It’s Kalinda’s birthday and while the girls are having a spa day in the conference room, the guys are planning a special surprise. What are the guys up to? What will happen when M makes them MiST an emo love story that claims to be the TRUE life of an emo?
Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.
I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed. My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, my MiSTers, and the mad. My characters are used only with my permission.
This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others.
It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.
Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Dominick Dante – I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softly and carry a BlackBerry.
Jarred Zion – Strangers are just friends that you haven’t met!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – Hey, you’re cute. What are you doing after the MiST?
Kalinda Beckham – Yes, that’s right, I’m the only remotely normal person here.
(Jarred, Dominick and Deangelo are assembled in Jarred’s bedroom. Jarred is standing over an iPod and a set of speakers. Deangelo is sitting on Jarred’s bed, trying not to touch any of the soft toys. Dominick is standing by the window looking out into space.)
Jarred: I think we’re doing really well, we just need a little bit more energy.
Deangelo: We’re not doing well, Jarred. We’re not even doing nicely. We make a horrible boy group and Kalinda is not going to be amused.
Jarred: I’m not expecting us to be perfect when we sing to Kalinda on her birthday. She will appreciate the effort. I just want to be better than we are right now.
Dominick: Right now we could get on American Idol as one of their hilariously bad auditions. It would be 3 nos Jarred, 3 nos!
Jarred: Well we’re not going to get any better with an attitude like that.
Deangelo: Jarred, deluding ourselves into thinking together we can make beautiful music is not going to change the reality that we are completely unable to carry a tune separately, let alone together. I think it’s time for this dream to die.
Jarred: (Tearing up.) But it’s my big birthday present to her! It has to be nice! She’s so sweet to me all the time the least I can do for her is bring one of her greatest joys to life for a few minutes!
(Dominick and Deangelo both shake their heads.)
Deangelo: Jarred, we’re just trying to be realistic. Kalinda is not going to find the three of us caterwauling our way through a song you wrote endearing.
Dominick: Give it up Big D, he’s turned on the waterworks.
Jarred: (Snuffling and trying desperately to keep from crying.) I just want to do something nice for Kalinda. Just one little nice thing for her! Kalinda; who gives so much and never asks for anything from us!
Dominick: She asked me to put a new light bulb in her ceiling fan the other day.
Jarred: You know what I mean!
Deangelo: Alright, alright, calm down, Jarred.
Jarred: (Sniffing.) Maybe if we listen really hard and try to harmonize a little more?
Dominick: Fine, fine. Just don’t cry.
Jarred: (^_^) Okay! Let’s practice.
(The female MiSTers are assembled in the conference room having a spa day. Tempest is reading a magazine while her kiwi face mask sets, Kalinda is giving Gwen a manicure, and Melanie is rubbing lotion into her arms. Rosie is licking her fur clean. M enters the room carrying some file folders. She sets them down on the conference room table and looks around.)
M: Spa day on Kalinda’s birthday?
Kalinda: Right you are. Do you need any beauty treatments today?
M: Nah, I’m good.
Tempest: Too bad no one knows how to wax. I could go for a bikini wax.
M: Hey, where are the guys?
Gwen: I’m not sure. They were talking about some kind of project earlier. But they seem to have disappeared.
Melanie: Well, they haven’t really disappeared, but they’re being very quiet. A little too quiet.
M: Hmmm, maybe they’re planning a special surprise for Kalinda’s birthday.
Kalinda: I’m scared already.
(Suddenly a large blue portal opens up and a huge box falls out and onto the conference room table. The girls observe it for a second. M walks up to it and removes a small card attached to the box.)
M: Hey Kalinda, it’s for you. Looks like Sharyna’s MiSTers have gone all out for your birthday.
Kalinda: (Standing up and taking the note from M.) Ooo, I wonder what they got me. (She reads the note, regarding the box cautiously.)
Tempest: What did they get you?
Kalinda: The notes says that it’s a customized Rock Band kit that Andromeda engineered.
Melanie: Dude, I love Rock Band! This is going to be awesome.
Kalinda: Here, help me open it.
(Melanie and Kalinda open the box and begin to pull out the contents.)
Melanie: Look at all this stuff! There’s three mics!
Kalinda: And DDR dance pads!
Tempest: Are there drums in there? I want to play drums!
Melanie: There are drums and bass and a guitar. Woot! Kalinda’s party is going to rock.
Kalinda: (Taking out a game case.) Looooook!!! It’s a special boy band version of Rock Band! All of the greats are on here. Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Take That, N Sync, 98 Degrees, G4, O-Town, Mcfly, 5ive, Busted, Blue, LFO, Boyz II Men, and more!
Gwen: Forgive me if I don’t share your enthusiasm for the plethora of boy bands.
Kalinda: Ooo, ooo! Listen to this: “There’s also a holographic projector attachment that throws a projection over you so that you look like whatever character you’re playing in the game, whether it’s a customized character or one you base off of existing boy bands.” And there’s an auto-tune mode for the guys. This is awesome!! I can’t wait to play!
M: I have to say, this sounds quite cool.
Kalinda: I need to write those MiSTers a nice thank you card.
(Suddenly there is a knock on the conference room door. The girls exchange confused glances.)
M: Come in.
(Dominick, Deangelo and Jarred enter the conference room slowly. They are dressed in matching powder blue suits.)
Melanie: Guys… Is there something you need to tell us?
Jarred: Well, first of all, we’re not just guys. Now we’re Like 4 Boys the breakthrough boy band!
Gwen: You’re who?
Dominick: Oh wait, none of you were there for that MiST. (Laughing.) You know guys, I think this joke might have been a little too inside.
Deangelo: Yes, I didn’t consider that either. But moving swiftly ahead.
Jarred: We’re here to perform a song I wrote called “Kalinda”. It’s about you, Kalinda.
Kalinda: Awwww, this is so sweet.
Jarred: Okay, let’s go.
(The guys take their places as Jarred sets up his iPod and speakers. Jarred falls in place with Dominick and Deangelo as a bright, poppy melody starts. The men all start swaying in time to the music and when the lyrics start, Jarred is the first to sing.)
Jarred: Oh Kalinda, the prettiest girl in the whole wide world! Kalinda!
Dominick: She’s nice and sweet and loves kittens! Kalinda!
Deangelo: Always thinking about other people, that’s our….
Jarred, Dominick, & Deangelo: Kalinda!
(The boys start to sway back and forth, snapping their fingers.)
Jarred: Oh Kalinda, she’s the kind of girl that you want to hang out with! Kalinda!
Dominick: She makes us laugh, makes us smile, what a great girl! Kalinda!
Deangelo: And when you need someone to listen, you can count on our….
Jarred, Dominick, & Deangelo: Kalinda!
(The music begins to fade as the boys do some very passionate jazz hands, getting into their finishing pose. As the music ends, they shout in unison.)
Jarred, Dominick, & Deangelo: Kalinda!
(The girls start clapping and cheering as the guys stand up and take their bows.)
Kalinda: That was amazing! I bet Jarred wrote all the lyrics.
Dominick: Right you are.
Deangelo: I’m sure the line about kittens gave it away.
Gwen: I’m must say, I am quite impressed.
Jarred: In our wonderful harmonies?
Gwen: Well that, and the fact that you managed to convince two grown men to wear powder blue suits and sing about kittens.
Melanie: I hope you all know I’m expecting Like 4 Boys to perform at my next birthday party too.
M: Guys, you have out done yourselves. But we also need to MiST.
Kalinda: On my birthday?!
M: Emo love story writers don’t stop writing on your birthday, so we can’t stop MiSTing. But don’t worry, this isn’t just any emo love story. Noooo, this is The True Life of An “Emo”. So forget everything you’ve ever heard about emos, because this is the truth!
Dominick: Really? You want us to base all of our opinions about emos off of this one story?
M: Yes, because this is the TRUE life of an emo.
Jarred: Well, we better get going then.
Tempest: After the MiST, time for Rock Band!
(The MiSTers head out of the conference room.)
Deangelo: Wait, where did Rock Band come from?
(The MiSTers settle into their regular seats. Kalinda puts on her birthday crown.)
M: (From the control room.) Is everyone ready?
MiSTers: Happy birthday!
M: (From the control room.) Here we go!
>The True Life Of An “Emo”
Deangelo: You all remember what M said; we are going to base all of our future opinions of emos off of this one story. Since this is the TRUE life of an emo.
Dominick: Yeah, not the fake crap we’ve been reading all these years.
>My name is Brookelle Johanson I’m 15 and live with the best big brother in the whole world.
Jarred: And with her parents?
>His name is Max I love him but he’s too overly protective of me. My mom and dad burned in my house fire. My bestfriends name is Julie but I call her Boo Boo.
MiSTers: (@_@) ……
Gwen: She slipped that little bit of information into the story very subtly.
>I’m moving to a camp in Ontario Canada for kids with depression. I’m really not depressed but we’ll see where it goes from there.
Kalinda: Why? These parentless kids never have guardians or anything, who is making her go to a camp that she doesn’t think she needs?
>Chapter 1:The Break Up
Tempest: Break up? Who was going out with anyone?
>I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door.
M: (From the control room.) The text was all color coded, so I helpfully added names for everyone.
>Brookelle: Get out of the bathroom dork. Max: No you’re being mean ask nicely. Brookelle: Err please get out of the bathroom now. Max: Okay. He walked out of the bathroom.
Melanie: Leaving his toe nail clippings all over the floor and the toilet seat up.
>I Walked in and locked the door. My cellphone rang *I loved you,you made me, hate me.You gave me, hate, see?.It saved me and these tears are deadly.
Kalinda: Uh yeah. Countless people have died from crying. It’s a horrible way to go.
>You feel that?I rip back, every time you tried to steal that.You feel bad? you feel sad?
M: (From the control room.) Hollywood Undead lyrics to “My Black Dahlia”.
>I’m sorry, hell no fuck that!It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife.
This strife it dies, this life and these lies*
Dominick: That is one long-ass ringtone.
Jarred: Uh, because?
Tempest: Yeah, exactly.
>……FUCK YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MiSTers: (@_@) Wha?
Melanie: Well, there’s the break up!
Deangelo: Who in the world is she breaking up with? I just want to like this story, why doesn’t it let me in?
>I hung up the phone and cried. Max: Brooke open the door now!!! I opened the door and looked at Max. Brookelle: It was Austin he broke up with me!!!
Kalinda: The bastard!
>Max: Why? Brookelle: He said he’s been cheating with me since we started going out and he has a girlfriend and a son!!!
Dominick: You just can’t trust the people you meet online, can you?
>Max: I’m going to kick that douches ass no one makes my baby sister cry. With that he was out the door.
Gwen: Really? Usually when someone says that it’s just a statement. Does this young man actually intend to duff up everyone who is mean to his little sister?
Deangelo: The poor boy must be exhausted.
>I heard someone walking up the stairs then I saw my best friend Julie. Julie: Oh my god Hunni whats wrong?! She sounded ultra worried. Brookelle: Austin he broke up with me.
Tempest: (Brookelle.) And he’s been cheating on me and he has a bastard child! Soooooo… wanna make out?
>Julie: Aww its okay you don’t need that asshole plus you don’t have to see him since we’re moving.
Kalinda: (Julie.) … To a hippie commune. Let’s find ourselves, together.
>Brookelle: Who’s we I thought it was only me. Julie: Me and you’re brother going too you go nowhere without me and I go nowhere without your brother♥.
Jarred: Look, look! A cute little heart! I want to talk in cute little hearts!
M: (From the control room.) Try it out, Jarred.
M: (From the control room.) Does anyone else want to talk in hearts?
Gwen: I think I can resist the curiosity…
>Brookelle: You love each other don’t you. Julie: Of course and I have some news for him.
Deangelo: Good lord, is someone pregnant already?
>Brookelle: What what what I wanna know. Julie: I’m pregnant!!!!!!
MiSTers: (O_O) !!!!!
Melanie: Chapter one and the teenage pregnancies begin.
Kalinda: But wait, this girl is pregnant at the beginning of the story, maybe the story will follow her pregnancy and won’t just skip ahead nine months.
M: (From the control room.) The story manages to do neither. The pregnancy is never mentioned again.
>Max: Who the hell is pregnant Brooke it better not be you you still better be a virgin?!!!!!!!!!
Deangelo: (Max.) I’ve pummeled every boy that has so much as looked at you, who in the world could have gotten you pregnant?!
>We peeked out the door and seen Max standing there. Julie left the bathroom and ran down the stairs. Julie: No Hun it’s me.
Jarred: Anyone want to guess his reaction?
Others: Sheer, unbridled joy.
>Max: Yes!!! I’m a daddy!!
Jarred: These stories ARE getting too predictable.
>He ran out of the house and all around the neighborhood.
Melanie: He is doing that out of happiness or did he just remember that he needed to go for a run today?
>While he was gone I got dressed and was waiting in the moving truck with all my stuff in the back. I seen him down the street.
Deangelo: He was running away as fast as he could screaming something about avoiding responsibility.
>Brookelle: If you don’t get your ass down here and get your shit instead of running around like a fucking idiot!!!!!!!!!! Max: Stop being mean or I’ll get my baby on you!!
Dominick: Uh yeah, because fetuses are so terrifying.
>Brookelle: Oh shut up and come your ass on!! Soon he got all his stuff and was ready to go. He drove the moving truck,
Gwen: Don’t the movers usually drive those trucks?
Tempest: Maybe it’s a U-haul?
Gwen: It doesn’t say U-haul, it says moving truck. A big, commercial moving truck that teenagers aren’t allowed to drive without a special license.
Kalinda: Let it go, Gwen. It’s not like this story is overly concerned with being factual.
>I drove the black 2012 Ford Mustang, and Julie drove the silver Porsche 911 gt2.
Melanie: Well then, I know what happened to their parent’s life insurance policies.
Dominick: So this Julie chick is leaving her parents and everything behind to go live with her baby daddy? Don’t her parents have anything to say about that?
Kalinda: Of course not, parents are overjoyed to allow their pregnant teenagers to go off on their own without any supervision. I mean, the chick is already pregnant, what’s the worst thing she can do to herself?
>(Those are some sexy ass cars…not including the moving truck.) 20 hours later we got to the new house it was huge.
Jarred: So they just drove for 20 hours straight? That’s not healthy.
>Brookelle: I can’t believe mom and dad kept this from us! Max: They didn’t want us to grow up all rich and snobby.
Tempest: (Brookelle.) Still, I’m glad they’re dead. Now we can grow up as rich and snobby as we please!
Deangelo: A trust fund would have been a better way to protect their assets.
>Brookelle: Wait we’re rich? Max: Ya you didn’t know about the secret bank accounts? Brookelle: No!!
Melanie: (Max.) Yeah, they were in the Cayman Islands or something. The dude at the bank explained it all to me. The money is totally legit as long as we don’t use it to buy anything in the US. That’s fair, right?
>Max: Damn you’re slow!! I have the card….here you go. the code is my birthday 10792. Brookelle: OMFG I’m going shopping all day tom-.
Dominick: I’m so glad she’s able to find the bright side of her parents snuffing it.
>Max: Camp starts tomorrow from 6:30 to 2:30 ha ha.
Tempest: Six thirty in the morning? OMG, what are they going to try to do with a bunch of depressed teenagers at six thirty?
>Brookelle: WTF what kinda camp starts at 6:30 I gotta go to sleep it’s 4:30…I call the master bedroom!! I ran upstairs and pulled out a sleeping bag and layed down.
Kalinda: (Brookelle.) I then realized that I hadn’t unpacked my alarm clock, or anything else for that matter, but I fell asleep anyway,
>I at 5:30 I heard a loud knock on my window. I started to scream when I saw…….
Jarred: ….. A dinosaur.
Melanie: A muskrat.
Deangelo: A horde of zombies.
Gwen: A coherent plot.
Dominick: Oh Gwenie, don’t be silly.
>♥♥♥♥Tell Me What You Think!!!♥♥♥♥
Jarred: Look at all of the hearts!
Tempest: I don’t care how many hearts there are, this story still sucks.
Jarred: Hey look, I was almost right! Dinosaurs are pretty close to dragons.
Kalinda: They’re not that close, depending on which mythology you’re going with. Also, why is it spelled with two “g”s?
Melanie: Assuming, of course, that that’s not a typo.
>I started to scream when I saw my old best friend Draggon.
Dominick: Wait… This dude’s name is Draggon?
Gwen: Perhaps his parents were making a statement regarding his breath as a baby.
>Brookelle: OMG DRAGGON!!!!!!!!!! Draggon: Calm down Brookie Boo. Brookelle: Aww you remember my nick name Drack.
Tempest: As bad as Draggon is, I think Drack is worse.
Kalinda: It sounds like a swear word.
Melanie: It does?
Kalinda: Yeah, try it out.
Deangelo: This story is so dracking ridiculous.
Dominick: Drack! We’re only on chapter two.
Melanie: You’re right, it does work as a swear word. Interesting…
>Draggon: Of course I do you don’t think I’d forget about my bestie do you? Max: Let my baby sister go you perv!! I saw Max standing at my door with a bat.
Gwen: As cute as this all sounds, I’m beginning to suspect that Max has serious psychological issues with attachment.
Deangelo: Perhaps his parent’s death has caused him to focus all of his attachments on his sister and has forever rendered him incapable of separating from her or allowing her to have normal relationships.
Tempest: Maybe he’s just psycho.
>Drack and I fell on the floor laughing. Max: What’s so funny?? Brookelle & Draggon: You’re-haha.
Melanie: You’re a what?
>Max: Why are you hugging this stranger?? Draggon: Really-haha-you don’t-hahaha-remember me-haha-geek wad. Max: Drack. Draggon: Of course who the hell else would it be?
Dominick: Depends. How many random guys does Brookelle hug in the average day?
>Max: Ummm wow this is embarressing. Draggon: Yaaa!! Max: Drack you’re not the geeky little kid I remember. Draggon: Nope now me so sexy!! Brookelle: Yea me too!!
Melanie: Cue psycho brother rant.
>Max: Don’t fuckin play with me little girl you’re not grown so there for your not sexy and you will never be grown.
Deangelo: I find it a little disturbing that this type of behavior is supposed to be cute or endearing.
>Draggon: Still over protective I see.
>Brookelle: YES SIR IS HE EVER!
Tempest: (Brookelle.) You’d think all of those arrests would have taught him something, but nope!
>Max: Whatever go get dressed camp gets started in 45 mins.
Dominick: Wait a minute, this camp starts at 6:30PM?
Gwen: And goes until 2:30AM? That sounds like a sweet sixteen party, not a camp for kids with depression.
>Brookelle: Mkay whaterver sit down and make yourself comfortable Draggon…sorry I didn’t get my bed set up yet.
Kalinda: That’s why people hire movers. So they can do the heavy lifting for them.
>Draggon: Oh I can put it up for you it’ll only take me 5 mins.
Dominick: Isn’t it a little weird that they move to a totally new house and one of her old friends just happens to live there too?
>Max left and Draggon started setting up my bed.I started to undress.I got down to my bra and underwear and I walked into my bathroom.
Gwen: Uh, where is her psycho brother to beat Draggon with a baseball bat?
>I wasn’t nerves getting undressed infront of Drack we were comfortable around eachother.
Kalinda: Uh yeah, I’m comfortable around some guys, but that doesn’t mean I take my clothes off in front of them.
Dominick: And Max isn’t comfortable with it! He’s not comfortable at all with the fact that his little sister has womanly bits and a desire to become teen pregnant.
>I took a good 20 min shower.When I got out I wrapped my towel around my body.I walked into my bedroom and everything was set up nice and neat. Brookelle: Wow that was quick.
Jarred: (Draggon.) Yeah, I harnessed the power of time travel while you were in the shower. No biggie.
>Draggon: Yeah I’m nice like that. I finished getting dressed and doing my makeup by the time I was finished it was 5:45. Brookelle: Aww man I have to eave if I wanna be on time to camp.
Melanie: She better get there early if she wants to get a seat next to the snack counter.
>Draggon: What camp? Brookelle: Happy Cheery Shine Camp For “Depressed” Teens.
Gwen: Is that what it’s actually called?
>Draggon: Wow I have to go there too.
Dominick: Is everyone in this story depressed?
Tempest: If you were in this story, wouldn’t you be depressed?
Dominick: Good point.
>Brookelle: Wow that’s deep…..so lets go mister. We drove to the retarded camp.
Deangelo: Now, now, it prefers to be called a “special” camp.
>When we got there we got out of the car and a whole bunch of guys started sizing me up when Draggon pulled me into a warm embrace and kissed me.
>It felt so good I’ve been waiting for it for so many years.
Kalinda: Suddenly, prancing around in underwear in front of Draggon didn’t seem like the innocent proof of mutual comfort that it once did.
>I smile and we pulled away when someone was pulling me away from him.
Tempest: It was two camp counselors that wanted to assure both of them that the road to recovery did not have any pit stops in the land of teenage pregnancy.
>Caren: You nasty disgusting little whore!! Brookelle: Who the hell are you?? Caren: Draggon’s girlfriend you slut!!
Melanie: So Draggon AND his girlfriend are depressed?
Dominick: You know, I don’t really understand camps for depressed people. I mean, getting a bunch of depressed people all together in one space? Won’t they all just sit around and be depressed together while they complain about their overly perky counselors?
Deangelo: I’m not sure, but none of these teens seem to be depressed. And with all of this budding emo drama going on, I doubt we’re going to see much of their experience at camp.
>Drack walked over and pulled her off of me. Draggon: You’re not my Girlfriend Caren
Tempest: (Draggon.) Just because we sleep together, I call you my girlfriend, we go out on dates, and we’re in a relationship on Facebook does NOT mean that we are going out.
>Draggon: Brookelle’s my girlfriend…right?? He took a big gulp and looked down at me.
Brookelle: That’s right.A big cheesy grin came upon his face. Caren: Well not anymore because…
Jarred: (Caren.) I’m infested with Morgellons and I have two days to live!
>Chapter 3:Bad News
Kalinda: The cost of hair gel went up.
>Caren: Not anymore because I’m pregnant.
MiSTers: (O_O) …… Wha?
Melanie: We’re up to two teenage pregnancies in three chapters. This is getting serious.
Gwen: Is this really the life of the average emo? Everyone around you falls pregnant before they can vote?
>Brookelle & Draggon: WHAAAAT?!
>Caren: You heard me I’m pregnant Draggon and it’s your’s.
Kalinda: Usually when you tell a guy you’re pregnant like that it implies that it’s his baby, but thanks for making it doubly clear!
>Draggon: No it can’t be no no no!!
>Caren: Yep so you might want to tell Brookelle to get stepping.
Tempest: Yeah, those two are the kind of people who should bring a baby into this world.
>Brookelle: HOW COULD YOU DRAGGON?????
Dominick: How could he what? They’ve only been going out for ten seconds, she can’t bitch about stuff he did while they weren’t together.
>I ran to my car and drove off crying.I could barely see.I heard a car horn.I felt a ton of pain and people screaming.Everything went black.
Dominick: And then everything stayed black. End of story!
Dominick: Awww, damn it.
>I heard a big screech and I turned around.It was Brooke.Her car was all smahed up.I dropped to my knees and cried.
Kalinda: Good idea, Draggon. Don’t call 911 or rush over and see if Brookelle’s okay, just sit there and cry. You’re so helpful.
>Caren: It’s ok we don’t need that whore in our life.
Melanie: (Caren.) I’m glad she’s dead. Now we can have our bastard child in peace.
>Caren rubbed my back.My blood was steaming.
Dominick: It got so hot that it burned off all of his skin and he crouched there, a red, meaty skeleton, glistening in the sunl-
M: (From the control room.) Dominick.
Dominick: What? Come on, M! I’m tired of all of this whiny boyfriend-girlfriend crap. I don’t care who slept with who or who said nasty things about you! It’s just so boring!
M: (From the control room.) Thank you, Dominick, I have the perfect story for us to MiST next.
Dominick: Uh, you’re welcome?
>Draggon: You might not need her but I do!!I love her !!Get off of me I hate you!!I started to scream at her.I turned to look at her.My eyeliner was running down my face.
Deangelo: The young man is wearing eyeliner?
Kalinda: He IS emo.
>She was crying and backing away from me.She was crying.
Gwen: She was also backing away from him.
>Caren: Y-y-you h-h-hate ME!!I saw her running of crying.I wanted to run after her but I couldn’t bring myself to stand.I hated to make people cry especially girls.
Tempest: Unfortunately, his face causes this to happen often.
>I saw the ambulace with Brooke in it drive by.I didn’t bring my car this morning so I had to hitch a ride from my bestfriend Andy.I ran into the hospital and asked for Brooke’s room.
Melanie: (Draggon.) They told me that she had already been taken to the morgue. Alas, it was too late to tell her how I truly felt.
>They told me and I sprinted down the long hallway.When I got there I seen her laying in the bed she had a long scar from her jaw to shoulder blade.I cried.
Deangelo: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!
>I guess she heard mebecause she turned to face me and opened her eyes. Brookelle: H-hi. Draggon: Hi love are you okay?
Kalinda: (Brookelle.) Yeah, don’t mind the hideously disfiguring scar and all of these wires and IVs attached to me. I’m good. Totally good. So. How are you?
>Brookelle: Yea I’m in pain but please don’t come near me. Draggon: What why? Brookelle: Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend and at that she’s pregnant.
Dominick: Admittedly, you kind of need to break up with a girl before you start dating another one. But in all fairness, he didn’t know she was pregnant until she shouted it out in public.
Kalinda: Yeah, but they were clearly having sex, probably unprotected. He should know that sex leads to pregnancy and should have made sure she wasn’t knocked up before asking Brookelle to go out with him.
>Draggon: She’s not my girlfriend and the only reason she’s pregnant is because she raped me…I don’t like talking about it.
Tempest: Really? She raped him?
Dominick: Dude, he doesn’t want to talk about it. Let’s finish sewing up that gaping plot hole before we continue.
>I don’t want anything to do with her or that baby. Brookelle: NO!! You’re going to take care of that baby because it’s your baby too it’s a part of you.
Deangelo: Yes, stroking those child support checks will undoubtedly bring you much closer to your child.
>Draggon: Ok.I pulled down the bar and climbed into bed with her.As soon as I closed my eyes I heard a doctor yelling.
Jarred: Yelling at him not to climb in bed with patients that had just been in a horrible car accident and shouldn’t be snuggling yet.
>Doctor: I need help there’s a 16 year old here she tried to commit suicide,she oded on perscriptoins!!She’s with child her name’s Caren Andrews!!
Tempest: Thank you, Dr. Exposition!
>I got out of the bedroom and ran towards the doctor.Brooke cried for me to come back but I was to worried about Caren.
Kalinda: Uh, what happened to hating her and wanting nothing to do with her in the future?
Gwen: You can’t hold him to that, Kalinda. He said that clearly more than five minutes ago.
>Chapter 4:Alive Or Dead
Melanie: Do we get to choose?
I sat up in bed when Draggon ran out.I screamed and cried for him to come back.
Melanie: (Brookelle.) I might sound a little co-dependent here, but don’t worry, I’m not. I was screaming for him to come back because he had accidently knocked over several IVs and ripped the tubes out of my arm. I was bleeding all over the place and I just couldn’t reach the call button!
>He didn’t come back.I ripped the tubes from my wrist I ripped the one from my neck and cried because blood began to pour.
Jarred: Well, that will certainly help speed her recovery.
>I got ou of bed and started walking down the long winding hall.Blood was driping on the gown and the floor.As I walked pass some people looked at me in horror.
Deangelo: But none of them were nurses or doctors or various other hospital personnel who would have ordered her to get back to bed immediately and started the process of bandaging her up.
>I got to the room Caren was in and I felt dizzy.I opened the door and seen Drack holding Caren’s hand.I coughed and Draggon looked back at me.He jumped up and ran to me.
Dominick: (Draggon.) No wait, I don’t need this Caren chick, I’m getting hot easy tail from Brookelle! Switch!
>Draggon: Brooke what happend? Brookelle: I wanted to come with you. Is she gonna be ok? Draggon: Yeah come on you’re losing way too much blood.
Gwen: Yes, there’s a normal amount of blood you should lose, then there’s just too much blood.
Jarred: I smell Brookelle’s first blackout staggering towards us with drunken certainty.
>He pushed the call button and doctors came rushing in. Doctor: Hurry she needs stitches.I blacked out.
Gwen: And there it is. At the end of chapter 4 we’re up to 2 teenage pregnancies and 1 black out. Not bad for an emo love story.
>***Sorru That Was Short***
Kalinda: Believe me, we’re not complaining. Well, we ARE complaining, but we’d complain a lot more if it was longer.
>Chapter 5:Waking Up
>I woke up to someone holding my hand it was Draggon on one side and Julie on the other.
Melanie: Max was beating up some dude who had glanced into Brookelle’s room while on the way to the cafeteria.
>Brookelle: Boo Boo? Julie: Yeah hun it’s me I;m here for you. Draggon: Thank god you’re awake.
Dominick: You’ve been in an inexplicable coma! I mean, the doctors gave you a transfusion and everything but you just slipped right into that coma and refused to come out of it.
>Brookelle: Where’s Max? Julie: He went home to take a shower and change he was with you the whole time you’ve been knocked out. Brookelle: How long was that?
Deangelo: Ten years. By the way, the robots have taken over.
>Draggon: Three weeks straight. Brookelle: Wow.
Gwen: Wow is right. I would hope for some kind of explanation why an otherwise healthy young girl slipped into a three week coma due to blood loss, but I don’t think that we’re going to get any.
>The door opened and I looked over and seen Caren walking in wearin g a hospital gown.
Kalinda: She had been admitted after she tripped over her own feet and slipped into a coma.
>She walked over and sat in the bed right next to me. Caren: Oh your awake.she stated it in a cheery mood/tone. Brookelle: Umm yeah. Caren: No need to be nervous hun…
Dominick: (Caren.) I left my knife collection in my room.
>I’m sorry about what happend. Brookelle: It’s ok…not to be rude or anything but what are you doing here?
Melanie: Yeah, she should be at the camp for depressed kids. It looked like it would be so much fun for the little chemically imbalanced youngsters.
Jarred: After an overdose like that she’d probably end up in a psych ward for the weekend.
>Caren: Oh uh I just woke up yesterday and they pulled my bed in here so Draggon can keep an eye on both of us.
Gwen: So her overdose caused her to go into a three week coma? Just how many pills did she take?
Tempest: Her baby is going to come out all sorts of messed up.
Deangelo: What’s wrong?
Jarred: What happened?
Dominick: Stop the insanity!
>Draggon: What’s wrong what’s going on??I could here worry in his voice.She clutched her stomach and cried.I pushed the panic button. Doctor: The baby!!The doctor pushed her bed out of the room.
Kalinda: Uh oh, that baby is dead.
Gwen: That’s horrible.
Tempest: But on the bright side, we don’t have to worry about these people bringing children into the world.
>***10 Minutes Later***
>Caren came walking back into the room.Her eyes were red.
Deangelo: How was she able to walk anywhere? Surely she must have slipped into an prolonged coma from all of that excitement.
>Caren: The b-b-baby’s d-d-dead.She collapsed on the floor.I walked over to her and held her close to me.She cried into my chest.
Jarred: That’s so sad. But it saves the author from having to fake her way through writing about a pregnancy.
>Brookelle: Shh hun it’s gonna be okay.I’m here for you…and so is Draggon. Caren: Y-y-you pr-o-omise?She looked up at me with pleading eyes.
Melanie: (Brookelle.) Well yeah, until I get sick of hearing of about your dead baby. Then we’re not friends anymore.
>Brookelle: Of cousre…come on lets get in bed.I put the bars down and conected the beds.I held her the rest of the night.We cuddled into eachother.I cried along with her.I felt like we were friends.
Kalinda: Because there’s nothing like cementing your friendship with a dead baby.
Jarred: Can everyone stop saying “dead baby” please?
Deangelo: Why? There’s a dead baby in the story.
Jarred: I know, but it’s just so creepy.
Tempest: Well, he has a point, it is pretty creepy.
>At that moment I felt so close to her at that moment.It felt like we were sisters.
Kalinda: Of course after you get over the initial hating each other because she was going out with your boyfriend, before he asked you out, and got pregnant and everything, you two can be such good friends!
>I was finally aloud to sign out and so was Caren.
Melanie: And the doctors didn’t give anymore thought to the fact that two seemingly healthy young women both slipped into prolonged comas with little cause.
>We walked out to Julie’s car.She followed and so did Draggon.When we got home I walked in to see Max cooking me breakfast. Max: Oh My God Brooke!!I ran and leaped into his arms.
Deangelo: Knocking him over in the process. He struck the back of his head on the countertop and was sent into a prolonged coma.
>Brookelle: I missed you Maxy. Max: I love you so much never scare me like that again.He cried into my hair. Brookelle: I love you too.I cried into his neck and he put me back on the ground.
Gwen: (Brookelle.) Then we all cried together, only finishing when we were satisfied that the big scary problem had gone away.
>Brookelle: Can my new friend Caren stay with us for a while? Max: Of course.I ran over and hugged her.I pulled her upstairs to my bedroom and we sat on my bed and started talking.
Melanie: (Brookelle.) So how is your love life? Oh wait, never mind.
Kalinda: (Brookelle.) What do you want to do in the future? Do you want to be a mom? Oh wait, never mind.
>Caren: Thank oyu Brooke no one was ever this kind to me before. Brookelle: You’re welcome Bestie.A smile crept upon her face. Caren: I love you bestest bestie ever.
Dominick: Well, the next logical step is for them to make out. I mean, all of the cool kids are bi, right?
>Brookelle: I LOVE YOU TOO. I hugged her and we ran downstairs and ate breakfast.At this point I feel so warm inside.
Deangelo: (Brookelle.) But then I realized that it was only heart burn.
>Chapter 6:New Friendships
>When we finished eating breakfast I grabbed her and ran upstairs.
Jarred: (Brookelle.) Now we must seal our friendship in blood.
>I got in the shower while she watched Family Guy and The Cleveland Show. Cleveland: Look I can see Auntie Mama’s penis hahaha!Wait Auntie Mama’s Penis.
MiSTers: (@_@) ……..
Kalinda: I have no words….
>Whe I heard that I fell on the shower floor.I was laughing so hard I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.
Tempest: Unfortunately, it turned out to be just another coma.
>When I got out I asked Caren why she didn’t get in the shower in the other bathroom. Caren: I don’t have any clothes when I told my parents I was pregnant they kicked me out and burned my clothes.
Dominick: Yet another supervision-less teenager out on their own. It makes me wonder why people have parents at all. I mean, once you hit 14 you can completely take care of yourself and don’t need anyone to look out for you or support you financially, so why doesn’t everyone just move out and attend college at 14 instead of 18?
Deangelo: Could you really picture this author going to college with these writing skills? Although the teenagers don’t think they need parental supervision and instruction after they turn 14, they most certainly do.
>Brookelle: Well what size are you. Caren: Pants:4,Shirts:small,Shoes 6. Brookelle: Same here!She got in the shower and got dressed.When we were finished we went downstairs.
Tempest: The Fed Ex man had just arrived, bringing the girls a new stash of razors. They were so excited they didn’t know what to do with themselves.
>Max: Brooke that skirt is too shirt go back upstairs and change.
Dominick: Yeah, Brookelle, that skirt is way too shirt to wear in public.
Jarred: It’s so shirt it has sleeves!
>Julie: She’s a big girl leave her alone. Brookelle: Where’s Draggon? Max: He went to the park. Caren: Lets go meet him there.
Kalinda: Dude, that is totally awkward turtle.
Gwen: Awkward what?
Kalinda: Awkward turtle. Going to find your current boyfriend with his ex-girlfriend is awkward turtle.
>Brookelle: Otay.We ran to the park and seen Draggon kissing some girl.
Tempest: Wow, he moves quickly.
>Brookelle: HOW COULD YOU?!I ran home and cried.Caren ran after me and found me
Dominick: And now someone needs to go find their razor.
>Chapter 7:Please Don’t Do This To Yourself
>She afound me sitting there with my razor arched and ready to dig into my wrist at any moment.
Deangelo: Good thing she carries it around with her in case of some random emo psychodrama.
>She ran and snatched it away from me. Caren: What the hell are you doing?!
Gwen: (Brookelle.) Indulging in the time honored emo tradition of cutting whenever something upsets me instead of dealing with the problem directly.
>Brookelle: Why would he kiss her??
Jarred: (Sighing.) Hot, easy tail.
>I asked confused and hurt at the same time. Caren: That’s the same way I felt when I seen you and him.
Gwen: Oh yes, let’s not forget that Brookelle stole her boyfriend first. So in all honesty, how sympathetic should Caren really be?
>Brookelle: I bet you felt worse because you were umm pregnant. Caren: It’s okay. Brookelle: If I would have knew about you I wouldn’t have let him near me.
Kalinda: (Brookelle.) Clearly, all of our problems come down to Draggon.
Melanie: (Caren.) We should, like, totally kill him.
>Caren: It’s okay…I have a plan for him…some dirty dirty pay back.
Melanie: Holy crap, she IS going to kill him.
Tempest: That would make the story more interesting.
Gwen: For some reason I’d imagine Caren and Brookelle would be MiST 76’s caliber assassins.
Melanie: Very true. But it would be interesting just to see them try.
>All we need is that girl. Brookelle: No No No I can’t kill her no no no!! Caren: CALM DOWN!! We’re not gonna kill her!!
Deangelo: I was kind of looking forward to two would be assassins struggling to carry out their plans in the face of gross incompetence.
>Brookelle: Ok.We saw her walking down the street by herself.We pulled her into the house.(btw Max and Julie went out to eat,it’s about8:30 at night)
Kalinda: So this chick just happened to be walking down the street at the exact same moment that the girls needed her to?
Jarred: That’s more than a little convenient.
>Kaitlyn: Help help I’ll do anything just leave me alone!!
Gwen: You know, that would technically qualify as kidnapping….
>Caren:Is Draggon Matthews your boyfriend? Kaitlyn: Yes why?I got up to turn on the lights. Brookelle: He’s my boyfriend too…
Jarred: (Caren.) And he’s my ex-boyfriend and he was going out with me when he asked Brookelle out and I was pregnant with his baby, which he claimed is because I raped him, and he said he didn’t want anything to do with it. Which, you’d think would have put both of us off from dating him, but nope! He’s such a catch.
>Kaitlyn: What?Your boyfriend too?
Jarred: (Caren.) And my ex-boyfriend! Don’t forget about me! I’m here too, you know.
>Kaitlyn: I can’t believe him…who are you two anyway and what do you want from me?
>Caren: Well I’m Caren and he got me pregnant but the baby died.I want my payback NOW.
Deangelo: But it’s not Draggon’s fault that the baby died. I mean, it might have been. There was no explanation given for her miscarriage, so he could have done something, but more than likely the miscarriage was an act of nature, and therefore he cannot be held responsible.
Kalinda: But he was going out with both of the girls at the same time.
Deangelo: Now in that situation, he is totally at fault.
>Brookelle: So do I.
>Kaitlyn: Me too.
Tempest: You know, if someone grabbed me on the street and started telling me that they’re dating my boyfriend or were pregnant by him and miscarried, I want a little more proof than their wild story.
Melanie: But in order to be skeptical, you’d actually have to have some critical thinking skills.
Tempest: Good point.
>Caren: My plan was to tell him we know about eachother and that we’re okay with that.
>Kaitlyn: Yeah then we’ll act like we’re bi and we’ll act like we’re gonna sleep with him.
Dominick: This sounds like the premise for a bad porno.
>Brookelle: We’ll ambush him and rip his clothes off.
>Caren: Trust me I’ve seen his junk and he’s incredibly tiny.
Kalinda: So their carefully planned revenge will be to laugh at his tiny manhood?
>Kaitlyn: We’ll have our cell phones ready to take pictures.
>Brookelle: We’ll send the pictures to everyone we know.
Gwen: Draggon is underage, therefore they would be manufacturing and distributing child pornography.
>Caren, Kaitlyn, & Brookelle: Perfect.
Gwen: No, illegal.
>Chapter 9:Taking Action
>I called Draggon. Brookelle: Hi babe.
>Draggon: Hi hunny what’s up?
Deangelo: (Brookelle.) Just plotting to embarrass you by posting pictures of your naughty bits on the internet. Oops, I mean, nothing.
>Brookelle: Nothing really just wondering if you can come over so we can have some “fun”.I said in a very seductive voice.
Jarred: By this, she of course means a rousing game of Parcheesi.
>Draggon: Sure whatever you want babe I’m all yours.See you in 5 mins.
>Brookelle: Buh bye baby.
>I hung up and went to change.When Iwas finished it was 9:27 so I had 3 more mins.
Dominick: Say what you will about his moral code, the boy is punctual to a fault.
>Kaitlyn: I’m ready.
>Brookelle: So am I.
>Caren: Me too.
Jarred: I’m not ready for any of this.
>They got in their positions in my room.Caren hid in the closet and Kaitlyn hid beside my dresser.We all had on matching lingerie.Our hair was razor straight and teased a little bit.
Tempest: Uh, your hair can’t be razor straight AND teased. It doesn’t work like that. But I appreciate the effort made in buying matching lingerie.
Gwen: I’m amazed the author could even spell “lingerie”.
>We had in black and red bows to match the lingerie.I sat down in my bed and thought for a second.I was so deep in thought that I didn’t even hear the door open.I felt pressure on my body.
Dominick: Draggon slid the knife into her chest, sliding in between her ribs and piercing her heart. She was dead before she could even scream.
>Draggon: Hello gorgeus. Brookelle: Hi handsome.I flipped him so he was on the bottom.I got out of my bed and walked over and knocked on my dresser.That was our signal for them to come stand next to me before i turned on the lights.
Kalinda: (Brookelle.) Unfortunately, the other girls had already fallen asleep in their hiding spaces and I was left to improvise the revenge by myself.
>I reached for the light switch and turned it on.His eyes grew wide.
Dominick: (Draggon.) 3 times the hot easy tail?!
>Kaitlyn: Hi Draggon. Draggon: Hi what are you and Caren doing here??
Dominick: (Draggon.) And how can I get 3 bras off at once?
>Caren: Well to tell the truth Kaitlyn Brooke,and I are bi.We love eachother…and you and we want you oh so bad.
Jarred: (O_o) I feel dirty…
>Kaitlyn: So can we have you cutie? Brookelle: Yeah sexy can we have you? Draggon: Of course you can.We walked over and started to touch him all over.We ripped his shirt and jeans off.
Tempest: Draggon then ejaculated with his boxers on.
>We kissed down his neck and his chest.We ripped of his boxers and seen his junk it was app.3 in.
Deangelo: App.3 in? What in the world does that mean?
M: (From the control room.) I think she was abbreviating the statement “approximately 3 inches”.
Gwen: Who abbreviates “approximately” as “app”? “App” is the abbreviation for “application”.
M: (From the control room.) I’ve never seen it done, but these emo writers are always looking for new and exciting ways to butcher the English language.
>I laughed my ass off.We took out our cell phones and took pics. Kaitlyn: I’ve-haha-seen bigger-haha-dicks-haha-on babies!!
Tempest: Is this girl trying to say that she goes around looking at baby penises? Ew. What a weird hobby.
>He pulled on his clothes and looked at me with sorroww in his eyes.
Dominick: And then the tears started.
>Draggon: How could you?I thought you were different you’ve changed over the years Brooke.
Kalinda: It’s a little late to play the victim now after you’ve two-timed two different girls in quick succession.
>Brookelle: You can’t believe me I can’t believe you and you’re a man whore I hate you never speak to me again you dog!He walked over and touched Kaitlyn’s arm.
Melanie: Kaitlyn punched him in the face.
>Kaitlyn: DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!!!!!!!He walked out with his head down.We walked >downstairs and saw……
Tempest: A brand new car!!
>Chapter 10:Somebody New
We walked downstairs and saw my brother and a really cute guy standing next to him.
Jarred: Cue generic emo love interest!
>Max: Brookelle Stefani Renee Johanson what the hell are you wearing??!!!!
I looked down at my half naked body.I forgot I had on the lingerie.
Tempest: That happens to me all the time! I can’t even remember how many indecent exposure charges I’ve faced because I forgot to wear pants one day. Or a shirt. Or underwear. People get so touchy about that.
>The boy standing next to him was looking me up and down and smiling.
Dominick: (Boy.) Helllllllo, hot easy tail.
>Max: I’m waiting for my answer little girl!!
>Brookelle: It’s not what it looks like.
Gwen: (Brookelle.) We weren’t having an orgy, I promise!
>Max: I looks like my baby sister is half naked wearing lingerie with two other girls.
Melanie: Well, he does have a point there.
>Brookelle: But I-
>Max: But nothing you’re dressed like a little slut especially now that I have company over!!
Dominick: (Max.) If I didn’t have another dude with me, you could run around in your underwear all you like. But since there’s this other guy here, it’s inappropriate! Now let me continue to yell at you while you stand there in your bra and panties and this guy is eyeing you up.
>He walked over to me with rage in his eyes.He got to me and slapped me.My neck jerked back.I smelled alcohol on his breath.
MiSTers: (@_@) Wha?
Tempest: So the brother is now the abusive relative?
Gwen: I have a feeling that this will all be explained by drunkenness and he will be forgiven and this won’t be spoken of again. Because beating women is okay as long as you’re drunk and don’t really mean it.
>Brookelle: You’re drunk…I thought you promised me??
>Max: Shut up you little whore!!
>He reached up and slapped me back and forth.
Deangelo: Watch the other children spring into action to defend her.
>Andy: Come on man get off of her!!
Kalinda: Emo boy to the rescue!
>He walked over and tried to pull him off but he had a grip of my hair.Whenever he pulled heim he pulled me too.I heard the door open and I saw Journey.
Dominick: Journey? The group Journey showed up on her doorstep?
Melanie: Journey’s there, she’s in a bra and panties, time to party!
>Brookelle: Boo Boo help me!!
>Julie: Babe get off of her!!!
Gwen: Oh, it was Julie. Not an American rock band. Well, glad we got that cleared up.
Deangelo: I wonder if that was some kind of weird autocorrect.
Tempest: One time I was trying to type “finding” on my new phone but I typed in “findin” and my autocorrect turned it into “condoms”. Which was funny because that was the next word I was going to type anyway!
>He let go of me and went over to Julie’s side.They walked upsaris and so did Caren and Kaitlynn.
Jarred: Caren and Kaitlyn decided to go swap recipes for key lime pie.
>Andy: Are you okay babe.
>Brookelle: Yeah I’m fine…who are you?
Dominick: (Andy.) Your generic emo love interest.
Kalinda: We might want to rethink this one. What if he’s not a generic emo love interest?
Jarred: But he’s always the generic emo love interest. She has to get pregnant from someone, after all!
>Andy: You really don’t remember me?
>Brookelle: No not really.
Deangelo: (Brookelle.) Were you the young man who got me pregnant last year? I mean, got me pregnant the first time that year.
>Andy: Will this jogg your memory.
>He leaned down and kissed me with so much passion.
Gwen: And now she’s over Draggon and ready to begin a whole new relationship.
>Andy: In the flesh love.
>I hugged him and didn’t let go.I cried into his shoulder.
Melanie: (Brookelle.) Oh yeah, my brother just beat the crap out of me and I’m sad now.
>Brookelle: Can I stay with you tonight?
Tempest: Go for it, girl! I’m sure Caren and Kaitlyn will find some way to amuse each other while you’re gone.
>Andy: Of course love.
>We packed my syuff and left.
Jarred: Did all of the girls completely forget about their little revenge scheme?
Dominick: Now what are they going to do with photos of Draggon’s 3 inch penis?
>Chapter 11:Rated R
Tempest: Ooo, is this going to be a lemon?
M: (From the control room.) It’s one of those “he slowly shoved it in” pseudo-lemons.
Tempest: Oh. You’d think emo writers would buck up and write out “penis”. But what can you do?
>He pulled into his house.It was HUGE.
>Brookelle: You live here?
>Andy: Yes ma’am.
Deangelo: With no adult supervision, I bet. Throughout this entire story there have been no parents present at all. It’s like these stories exist in a world run by teenagers.
Gwen: Teenagers do think that the world revolves around them. So in these inflated fantasies, why would they need parents at all?
>He helped me out of the car.He grabbed my bags and we walked in.
>Andy: Home sweet home.Let me show you around it’s sorta big.
>Brookelle: Sorta big it’s HUGE.
Dominick: (Andy.) Oh you’re just saying that.
>He blushed and started walking around.He showed me where everything was.
>Andy: You’ll be sleeping here I’m across the hall.
Kalinda: Across the hall of teenage emo love.
Melanie: I wonder where these two crazy kids met originally. Of course, I also wonder how Andy just happened to be living in the same area that Max and Brookelle moved to. Just like Draggon.
>Brookelle: Please don’t leave I hate being alone.
Melanie: (Brookelle.) Being alone reminds me of the terrible emptiness in my soul and the eternal longing I feel for someone who will kiss my cutting scars and tell me that they love me with all of their heart.
>Andy: Well you can come sleep in my room with me.If you wanna take a shower there’s a bathroom in my room.
>Brookelle: Thank you Andy I think I will.
Jarred: She’s still running around in her underwear, isn’t she?
>I got on my tippy toes and pecked his soft lips.I teased him and walked away.
>Andy: Hey you’re not getting off that easy missy.
>I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.
Dominick: (Brookelle.) However, being locked in a confined space brought back my memories from Vietnam. Suddenly, I started reliving my own personal hell on Earth. I —
M: (From the control room.) Dominick, I’m going to get you a journal and you can write down all of your little stories in this journal and then you won’t need to randomly start creating massive tangents in the middle of the MiST.
Dominick: It’s not a tangent! I’m just making the story more interesting.
>Andy: Come out of there Brookie I have something for you.
Jarred: I bet it’s candy.
>Brookelle: I can’t hear you I’m in the shower-hahaha-.
>I stepped in the shower and let the water run through my hair.I felt arms wrap around my waist.
Kalinda: Dude, he picked the lock.
Gwen: Barging on a girl in the bathroom? That’s going to make her feel safe and secure in his house.
>I nearly jumped out of my skin.
>Andy: No need to be scared hun.
Deangelo: (Andy.) I’m only invading your privacy.
>Brookelle: How did you get in here?
>Andy: The owner of the house has keys to every
Jarred: Now he’s telling her that she has no illusion of privacy in his place because even if she locks a door, he has the key. What a great place to stay the night.
>I turned so I was facing him.He kissed me rough just how I liked it.He pushed my against the wall and pinned my arms to the wall and kissed down my neck.
Kalinda: (Brookelle.) He then reached my Twilight tattoo and I suddenly had some explaining to do.
>We turned off the shower and he carried me to his bed.He massaged my boobs and I started >moaning.
>Brookelle: Wow you’re good at this.
Tempest: Really? He feels her up and she’s singing his praises?
Deangelo: They ARE teenagers. He’s hardly going to be a sophisticated lover at age sixteen.
>Andy: This is my first time.
>Brookelle: Mine too.
Deangelo: Exactly. No matter what he does, he’s going to be “good at this” because the girl he’s with doesn’t know any better.
Dominick: Not a bad strategy really.
Melanie: Yeah, you would know.
(Kalinda hi-fives Melanie.)
>He stuck his tounge in me and I grabbed the bed.I was shocked but it felt good.
Kalinda: He stuck his tongue in her? Really? Is there a more un-sexual way you could phrase that?
Gwen: I really don’t want to find out.
>He pulled out and started fingering me.I screamed each time he went in. Soon he stopped and I sat up.I started stroking him and licking him.He was moaning loudly.
Tempest: Ugh, this is so creepy.
>I put it in my mouth and sucked on it for a while.He was moaning the whole time.He cumed in my mouth and I swallowed it.
Jarred: It sounds like she’s in court testifying about a man who molested her.
Melanie: Thanks, Jarred. You just took everything to a whole new level of ew.
Jarred: You’re welcome?
>Andy: Are you sure about this hun?
>Brookelle: Of course I am.
Kalinda: Strange, there hasn’t been a mention of a condom.
Dominick: Of course not. How is she going to get teen pregnant if they use condoms?
>He kissed me and grabbed my waist.I grabbed his shoulders and he rammed it in me.
Deangelo: He’s such a gentle lover.
>I screamed really loud.He started ramming me faster and faster.I was screaming for a couple mins but then it started to feel good.
Kalinda: Why do I get the feeling that this chick based the entire sex scene off of something she ready in a bad Harlequin?
>I stopped screaming and started moaning.He went deeper and deeper.He rammed it in as far as it would go.I let out another scream.After a while he stopped.
Dominick: He got bored or he gave up?
>He collapsed on the bed next to me.
>Andy: I love you Brookelle.
Melanie: He loves her with all of the molecules of his tiny, tiny penis.
>Brookelle: I love you too so so much.
>Andy: Will you be mine?
>Brookelle: I already am.
Tempest: (Brookelle.) By the way, I’m pregnant!
Deangelo: (Andy.) Wonderful! Let’s raise our bastard child together!
>We fell fast asleep with smiles on our faces.
M: (From the control room.) Coming up on an author’s note, kids.
>***Sorry I have a very negative mind…you don’t want to know what goes on up there…
Gwen: We ARE reading this story, surely this gives us some insight into what happens in her head.
Jarred: I have more insights than I ever wanted to have.
Deangelo: I believe she’s referring to Max slapping his sister around. However, after that hideous sex scene, I can barely recall what happened earlier.
>I don’t even want to know***
Dominick: Well, that was interesting. It really adds something to the story as well.
>Chapter 12:Running Into Some Trouble
>When I woke up the sun shined in my face.My head was snuggled in Andy’s chest.
Gwen: (Brookelle.) I realized that I felt funny. I felt like one of my eggs had met with some of Andy’s sperm and the cells were dividing as I laid there.
>I looked up and he was still asleep.I reached up kissed his nose and got in the shower.When I was done I went downstairs and made breakfast.I heared him walking down the stairs.
Tempest: Then she looks up and realizes that it’s actually Andy’s dad who was not amused by being woken up at midnight by screams of teenage passion.
>Andy: Morning beautiful.
>Brookelle: Well good morning handsome.
MiSTers: Good morning, assholes!
>He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed down my neck.He slid his hands up my shirt.
>Brookelle: Hey hey no seducing people in the kitchen.
Deangelo: You’ll forget that the stove is on and before you know it; the whole house is on fire!
>Andy: But mommy why not?
>I laughed so hard that my ribs hurt.
Kalinda: I hate it when people in a relationship joke like that. People always say that you pick out a mate who reminds you of your parent of the opposite sex, but this is just creepy.
>Brookelle: It’s not very polite.
Deangelo: Seducing someone is always polite. If you do it correctly.
Tempest: Oh really? (^_-)
Gwen: Oh yes, really.
>We ate and went to sit in the living room on the couch.He started kissing me and he started rubbing my body.
Dominick: Dude, he’s racking up the hot easy tail like it’s going out of fashion.
Kalinda: If he plans on dumping her in a few chapters he needs to get a move on.
>Brookelle: Waht did I say?
>Andy: Ahh we’re not in the kitchen anymore.
>I went back to kissing him.
Gwen: After that stirring intellectual exchange, can we move on?
>Max: What the fuck dude?!
>Andy: Max it’s not what it looks like.
Melanie: Uh, where did Max come in exactly?
Dominick: Dude, he, like, materialized.
>Max: It looks like you’re about to sleep with my baby sister.
>Andy: Well then it is what it looks like.
>Max: I heard that!!
Tempest: (Shouting.) Congratulations, you can hear things!
>He pulled Andy off of me and punched him.Andy fired off and started to punch the crap out of Max.Both of them were bleeding and I started screaming and crying.
Jarred: Because we’ve already established how crying solves everything.
>Brookelle: Stop stop it now!!
>They looked at me the were both bleeding from the mouth and the nose.
Dominick: And their eyeliner was running!
>Andy: I’m sorry babe.
>Max: I’m sorry Brooke and I’m sorry about last night.I was drunk.
Melanie: What’s his excuse for this fight?
>I gave both of them hugs.Then I felt the sudden urge to throw up.
MiSTers: Oh my God!!!!
Kalinda: You can’t be serious!
Gwen: Not again!
Deangelo: I choose to believe that all of the stories we’ve read about teenage pregnancy have been written by the same person. So it’s just one lone girl who doesn’t understand that you can’t take a pregnancy test hours after you’ve had sex for the first time and test positive. Just one girl. Not a multitude of teenagers that haven’t figured this basic fact of life out.
Tempest: You know, I feel much better now that you said that.
Deangelo: Wonderful. Let’s all believe in the delusion together.
>I ran upstairs and locked the bathroom door.
Jarred: Which was pointless, because Andy can barge into any room in the house.
>When I finished I took a pregnancy test and waited 5 mins.
Kalinda: So Andy just has pregnancy tests at his house? Were they on some kind of really good sale?
>I looked at it and in bold letters it said PREGNANT.
Melanie: Cue the overjoyed reaction.
>I walked downstairs and handed it to Andy.He hugged me and kissed me.
>Andy: This is great.
>Brookelle: I know…
Tempest: Uh, is he still dripping with blood?
>Chapter 13:Not So Perfect Anymore
Deangelo: Who said anything in this sorry story was perfect to begin with?
>6 Months Later
>When I woke up I looked around and Andy wasn’t in te bed. I looked at my stomach.
>Brookelle: Wow I’m huge.
Gwen: You know what I wonder?
Gwen: Whatever happened to that camp they were supposed to go to? It had the promise of adult supervision, wholesome activities, and common sense. If only she had gone to that camp.
>I got out of bed and walked downstairs.I saw him laying on the couch with his laptop.
Melanie: He was looking up custody information.
>I walked behind him layed on him and covered his eyes.
>Brookelle: Guess who?
Tempest: So she laid on him from behind? How does that work?
>Andy: Hmmmmmmm I don’t know is it Brookie?
>Brookelle: Who else would it be?
Kalinda: Uh, didn’t she start that silly game?
>Andy: Hayley Williams,Cassadee Pope?
Jarred: Who are they?
M: (From the control room.) Hayley Williams is the lead singer of a band called Paramore and Cassadee Pope is the lead singer of a punk pop band called Hey Monday.
Jarred: Thanks M! But why would any of those people be in Andy’s house?
>Brookelle: Oh shut up dork face.
>Andy: Well that’s not very nice.
>Brookelle: Do I care about being nice?
Kalinda: Must be her raging pregnancy hormones.
Deangelo: I didn’t know those hormones could make someone inane.
>Andy: You should but whatever…I’m going out to hang with Arron(1 of his besties).
>Brookelle: Okay have fun babe.
Melanie: Oh snap, he’s stepping out on his pregnant girlfriend.
Tempest: Are you sure?
Melanie: There’s a finite number of plots that emos have come up with. Just watch.
>I got off of him so he could get up when he got up we shared a warm embrace.We kissed and he >left.
>10 Minutes Later
>I started to get those darn cravings and some of the stuff I wanted we didn’t have because I ate it last night lol.So I got in my car.I passed me and Andy’s field.
Kalinda: They own a field? Just how much money do these kids have?
>There was a guy that looked like Andy.So I pulled over and got out of the car.I walked over to where I was about 2 yards away.It was Andy and some girl.
Melanie: Here we go!
>I saw him get down on one knee.
>Andy: Will you marry me baby I love you?
Deangelo: Oh dear. He seems to have forgotten he has a pregnant girlfriend at home.
>Renee: Of course I will.
>He picked her up and smiled.Then I saw a little girl about 3 years old run up and hug his leg.
Dominick: There’s a kid?
>Kelsey: Daddy daddy daddy!!!
>Andy: Hi hunny!
Tempest: Hey wait a minute, this is exactly what happened with her ex-boyfriend, Austin. He was cheating on her with a girlfriend and a kid.
Melanie: See. The plots emos have come up with are so few in number that they repeat themselves even in the same story.
>He picked her up and put her on his side.Tears raced down my face one after another.
Gwen: Of course this also means that Andy wasn’t a virgin when he slept with Brookelle.
>Kelsey: Daddy who’s that lady crying behind you is she okay?
>He turned around and saw me.
Jarred: I’d like to see how he explains his way out of this one.
>Andy: Brooke this isn’t what it looks like.
>Brookelle: Sure it’s not Andy we’re threw!!!
Dominick: Hey Mel, she really threw him away. Ha ha! Get it?
>I felt a sherp pain in my side.I started screaming and I fell.I blacked ou after that.
Gwen: And the fainting total is back up.
M: (From the control room.) That’s all she wrote, folks. The story says that the next chapter is “coming soon”, but it’s been that way for a few months. I guess you’ll all have to wonder what happened to Brookelle, Max, her baby, and her cheating boyfriend.
Jarred: It will keep me awake at night.
M: (From the control room.) Until then, pizza in the conference room, followed by Rock band!
(The MiSTers stand up, stretch a bit, then file out of the theatre to go to dinner.)
(M and the MiSTers are sitting around enjoying their pizza. Rosie is chewing on one of her new rawhides.)
Jarred: You know, that story wasn’t any different from all of the other emo stories we’ve read.
Deangelo: This probably means that our original theory about emos was absolutely correct and we can all categorize them into one mind numbing stereotype.
Melanie: Actually, I don’t think we’re being unfair emos at all when we categorize them.
Melanie: No, we don’t make assumptions about a group based off a few simple traits. We put people into a group once they show all of the necessary signs and symptoms of needing to be in that group. It’s like we don’t consider someone to be emo until they have shown us that they are. We don’t decide someone’s emo and put a bunch of ideas onto them before they’ve proven that they live up to those ideas.
Gwen: Isn’t that argument a little chicken before the egg?
Melanie: No, but think about it. We think of emos as whiny, annoying cutters who–
Jarred: Get pregnant all the time.
Tempest: They have unprotected sex and consider having a baby to be a wonderful thing.
Kalinda: Are raped and beaten every day.
Melanie: –And all that. If we met someone who called themselves an emo but didn’t exhibit any of that type of behavior then we wouldn’t consider them emo. In order for us to put them into that group we have to verify that they are suffering from the same personality disorder that we’ve been witnessing all these years.
(Rosie pricks her ears up, then goes back to chewing on her rawhide.)
Jarred: That… kind of makes sense.
Gwen: Technically, it’s still stereotyping because we are simplifying the complex behavior of a group of people into basic terms and making judgments based off of that.
Melanie: Well yeah, but we’re more diplomatic about it.
Gwen: Diplomatic? Nothing we do is diplomatic or even in the same post code as diplomacy.
Melanie: Well, we give emos a fair chance.
Gwen: No, we don’t. We assume M must have picked these stories to be MiSTed for a reason and we make fun of them without giving them a fair turn. Of course, the stories always turn out to be as horrible as we could have possibly imagined, but it’s not like we’re hoping M has discovered some amazing diamond in the rough and we sit through it patiently before discovering that all of the female characters are pregnant before the second chapter and everyone solves their problems by crying about it.
Jarred: I always hope that M will find us a diamond in the rough.
M: That’s the funny thing about Quizazz. There really aren’t any diamonds in the rough. I’ve never come across a story that I couldn’t MiST because it was too well written. If I decide not to MiST a story it’s usually because it’s too long, too indecipherable, or I don’t feel like tagging all of the color coded text that day. If the author has even the most basic grasp of the English language I’m usually surprised.
Dominick: Hey wait, I know what we’re doing. We’re not stereotyping emos, we’re allowing them to stereotype themselves. We don’t put a bunch of expectations onto a group of people we let those people act like the emos they are and only then do they fall into the emo category.
Melanie: That’s right, Dommie.
Kalinda: If we’re all done being philosophical about things, does anyone want to play Boy Band Rock Band?