of a can opening M’s eyes flutter open. She manages to lift her head and take a small sip from the can. Immediately M feels stronger and sits up on her own, draining the entire can. Ingie opens another can and hands it to M. M drains that as well.)

M: I feel… alive!!!
Ingie: Yay, it worked!

(The MiSTers clap and cheer as M starts in on her 3rd Dr Pepper.)

Gwen: I hope that the Dr Pepper storage room will be restocked very quickly.
M: Hell yeah.
Tempest: I don’t want to be the one to point this out, but you realize that if we let her go vegetable we’d never have to MiST another crappy emo love story again.
M: True, but then you’d also never be able to get off of the satellite. Just imagine it, Tempest. Stuck on the satellite with only your fellow MiSTers. Who are you going to sex up then?
Tempest: (O_O) Uh…. (She looks around the room at all of the other MiSTers who avoid her gaze.) Hmmm, good point.
M: You know, after all that Dr Pepper I feel so good that I think we should MiST.
Dominick: (-_-;;;) Maybe we should have let her be a vegetable.
M: What’s that, Dominick? You’re so excited about MiSTing that you want to do another Super Special?
Dominick: No! No, I mean! No!
M: Well, that’s not a problem. I have the perfect Super Special for everyone. (M stands up and retrieves some folders from the conference room table.)
Kalinda: Oh great, what now?
M: You see, there is a very disturbed little boy who continually posts paragraph-long “short stories” on Quizazz. He finds them to be deep and thought provoking. I find them to be crap. So we are going to MiST them.
Dominick: Come on, M. This kid is, what? 15? 16? You should take it easy on him. Do you remember what you thought was deep and thought provoking when you were 15?
M: Actually, he’s 19. And he can’t manage 10th grade English.
Dominick: Well, okay. Maybe he deserves to be ripped on.
M: That he does. Well, let’s go, kids.

(M and the MiSTers exit the conference room. Ingie looks around.)

Ingie: Um, I’ll just stay here then. (He glances around and notices a small white fluff ball on the floor. It is actually Rosie’s catnip mouse.) Well hello there, what’s this? (He picks it up and examines it.) This is so adorable! I wonder what kind of cat they have.
Rosie: Mrrrr-ow!!!!

(Doing an elegant flying tackle, Rosie pounces on Ingie.)

Ingie: Ahhhhh!!!!


(The MiSTers settle in their usual seats as M pops open another Dr Pepper.)

M: (From the control room.) Here we go!
MiSTers: We’re ready!

>Emo Short Stories
>by Jimmy

Melanie: Wheeeee….

>Life and Death(edited)

Jarred: Oh look, it’s edited. That must mean that it’s going to be better than it once was. Right? That should make it a lot more polished than most of the emo love stories we read.
M: (From the control room.) Don’t get your hopes up.

>Life Fades

Dominick: Fades like an emo!

>life and death… we humans know it all too well-It’s like the two sides of a coin…

Gwen: No, not really, but continue.

>one to give life…one to take, and so……(darkness fills the sky-rain starts to fall…afternoon …a boy-a girl-they stand as the dead are buried)

Deangelo: I would really like to know who inspired his “writing style”.
Kalinda: I blame Poe. All emo writers seem to love him.
Gwen: Now, now, we shouldn’t hold him accountable for emo love story writers. I mean, imagine if they all liked Dr Pepper. Should we then blame the Dr Pepper for their stories?
Dominick: Of course not! Dr Pepper is a blameless, holy creature.

>”Brother tell me why…why are those people doing this?

Dominick: (Brother.) Because, little sis, once people snuff it, they start to stink. Especially if they’re left out in the sun. So we have to stick them in the ground before we all wish that we were dead too.

>Father was just working he isn’t supposed to be in that box…

Kalinda: (Father.) I’m not dead yet! I feel happy. I think I’ll go for a walk!

>Brother you have to stop those mean people! TELL THEM TO STOP!

Dominick: (Brother.) Maybe you didn’t hear me the first time. Let me break it down for you: dead people equals smelly. Putting dead people in ground equals no smelly. Understand?

>come on BROTHER! Tell them daddy is supposed to COME BACK to US! PLEASE no stop!”( She runs to them-a stream of tears running down her face-

Deangelo: What’s with the parentheses? Is this written in some kind of bastardized script format?
M: (From the control room.) Kind of. If it is supposed to be a bastardized script format then it’s more of a bastard than Sophia Burke.

>the boy just stands,looks down at the ground tears fall on the dirt of a desolate isolated sorrowful,dejected place-

Jarred: IRS Headquarters?

>his left and right hands tightly clenched into a fist)

Gwen: I admire how specific he is. I mean, he could have been talking about any kinds of hands, but he wants to make sure that you know it is his right and left hand that he’s clenching.

>(the little girl just about four years of age starts hitting the grown men burying the dead in the ground.)

Tempest: Uh, she’s rather articulate for a four year old.


Kalinda: Do you have to shout? Why not ask people in a calm, polite tone to stop burying your dead father. More flies with honey.
Melanie: But when you think about it, what do you accomplish by attracting flies?
Dominick: Not to mention flies are also attracted to shit about as much as they are attracted to honey.
Kalinda: It’s just a saying! You don’t have to be so literal.

>( She’s pushed aside and the men continue their work)(The boy with new resolve but pain in his soul walks over to the girl)

Dominick: (Boy.) Okay now, people are staring. Time to leave.

>Brother why do you think it is! Tell me…(tears)why?(Older MEN burying the dead)

Tempest: OMG, the capitalization has gone rogue! It’s started going after random words now! No one is safe!


Melanie: Yeah sure, fill them in on that little tidbit. They clearly don’t have enough problems already.
Dominick: (One of the older MEN.) P.S. There’s no Santa Claus!

>(little girl to boy) “Dead? Tell me why brother….why can’t you bring him back?

Dominick: (Boy.) Honey, that would take about four chickens worth of blood sacrifices and some serious black magic. And you remember what happened the last time we dabbled in black magic. Yes, I think you do. Now pick up your tentacles and let’s get going.

>….I want….. I want to say…HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! I LOVE YOU!”( the boy only three years older to the girl

Gwen: Wait a minute, the boy is 7? Children don’t act like that.
Tempest: IDK. This could be like an alternative universe or something.
Kalinda: With the complete lack of description in this story it could be anything.
Deangelo: I know, I’m longing for someone to tell me what color converse the main character is wearing.

>looks at her crying on her knees and say’s) “Don’t worry i’ll never leave you…I’ll protect you no matter what! IT’S ONLY TWO OF US NOW!

Jarred: We can make it if we try.
Dominick: Just the two of us.
Jarred: Building castles in the sky.
Dominick: Just the two of us.
Jarred: You and I.

>I won’t cry if you don’t cry promise me….promise me…”(it’s useless.. you can’t get
someone’s life back once it’s gone-

Dominick: Unless, of course… they’re zombies. But that creates a whole new world of problems.

>however in life they are not forgotten- we can have them alive inside us-

Melanie: Like a chest-buster alien!
Jarred: (^^;;;) Uh, I don’t think that’s quite what they meant.

>their will is embedded into our hearts-

Kalinda: Not really. After someone is dead, you really don’t have to do anything that they wanted you to. Since they’re dead and all.

>our times with them- a laugh… a kiss these we can hope to never forget…

Tempest: Unless of course they were a really bad kisser. You know, like one of those ones that acts like they’re trying to eat your face and while they’re kissing you, you wonder if this is what it feels like to French a zombie. In that case you will definitely hope to forget the whole thing.

>however we can save someone…. life and death…we humans know it all too well-it’s like two sides of a coin…one to give life…one to take….) TO BE Continued…

Jarred: Hey look, the story is over! Yay! We can leave!
M: (From the control room.) Not so fast. This is a super special, remember?
Dominick: Damn it.

>(Years later the boy is sixteen years of age and is facing a grave

Jarred: Good thing he got all that mourning experience in when he was a kid. He’ll be totally prepared for mourning whoever it is that died.

>on a windy,cloudy day. The sky is grey.

Tempest: Ummm, duh?

>Their he stands thinking and reminiscing to himself.)

Deangelo: Yes, he thinks back to all of the great times he has had at various funerals.

>”Will of the heart….that’s what i thought it took to protect the ones you love.

Kalinda: Nice try, but you can only do so much with willpower. You can use it to stop smoking, but it’s not going to cure cancer.

>How can i say this….I… I let you die. I wasn’t strong enough. All i can do now….”

Deangelo: Is whine.

>(he befalls to his knees and shed’s tears.Tears so painful they not only pierce the heart,but the soul.

Gwen: I’d be interested to hear this young man’s definition of a soul.
Kalinda: You would? Really?
Gwen: Well, on second thought, no. But I always find it interesting that no two people ever seem to define the soul the same way. But even with all the definitions I’ve heard, I don’t think any of them included that painful tears could pierce the soul.

>He has a flashback to distant memories. Memories,he had wished,to have forgotten)

Dominick: Be prepared for another joyous romp down memory lane.
Jarred: I don’t quite understand what point the author is trying to make.
Melanie: I think he’s saying that people are born, then they die, and there’s some stuff in between.
Jarred: Oh. Okay.

>(2 years after fathers death. A group of orphan kids are hiding in a ditch for such an occasion.

Dominick: A death?

>The military has taken action to kill does considered a hindrance to society.

Gwen: Wait, what? What kind of society is this story set in? What is going on? Where are we? I am so confused.

>A boy comes desperately running to the hideout.It is bestowed

Kalinda: Bestowed? It’s so annoying when people use words when they don’t know their proper meanings.
Dominick: I agree compunctiously.

>that in such dire times all the lonely and helpless can do,is try to look out for each other.

Jarred: Why don’t they all ban together and do something nice for the person in charge to help sway their opinion about their usefulness in society?
Deangelo: These people will shoot them on sight and you want to bake them cookies?
Jarred: Well… maybe not cookies. Maybe brownies. You could never shoot someone who makes you brownies. (^_^)

>Enter the boy, dirty,hungry,with scratches everywhere on his body.)(Talks to one of the boy’s)
>”Where’s AMY! Hey! Tell me where Amy is!?”

Dominick: (Boy.) Well… We haven’t eaten in about a week and well, that baby fat was too hard to resist. Sorry, brah.

>(boy responds) “She went to get you a gift.She said she wanted to get you a gift to celebrate her birthday.And then the military came!

Gwen: Nice to know that the country they live in is otherwise so secure that the only thing the military has to do is murder helpless street children.

>(Brother of the girl)

Tempest: You know, you can just give people names, it’s quite common really.

>”Amy is sick you can’t let her be by herself! I gotta go find HER!”

Melanie: So they’re all supposed to have each other’s backs and they let a sick 5-year-old wander around outside where there are squadrons of people trying to kill them? I don’t think I’d want those people backing me up.

>(He leaves the hideout in search of her sister)”Amy! AMY! Where are you!? So much chaos people are running everywhere.”

Kalinda: Uh and what’s going on exactly?

>(an explosion nearby drops him to the ground.

Dominick: So the military is, like, bombing them or something?
Deangelo: Clearly, killing a few children requires explosives and trained soldiers.

>As he gets up dazed and confused he sees his sister,with a White,Torn,Stuffed Bear.

Kalinda: So someone who is wanted dead by the military decided to leave safety and venture out for a teddy bear?
Jarred: Some teddy bears are worth it! I’d so whatever it takes to find Mr. Fluffums if he ever went missing. (^_^)

>He reaches out for her,but as he does,another explosion occurs behind his sister and the rooftop which was over her collapses.Only the bear is visible and one arm.)

Dominick: Hey, I wonder if they’re going to have a separate funeral for the bear.

>Boy: NO!!!!!! AMY!!!(he runs and and starts trying to remove all the rubble) Amy it’s going to be all right.

Gwen: (Boy.) You really didn’t need all of those limbs anyway.

>I’ll get you out. Why?

Tempest: Because God clearly hates you.

>(He remove the rubble and as the ash starts to clear he can only make a face unimaginable.A metal rod has pierced her chest. she is in her final moments)

Deangelo: Ah, so now he’s lost his father and his sister. I can only guess at what helpful and thought-provoking point this entire story is going to make.

>Amy! HOLD ON! Why’d you do it. I went to get medicine for you.It is your birthday.
>Your six today.”

Kalinda: Thank you, Captain Exposition.

>(Tears fall.You can almost hear the silent cry they have as they hit the ground)

Gwen: Yes, you could almost hear it. But you can’t, because then it wouldn’t be silent.

>(Amy to her brother) Why are you crying? I wanted to get you something. Here see.( with the last of her strength she hands him the bear.)

Melanie: (Amy.) Its leg got blown off, but you don’t mind, do you? It will just remind you of me.

>”I remember. This is daddies birthday to.

Gwen: What grade are children supposed to learn possessives versus plurals? I wonder sometimes because it seems that too many children have no idea how to tell the difference.

>And daddy was buried those years ago.Don’t cry brother. You said that day dad was buried,”I won’t cry, if you don’t cry… promise me.”Maybe i’ll see daddy now.

Dominick: This is turning into a long monologue for someone who is supposedly dying.

>Don’t worry brother,i’ll hug him,and i’ll tell him,you kept your promise and protected me.”

Kalinda: (Amy.) I’ll leave out the bit where you left me alone for me to wander out into no man’s land to get impaled by a metal rod.

>(She expends her last breath of air and life fades from her eyes.)

Jarred: Good-night, sweet… er, princess.

>(Back to the present)Boy:”You got me a gift….even though it was your birthday.”

Deangelo: Yes, I was wondering how that worked.

>(He wipes away the tears and gets up)” Today is your birthday once again. You got me this bear, I hold it so dear to me. I’ve decided to give it back to you as a gift.

Melanie: Yeah, she’ll just have loads of fun with it now.

>You told me not to cry….I promised you didn’t I? I promised….. i wouldn’t cry…..
life and death… we humans know it all too well-It’s like the two sides of a coin… one to give life…one to take

Gwen: So he has a coin that gives life and takes it away? Sounds serious.
Dominick: It’s like Russian Roulette. And the coin is actually a bullet.
Tempest: And the bullet can give life as well as take it away?
Dominick: Well, it’s, like, when you don’t die it’s kind of giving you life.
Deangelo: Yes, but traditionally, you’re the one pulling the trigger. So aren’t you giving life and taking it away?
Dominick: Yeah, but… oh fuck, I don’t know! None of this makes any sense!


MiSTers: Screw you!

>don’t forget to comment anything is accepted.If it sucks tell me!

Dominick: Let me give you a hand with this one: it sucks, there is nothing deep and meaningful about it and you should be ashamed of yourself for even writing it, let alone posting it for the world to see.


Deangelo: Why not?

>(Letter read by woman from the perspective of the love of her life. Somber sad tone.Not seeking forgiveness nor sorrow,just saying farewell.)

Gwen: Good thing the author has kindly told us exactly how we are supposed to interpret this letter. Thinking on my own is just so difficult.

>”I’m not the answer- ive never been-

Kalinda: That’s because the answer is 42!

>don’t you see…understand it’s not the way you want it to be-

Deangelo: I never understood why unintentional rhymes end up in fiction. Prose is supposed to be nothing but intentional.

>you say well what about my feelings? Understand i want to save you while there is still time-

Dominick: FYI, this is all guy code for “you’re ugly and I don’t want to go out with you anymore.”

>forget about me now-forget me now- i don’t want to tell you how i feel- i don’t want to hurt you-

Dominick: Wow, this chick must be pretty damn ugly.

>But…you know how i feel and you know i love you-

Kalinda: And since she knows that he loves her he can be a total douchebag to her and it’s all okay. Yeah? Well, it’s not okay, you douchebag!

>I don’t want to suffocate you because you have me in your heart-Catherine,Goodbye…”

Gwen: Based on his man’s writing skills alone, I’d say that Catherine is better off without him.

>(Some time later) ( Windy day. The sky is gray. A Beautiful woman around 23 is standing in front of a grave on a hill.)

Deangelo: I’m beginning to think that this author has spent entirely too much time in graveyards.

>She sheds tears while talking aloud to an empty grave.)
>What an idiot!

Jarred: Yeah, you can just see how much she loves him by the way she affectionately calls him names.

>I didn’t want you to go fight for me. You were right…you were everything right! YOU were HOME to ME!

Tempest: The EMPHASIS on the RANDOM words is getting ANNOYING!

>Why did you try to push away! James Kathy is almost 1 year old now…she won’t know you….You went to fight for us….and you died because of it.

Melanie: Wait, what? This dude went off to go fight a war or something? That’s totally different than all of that wishy-washy crap that was in the letter.
Dominick: Yeah, having to leave someone because you were drafted into the military is NOT guy code for “you’re ugly.”

>When Kathy is older i will bring her here,to your grave and tell her….tell her,how great a man her daddy was.

Gwen: And don’t leave out the part about what an asshole he is.

>No one cares

Dominick: No one cares about these terrible stories!
M: (From the control room.) Actually, this author has gotten plenty of positive comments on his stories, much like the vast majority of Quizazz writers.
Deangelo: Yes, to a 14-year-old I can see why this nonsensical claptrap would sound deep and meaningful.

>and so you say no one’s there for you- and so you say no one cares- and here i am right beside you- and at the same time all alone- a face truly invisible to you- and you wonder why no ones home-

Kalinda: O… M… G… I am so sick of seeing dashes. What’s wrong with a nice period? Huh? Why is he so cruelly discriminating against proper punctuation?
Tempest: Maybe the only part of English class he actually paid attention to was the section where they went over dashes.
Deangelo: But then he should have learned how to use dashes correctly and not just use them in place of all other punctuation.
Tempest: I just said he was paying attention, I didn’t say that he actually learned anything.

>and so you say you’ve lost everything you care about- but how could you have had someone when the one who cares is ignored

Jarred: He… wait… what?
Gwen: I have no idea what the bloody hell he’s talking about.

>-iv’e been here for you and its true i can’t say i’m sorry-

Dominick: Eh, that’s just part of being a guy. Nothing to be ashamed about.

>maybe it’s just time to say goodbye-iv’e seen reasons to be beside you-and yet you push us all away-you yell and shout for us to say i’m sorry-but your the one who deals the pain-

Kalinda: This is not really a story. More of a passive-aggressive swipe at someone.

>and so now i’m tired of being here-when i know all i do is ignored- you say you search for love when love has already found you-

Deangelo: Unfortunately for him, love happens to be a two-way street. The feeling has to be mutual.

>and now i say maybe i should just say goodbye- and so you realize when the one who was always there is gone-

Tempest: That’s really just giving her more material to gripe about.

>don’t say your sorry cause you don’t mean it-
>don’t say i’m worth it cause ive been treated wrong all along

Gwen: But I’m still singing my song.
Deangelo: I’ve become so strong.
Tempest: My ass hurts from this thong.
Dominick: Are you sure it’s not from my dong?
Melanie: Dom, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
Jarred: Can’t we all just get along?

>your a person with many faces-these facade’s won’t take you places

Kalinda: On second thought, what if this guy wants to rhyme this time?
Gwen: Then he’s doing a bloody poor job of it. All of this nonsense and there have been two rhymes?

>so no- don’t come knocking cause i’m not home
>so no- don’t start crying cause i have no more tears for you
>and so you see now no ones there for you-and now no one truly care’s

Deangelo: So… wouldn’t that simply be justifying this person’s victim complex?

>The rain poured down,

Deangelo: It’s a good thing that he specified that the rain was pouring down. Sometimes it does pour up, you know.
Dominick: And sometimes it rains herring.

>as sadness filled the air. He who was standing looking up at the sky began to walk away in the dark of the night, then a voice came out of the shadows.

Jarred: (Voice from the shadows.) OooooOOOooooo…. Would you like to hear the good news about our lord, Jesus Christ?

>He looked back and tried to shed not a tear.as the figure came closer it called out to him father and stumbled as she walked to him.

Gwen: Alright, so let’s recap, shall we? It’s night, it’s raining and there’s sadness in the air. A man is attempting to walk away but his daughter is calling out to him. Is everyone on the same page?
Tempest: Barely.

>She tripped, got up slowly,looked into his face and started crying.

Melanie: So this guy’s face makes girls cry?

>She beckoned to him but he stayed.her eyes filled with sadness and sorrow could not but only hope to stare as the rain washed away those tears.

Jarred: Where is Captain Exposition when you need him?

>He could not, how could i he thought but ive no choice he clenched his hand in a fist and held it so tight until blood started dripping onto the dirt

Tempest: Ah, he must be holding a Nightmare Before Christmas keychain. We’ve already established how dangerous those are.

>consumed and swallowed whole as if it were a lost persons deathbed.

Deangelo: What the… Nothing in that entire sentence made sense!
M: (From the control room.) Break it down for us, D.
Deangelo: First of all, clenching your fist is not going to make blood drip. You might actually break the skin with your fingernails but actually injuring yourself enough to cause blood to drip from your hand is not possible. Additionally, this character is male and men generally have shorter fingernails. Second, the ground does not “consume” or “swallow” blood. Also, lost people’s deathbeds do not consume or swallow blood either. Basically, he starts off with a physical impossibility moves on to some irrational personification, and tops it off with an incoherent simile.

>He stared at the ground,she tried to come over but then he looked up and pointed a gun to her head.

Kalinda: You know, I’d really like to know what the hell is going on in this story. It would be nice if the author decided to let us in on what’s happening.

>”I’m sorry”, he said with a voice so sad emotion seemed to be all but lost.” I-I wasn’t able to provide you anything. Nor warmth nor love, what does that make me?

Kalinda: A lawyer?

>I could only hope you didn’t have to see this,but in life we can’t all be saved. You can not only save the butterfly,you can not only save the spider.

Jarred: What is he even talking about?
Melanie: I don’t know what he was smoking when he wrote this, but if must have been pretty expensive.
Kalinda: I don’t have enough room in my mind to know when things don’t make sense.
Dominick: Obscure references for the win!

>But if one thing i can do, for you is save you from the edge of darkness just once.”

Deangelo: So is he trying to say that death neatly solves all of your problems and keeps you from the edge of darkness?
Kalinda: yeah, that’s a good lesson to teach to all impressionable emo kids.

>He rushed to her, held her tightly an eternity passed by. A millennia within a fraction of a second.

Jarred: Sure, why not?
Gwen: He doesn’t seem to have any respect for logic, so why should he care about time and space either?

>They closed they’re eyes and so,that,was goodbye. Then a shot went off.

Dominick: I can only hope that these bullets have ability to kill two people at the same time.

>Thunder roared as his stream of blood went downhill and was soaked by the nearby roses and all she can remember,is the smell of sweet grass, and her head on his bosom.

Tempest: Heh, heh. Bosom.

>There he lay, lifeless as the ambulance arrived.

MiSTers: (o_O?) Sooooo…..
Jarred: He killed himself because he had to save the spider AND the butterfly? Spiders aren’t really that bad, you know. They eat a lot of nasty bugs. So you should save spiders.
Tempest: Uh, I don’t think it was supposed to be literal.
Gwen: But does it even make sense if you think about it as a metaphor?
Tempest: Well, no. But…. yeah. What was I talking about?


(The MiSTers plod back into the conference room to see M furiously typing on her laptop.)

M: Good news, kids. I’ve ordered enough Dr Pepper to completely restock the warehouse. And since I bought it in tremendous bulk, I’m paying less than a penny a can.
Gwen: Good to hear, M. Nice to see you back on your feet.
Dominick: See, we like you so much that we’re happy to see you back to your old self even after you made us MiST all that nonsense.
Melanie: Yeah, speak for yourself, Dom.
M: By the way, someone’s birthday is coming up soon.

(The MiSTers exchange glances.)

Deangelo: Really? Whose?
Gwen: I just had mine.
Melanie: Mine isn’t for months.
Jarred: Me too.
Kalinda: Mine was earlier this year.
Dominick: So was mine.
Deangelo: Mine isn’t anytime soon either.

(Everyone slowly turns to Tempest.)

Tempest: Why is everyone looking at me?!
M: Come on, Temp. Do you really think I’d let ANOTHER one if your birthdays go by without making some mention of it?
Tempest: Yeah. I mean, it’s been working pretty well for the last ten years!
Jarred: We should have a party!
M: Way ahead of you, Jarred. I’ll be making up the invitations later tonight.
Tempest: If you put how old I am on there or my actual birth date I will hurt you. Hurt you bad!
M: Fair enough, Temp. I will never reveal your deep, dark secret…. That you’ll find out about.

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