MiST 77 – God Took Me, Part I

Agony CoverThe MiSTers decide to take a break and install a hot tub in the conference room. Will M let them chill or force them to MiST another emo story? Who am I kidding? Of course, she makes them MiST an emo story. Will the MiSTers survive the first part of this extremely long and tedious story that delves into theology that the author clearly doesn’t understand?

Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.


I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed.

My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, my MiSTers, and the mad. My characters are used only with my permission.

This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others.

It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.


Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Dominick Dante – I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softly and carry a BlackBerry.
Jarred Zion – Strangers are just friends that you haven’t met!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – Hey, you’re cute. What are you doing after the MiST?
Kalinda Beckham – Yes, that’s right, I’m the only remotely normal person here.


(The MiSTers are all in the conference room, relaxing in a giant hot tub.)

Tempest: So, who wants to go topless?
Kalinda: (>_<) Keep your top on, Tempest!
Deangelo: Not that your bikini top is really covering much anyway.
Gwen: This is quite lovely, but are you sure that M is going to be okay with you all installing a hot tub in the conference room?
Dominick: Yeah, I checked with her earlier and she said it was fine.
Jarred: Did she actually say that?
Dominick: Well, I’m pretty sure she thought it.
Melanie: Yeah, she might have said absolutely no, but there was a subtle undertone of consent.
Jarred: Wait a minute! M didn’t agree to this?
Dominick: That’s not the way we’re telling the story, Jarred.
Jarred: (Standing up.) I’m getting out then. When she finds out she’s going to make us MiST some horrible story as punishment.
Melanie: But she makes us MiST horrible stories anyway.
Jarred: (Grabbing his Care Bear towel and stepping out of the hot tub.) Yeah, but this time she might make us MiST something particularly heinous. Or something really, really long. I mean, you have to have noticed how long the MiSTs have gotten. What if she decides to make us MiST a story that’s, like, fifty pages? We would grow old and die in the MiSTing theatre!
Gwen: Jarred does have a good point.
Dominick: Hey, we’ve sat through countless bullshit emo love stories, we deserve to have a nice break! And if that break happens to include a hot tub, then so be it!
Kalinda: Technically, we’ve only MiSTed 10 emo stories including one super special. I have a feeling that eventually we’re going to be wishing that there was still at a time when we only had 10 emo love stories under our belts.

(Suddenly, M enters the conference room holding a box of ice cream sandwiches.)

M: Hey guys, how is everything go — (She stops and stares at the hot tub. Jarred slowly slinks off to the other side of the room.)
MiSTers, except Dominick: (Pointing at Dominick.) It’s his fault.
Dominick: Hey!
M: Dominick did not get an entire hot tub up and running in the conference room on his own, I think he had help.
Kalinda: Maybe…
Melanie: Possibly…
Deangelo: Sort of….
M: Well, lucky for you guys, I just got a new bathing suit and I wouldn’t mind a dip.
Dominick: (o_0) Really?
M: Yeah, so I’m going to let Rosie start you all on your next MiST. I’ll pop in a little later after I’m all relaxed.

(All MiSTers groan.)

Tempest: Great. So what is this emo love story about?
Gwen: Girl meets boy and he changes her life forever in ways that are not humanly possible?
M: Nope, this story is different.
Deangelo: You mean the person who wrote it actually understands the basic rules of English grammar?
M: I didn’t say that. Well, you’ll see what I mean. Enjoy! (The MiSTers stumble out of the conference room and down the hall to the theatre.)


(Rosie is in the control room pushing the needed button to start the MiST as the MiSTers assemble in their seats.)

Tempest: Hey, does anybody want to go topless now?
Others: No!
Rosie: (From the control room.) Meow? Mew! Mew, purrrrrr?
Gwen: We’re ready, please send on this piece of tripe.

>by Unwanted Black Wolf

Jarred: God took her? Took her where? He must have taken her somewhere nice. Like the park on a lovely day. Or the ice skating rink.
Deangelo: It pains me to think that this author is going to attempt to delve into any kind of theology during this story.

>The first day
>My name is Lincoln, and yes I am a girl.

Dominick: So you say!

>To start with my features I have long brown straight hair with hazel eyes, my skin is very pale cause I totally hate the sun.

Melanie: (Deadpan.) The sun is like the mocking face of the school bullies that beat the love from my heart and murder my hope. My hope. It’s dead. (She looks around for a second.) I feel like I need a cigarette.

>My body is slim, but not annerix. I’m 5’1 by the way.

Deangelo: Oh good, I’m getting the feeling that this story will painstakingly describe exactly what the main character is wearing despite the fact that it has no actual baring on the plot.
Kalinda: That is assuming that this story actually has a plot.

>I go to high school with my friends….okay okay I don’t have friends, but I do go to high school, in fact I am a 11th grader.

Tempest: Hey does anyone know how old is this author chick anyway?
Rosie: (From the control room.) Mew? Meow, mrrrrrrrow!
Gwen: Rosie says that the girl lists her age as 18 and M can’t find anything on her Myspace or Facebook profile that would suggest otherwise.
Dominick: Did you just make that up or did Rosie say all of that in 3 meows?
Gwen: I keep telling you, Leopardita is a very complicated language. The inflection is everything.

>Like a small amount of girls these days I’m single, I can never find the one I want to love.

Tempest: Yeah, because if you’re not married by the time you’re 17, then there’s simply no hope for you!

>School isn’t all that grand to other people, but to me….its a holy ground. My house is a hell hole.

Jarred: Here we go…
Kalinda: Who wants to take a bet?
Dominick: Put me down for dead mother and abusive father.
Melanie: Dead father, abusive mother.
Deangelo: Parents are both alive, but divorced and distantly neglectful.
Tempest: Both her parents are dead and she lives with abusive relatives.
Gwen: Both parents are alive and together and they’re both abusive.

>My father is constantly drunk when he gets home, and my mother is a abusivie whore that sells her body to make extra money.

Gwen: Ha! Pay up!
Kalinda: You know, if we’re going to place bets, we should actually agree on what we’re betting first.
Gwen: No kidding.

>Despite the fact that my father is a lawyer and my mother owns a hair salon. You think they’ll be civil and proffesion…think again.

Kalinda: Her dad’s a lawyer and her mom owns a hair salon, yet her mom needs to sleep with people to make extra money?
Deangelo: Maybe they’re not particularly good at the law or hair salon management.
Tempest: Or maybe she’s just a really good hooker.

>My older sister went to college, she was there star pupil. My mother and father always loved her, and with her gone, the physical and mental abuse came in.

Melanie: Doesn’t it always?
Jarred: We should really stop MiSTing these stories. We’re getting so desensitized to all of the abuse and domestic violence that is supposedly taking place.
Dominick: When you think about it though, how can we not get desensitized? These stories have such an unrealistic amount of violence and nothing surrounding the horrific child abuse is even vaguely logical or realistic.

>One day I was at school in my AP English class, my teacher Mr.Rolther (roll-derth) was admiring my new poem in the class.

Tempest: Perfect! We get to hear yet another emo poem. I can’t wait.
Deangelo: I’m very surprised to see this story taking place in an AP English class. Especially seeing the author’s grammatical prowess so far…

>”Lincoln has done it again!” and read my poem out loud in class:

Melanie: Where does this chick live again?
M: (From the control room.) The author lives in Texas
Melanie: Wow, go Texas school system.
M: (From the control room.) There is never a clear indication of where the actual story is set at this point.
Deangelo: Did you get tired of the hot tub already, M?
M: (From the control room.) Eh, it’s hard to enjoy a hot tub that smells of chicken teriyaki.

>”Lightness is what I need, but Darkness has my heart, always plotting a horry deed.

Jarred: What does “horry” mean?
Gwen: Nothing, it’s not a word. “Hoary,” however, is a word, but it is an adjective that means white or grey with age.
Tempest: Maybe she meant “whory”, like the Darkness is a whore, and… stuff.
Gwen: That doesn’t really made sense either…

>With no one on my side to help me flee, darkness will always be in me.”

Kalinda: Well, I do have something nice to say about this poem.
Others: (O_O) Really?
Kalinda: Yeah, it’s only two lines.
Tempest: Good point.

>When he finishes the small poem the class was in awe. Not because it was totally awesome, because the teacher was inspired to make everyone do a poem.

Deangelo: If this poor teacher is so inspired by that horrible piece of nonsense it makes me seriously question the quality of the rest of the student’s work.

>”Tonight my AP students, you will make a poem of your own and present it to the WHOLE class. Now everybody pack up before the bell for ya’ll to go home will come!”

Tempest: Yeah, that was nice. Singling out a student and giving the entire class an assignment because of them. That won’t make any of Lincoln’s little classmates hostile towards her.

>Students started putting there tablets in a bin that we always put it in whenever we are about to go home. “Nice going you little bitch,

Tempest: See? What did I tell you?

>I was gonna go home and hang out with my girl and now I gotta think of a stupid poem cause of your emo ass.” said one of the class gansta’s DJ.

Gwen: For some reason I don’t see a true “gangsta” sitting through AP English class.
Dominick: At least, not without knifing someone.

>Its not true that I am emo, but its true that I wear nothing but black. I wear black eyeliner, black t-shirts, black jeans, black jackets, black socks, bras, underwear, sleeves, jewely….you get the idea.

Deangelo: But what is the main character wearing right now? What band t-shirt has she put on this morning? Is she wearing mascara right now? How am I supposed to get into the story if I don’t know what texture skinny jeans this girl has on!?

>When DJ shoved me out of the way, I went back to my desk to zip up my back-pack, which was filled with paper balls and written with dozens and dozens of insults of calling me a ugly bitch and emo freak, this never gets old.

Jarred: And why doesn’t she show all of those insults to a teacher or counselor or someone who can help her out?

>I quickly threw away the paper balls when the bell rang. “HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!” My teacher yelled and the class dashed off like cattle.

Melanie: Yeah, cattle don’t dash.
Dominick: But if you light their tails on fire, they do shuffle rather quickly.

>They pushed me to the very back of the room like nothing, which causes me to loose my footing and fell straight to the floor.

Gwen: Right, so she had physical proof of her fellow students being abusive to her and they go around shoving her, yet no adult sees it fit to intervene.

>”Lincoln are you alright?” My teacher said helping me up from the floor.

Dominick: (Mr. Rolther.) I saw the kids shoving you and threatening your life. I was going to do something about it, but eh, effort.

>I qucikly get some inches away from him and look away, “Yea I’m fine.” I said and was about to run off when he grabbed my upper arm.

Kalinda: Whoop! Whoop!
Jarred: Lawsuit! Lawsuit!
Kalinda: Whoop! Whoop!

>”Lincoln, I hate the way this class is treating you, please let me do something about this.” “Mr. Rolther pleded.

Deangelo: Clearly, he needs her permission before reporting it to higher authorities.

>He is a very nice guy, but I can’t accept help from him. I learn that lesson in a hard way. ‘Don’t >depend on family, Don’t depend on friends, Don’t depend on ANYONE.’

Kalinda: And by completely shutting people out, you turn your theory that no one loves you into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Excellent idea.

>”Mr Rolther, I am a full-grown girl of 17, and no disrespect, I don’t need help, but need to get to my bus.”

Tempest: Ah, I remember when I was 17 and thought that I was fully grown.
Melanie: Me too.
Tempest: Turns out my luscious breasts didn’t stop growing until I was 22.
Melanie: I don’t think that’s quite what she meant.

>He slowly nodded his head and sighed, letting me go. I power walked out of the hall-way. The hall-way was empty, all of the kids must of already gotten out and into there homes with there family and friends.

Jarred: Those kids sure are fast. The teacher only pulled Lincoln aside for a minute.

>While I got no one.
>As soon as I made it outside of the bus-ramp….it was still a ramp, but no buses.

MiSTers: ……. (?_?)
Gwen: Was there a question about whether or not it was still a ramp?
Dominick: Is it normal for a bus ramp to only be a ramp when there are busses on it?
Jarred: I don’t even understand what this girl is trying to say.
Kalinda: The sad thing is, she probably thinks that that line is terribly witty and amusing.

>I growled to myself and looked at the direction that that will led me home. I looked at my watch, 2:50 p.m, it’ll take me at least 40 minutes to get there, I won’t make it home before my mom will get home.

Tempest: Of course, all of the faculty and staff decide to let a 17-year-old walk home 40 minutes by herself. That’s totally safe and in no way going to result in a lawsuit.

>Again, I sighed and started walking.

Dominick: Life is just so hard as an emo.

>Walking isn’t a big issue to some people cause they live near by, I live about 7 miles aways from the school and since there is no sidewalk….it makes matters worse.

Deangelo: No way! She has to walk seven miles AND there’s no sidewalk!? It’s like she’s living in a third-world country or something!
Dominick: Wait a minute, 7 miles in 40 minutes? That’s walking a mile every 6 minutes. Just how fast is this chick?
Melanie: Her emoness gives her super strength.

>I manage to make it from under the free-way bridge where there is hobos trying to beg for money. I kept walking, my mind thinking deep inside,

Kalinda: Well, that’s a relief, I would hate for her mind to think all out in the open.
Jarred: But you’re kind of assuming that she thinks at all….

>relaxing my soul and making things up, like ideas to do such as drawing and writing…I like to draw and write and read.

Dominick: Of course, because she has such a kind and gentle emo soul that is endlessly tormented by evil, evil people! Why God, why!?

>Unfortanly I should of daydream this long cause all I heard was tires screaming and metal touching metal and glass aiming straight to my face and my body defying gravity for a mere second.

Jarred: Er… Did she just get hit by a car?
Tempest: Do hookers have daddy issues?

>The ER day
>I wanted to open my eyes cause I wanted to see whats hurting me the most. I can feel the graval in my hair and my backpack still in my back. And I could of sworn I’m missing my shoe….who knows?

Melanie: We don’t.

>Anyway I was in the state where you want to wake up, but your body isn’t letting you, even with the power of your mind.

Gwen: So she’s in a state of sleep paralysis after being struck by a car?

>I was fully concious, but I wasn’t really awake, I can hear people surrounding me, there voices sounded like gangsta men.

Dominick: Oh no! Not…. gangsta men!
Kalinda: Why do I get the feeling that “gangsta” is her way of saying “black”?
M: (From the control room.) Just wait.

>”Hey fool, you just hitted that girl!”

MiSTers: (O_O) Hitted?
Gwen: There are certain finer points of grammar that I’m able to let slide, but an 18-year-old using the word “hitted”?

>”Excuse me young man, I am not a fool, and it so happens that my driving skills is more keen than yours, so in conculision, you hitted the young miss.”

Kalinda: Was she trying to make this person sound intelligent?
Jarred: I hope not.

>”Did he just call me stupid?” and the arguement kept on ranting when I heard a amblence and police cars.

Melanie: Someone called the police?!
Tempest: No way!
Deangelo: This is quite a shock. I was beginning to think that all emo love stories take place in some parallel dimension where the police haven’t been invented yet.

>”Poor little girl….” I heard a man mumble and carefully picked me up and placed me on some table thing.

Gwen: A gurney?

>No not a table, one of those bed carriers.

Gwen: A gurney.

>I can feel the oxygen mask on my face and IV’S insurted in my arms, I can also feel the heart stickers being placed on my chest, all I’m hearing is a soild beep.

Dominick: Like a beat. A beat that makes you want to dance!
Jarred: Uh, I think she’s trying to say that Lincoln’s flat lining.
Dominick: Well, we could still have a dance party after she’s gone.

>”Issac she isn’t gonna make it if you don’t speed up!” said the voice that carried me to the amblence truck. ‘Issac’ speed to maxiamum speed.

Gwen: Yes, “Issac”, but all means, speed up and put all three people in the ambulance in danger of becoming involved in a car accident. That is clearly the best idea in this situation.

>I can hear people in the truck beside me, talking all at once, all I can pick up was: “We need to do electric her heart!”

Deangelo: Yes! Electric her heart! Electric it good!
Kalinda: I’m going to choose to believe that this young lady didn’t know the correct medical terminology for what she wanted her characters to do so she put the word “electric” there as a space filler and she was going to go back in later and fill it in and she just forgot. Yep, that’s what I believe.

>”Hurry get the heart monitor!”

Tempest: Uh, I thought they were just listening to her flat-lining. If she’s not hooked up to some kind of heart monitor then what were they listening to?

>”Her heart is gonna die out if you don’t hurry!”…..I’m guessing there is something wrong with my heart.

Melanie: Maybe it’s lupus….

>I didn’t feel like something was wrong with my heart, in fact, I feel perfectly fine, just despite the fact that my body hurts and I can’t seem to open my eyes.

Kalinda: Uh yeah, not hurting all over and being able to open your eyes are a big part of the criteria for being okay.

>”On three! 1…2…3….CLEAR!” DAMN now that actually hurted!!!!

Jarred: It…..
Gwen: ….. “Hurted”?
Tempest: It hurted so good.

>I didn’t want them to do that again, but now I notice something else…I can’t talk to them EITHER!

Dominick: Oh no, she can’t speaked!

>Stupid heart monitor kept on saying that my heart isn’t working. So they did it again….”CLEAR!”

Deangelo: At this point they know she’s dead, but they want to get some good practice in with the heart paddles.

>gosh it hurted twice before, but then I saw the light. Wait, now I’m dying? what is this shit?

Tempest: This shit is like death and shit. Because you’re dead.
Melanie: You know, we usually encourage a character to die. But now that it’s actually happening, it’s not as fulfilling as I thought it would be.
Gwen: I’m mostly getting a feeling that Lincoln’s story wouldn’t be over with her death and she would go on to live some kind of afterlife.

>”CLEAR!” god damn it, won’t they stop?

Tempest: Because you’re not alive enough, damn it!

>But the light seem to get even brighter. “Come to us Lincoln!” said a voice. This voice seem to tickle my ears in a good way.

Deangelo: Because there’s just so many ways a voice could tickle your ears in a bad way.

>I don’t really know how to explain it, it sounded like a voilin playing in a sad solo. I wanted to go to that voice, but….”CLEAR!!” thats why. Stupid people got me strap up.

Jarred: Man, I hate it when I’m strap up.
Gwen: Wouldn’t she be strapped down?

>”Lincoln you can do this, just pull off!” Okay, pull off….how hard can it be.

Melanie: But wait, you’re strap up! Don’t hurt yourself!

>I tried to struggle, I mean I know that I am struggling, but no action. How do I know if theres nothing happening, well one: they would of been like SHE’S ALIVE! and two: “CLEAR!!” yup!

Tempest: Amazing how she seems to have retained what little brain power she has through this entire ordeal. I mean, it’s not like she’s supposed to be dying or anything.

>I pulled and pulled away from the straps…I actually thought that nothing was gonna happen, but I felt myself break loose. “YES!” said the apolytica dude.

MiSTers: The who?!
Kalinda: Wasn’t Apocalyptica a movie title?
M: (From the control room.) No, but it is the name of a video game and a heavy metal band that does Metallica covers.
Deangelo: So this young lady is having a near death experience and the harbinger of death is a man from a Metallica cover band?
Melanie: Well, why not? I mean, who else is really going to apply for that job?

>I smile in glee and before I know it I was off towards him. “She’s alive!” said the nurses,

Dominick: (Nurse.) Damn, now we have to stitch her back up. And I wanted to be off early tonight to watch The Bachelor.

>Oh now they tell me?! I was with the dude by his side, and he touch my cheek. “Sweetie, you were called by a angel.”

Jarred: (Apocalyptica member.) And he called you some names that I don’t care to repeat.

>I wanted to say something, but nothing came out of my mouth. He grabbed my hand…omg his hand is sooo warm, and dragged me up to the sky. I felt tingling and funny as he dragged me up to the sky.

Gwen: Strange, I’d imagine that sensation to be completely pleasant.

>And when we were about to reach some golden gates,

Tempest: Golden gates? But they’re supposed to be pearly!
Kalinda: Artistic license?
Dominick: Of course, you’re assuming that this girl has ANY kind of casual background in theology to begin with.

>a voice bellowed “Gaberial! what did I tell you? You aren’t certified to kill a human and bring them to heaven!”

MiSTers: (O_O…..) …………
Deangelo: Okay, I think we need to deconstruct this sentence carefully.
Melanie: First of all, Gabriel, who is supposed to be way high up there on the angel food chain is suddenly an errand boy.
Gwen: Next, angels how have to take classes in human killing before they can be certified to do it.
Tempest: Additionally, the angel Gabriel apparently caused the traffic collision in order to bring Lincoln to heaven.
Dominick: Which is a bit of a stretch because who is Lincoln and why would she be so important?
Jarred: And also, why are angels even killing people to begin with? They’re supposed to be nice angels that do nice things for people and play harps all the time.

>”Howard! I wanted to prove that I can do it!”

Dominick: (Gabriel.) Look dad, I killed a human, dad! Aren’t I a good boy?
Gwen: Wait a minute. Howard? Who the hell is Howard?
Melanie: (Thinks for a second.) What about that old joke about the “Our Father” prayer?
Deangelo: Yes, it is said to have been comically misunderstood as “Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name” instead of “hallowed be thy name”.
Gwen: Well any doubt in my mind that this story was going to prove a thought-provoking look at religion is completely gone.

>”Well certainly that you did do it, but the thing is THATS LINCOLN ROSEMERRY! SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO DIE IN ANOTHER 60 YRS?!”

Dominick: (Howard.) That’s when she gets torn apart by rabid Twilight fans at a nursing home based convention of Twihards.

>oh thats nice knowning, gonna die at the age of 87.

Jarred: Better write that will out now!

>”TAKE HER BACK!” Howard yelled, but Gaberial held my hand tighter.

Kalinda: (Gabriel.) But I want to take her to my high school prom and dance with her in the moonlight and share a first kiss at her front door.
Melanie: (Howard.) You’ll go alone to your prom and you’ll like it.


Jarred: Does no one respect their deities anymore?
Tempest: Kids these days!

>”NO I WANT THIS ONE, SHE IS MINE!” then before I know it, Howard, aka god had thunder gaberial out of the scene and grabbed my arm.

Deangelo: (Lincoln.) Excuse me, sir, I would like to discuss your returns policy.

>I looked through his dark yellow eyes, almost gold and saw animals. “Then this is a “I’m sorry gift” I’m going to give you Lincoln, you will live forever and have this power.”

Melanie: Wait a minute, hold the phone! You can’t be serious. One little fuck up and bam, Lincoln is immortal? What kind of bullshit is this?
Kalinda: Yeah, he could have just fined Gabriel and taken it out of his wages.

>He kissed my shoulder

Gwen: Uh yes, I don’t see God putting the moves on 17-year-old girls.

>and it actually burned like hell. He pushed me off from the cloud that we were actually standing on.

Jarred: You know, since he’s trying to apologize, Howard shouldn’t shove her around.

>I felt gravity pull me more than -9.8, and when I landed on something rock hard. Thats when I woke up.

Deangelo: Presuming that she fell from an actual cloud, which she wouldn’t have been able to stand on to begin with, she would have been practically liquefied upon impact.

>The Cat

Jarred: There’s going to be a kitty cat! Yay! I hope it’s a nice kitty that loves tummy scritches.

>The very funny thing was when I wanted to wake up earilier, I couldn’t, but right at this moment I don’t want to wake up, but I know that I can.

Dominick: That’s not funny at all.
Kalinda: No, it’s perfectly logical.

>I woke up, the stupid light burned my eyes like how the class clowns have a tendency to place those lazer pens directly in your eyes. I blink a couple of times to get the blurry vision into Crystal Clear.

Gwen: That doesn’t even made sense. A laser pointer won’t physically burn your eyes, although it can permanently damage your retinas.
Melanie: I don’t know, Gwen. I mean, this chick is so talented at accurately describing sensations.

>”She’s up doc…” said a female voice. According to my caculations she must be a nurse, so that means im in a room…nice.

Jarred: A hospital room?

>”Lincoln? Lincoln Rosemerry? can you hear me?” said the doctor, which he is a guy.

Kalinda: Hey wait, didn’t Howard say that Lincoln was going to have some kind of power?
Dominick: Powers of observation, clearly! Look how she knew the doctor was a guy. There’s no getting past her.

>”Yea, yea,” I croaked out, oh god, my voice sounds like a person who has those holes cause they smoke to much.

Gwen: I think we should all leave this sentence alone so we can appreciate it for the finely-crafted piece of literature that it is.
Deangelo: I concur, my love.

>”Lincoln, whats today?” “January 15th 2010, friday” “Good girl….” the doctor trailed off and I can hear him writing on the paper. “Look I am not a dog, now tell me, where are my family..?”

Dominick: Yeah, because she can’t wait to see those lovely people.

>The doctor look at me with confusion. “Um Lincoln, you don’t have a family,

Tempest: (Lincoln.) Then who’s been abusing me for the last 17 years?!

>we looked you up, although you have a familiar last name with Harry Rosemerry, you aren’t claimed….”

Jarred: Oh no, she’ll have to go to the pound. Then maybe a nice family looking for a new emo will come and adopt her.

>Say wha..? I started to feel dizzy. Its bad enough that they don’t love me, but to NOT claim me? what kind of people did I come from?!

Kalinda: Yeah, I mean, they’re usually such nice people, how could they not claim her? It’s a total shock.

>”I’ll leave you alone here for alittle bit…nurse tina, come.” and the nurse and doctor left.

Melanie: Yeah, leave her alone with those happy thoughts.

>I can’t believe why god hates me so much…..Wait a minute, god damn it I should of asked him when I was up there….hehe his name is Howard, I wonder why…?

Tempest: No way, is she actually going to explain something in this story?

>”Oh god its in the prayer!”echoed Gaberial’s voice. “YOU SCALLY-WAG!!”

Dominick: Language, young lady! Control that violent tongue of yours.

>I screamed and wanted to punch him but he raised his hand and I felt a force push me down. “Peace Lincoln, I came here to tell you something..”

Jarred: (Gabriel.) When you fell from heaven I could totally see your underwear.

>”Oh you gonna tell me the way I’m gonna die now?” “No Lincoln….I came here to tell you God’s gift to you.” “God’s gift? all he did was kiss my damn shoulder and pushed me, talking about a one time only!”

Kalinda: (Lincoln.) Yeah, everyone usually pushes me more than once. But not God, he only gets one shove out of me!

>I said and looked at my shoulder, it appears to be somewhat like a dove.

MiSTers: (O_O….) A dove?
Gwen: Her shoulder turned into a dove?
Jarred: She’s going to have a hard time finding shirts from now on.

>Gaberial nodded and said this. “I’m a angel Lincoln, and what I do is bring people to heaven before satan takes them.”

Deangelo: (Gabriel.) It’s like picking teams for softball, really.

>”Well unfortanly it wasn’t my time to die you asswhip!”

Dominick: Wow, I know I wouldn’t want to get into a verbal battle with this chick. She can cut a bitch up with her words.

>”Look, don’t desrespect me young woman!” “I CAN DISPRESPECT ANYONE WHO TRIED TO KILL ME!” I was so mad, I felt like a cat who was threw in a tub of water, I was pissed.

Gwen: One would think that you wouldn’t want to disrespect someone who tried to kill you just in case they decide that they want to finish the job.

>I can feel the hairs on my arms go up, I can feel myself grinding my own teeth.

Tempest: Uh yeah, you should be concerned if you ever feel someone else grinding your teeth.

>The funny thing was that I felt that I got alot of hair in my arms, but the thing is, I’m not hairy….I looked down on my forearm to see alot of my hairs mulitiplying like rabbits.

Kalinda: So her gift is the ability to grow hair on her arms?
Melanie: Wow, I hope not.

>”Whats happening to meh…meeeowwwwwwwww!” Before I know it I was a tiny black cat. I had a long black tail with soft black fur and I KNOW my eyes were gold.

Dominick: (Lincoln.) Because my eyes totally felt gold. They, like, felt like when you sprain your ankle and then you get wet, and you’re, like, in damp pain.

>”See, I was here to explain something to you.” Gaberial said.

Jarred: So he’s not even phased that she just turned into a cat?

>He wore a white robe with black hair and pale skin, like mine, but with honeysuckle eyes.

Gwen: Yes, his eyes were just…. so…. honeysuckle…

>’Meow…..?’ I meowed, hehe meowed.

Melanie: It’s great to see she can still hold on to her sense of humor while she’s transmogrifying and threatening to kill people.

>”God Howard gave you the gift of changing to animals cause he has this law.

Deangelo: Strangely, this little contingency was left out of the Bible.

>When people die, but they aren’t suppose to die, he gives them a gift, either a great future or a power etc.

Dominick: Hey, this does explain how Justin Bieber got so popular.

>But sometimes people go crazy with there powers and get pysco.

Kalinda: Which might be considered a flaw in the system.

>Well see, Howard is like a best friend for me and tries to cover me…so thats why he gave you this power, something that you’ll like so enjoy the gift, and next time you die, you chitter this to other thanks!”

Gwen: You…. what?
Jarred: You chitter? What is chitter?
Tempest: That’s not even in the realm of sense.

>and he was off. That was a quick convo and he disappear, leaving a scent of apples and pine needles.

Dominick: Just because he’s a dude doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate all the smells that Bath & Body Works has to offer.

>I don’t know how to handle this, I am a cat,

Kalinda: I dislike that she is implying that cats can’t deal with difficult situations. I know plenty of cats and they are much tougher than Lincoln and her whiny, emo backpedaling.

>I don’t know how to be human, my family deserted me, I might go crazy and I think I can live forever….bummer.

Deangelo: You know, no matter how many times I read that sentence it still doesn’t lose its power.
Dominick: Power of nonsensicality!
Gwen: Did you know that that’s actually a word?
Dominick: Nonsensicality? Really? That’s awesome. I’m so smart.

>I looked up to see if the window was open and thankfully it was. I use my kitty powers to squeeze under window and go towards freedom.

Melanie: Kitty powers, activate!

>The Plan
>***God’s Point Of View***

Gwen: Oh good, I was wondering if I would ever get to read the point of view of God from an 18-year-old that doesn’t understand how to properly conjugate a verb in her native language.


Jarred: They don’t appreciate the gifts they give to someone else? Is that a part of gift giving that I’ve been unaware of?

>I bellowed, through my fine silverware across my cloudy domain. I was angry that one of the humans know as Opal has abused her gift and foretelling the future and pretty much ruined one of the lesser humans forturne.

Kalinda: So how many people do angels accidently kill these days and why isn’t there a better system in place to prevent this from happening rather than picking up the pieces afterward?
Dominick: I still can’t figure out why God doesn’t quite grasp that you can’t give humans supernatural gifts and expect them to use them well. Of course humans are going to abuse these things and go psycho. They’re human.

>”GABERIAL!” I yelled for him. Usually I would expect him to appear in a couple of seconds, but ever since the punishment I pursued him of taking his wings away, he walked towards me.

Tempest: His ass might be dragging, but his calves are firmer than ever.

>His face was pale from the lack of engery the wings gave the angels. “Yes mi’lord?” he mumbled, his eyes were ignoring my own. “How’s Lincoln?” I said, my voice sounded harsh from all that yelling.

Kalinda: (Howard.) I had yet to discover a way to yell politely.

>Gaberial rolled his eyes, and didn’t reply. “Gaberial…..” my patience was wearing thin, I felt like strangling my angels sometimes, urgh how un-godly of me.

Gwen: On the contrary, if he IS God then anything considered godly would originate with him so if he strangled an angel then strangling angels would be godly.

>”Lincoln escape the hosiptal and I don’t know where she is heading.” he said crossing his arms and looking the other way.

Tempest: (Gabriel.) I did everything in my power to stop her but she transformed into an eight-pound cat. How was I supposed to control a beast that powerful?

>”If I get your wings back to you, would you watch Lincoln?” I said with a grin in my face. I knew he was gonna accept the offer, cause a angel without their wings is like a human with no face.

Melanie: Ugh, I’m just going to say it now; all of this writing is so incredibly awkward. Not a single sentence has a nice, even flow to it. It’s all so choppy and bizarre.
Dominick: I also have a feeling that it’s not going to get any better.

>”No” he said and smirk. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?!” my bellowed voice shook the halls I was in, it was filled with paintings of people who made history. George Washington, Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther King Jr, etc.

Gwen: Yes, people who made history. Who all happen to be American and in the grand scheme of things, contemporary.

>” Look, you can’t control me like the other kiss-ass angels. Now I will make a compromise for you, I’ll think about it until my mind is made up.” and with that he vanished.

Dominick: Howard should just smite his ass. He should smite him so hard…

>This is complicated, I thought that this problem would be as easy as 2+2.

Melanie: Uh, if this author is as good as English and she is in math, then don’t count on that being a simple equation.

>I sighed and rub my temples. “Father..?” I heard a voice that echoed in my ears. “Oh Jesus, how are you my son?”

Gwen: So Jesus finally makes an appearance. Interesting.
Kalinda: Now all we need is the Holy Spirit and we have a party!

>I said, getting up from my thrown and walk over to hug my beloved son.

Deangelo: Thrown?
Jarred: Throne.
Deangelo: Throne.

>”Father, is there something wrong?” “Oh my son, thank goodness that you’ll never get this thrown, its alot of hard work, Gaberial is being stubborn as always and the humans I gave gifts to are abusing them.”

Kalinda: (Howard.) It’s so weird, I mean, it’s almost like they’re human or something. Well, better drown all of them again.

>”What about the latest one? Abraham?” “Lincoln.” “Yea, thats what I meant, Abraham ?Lincoln.!” “No my son, Lincoln just Lincoln.” “No wasn’t it Abraham Lincoln?!” “Jesus, ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED IN THE 1800’S!”

Melanie: But I can see how you could get the two confused.

>I yelled and swong my arms in the air. “Father….” “Leave me boy…my temper is worser than a dragons.”

Kalinda: Speaking of dragons; what’s the deal? Why did they die out? I mean, Howard is supposed to be God, he could bring back dragons if he wanted. Why not?

>and my son left. I sighed one more time and went over to one of the clouds to hope that Lincoln is being well and safe.

Dominick: If only there was some way that he could know for sure.
Tempest: Well yeah, but to know that you would have to be God or something.

>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>I hate my life, I hate my life, why am I suffering all of a sudden?

Gwen: All of a sudden? But she had suffered for years! Her life was nothing but a pit of endless suffering! Come on, author, you spent so much time setting up this character’s hideous back story, don’t act like it was all for nothing.

>I did everything good to people. I help old people cross the streets, I never steal, I never lie, I never fought, only for my defense. Why is this happening to me?

Jarred: Uh, hello? God hates you. Where have you been for the last day and a half?

>With the cat form I went to my 2-story-house and leap tree branch to tree branch until I can go to my bedroom window. Luckly my window was wide open for its always hot in there.

Tempest: She usually just takes off all her clothes.

>I leaped in the room and saw that it was the same as it was when I left for school in the morning.

Dominick: The underwear gnomes hadn’t started their daily campaign to steal all of her left socks yet.

>My bed was neatly made, my clothes were neatly folded in my drawers and my CD’s were in ABC. ‘I wish I was human, so I can have the feeling of clothes again.’ Then pow I was human.

Kalinda: So what is Lincoln going to do with this magical shape shifting ability? I mean, so far she’s orchestrated an escape from a hospital but what else could she use her powers for?

>I feel to the floor shaking. I could feel my organs shifting all over the place until I felt nothing.
>I looked up to my door mirror to see that I still had my scrubs on,

Gwen: Unless she was working at that hospital, she wouldn’t be wearing scrubs.
Jarred: Yeah, she’d be wearing one of those gowns that don’t close all the way in the back.

>with lots and lots of bandages on my arms and legs, and my stomach. I got up from the floor, but end up stumbling again. My legs felt numb, but I knew with more walking I can get the feeling back.

Jarred: She knew that because of her previous stint as an Animorph.

>As soon as my muscles were back into walking mode, I went to my drawers and wore my black jeans, my black Thor T-shirt, and quickly putted my hair in a high ponytail

Gwen: It still boggles my mind that an 18-year-old doesn’t understand how to conjugate a verb in the past tense. I mean, clearly, this author isn’t a literary genius, but most of the writers we’re subjected to have figured this out.

>and slip on some black socks with white stars on the ankles. I wore my black and white chucks and slowly went downstairs to see my mom and dad doing the usual.

Tempest: Making sweet, sweet love by the fire.

>My mom was wearing her red robe with her copper brown hair very curly and in a sloppy bun. She was a very beautiful woman if you scratch some of the uneeded make-up she has and her big dunbell earrings into some small simple studs.

Kalinda: Lord knows how the wrong earrings can make you so hopelessly unattractive.

>She had a glass of wine in her right hand while the TV remote on the other, constantly flipping channels: Steve Wilkos show, Maruy, Jerry Springer, House, Bones, Misadventures of Flapjack,

Dominick: Hey, turn it back to House! I love that show.

>then my dad came home, very tired and threw himself besides my mom. “Oh Terry, do you mind I’m trying to watch TV!!” my mom yelled, shoving him over.

Melanie: (Lincoln’s mom.) Don’t sit down next to me! It’s soooo distracting! How am I supposed to watch TV with your big ass flopping down on the couch?

>”Oh come on Cookie, Lincoln isn’t here, so I suggest that we start working on a another daughter, since you don’t like the one you produce.”

Deangelo: Because clearly these two are ready to selflessly look after another human being.

>”What do you mean?” “Well Cookie, its obvious that she isn’t mine”

Tempest: (Terry.) Being cool is in your genetics and that girl clearly didn’t get any.

>”Terry of course she is yours!” “Cookie, when she was first born I took a DNA test, she isn’t mine, and I tried to find her father.” “NO!” “Isis don’t lie to me!”

Kalinda: Isis? Is that her actual name or her street name?

>and my mother started running towards the kitchen, maybe to make another drink. My father took over the TV. I quietly walk to my room and slowly closed my door. I did the thing that I hardly do, cry.

Jarred: What happened to Lincoln hating her family and hating her parents and not caring if they lived or died?
Melanie: Come on, Jay, she said that more than five minutes ago.

>I cried silient sobs on my bed. I couldn’t believe that my dad wasn’t my REAL dad,

Deangelo: But he’s such a caring man, it’s just like he’s her real dad.

>I couldn’t believe that my life was change because I died a death that I wasn’t suppose to die. I hate my life, I hate my family, I hate everybody, I hate myself. And why do I hate so much?

Gwen: Because your character isn’t developed enough to do anything else.

>cause god took me. God took everything from me!

Jarred: It could be argued that God gave everything to you, therefore it’s well within his rights to take everything.

>This made me cry more. I’m tired of being miss goodie two shoes, I’m tired of fighting hard in life to make a purpose with myself.

Dominick: Uh yeah….
Deangelo: But of course, how could you be expected to make a purpose without yourself?

>I’m going to change my life, where niether man or god will touch or defeat me.

Kalinda: And just how is she going to accomplish this?
Melanie: Well, she is immortal. So it’s not like she has to worry about death or anything.
Gwen: But God is supposed to be omnipotent and all powerful. She is only a human. How can she expected to defend herself against a deity?

>I got up from my bed, no more mourning from my pathitic life. I got my traveling backpack and got all my t-shirts and rolled them up to make more room in the pack. I putted all my clothes in there, since I didn’t really have alot of clothes.

Tempest: Not a lot of clothes, clearly this girl IS horribly abused. Next thing you know we’ll find out that she doesn’t have an iPod.

>I even manage to put my CD’s in there. Then I got my laptop and placed it in my laptop bag. This wasn’t very heavy for me, cause my family traveled alot when my sister Abby was here.

Dominick: They traveled like nomads? She’s perfectly able to carry all of her belongings and journey on foot? What?

>I went to get something else, well somebody else that is. Thor. “Hey Thor…we are getting out of here.”I said to my python. He was a pretty green.

Gwen: Why do I get the sudden feeling that this python is going to become a major character in this story?
Jarred: When you consider how well developed the other characters are, why not?

>I placed him on my shoulders and was about to leave my room until I remembered. I couldn’t get through the house that way. I was about to go through the window, when I thought again.

Tempest: (Lincoln.) I need to be a kitty cat to safely make that jump. I better not try to leap it as a human.

>I wasn’t about to go through the window like a little pipsqueak. Fury build my heart and soul. My mind wanted revenge. I could feel every scar in my body boil in fury, they wanted revenge over my mothers abusive and revenge was what I wanted the most.

Dominick: (Lincoln.) I want revenge for my avenging revenging need for revenge! Reeeeeeeeveeeeennnngeeeeee! It must be mine!

>The Tigeress and New Life

Jarred: Tigress? There’s going to be a big kitty in this story? I love big kitties!

>I setted my belongings back in my room, Thor back in his tank. I slowly went down stairs, the cherry wood was very smooth under my fingertips.

Deangelo: I’m going to assume that she’s touching the banister and her hands didn’t suddenly become long enough to touch the floor.

>My nails smoothly rubbed under its very smooth surface, until my medium size black nails turn into black claws.

Jarred: Uh oh, she’s going to massacre everyone, isn’t she?
Melanie: Lincoln is going to have a hard time continuing to play the victim card if she mauls someone to death.

>The deadly daggers scratch up the wood badly, making it more of a drilling sound you’d hear in car shops.

Tempest: Uh, wouldn’t it make more of a, you know, scratching sound?

>”Oh my fucking god! TERRY TURN DOWN THAT FUCKING TV, I’M TRYING TO MAKE ME SOME VODKA SMOOTHIE!” my mother yelled from the kitchen.

Kalinda: (Isis.) Jesus! You know the smoothie machine doesn’t work when there’s a loud drilling sound!

>My father was in the living room, he didn’t know what she was talking about, but he countuined watching tv and was on his laptop.

Gwen: Okay, I think she’s going to maul both of her parents out of revenge for how they’ve treated her in the past.
Deangelo: I believe her rage will be focused on her mother for deceiving her father, as well as the general abuse.
Dominick: I think Lincoln is going to try to maul someone but then realize that she can’t keep playing the helpless victim if she has a body count.

>My father wasn’t a huge problem to me, it was my mother I wanted,

Melanie: Uh oh, I think Deangelo is going to win this one.

>I want her body to be under my jaws, begging for mercy.

Tempest: (Lincoln.) In, you know, a totally non-sexual, non-Elektra way.

>I quietly slither to the kitchen where I see my mom mixing alot of aclohol drinks into the blender cup.

Jarred: She slithered? I thought she was a kitty?
Gwen: Maybe she’s metaphorically slithering.

>”Hello mother….” I trailed off, I can feel my claws growing inches. “Wha? Lincoln, you look well, I thought you were gonna be out of the ER in another two days?”

Dominick: How would she know if they never claimed Lincoln?

>”How would you know that if I’m not even in your insurance policy?” “Oh sweetie what are you talking about, you must of hitted you head very hard, how about I HIT IT HARDER!!”

Melanie: Yeah, “hitted” it harder! “Hitted” it now!

>She was about to hit me with one of the bottles in my head when all of a sudden with some feline reflexes I grabbed the bottle in thin-air.

Tempest: So maybe she hasn’t completely transformed into a kitty yet. Her mom doesn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary.
Deangelo: Just her claws are cat-like then.
Gwen: Of course the only reason we assume she’s going to turn into a cat is the title of the chapter, which we all know can be misleading.

>My hands appear to be a whiteish and blackish color, but my nails were totally claws.

Melanie: Whitish, blackish, so in other words, gray.

>”What are you??!!” she squealed and jump backwards, causing her palm to turn on the blender.

Kalinda: So has Lincoln begun to change into a tiger or does her mother really not recognize her?

>Usually some super evil guy or some super good guy would say something herioc like Beowulf or Thor, but I’m not them, this is my new life.

Dominick: The evil guy would say something heroic? Evil guys don’t say heroic things, they’re the bad guys, only good guys get to say heroic things because, and this is very important, they’re the heroes!

>My old life was aweful, not even the all-god- and mighty wouldn’t live it.

Jarred: Howard seems to have his hands full, what with humans abusing their apology gifts and angels mouthing off all the time.

>I step up to her and said this, gently touching her cheek.

Tempest: (Lincoln.) I took my laundry out of the dryer. Next time remember to use a dryer sheet and don’t wash all of the colors together.

>”I am the vey spawn you produce on July 23, 1992, I am the daughter that you beated everyday for not checking the mail on time, I am the daughter who you rejected. I am the one who is gonna change my life and maybe start history, so hear this you evil prune. I am the wolf of darkness, the crow who picks her victims, the tigeress who’s heart is filled with hate and anger, the whale who’ll crush the eneimes in one slam. I am the one who is gonna bring justice to this night! I am the one who’ll defeat the wrong and help the right!!”

Dominick: That was just awful. Who is teaching kids how to trash talk these days? And what’s with the rhyming at the end, is she a poet and she didn’t know it?
Gwen: Yes and I thought she just said that she wasn’t going to say anything.
Melanie: Technically, she said that she wasn’t going to say anything heroic, which, she didn’t.

>and with that I clawed her face. Her scream pain my broken heart, for she was still my mother, but my heart is totally dead, it feels nothing and it may never feel love, happiness, and lust.

Deangelo: Yes, because you can definitely feel something while feeling nothing at all. These are just some of the emotions that grip shape-shifting teenagers who mutilate people who cannot fight back.

>My mother’s scream echo with the blender, she was on the floor, shaking in fear.

Melanie: She started telling Lincoln that she could take the car out on Saturday night and have a little extra in her allowance every week.

>I relaxed my shoulder and could feel my hands going back to there orginial form. I started running upstairs, leaping 5 steps out of 25. I went back to my room and open my door that leads to my room.

Dominick: She then opened another door, which led to her room, carefully closing the door the led to her room, not waiting before she opened the door that led to her room.

>I locked the door and started trashing the place, I got my books and slam them on the floor, I broke my furtuine, and brought down the ceiling.

Kalinda: First assault now destruction of private property. Really now? This girl is never going to get into a good college.
Jarred: Who needs college when you can shape shift?
M: (From the control room. Grumbling.) Who needs college when you can’t shape shift?

>Once that’s done, I grab Thor and carried him out of my window in my shoulders. My house was pretty high up. I remember my sister jump down from my room to the grass and she twisted her ankle and broke her leg.

Melanie: Turn into a buffalo with wings! Then glide through the night air to freedom!

>I know I can do this, just got to focus….and breathe.

Tempest: Uh yeah, because deep breathing will totally keep you from falling to your death.

>I ran to the edge of the roof and leap to the air and as gently as a feather lands on a hard surface, my feet touch the green grass, unharm nor sprang.

Dominick: “Sprang”?
Gwen: “Unharm”?

>’Nexkkkkissss time warn the thorsssssssss.’ I heard a soft echo near my ear. I look to my right to see Thor looking at me with his light yellow eyes. “Did you talk to me Thor?” I asked my pet snake.

Jarred: Of course he did. What else would make sense in this story? She can turn into a cat, her snake can talk to her, let’s call the whole thing off.

>’Yesssssssssss’ he said and even nodded his snake head. “Hang on, we are gonna find a better life.” I mumbled and placed him in my back-pack.

Kalinda: Desperate for cash, Lincoln becomes a hit woman for the mob and manages to murder hundreds of innocent people, all after giving speeches about what a victim she is.

>I have alot of stuff in my backpack, but oddly I can carry it with ease. I started jogging down my neighborhood, my eyes even keener when I was in my cat form.

Deangelo: She seems to have gone from being a normal shape shifter to being super human.
Dominick: Yeah, which we all know from our constant exposure to shape shifters and their habits.
Deangelo: True enough, yet it doesn’t make sense that she was given the ability to change into animals, yet she also has added strength and senses when she’s in her human form. Of course, Howard didn’t really explain her wonderful gift to her before he shoved her off of that cloud. Neither did Gabriel.

>Alot of things were going through my mind, like one. Should I contuine on going to school, and where should I live? How would I feed me and Thor? My mind kept on going until I can see the sun shineing my face.

Melanie: Yeah. Very nicely done.
Jarred: What?
Melanie: Asking valid questions that need answers, then not answering them at all.

>The Setup and The Betrayal
>***Jason’s Point Of View***

Kalinda: Who the hell is Jason?
M: (From the control room.) Mr. Rolther.
Kalinda: Really? Wow, I didn’t think we’d see him again.
Dominick: Did the author already establish that his name was Jason?
M: (From the control room.) No, this is the first time she refers to him as such. But you can’t expect a small thing like continuity to get in the way of this author’s grand plotline.

>I was in my room doing my lesson plans on my laptop, tons and tons of student grades are about to be exported and this stupid assignment is due on the monday when we get back.

Tempest: (Mr. Rolther.) Damn it, I probably shouldn’t have assigned that if I was going to bitch about it later.

>I haven’t had a good night sleep cause I couldn’t stop thinking about one student…..Lincoln Rosemerry.

Dominick: Which is totally not creepy.

>I know, it may sound all pervey and child molester, but I’m not like that. I may look ultra cute to the other teenage girls, but I am happy being alone with my cat Snowy, or am I?

Dominick: (Mr. Rolther.) No, no, I totally prefer the company of a fluffy white cat to the nubile, silky skin of an underage girl willing to do anything to…. “make the grade.”

>Lincoln is a very special girl to me, she has a special gift, the gift to write books that will take your heart out.

Gwen: She writes books that can perform unassisted open heart surgery? Well, now that is something special.

>I feel so sorry for Lincoln, everybody treats her like nothing, as if she was the one who destroyed world peace or something.

Jarred: Actually, treating her like nothing would be ignoring her. Treating her negatively is treating her like something, just something that people hate.

>I can actually relate to her,

Melanie: (Mr. Rolther.) I destroyed world peace once. Everyone was really pissed off at me for weeks.

>I sighed once more and touch my arm, where I can feel the burn mark of a iron pan being slam on my arm by my abusive uncle.

MiSTers: (-_-;;;;;;) Wha……..
Gwen: This implies that he relates to Lincoln because he was also abused by a relative. This means that he knows Lincoln was being abused and did nothing to stop it. What kind of caring and understanding teacher regretfully mourns this problem without taking any actual steps to rectify the situation?

>My hand slide off my arm and I continued typing when I heard a loud knock on my door. “Who can it be? distrubing my peace at 12:00 a.m?”

Jarred: (Mr. Rolther.) If it’s those freaking Jehovah’s Witnesses again I’m not giving them anymore of my sugar cookies.

>I said to my white queen cat Snowy, she just looked at me with her dark blue eyes and meowed a small meow.

Kalinda: (Snowy.) Whatever, dude. I can’t believe I stayed up from my favorite nap time for this fascinating exchange.

>I went up to the door to be appoarch by two police officers.

Dominick: (Mr. Rolther.) They had come to ask some questions about some of the pretty young girls in my class and how some of them had managed to pull their straight C average up to an A plus in one week.

>”Can I help you officers…?” I trailed off, showing the hint that I don’t know there name.

Melanie: Is he supposed to know their names?

>”My name is Inspector Zack Bear, and this is my partner Alex Ellectron, we are here of the concerning of Lincoln Rosemerry.”

Gwen: “– of the concerning of Lincoln Rosemerry.” Well, now I’m just suspicious that this author wrote something in a different language and ran it through a bad online translator.

>”Lincoln? what has she done? she wouldn’t do anything stupid, she wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Tempest: (Mr. Rolther.) Except if that fly laughed at her.

>”At ease Mr……..Jason Rolther, the problem is that Lincoln appears to be missing.” My heart skipped a beat, the last student I cared as much as Lincoln was a young man by the name of Luke Williams.

Dominick: (Mr. Rolther.) Luke had been a kind boy. Beautiful in his own way. Graceful as a dancer. I used to love watching him from afar. Waiting for the moment when his grade in English class dropped so I could step in to make him a deal.

>He was just like Lincoln, but died at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Kalinda: Which is sad because the young man could have died at the right place and the right time just as easily.

>”Does anybody know where she can be?” I ask, hoping that she finds somewhere safe, I don’t really care if it were at her parents house, as long as she is safe and happy.

Deangelo: First of all, if the police do know where she is, I doubt they’d be knocking on doors at all. Next, it’s already been established that she’s neither safe nor happy at her parent’s house, so why on Earth would he wish her to be there?

>”Well some of the officers thought she’d be at home, but luckily she wasn’t, turns out that her mother was attacked by some beast, her mother has critical damage on her face.

Jarred: (Officer.) But the good news is that the doctors took those god awful earrings off of her. Even without a nose and half of her cheek missing, she looks so much prettier without those earrings.

>And the father couldn’t do anything cause the blender had covered her voice.”

Dominick: Yep, I know our blender is so loud it would cover a scream of terror and pain. We had to get a special permit just to operate it in a residential area due to local noise restrictions.

>Well her parents kinda derserve that, they seem to be mean people when the mother tried to hit on me and the father tried to bribe me with a 500 dollar bill to fail Lincoln on one of the Final tests.

Melanie: (Mr. Rolther.) Her mother is promiscuous and her dad is an asshole, clearly they both deserve to be mauled to death by a wild animal.

>”Look Mr. Jason Rolther, just give us a call if you see or have some information on Lincoln Rosemerry, we also heard that she got in a car accident right around 3:00 p.m.”

Jarred: Hey wait, someone would have had to report Lincoln missing. Who in the world would have done that?
Gwen: The hospital? She did slip out while under their care. They are probably legally obligated to report her as missing.
Kalinda: Why didn’t they just ask her mother? I mean, the woman is still alive, I’m sure she could manage to get out that her own child grew claws and tried to take her face off.

>and they left just like that. I couldn’t believe that all this ill-fate had laid in a pefectly innocent girl, why does fate treat her like crap like this.

Dominick: Yeah, kind of makes you wish you could, you know, call someone who is supposed to enforce laws and take Lincoln out of her abusive home situation and, I don’t know, foster her in another family where she wouldn’t be abused.
Melanie: Wow, that sounds so great. If only there was a system like that put in place.

>I just hope that there is something I can do for Lincoln, maybe adopt her….?

Tempest: Yeah, good luck with that. Try not giving off creepy vibes and mentioning child molestation during your CPS interview.
M: (From the control room.) I’m going to stop you here for now. There is a whole second part to this story, and we’re going to have to tackle it next time.
Dominick: Why, so we have somewhere to be?
M: (From the control room.) Yep, it’s time for Drag Race.
Tempest: (Jumping up.) Yay! Gentlemen, start your engines!
Dominick: Ugh, I need to go do something manly.


(M, Kalinda, Melanie, Jarred, Tempest, and Gwen are all sitting in the gaming nook watching Rupaul’s Drag Race. Rosie is sleeping on the conference room table.)

M: So who is everyone’s favorite right now?
Jarred: Well, I like everyone. They’re all so talented and beautiful. I hope they all win!
Melanie: Uh, there can only be one next drag superstar.
Kalinda: Yeah, Jay, the others will have to sashay away eventually.
Gwen: I quite like Carmen. She’s a little young, but you can tell she has a good heart and a sweet personality.
Tempest: I have to say that Stacy Lane Matthews has stolen my heart. She’s so cute and humble. Sometimes a queen doesn’t need to be a diva.
M: Personally, I like Delta Work. She’s feisty, smart, and really funny. It’s great to see good reps for the big girls this year.
Jarred: Well, if I have to pick, I guess I’d pick Shangela. She’s really sweet and always has something nice to say. But she stands up for herself if someone tries to tear her down.
Melanie: I like Alexis Mateo and Manila. You have to respect Manila playing Tweaker on the sci-fi episode. And Alexis always pulls it off.
Kalinda: I can’t wait for the next episode. The competition is just starting to get good.
Gwen: You know, tomorrow is a new episode, we should have the day off.
M: Nice try. There’s too many bad stories and not enough time.
Tempest: Damn. Well, it was worth a try.

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