Tempest finds herself in trouble with the law. The MiSTers manage to figure out a way to help her, but before there’s time to celebrate, M springs another MiST on them. In the second part of God Took Me, what will happen to Lincoln, a girl who’s been given the ability to shape shift? Will Howard be dethroned? Will the author ever spell “Gabriel” correctly?
Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.
I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed.
My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, my MiSTers, and the mad. My characters are used only with my permission.
This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others.
It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.
Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Dominick Dante – I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softly and carry a BlackBerry.
Jarred Zion – Strangers are just friends that you haven’t met!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – Hey, you’re cute. What are you doing after the MiST?
Kalinda Beckham – Yes, that’s right, I’m the only remotely normal person here.
(The MiSTers, minus Tempest, are having a quiet night in the satellite. Melanie, Dominick, Jarred, and Kalinda are playing Kalinda’s new Rock Band game. Gwen and Deangelo are snuggling together on the couch, reading. M enters the conference room with Rosie at her heels.)
Gwen: (Looking up.) Hello, M.
Deangelo: (Looking up.) Good evening, M. How are you? Have you reached your daily quota for mentally scaring people today?
M: Oh Deangelo, I’ve never reached my quota for that.
(Suddenly the conference room doors fly open and Tempest stumbles in.)
Tempest: M! M, I need help!
M: Not again. Did you break a heel?
Tempest: No, worse than that!
M: How can it be worse than that?
Tempest: I’m a sex offender!
(Everyone stops what they’re doing, turns and stares at Tempest. Gwen puts down her book and stands up.)
Gwen: Alright, Tempest. Start from the beginning and tell me the entire story.
Melanie: (Getting Tempest a glass of water.) Here Tempest, drink this.
Dominick: What is that going to do?
Melanie: At least I’m trying to be helpful.
Tempest: (Taking a big sip of water.) Okay, so I was at Disemballa, and I was dancing and having fun and meeting lots of cute guys.
Gwen: Alright, then what happened?
Tempest: I met this really cute guy and he looked kind of young, but not too young, and we were dancing and we started kissing and then he was totally like, “Why don’t you come out to my car and we can get something started.” So I totally went.
Deangelo: Because that’s safe.
Tempest: Anyway, we started getting things started and he seemed a little inexperienced, but next to me, pretty much everyone’s inexperienced. So then we’re just about to really get into it when the guy’s MOM breaks up the party. The crazy bitch tracked him to the club and started getting all up in my business.
Gwen: Oh dear. How old was this boy?
Tempest: Well, that’s the thing. You have to be 21 to get into Disemballa, but the mom was saying that he’s still in high school. She said she was pressing charges! She called me a sexual predator!
Dominick: Well, she might have had a point.
Gwen: But you don’t know exactly how old the boy was?
Tempest: Well, no. He told me he was 22. How was I supposed to know he was lying, guys aren’t tagged!
Jarred: Uh oh. This is bad.
Kalinda: M, you should do something.
M: What do you want me to do?
Kalinda: Fix this problem. You can do it.
M: Well, I can look up the character and verify his age.
Gwen: Yes, that’s an excellent place to start.
M: (Picking up her laptop from the conference room table and starting it up.) Tempster, what was his full name?
Tempest: Uh…. Well…. He told me his first name was Zack.
M: Zack. That’s a pretty common name. Are you sure he didn’t mention a last name?
Tempest: M, I usually don’t get first names.
M: Okay, good point. (She begins typing.) Okay, I’ve got 4 Zacks total in all of the collective stories. Only 3 of them would have access to Disemballa. One Zack is 45, so he’s out. Another is 6. So it can’t be him. (She pauses.) Oh.
Gwen: What is it, M?
M: The third Zack is 17.
Tempest: Oh my God, I’m going to jail!
Gwen: Don’t panic, Tempest, we can fight this. Zack clearly misrepresented his age. He lied to you and he had to have some kind of fake ID to get into the club. How were you supposed to know he was underage? Like you said, he wasn’t tagged.
Tempest: Then I’m not going to jail?
Gwen: Well, this will probably make it to a court room, but you have a good defense.
M: You know what I can do?
Jarred: Make smores with lots of marshmallows?
M: Well, the story Zack is in is currently in stasis. I could release it from stasis and the story would catch up to now, which means that Zack would age five years.
Gwen: But wouldn’t he still be 17 the previous night?
M: Nope, when a story is released from stasis, it makes up for all of the lost time. There isn’t a gap between when the story stopped and now. So then last night Zack would have been 23.
Tempest: Do that, M! Please, I can’t go to court! I’m not any good under pressure!
M: (Continues typing on her laptop.) Yes, Tempest, I know. (She hits the enter key.) There, it’s done. Tempest, you are no longer a sex offender.
Tempest: Yay! We should celebrate!
Kalinda: How do you celebrate not becoming a sex offender?
M: We can MiST.
Dominick: Yeah, that’s a great — Hey, wait a minute!
M: You already agreed. Let’s go, kids.
Gwen: Well, Tempest, M did get you off the hook, you should be grateful to her.
Tempest: Grateful. Ha.
M: Time is wasting, people.
(M puts her laptop away and heads off to the theatre.)
Melanie: A MiSTer’s life is tough.
(The MiSTers trudge into the theatre and flop into their seats.)
Kalinda: Hey wait, M didn’t tell us what we’re MiSTing.
Jarred: Oh no, you’re right! Who knows what kind of horror M is going to unleash upon us!
M: (From the control room.) Don’t worry, this is a familiar horror.
Deangelo: Familiar how?
M: (From the control room.) It’s the second part of God Took Me.
Gwen: Oh, fuck.
Tempest: Dude, Gwen said “fuck”.
Melanie: Dude, that is totally appropriate in this situation.
M: (From the control room.) Time to get started, kids. Here we go!
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>Its amazing when you have no idea where your feet will take you.
Deangelo: I wonder how long she’s going to wander around aimlessly.
Gwen: Eventually she’ll figure out that she needs some kind of plan.
>It was very late in the morning, maybe around 5 a.m? I appear to be at a huge 1-story-house. The front yard was neatly cutted and fresh green and the roses were pure white.
Kalinda: (Lincoln.) The severed heads on the lawn, however, were not so welcoming.
>I didn’t know who’s house this is and how I just bump into this house, but something deep down is telling me that I know this person very well.
Jarred: Well, the only other person who has been introduced in this story that doesn’t live in heaven is Mr. Rolther. So I’m going to guess that it’s his house.
>I gulp down my nervousness and when up to the door. The door was pine wood with lion designs on the huge door knob, which is a small lioness.
Melanie: Uh yeah, and he must have gotten that from Oriental Trading. I can’t imagine a single teacher without any other apparent sources of income having a house that cool.
>’I think I bump into the Lion King’s lair…’ I thought to myself and Thor tickled my neck with ?his slim tongue. ‘Can you read my thought too Thor….?’
Dominick: (Thor.) Yessssssssss, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
>I thought to myself and Thor nodded his head, “I suggest you get this over and done with, answer the doorrrsssssss.” Well at least his english is getting better, feel like harry potter speaking palsatongue.
Gwen: Actually, it’s “parseltongue”. Does this girl truly take no pride in accuracy? Does she just not care that there are so many misspellings and grammatical errors or is she so dim that she isn’t aware of them?
Deangelo: I’m going to go with the latter option. I know that teenagers these days suffer from severe laziness, but this just goes beyond laziness. She doesn’t understand grammatical rules that are taught in grade school. With all of the years and years she has had of English classes, reading, papers to turn in, she should know better.
>I grab the lioness door knob and knock very hardly and waited for the owner of this house to ease my confusion.
Jarred: So it’s 5am and she is randomly knocking on doors. Good plan. That’s going to endear her to whomever opens the door.
>”Mr. Rolther??” I said in a gasp. Mr. Rolther was in some blue robe, his hair was wet, he must got out of the shower…nice.
Tempest: Nice? How is that nice? You can’t see anything. Not that that wouldn’t be creepy and all, but still.
>”Lincoln are you okay?!” he said, pulling me into a embrace. Some girls in my school will kill me for this chance cause Mr. Rolther is the cuttest teacher in the school, but he isn’t my taste.
Kalinda: Yeah and he’s twice your age!
>”Yea I’m okay….” I said, stepping some feet back. “Lincoln please come in, you must be cold and hungry.”
Tempest: (Mr. Rolther.) I know this because I’m psychic.
>”I amssssss” Thor said, I almost forgot that he is cold-blooded. I touch my snake and went inside the grand house.
Melanie: Grand house? Maybe Mr. Rolther has mob connections.
Dominick: He could be secretly married to a wealthy woman that he’s currently estranged from.
Deangelo: His parents could be wealthy and utterly disappointed that he spent his inheritance on a first class education just so he could teach English at a public high school.
>It smelled like peace and tranquility and I had to sigh in the auraua.
Kalinda: “Peace and tranquility” is the new Fabreze scent that just came out.
>”Please have a seat…” he said, moving his paper work and letting me sit on the sofa.
>I setted my bags down by my feet while I got Thor and placed him on my lap,
Gwen: This entire meeting is a huge liability for a teacher. He should have phoned the police immediately after he saw her. He’s just adding to the problem now.
>touching his whole long body and patting his head. “So this is the Famous Thor?” Mr. Rolther said, making a attempt to touch Thor until he hissed a warning.
Melanie: No, seriously? The dude sees a snake and his first inclination is to pet it? Come on, Mr. Rolther.
>”Yes, he is the only friend I have in this curse world.”
Dominick: (Lincoln.) Oh wait, I can shape shift into animals. I don’t need friends after all.
>Thor look up to me and his eyes spoke of sorrow and happiness. Happy that he knows how much he means to me, but sad to see that I have a suffering life.
Kalinda: So she’s still going to play the victim after she mauled someone and probably permanently disfigured them?
Deangelo: Realizing that you can’t claim helplessness after you start maiming people would take an ounce of self-awareness. Of which, we know this author and character have none.
Melanie: At the rate this is going, Lincoln could kill everyone in her class and still whine that life is so cruel to her.
>”I see, well Snowy is my only friend here too.” and a huge white cat appear out of no where and sat on Mr. Rolther’s lap hissing at Thor.
Dominick: (Thor.) You want a piece of this?
Melanie: (Snowy.) Bring it, bitch. I’m kick your scaly ass all the way back to Indonesia.
>”Snowy….” he said and grabbed the cat and place her on the floor. “Lincoln whats going on, I hear things like you got hit by a car and ecsape the hosiptal and that your mother got attack….”
Jarred: (Mr. Rolther.) Yeah, she was sliced to ribbons. The doctors are still trying to figure out how to put her eye back in.
>I made my face express in fear, but I knew what I did….and I’m glad that I did do it.
Deangelo: Because violence is always the appropriate method of revenge.
Gwen: And it’s a general guideline for dealing with all of your problems.
>”You never heard what happened…?” “No” I quickly said and look at Thor. ‘Thor I want to leave, I feel like shit can we go.’ ‘Yessssssss’ . I got up and grabbed my stuff.
Tempest: Uh, they were in the middle of a conversation and she’s just going to get up and leave? How rude.
Kalinda: I think it’s time Mr. Rolther called the cops before she disappears into the night.
>Thor slither to my bag and I turned to my teacher. “Mr. Rolther…” “Jason, call me Jason.” “Jason, I must go, I’m going to see if my mother is okay.”
Gwen: Yes, Lincoln is desperately concerned for her mother’s wellbeing.
>And I was about to turn away when Jason grabbed my arm. “Lincoln, don’t go, wait until tomorrow morning.” Thor snapped at Jason’s hand to don’t touch me. “I think its best if I do go, I’ll see you Monday okay?”
Dominick: She’s just joking, of course. Her ass will be in foster care by this afternoon, never to see her family again.
>I smiled a sad smile and walked out of the door. When I was walking down the sidewalk that leads to the main sidewalk, my ears tickled.
Jarred: Her ears tickled what?
>I knew it wasn’t Thor that was messing with me, it sounded like human mumble. Then before I knew it some chemicals were shoved inside my nostrils with a paper cloth.
Melanie: Dude, you just have to hold the cloth over nose and mouth, you don’t have to shove it UP her nose.
Deangelo: Not to mention that if something is paper then it isn’t considered cloth.
>I tried to scream for help, but I know that nobody would save me. ‘Thor…..’ and then I was unconious, bummer.
Kalinda: So, who kidnapped her this time?
Gwen: I think Gabriel is making another appearance.
Dominick: This smacks of a decidedly earthly involvement.
Melanie: Maybe it’s DJ. I mean, he is all gangsta, after all.
Jarred: I think it’s Lincoln’s dad. Her mother must be awake by now and if she can still talk then she must have told her dad about who attacked her. I mean, revealing your identity to someone you attack but don’t kill is not a very good idea.
>The Thor Is To The Rescue
Gwen: It IS rather sad that this girl’s snake has to come save her. Usually there’s a generic emo love interest to do the dirty work. Now she has to rely on a reptile.
>***Thor’s Point Of View***
>I’m not gonna annoy you with my ‘s’, it just slips through the mouth, hehe.
Melanie: Thanks, we all appreciate that.
>Anyway I slither away as the men took Lincoln away. I wish I could of done something, I wish I could of attack them, but the only thing I can do is strangle my prey until death.
Deangelo: Pythons can also bite people. That might have helped.
>I stayed near to the house where Lincoln was at moments ago. I slither up to the tree to see the human, I think his name was Jason.
Kalinda: Holy crap, Thor is going to do a Lassie.
Gwen: But little Timmy isn’t stuck in the well.
>Now here is the thing that really pissed me off. When I was looking at him through the window, I saw that he was on the phone while Lincoln was taken away, that gave me a haunch.
Kalinda: It gave him… the buttock and thigh of an animal?
Gwen: I think he means “hunch”.
Jarred: I have a hunch. If hugs make people feel better, then people require daily hugs to remain healthy.
>He was the one that betrayed her.
Melanie: And why would he do that? Where does Mr. Rolther get his motivation for kidnapping Lincoln?
Dominick: Dude, he’s a snake. Are you really going to knock him for lacking critical thinking skills?
>Fury built up through my fangs, if only it were posion…then we’d be going somewhere. I just hope I’m not too late before something aweful happens to my Lincoln.
Tempest: Thor, I think you’re a little late for that.
>***Gaberials Point Of View***
>Half of me didn’t want to help Lincoln, but the other half did.
Kalinda: You’d think Gabriel would have given up on interfering after the last time Howard yelled at him.
>I didn’t know what to do, but to pace around my condo like a father waiting for his child to be born.
Gwen: There are no similarities between those two situations, so basically Gabriel just wasted his entire afternoon by pacing.
>I heard thunder and then HE appeared. “Oh boy, what the heck do you want Jesus?” I said,
Dominick: (Jesus.) To save your soul.
>I really didn’t like Jesus, he is a stuck up and a kiss ass cause like every heir wants, despite the fact that the father is immortal. He wants heaven.
Deangelo: You know, when I imagine heaven, I often imagine angels and Jesus living in condos scheming to take the place over.
Jarred: I know, it’s like the author saw into my mind and put it on paper.
>”Gaberial, I have a propersition for you, something you’ll like.” his voice sounded very interesting, his favor sounded interesting. “You remember Abraham….?” “Abraham Lincoln?”
Melanie: Please tell me we’re not back to that sorry joke. It wasn’t funny the first time and it’s not funny now.
>I said, more like a joke, but Jesus ain’t no jokester. “NO! Abraham, the dude that god favored 1,000 yrs ago?” “Oh yea, he’s the top human angel, yea what about him?”
Gwen: Top human angel? What in the world does that mean?
Tempest: You know, like when someone is an angel, but they’re still human, but they’re totally an angel.
Dominick: I hope you’re not talking about some kind of angelkin.
Tempest: I don’t know. I don’t know what “angelkin” is.
Dominick: I don’t either, but I was suddenly compelled to say it. Huh, weird.
>”What if I were leader, you become the top human angel….” VERY INTERESTING! Now here is the thing about Human Angel. They are the ones that determing who goes to heaven, who goes to hell, who should die, who should live, who should recarnate, etc.
Kalinda: Then what does Saint Peter do?
Melanie: Polish the pearly gates?
>They are pretty much as strong as God. “Speak whats in your mind?”
>***Thor’s Point Of View***
>It was 6 in the morning
Deangelo: (Thor.) I knew because I was wearing a watch.
>and I kept slithering towards the tire-tracks where they took Lincoln. I can sense her presence as if she was right in front of me.
Melanie: What? If she was right in front of you, you wouldn’t need to “sense” her, you would just see her.
Tempest: Snakes are nearly blind anyway.
>My slitheing paid off when I saw she was at some abandon police station. I went up to the pole to see Lincoln.
Dominick: (Thor.) She had murdered all of the men who had kidnapped her and was moaning about what a victim she is.
>She was tied to a chair, unconcious with a white cloth tied on her mouth, but her eyes can see, if she wasn’t knocked out.
Jarred: Sure, why not?
>I don’t know why they tied her up,
Kalinda: They must have used box knots. Damn those boy scouts and their infernal knot tying!
>I didn’t know what was going on, but I’m going to save her somehow.
Deangelo: Yes, get right on that.
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>Darkness was all I can see, I’m back at the state when you want to wake up, but your body doesn’t have the will or the power to obey you.
Gwen: Sleep paralysis.
Tempest: What’s sleep paralysis?
Gwen: The experience she’s describing. The mind has woken up and the body needs a little while to catch up.
>But my ears will never fail me, I heard water dripping, people chattering, and a hiss that sounds so familiar. ‘Thor……….’ I thought to my compaion. No reply. But I know he’s here!
Melanie: (Lincoln.) Well, time to morph into a bear and kick some ass.
>I moan abit, my head is killing me and my hands are sore. I know they tied me up, I know that they got me as a hostage for some reason, but why?
Jarred: Completing a job?
Tempest: Spicing up an otherwise dull Tuesday night?
>Footsteps made me hold my breath and stay very still, I could hear two guys coming up to me and thankfully the idiots spilled out there plan.
Kalinda: …. They’re not very good henchmen, are they?
>”Terry Rosemerry say that if we deliver her alive, he’ll give us 100,000 dollars, did he say that we can fuck her?”
Jarred: I just realized that his name is Terry Rosemerry. He rhymes!
Deangelo: You read that sentence and that is all you got from it?
Jarred: I wonder if he ever made up a song about his name.
>”Nah Calvan, if we did that, he’ll take away 50% of that, plus I think she ain’t worth tapping.”
Gwen: I can’t imagine her father being that courteous.
>”Ohhhhhhh Benny, you’ll never learn the power of hornyness.” “With you? I wouldn’t want to learn at all.” and the digusting perves left chuckling. ‘I have to get out of here..’
Melanie: Really? Why? They seem like such nice young men.
>I though desprately and tried to move my hands and wrists away from the rope, but it was too tight. ‘It’ll take some strong teeth to rip them apart.’
Tempest: Or you could, like, turn into a fly and get out of there unnoticed. Or turn into a tiger again. That seems pretty efficient.
>’Did somebodyssssssss call the use of my teethssssss….?’ ‘THOR?!’ I thought in glee, I wish my mind can focus up so I can see my beloved snake. ‘I’m going to get you out of here!’ he said
Kalinda: Did Lincoln forget that she can shape shift?
>and started undoing the ropes. Moments later I was free, but still unmoving. ‘Lincoln wake upssssss……’ Thor whispered to me, his snaky tongue tickling my nose.
Jarred: Uh, is that normal kind of sleep paralysis, Gwen?
Gwen: Probably not. It might be an aftereffect of whatever chemical they used to knock her out.
>”Huh…?” I said weakly and got up in a shock. ‘Lincoln, lets get the stuff and get out of here!’ Thor said and I did what I was told.
Tempest: Wow. I might not have always believed in myself, but at no point in my life have I ever taken orders from a snake.
Deangelo: Of course, you haven’t.
>I love my snake with all my heart cause he was the only one that never either betrayed me or hurted me, but how are we gonna escape..?
Melanie: Hello?! You can shape shift! That might come in handy right now.
>The Power Thats Inside
Jarred: Inside your heart.
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>I didn’t know where I was at, but what Thor told me I wasn’t far from civilazation and that I was in some old police building. “Thor, which way did you slither from?”
Dominick: (Thor.) Not sure. I kind of stopped for some coffee along the way. Then I came across an old movie theatre and they were showing some Hitchcock films, and well, that’s why it took me so long to get here.
>I asked my snake, he was back in my laptop bag, his long was out so he can see what I can see.
Kalinda: His “long”?
Tempest: You know what that looks like?
Gwen: Don’t even say it, Tempest.
>”I slither through the pipes Lincoln, I know nothing of doors.” “Oh…okay…” Crap now what?
>There was a door on my right and another further down but on the left, I read the one that was on my right, it said “Federal Buerau Investagation” aka FBI
Dominick: Uh, there’s a difference between cops and FBI. Believe me, I should know.
>then I went further down to the one on the left and said SWAT. ‘does SWAT mean?’ he asked me.
Melanie & Dominick: Special Weapons and Tactics.
>I forgot what it actually meant, so I started thinking aloud “Security something action transportation…..Squad of Wild Action Treaty…..ummm”
Kalinda: And why is it exactly that Lincoln has to figure out what SWAT means before she can continue escaping?
>”How about Sexual Wants And Takes?” said a male voice behind me.
Jarred: Well, that’s not even remotely close.
>I turned to see a ugly guy in front of me, he may be tall, but he looks like a living cycolps.
Deangelo: He had an eye in the middle of his forehead?
>”Hey Benny, she’s awake and here!!” he said. Shit. He made a attempt to grab my arm but Thor, as quick as Lightning bite the cycolps on the wrist, hard.
Gwen: Thor must be relieved that Lincoln is being so helpful.
>The bite was meant to make him bleed to death and some shock or paralazing,
Dominick: Uh yeah. The only way he’s going to die from that bite is if it gets infected and he passes away a month later.
>but he still had some human strength and grabbed Thor by the neck and through him across the room.
Kalinda: Oh look, a non-poisonous python was no match for a grown man. I’m shocked and amazed.
>”THOR!!!” I roared with my voice echoing across the hallways. The same fury that I had from my mother came to me right now. Nobody hurts my Thor, nobody hurts my only friend.
Dominick: Uh oh, time for someone to die!
>Cyclops tore some of his shirt and wrapped it around his bleeding wrist and made a second attempt to grab me, but my body started vibrating. I feel something changing, I drop my stuff and stared at the ugly dead man.
Gwen: Is she FINALLY going to transform?
>My eyes were getting keener, my clothes were soaking inside of me and I can feel goosebumps popping out of my arms. My arms were very cold but became very warm, then hot.
Deangelo: This transformation sequence sounds most uncomfortable.
Tempest: Her clothes were inside of her? I’ve heard of some kinky shit before, but you should never eat something that’s not actually food.
>I can feel my fingernails and toenails growing from centimeters to inches. I can feel hair…no not hair….FUR growing on my face and my spin stretching from 5’1 to maybe 6’8 or 7′ something.
Dominick: Oh no, not her “spin”! Stretching those is so dangerous. She needs to be more careful.
>I feel in all fours when I felt my ribs stretching and my organs shifting. I squeezed my eyes until the pain was gone, which left very quickly.
>”BENNY THERE IS A W-W-W-W-WHITE T-T-T-T-TIGER IN HERE!!”
Gwen: Why do people in emo love stories talk like they have severe stutters?
>there you have it, I was a white tiger, I didn’t know what I was when I attack my mom, but with this same feeling and auraura I can guess I was the same White Tiger.
Kalinda: So the white tiger form is her ass kicking form?
Jarred: What’s an “auraura”?
Deangelo: I think she means “aura”. But I could be wrong.
>’Thor are you okay..?’ I tried to contact to my beloved friend, but nothing. I didn’t know that animals could cry, but I can feel water pouring down on my face.
Melanie: Dude, only humans can cry tears because of emotion. In animals, tears are produced to lubricate the eye or to flush out an irritant.
Tempest: But she’s a human. She can cry emotional tears.
Melanie: But she’s in the body of an animal and their bodies don’t work like that.
Jarred: Out of every crazy thing that’s gone on in this story, THIS is what you’re debating?
>”BENNY GET THE GUN!” I tackled the cycolps and ripped his neck in half. Blood never tasted any better, it was like warm milk, but metallic.
Deangelo: Hmmm, I don’t think he’s going to be in the sequel.
>I can taste what he had moments ago, beef jerky, beer, tobacco, and cheese. I turned to see Benny there, gaping like a fish out of water.
Dominick: Which is strange considering how often you see white tigers attacking people. You’d think he’d be used to it now.
>He aim the gun at my face, but he didn’t have a steady aim, with the advantage I tackled him as well and clawed his face…off. His blood tasted of sandwiches and kool-aid.
Kalinda: So Lincoln’s now attacked 3 people, killing 2. Still want to play the victim card?
>I roared a fierce roar, I didn’t know why but it felt kinda good. Like crying all your tears away from all the pain and sorrow that you built up inside your chest for years, maybe thats why my roar felt so fierced.
Deangelo: You just killed 2 people! Don’t talk about your pain and sorrow! How do you think their families are going to feel?
>I walk up to Thor in my tiger form, he look dead. If I was human, I would of thought he was human,
Melanie: Uh, I’m a human and I don’t walk around thinking snakes are human.
>but thanks to my Tiger form, I could hear his snaky breath shallow, very shallow. I turned human, and was thankful that I still had my clothes on and the blood was gone.
Gwen: Yes, thank god that stranger’s blood isn’t all over you. That would be most inconvenient.
>I went up to Benny, since he appeared to be the leader of the two.
Dominick: What in the world gave you that idea?
>I saw that he had my DAD’S credit card, and luckily I kept my ID with me and we have the same last name.
Jarred: Yep, leave a paper trail. Great idea.
Tempest: Why would her dad GIVE them his credit card? Are they going to charge it through their kidnapping company?
>A idea came to me, I grabbed the credit card and my belongings. I slowly placed Thor in my bag and started running around the building until I saw a exit sign.
Deangelo: She was trapped in the lobby for three hours.
>I ran out of the door and leaped down the stairs. It was a 3-story-building and I leaped off and landed gracefully.
Dominick: Fracturing her leg in 3 places.
>I was running in some odd time in the morning, last time I didn’t know where to go, but this time I have a great idea to go to.
>***8 o clock, Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>I went to the ASPCA, thats the only place where I can think about taking Thor,
Gwen: She’s going to surrender him? I thought he was her only friend.
>cause I got alot of things to take care of. “Hello, how may I help you?” said the counter lady. She was very pretty with blond short hair that went to her perfectly shape ears
Jarred: Ears. They’re sexy. Believe it.
>with dazzling green eys and her skin was as pale as mine. “My name is Lincoln Rosemerry, and I am here to drop up my Green Tree Python Thor,
Kalinda: Yep, tell these people your full name. Make yourself memorable so when the police come and talk to them they have all of the information they need to track you down. Good thinking, Lincoln.
>somebody attacked him and threw him across the hall, I think he’s still alive.”
Melanie: Uh, if someone brought an animal to me and said “Here you go, someone beat the crap out of him, but I think he’ll be okay,” I would ask a few questions.
>I gently grabbed Thor and placed him on the counter, the lady, well her name tag said Luna, gently grabbed Thor’s head and examined him.
Gwen: (Lincoln.) By the way, I’m running from the law, so if you can keep this quiet, I would appreciate it!
>”Your Thor is going to be okay, you came just in time to deliver him, we can give him treatment and skan him so we can see that he don’t have damange organs.”
Deangelo: Since when is the ASPCA a free vet?
>Luna said with a smile and gently placed him back on the counter. “Thank you Ms…umm…Luna, thats a pretty name.” “Thank you, Lincoln is a unquie name as well.”
Dominick: Yep, that counter lady is going to sing like a bird when the cops come to investigate.
>I wish she was my mother, she was utterly nice.
Jarred: Having one pleasant interaction with someone is not really enough to make you wish that they were your mom.
>”Luna, is it okay if I leave Thor here at the ASPCA, cause his tank was shatter into millions of pieces and I need to find a tank for him and where I got him is out of county.”
Kalinda: That’s not suspicious at all, is it? Nope, no one is going to think anything of that information.
>”Well of course, we can keep him here for 2 weeks, no more, or we’ll start charging you 20 dollars a day.” “Thats good enough and again thanks again.”
Melanie: Actually, Kalinda, she doesn’t seem at all bothered by anything Lincoln just said….
>”Your welcome, just fill this document out and place it right here..” she said next to a box, I’m assuming that she’ll place Thor there until I can pick him up.
Tempest: Great, more paper trail. Good thinking, Lincoln. Wow, this girl has no idea how to be on the run.
>”Okay thanks again.” Luna smiled and left the counter to go do something. ‘Its gonna be okay Thor, trust me.’ I started filling out my name but as for phone number and street address, I didn’t have a clue to what to write down.
Dominick: Trust me, just write “A box, middle of the road”.
>I don’t have a cellphone, and I don’t have no where else to live, but I did have a email address so I put that instead.
Kalinda: Yeah, no phone, no home address, just an e-mail account. Perfect. Nothing abnormal about that.
>I place the clipboard next to the box and left alittle note explaining that my family is looking for a house at the moment
Gwen: Which doesn’t make sense, because she would just put the address where she’s currently living.
Tempest: Unless her family moved out before finding a new house and now they live like nomads.
>and that the movers were the one that got freaked out and panic in a immature way. Then I left. I just hope my plan is gonna work, and the key to a better life is in my pocket.
Deangelo: Her father’s credit card? What in the world is she going to do with that. It’s not like she can walk into a bank and get the cash advance out on someone else’s credit card without them being there or in any way verifying that she is allowed to have that money.
>The Lucky And The Unlucky
>***Gabearils Point Of View***
Gwen: Her spelling of “Gabriel” is just getting worse and worse.
>A human Angel, I always wanted to be one of those, they are powerful and strong! Jesus is playing a rough game though,
Tempest: And he’s not using a safe word.
>he’s requesting that he takes the thrown while Howard steps aside. I don’t really know how this is gonna work, but I know one thing to don’t get in this predictment.
Jarred: None of this hostile takeover stuff is very Christian, you know. Scheming to overthrow someone who hasn’t done anything wrong, trying to manipulate people and gain power. None of that sounds like something Jesus and angels should be doing.
Gwen: I would say that the author was trying to make all of these celestial beings ironically human, but that would be giving her far too much credit.
>Without my black wings, I walk towards Howards thrown to see him in loss.
Dominick: Howard had misplaced his slippers that morning and his feet were terribly cold. He grieved for his poor, cold feet.
>”Shia was murder just now by a raciest man who happens to be a rapesits as well….”
Melanie: Oh no, not a “rapesits”! Anything but that.
>Shia was one of the special people god gave gifts to, like Lincoln, but Shia can do telekenisis. “Howard, I decided to be Lincoln’s guardian angel.”
Deangelo: How exactly is this going to set his plan for celestial domination into action?
>God looked at me with joy in his eyes, but concern in his brow. “Now, why of all of a sudden change of heart Gabby oh boy?” I hate it when he uses my nickname…very distrubing.
Jarred: This entire story is “distrubing”. Let’s not split hairs.
>”Look don’t make me change my mind, just give me my wings so I can watch the damn girl.”
Tempest: These people are all really glib when talking to a freaking god. He can smote them where they stand, they should show a little respect.
>”Make sure she gets what she wants and needs, after all she is going to be immortal.”
Dominick: She’s GOING to be? I thought she was already.
>”Yeah yeah yeah, now my black wings?” I said impatiently.
Kalinda: (Gabriel.) I’m due at the spa for a facial in 20 minutes. Tick, tock, God.
>God snap his fingers and I felt my huge black wings pop out of my back and stretch 9 ft apart.
Melanie: Knocking over several decorative objects and pieces of furniture, breaking most of them.
>”Much better” I sighed in relief. “Go now, Lincoln needs some guidence.” he said and released me to the human world.
Deangelo: I’m still curious as to how Gabriel becoming Lincoln’s guardian angel is going to help him overthrow heaven.
Jarred: Maybe he can use Lincoln’s shape shifting abilities?
Deangelo: Yes, but against a god? How is Lincoln turning into a white tiger going to be even vaguely helpful in a fight against a deity?
Jarred: I guess we’ll have to find out.
>Before I had access to the human world, I decided to go to my angel condo one last time, I got to get something. When I open to the door, Jesus was there with a file.
Dominick: For some reason I have a hard time imagining Jesus Christ running around with paperwork. I mean, it’s just weird.
>”Is that the documents?” I said to him. Jesus smirked and handed me the files. “That and father’s recicpe of what he wanted to do in the future, just to bad he won’t accomplish it.”
Gwen: You’re right, Dominick, it is strange. But it’s just another example of this author applying modern elements to celestial beings. Just watch, the coffee maker is going to break next.
>I open the file to see that everything I wanted was in here. “Are you gonna go to earth?” Jesus said and I nodded. “Are you actually gonna watch Lincoln Rosemerry? And why do you need the file?” he asked.
Kalinda: You’re a little late if you want to give Lincoln any guidance. She’s already killed 2 people and maimed her own mother. There’s no real going back from that.
>I held the file close to me and said, “I’m not gonna watch Lincoln, but to send a raven, that way your father will think that I transform into a raven,
>I’m sending my personal favorite Gia, and with this file, will ruin your father even more.”
>This satsified Jesus and with that he vanished into thin air while I flew to the human world.
Jarred: Yep, this is going to take a lot more explaining for anything to make sense.
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>I went to the bank first, to see if I was able to use my father credit card, and the answer was yes.
Gwen: (Rubbing her temples.) Dear sweet Jesus…
>”Here you go ma’m, are you sure he will be okay with this?” “I know my father very well Mr…..Quan-Do”
Dominick: His first name is Ty.
>I said to the asian banker. He was a very nice asian.
Kalinda: Because Asians are usually so mean and nasty?
Melanie: That is so racist.
>”Okay Ms. Rosemerry, just sign here and you are good to go with 900,000 dollars.”
MiSTers: (O_O) ……. Nine hundred thousand dollars?!
Tempest: Banks don’t even do credit card advances, so where is this money coming from? Maybe if it was a debit card with that bank, that would make a little more sense.
Gwen: Why in the world would anyone let a teenager take out that amount of money from anywhere and not question it? That is simply ludicrous.
>thats alot of money, but I’m going to need it.
Melanie: Yeah, if you never plan on working a day in your life.
>I’m not stupid, just letting you know, I’m not gonna put my REAL name, but my sisters name.
Gwen: If she uses her sister’s name then she can’t produce any kind of ID to verify her identity! A bank just handed her $900,000 without even knowing who she is?!
Tempest: Whoa, calm down, Gwenie, this can’t be good for your blood pressure.
>My father won’t fuss if she was the one who took it, she’s a spoil little brat anyway.
Jarred: Really. Her father isn’t going to care if his daughter used his credit card without his permission to take out almost a million dollars? Just how wealthy is this family?
>”Abby Rosemerry, my what a nice name.” Said Mr. Quan-Do.
>With a nice smile I left with my laptop bag on my left flank, it feels so empty without my Thor,
Dominick: I’m sure the wads of cash will make it feel alright again.
>my back-pack filled with my clothes and belongings like CD’s, and another bag with 900,000 dollars.
Kalinda: Because carrying around a hideous amount of cash is a good idea for a teenage runaway.
Melanie: You know, the cops have yet to track down Lincoln using any of the obvious and verifiable clues she left behind.
>Plan A was complete, now its on to plan B. Oh sorry, I didn’t tell you my plan, well its this simple:
Gwen: Simple? I don’t care if it’s simple, I just want it to follow some kind of logic.
>Plan A: was too get all my fathers money on this credit card; passed.
>Plan B: to get a home or apartment that is out of this state.
Deangelo: Yes, somewhere where no one will ask for a credit score or an ID or proof of employment. Good luck with that!
>I actually decided to go to washington, cause if I get caught, I can easily sneak into Canada and if I want to come back, I’ll go to New York, so that’s a semi-passed.
Kalinda: Life is easy when you have a million dollars in your back pocket.
>Plan C: To get Thor, thats gonna be the easiests.
>Plan D: To attend to school somewhere in Washington, I don’t want to be stupid, I want to finish school at least and go to college, I’m telling you, I’m not stupid.
Melanie: Okay, I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to get personal; What else do you call someone who is 18 years old and doesn’t understand grammar rules that were taught in fourth grade? What else do you call someone who constructs poorly written fiction that has no basis in reality or the theology that they’re butchering? You had tons of opportunities to prove that you weren’t unintelligent and instead you came up with this.
Jarred: Well. That was mean.
Deangelo: But accurate.
>Plan E: Live a life where no one can hurt you.
Dominick: Yeah, maul as many people as you need to so that no one hurts YOU anymore. Because that’s what’s important.
>With this plan, I’m taking it very personal, I don’t want to be loved my people, I don’t want people to help me ever.
Melanie: And you can just attack anyone who doesn’t help you.
>I was walking to the public libery to research apartments in Washington (that accepts pets)
Kalinda: Ha ha, a library. I’m amazed the author even knows what that is.
>when I saw the one person I didn’t want to see, DJ.
Tempest: Dude, I knew he would be making another appearance in this story! I mean, his character is just so engaging and real.
>I couldn’t believe this shit! When I actually thought I was being lucky at the moment, HE appears, with his ghetto ass.
Jarred: Yeah, how dare he walk down a public street.
>I can feel my claws of the white tiger growing out of my finger nails, but I constantly mumble to myself ‘Stay calm, he won’t see me, stay calm….’
Deangelo: Is she honestly going to assault the boy? Is that her reaction to anyone that bothers her now?
>”Well well well why if it isn’t that emo Bitch Lincoln, what are you doing here bitch? aren’t you suppose to go cut yourself or something?” Damn it, he saw me.
Tempest: (Lincoln.) Nope, I’ve moved on from cutting myself to attacking other people. I’ve already murdered two men and permanently scarred my mother. Not too bad for one weekend.
>He power walk towards me, he was 5’9, so he was tall, we were nose to nose with each other.
Gwen: Really? Lincoln is 5″1′. How exactly are they nose to nose?
>”WELL EMO BITCH?!” He yelled at my face,
Kalinda: Yep, he’s dead. I hope his parents weren’t planning on sending him to college.
>oh god, his breath smell like something crawled in there and died a horrifying death. “Urgh, aren’t you suppose to go brush your teeth?” I said, pushing him away from me.
Jarred: You should brush your teeth after every meal and floss once a day.
Melanie: Uh, yeah. That’s relevant.
>I can hear his homeboys laughing at him in the background, he turned around to shut them up, but they constantly kept on laughing.
Deangelo: It wasn’t really that funny…
>”No one tells me off in front of my homeboys!” he said and threw a punch that was meant for my face, if I hadn’t dodge, causing him to punch a brick wall. “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!” said the Liberian Rosa Castro-killings.
Dominick: Ah, what is she doing out there? Librarians belong IN a library.
>”Nothing ma’m I was to go to your libery and do some research.” I said polietely, one thing I actually learned from my parents,
Kalinda: Clearly, her parents were leading by example.
>”always we polite Abby…” well what I overheard when they taught my sister that. “And you boy?” she said, turning to the crying DJ, “I was gonna go do a poem in there.” he sobbed,
Tempest: He was going to do that poem so hard.
>he was cupping his knuckles like a prize token, what a moron. “Well young man, maybe you can make a poem about how you are gonna replace my brick wall!” she said and stormed off.
Dominick: Yeah, because a teenage boy totally hurt that brick wall.
Melanie: And writing a poem about it would totally fix it.
>”DJ you are a disgrace to be called a man, they shouldn’t even call you DJ, your name should be WAP, Weak and Pathitic.”
Gwen: There’s nothing more pathetic than someone who can’t spell pathetic.
>I said and looked at the brick that he punched. It was almost out of its place.
Kalinda: Is DJ a Super Sayian?
>I looked behind to see his homeboys and WAP looking at me, I knew I had the power to break the brick, so I tested my luck….bingo.
Deangelo: Obviously, this “brick wall” is constructed out of foam.
>I blew the chalky cement out of my knuckles and decided not to go inside the liabery. But if I can’t go in there, where can I find a place….
Melanie: She has a laptop. Just go somewhere with free Wi-Fi and get online.
>this has gone from Lucky, then unlucky, then somewhat Lucky, then utterly unlucky.
Jarred: Getting almost a million dollars from a bank using a credit card that isn’t yours and signing someone else’s name isn’t lucky, it’s a freaking miracle.
>***Thor’s Point Of View***
Gwen: Oh good, back to the snake’s point of view. I was wondering what was going to happen to him.
>I didn’t know what smell worse, the medication that this woman is placing on my head, or the box I was in. This box actually smell of death, the last creature that was in here, was a puppy….Oh god.
Dominick: And puppies smell of death? Where is this sentence going?
>”Alright Thor, your owner isn’t gonna be here in awhile, so lets put you in a nice warm cage okay?” said the lady, she was awefully nice.
Kalinda: Thor wished that she was his mother.
>She placed me in a HUGE tank that was to myself. I slither to one of the poles that were built for me to hang.
Melanie: Nice to see the local ASPCAs being put to good use as free pet hotels.
>I remember when I was a young snake, Lincoln was gonna call me Monkey cause I love to be on trees, but thankfully she called me Thor, couldn’t pick a better name. Or a friend.
Jarred: Yeah, Lincoln is just one big ball of love.
>I miss Lincoln, she treated me with love, and sentimentally, she cured this cold heart. If only I can cure hers.
Kalinda: Yes, the double murderer is so loving and sweet.
>The lady gave me some mice for me to munch on, they were big and juicy, yummy!
>When I was on my fourth mice,
Dominick: Dude, you feed snakes one mouse once or twice a month. This thing is going to die!
>I heard HIS voice.
Tempest: Peter Gabriel’s?
>”Hello sir, how can I help you?” “I’m here to pick up a snake call Thor..?” “And you are..?” “Jason Rolther.”
Gwen: So how exactly did Mr. Rolther know where Thor was?
>Crap. I couldn’t believe that HE was here, he was the one that pretty much betrayed Lincoln, she was the closest person she trusted!
Deangelo: Which he didn’t actually do, but let’s not leap to conclusions.
Jarred: He’s a snake, not a philosopher. What do you expect?
>Anger built up in my fangs, I wish he tried to get me, I’ll bite the shit out of him, RAWR! HISS!
Melanie: Rawr? Is he a dinosaur now?
>”And what relation do you have with the owner of the snake..?” “Lincoln Rosemerry is a student of mine and asked me to pick him up.”
Gwen: No, she didn’t.
Dominick: Jason is now going to kidnap Thor? Where is this going?
Tempest: Maybe Jason is a human angel that is trying to keep Howard in power and the crux of his plan is kidnapping Thor.
>”Mmhmm, well I’ll tell you what, If the snake doesn’t attack you, he’s all yours, but if he does…well don’t expect me to call 911.”
Kalinda: Yeah, that’s the type of excellent customer service that has kept ASPCAs running smoothly for years.
>And the lady left, leaving me in one room, and Rolther in the counter.
Dominick: That’s rough, dude. Being stuck in a counter. Very uncomfortable.
>I know he can see, me we were at least 3 feet away from each other, and this fool has the balls to go up to me. I know I’m a dangerous snake,
Melanie: Are we really listening to a smack-talking snake? I mean, have we really sunk this low?
Gwen: Melanie, we started going down years ago. By now, we’re collecting barnacles.
>Lincoln research me and read how dangerous I can be, pretty damn cool. Jason came up to my tank and look down at me.
Kalinda: (Thor.) That fool leaned down and I whipped out my Glock and blew his ass away!
>I arch my whole body, ready to strike at the wrist and bite him. What’s gonna be Jason, walk away or death?
Deangelo: Well, that young lady did say that if the snake attacked him she wasn’t going to help him. So Thor has enough time to slowly strangle his prey.
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>Bus, we will ride to Washington in Bus, that’ll be easy,
Gwen: Just like English grammar. Oh wait.
>all I got to do is get Thor and go to Washington. I didn’t want to take the taxi to go to the ASPCA cause thats a waste of gas and money,
Dominick: Dude, you have $900,000 in a duffle bag, go ahead and blow the $15 on a cab ride.
>so I walk, walking makes me feel at ease for some reason, walking makes me remember things as well. When the car hit me,
Melanie: Hey look, she didn’t write “hitted”.
Gwen: Yes, I’ve been trying to figure out if there’s some kind of pattern to her misuse of grammar, but there really isn’t. She conjugates verbs incorrectly in all of the tenses.
Jarred: And it’s so weird how sometimes she will write something like “setted”, then just a few sentences ago she wrote “research” instead of “researched”. She just has no idea where to add “ed” onto the end of words.
>when I got my powers, when I turned to a cat, when I turn to a tiger twice, when I got kidnap, when Thor tried to save me, when…..
Deangelo: When you murdered two people….
Dominick: Oh D, we don’t talk about that anymore.
>It kept on going, but the thing, as I kept going, I know I’m forgetting something, something OR someone was being forgotten. Was it the two dudes that kidnap me, or was it my mother?
Kalinda: Well, those two dudes are dead and your mother is still in a hospital recovering from her wounds. So what did you forget to do to her exactly?
>or was it….I bumped into the ASPCA too see through the HUGE window display was my Thor, healthy as ever with some guy over the tank,
Jarred: Oh good, Lincoln is here to keep Mr. Rolther from getting killed.
>I hope he isn’t thinking about Thor being on sale cause HE’S my friend.
Tempest: Yeah, and she’ll kill any bitch that gets in her way. Badasses for life!
>’Lincoln are you here?!’ ‘THOR! I’m glad that you are okay!’ ‘Likewise, but the thing is JASON is here!’ ‘Whats the matter with that? he’s my teacher.’
Deangelo: I think Mr. Rolther is the true villain of this story. He’s Lincoln’s English teacher, yet he neglected to teach her basic grammar rules. Clearly, he is up to no good.
>’Lincoln, Jason was the one who call the guys to kidnap you.’
Kalinda: Is Lincoln really going to believe this? I mean, come on, the kidnappers had her dad’s credit card. If Mr. Rolther called the kidnappers that means that he and her dad were working together and they clearly weren’t.
>Then it hit me.
Melanie: I could’ve had a V8!
>Somehow I could see the memory of Thor’s point of view, it was like watching a movie or something.
Jarred: Or something. Very descriptive.
>He saw my teacher on the phone and looking through the window as I was being kidnap.
Tempest: This short film presented by snake-o-vision.
>The vision vanished out of thin air and more fury built up from thin air. I can feel my claws growing again, I can feel the white tiger waiting to pounce on the teacher,
Gwen: Really? Her body count is about to go up to 3?
Dominick: Don’t forget, she’s the victim!
>but I need to learn to control this power, and with that I took steady breaths. ‘Thor, I need to get you out, this is what you do,
Melanie: (Lincoln.) Dance, Thor. Dance like you’ve never danced before!
>Let Jason hold you, attack him, but DON’T hurt him and slither as fast as you can through the front door, then I’ll carry you and we can leave this place.’
Kalinda: (Lincoln.) Then we can go maim people together!
>’You mean to tell me that I gotta let that traitor touch me?!’
Deangelo: Yes, his horrible traitor hands might defile the noble snake. Surely, their skin and scales must never come into contact.
>’Thor, please…..’ I pleded, I didn’t want to leave him here, I need him like how fish need there water.
Tempest: Weird. Usually emos become codependent with a boyfriend, this one is actually dependent on her pet snake.
>Moment later Jason tested his luck and grabbed Thor, and Thor letted him carry him.
Gwen: We’re back to the misplaced “ed”.
>”There’s a good snake.” Jason said, or what Thor heard, the connection between snake and girl is actually getting stronger for some odd reason.
Dominick: It’s a snake-girl connection that will last a lifetime. Then, one happy day, they will have little snake kids of their own.
>As soon as Jason thought that everything was safe, Thor, as quick as lightning aim straight to Jason’s left wrist and pierce it with his sharp fangs.
Melanie: Surprised, Mr. Rolther flung the snake against the far wall, killing him instantly.
>”DOCTOR!” Jason yelled, putting pressure on his wound while Thor slither down from his arm to the floor and power slither to the front of the door. I opened the door and grabbed Thor,
M: (From the control room.) And that is the last we ever hear from Mr. Rolther.
Kalinda: Really? That’s it?
Jarred: But does the story ever explain who Mr. Rolther was talking to on the phone or whether or not he had anything to do with Lincoln’s kidnapping?
M: (From the control room.) Nope. This is it.
Dominick: Well, farewell, Mr. Rolther. It was painful and tedious while it lasted.
>I kissed him on his head and then I decided to call a taxi. ‘Thor, I’m sorry I letted that human carry you like that, please forgive me.’
Tempest: Is Thor really being this much of a princess? So the human handled him, big deal.
>’Lincoln, what you did is for the best, and I’ll forever respect that.’ ‘Thor, for now on we can’t trust no one, and we gotta remember everybody so they won’t be forgotten
Gwen: Why, exactly? Who are they remembering?
Deangelo: Lincoln’s victims, perhaps?
>and tak the ability to destroy us.”Agreed.’ Thor said and snuggle deeper in my laptop bag.
I just wish that the new journy ahead of us is actually a life change from bad to good.
Deangelo: You know who can never make changes in their lives anymore?
Deangelo: The men Lincoln killed.
Kalinda: So she killed two dudes and attacked her mom, you don’t have to harp on about it.
Deangelo: Yes, I think I do. When she maimed her mother, Lincoln went from victim to victimizer. She is continuing the cycle of violence when she didn’t have to. She is, in fact, becoming what she once hated.
Kalinda: Well, you do have a point.
>The Broken Hearted
Tempest: Oh lord, no! What else could possibly happen to Lincoln’s poor, battered heart?!
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>Me and Thor had to sneak inside the big metro bus cause they didn’t allow snakes.
Melanie: Yeah, but I’m pretty sure they allow humans. Why did Lincoln have to sneak in?
>’Big meanie..’ Thor said, I couldn’t help but chuckle. The sneaking in wasn’t very easy, but you can say cool.
Jarred: Why, she’s absolutely right. I can say “cool.” Cool. There, I did it again!
>I was thinking awhile back: ‘If only I can change my hair color…and my eye color….’
Kalinda: If only she had magical shape shifting abilities that could alter her appearance. If only…
>well I felt my eyes getting keener, then something tickled my hair, turns out that it was turning black, like inky darkness.
Melanie: Well, that saved her a $10 bottle of hair dye.
>The first mistake was that Thor was out of the bag, but this time we know our mistake. We state at the very back of the bus. ‘That was too eassssssyyyyy’ Thor said.
Gwen: I am totally confused as to what is going on here. But what else is new?
>’Thor, how come is it, sometime you hiss and sometimes you don’t?’ I always wonder this, seeing if in the future, its gonna be the same routinue.
Jarred: You should never make fun of someone who has a speech impediment. Even if, you know, that someone is a snake.
>’How come is it that you randomly hiccup out of no where…?’ he got me there and dropped the subject.
Deangelo: Hiccupping is the contraction of the diaphragm. It can be explained. Why can’t Thor’s speech be explained as well?
>Together we just sat at the back of the bus, girl and snake, we will stay like this forever.
Dominick: Until the day she finds a generic emo love interest of her very own.
>***Gaberial’s Point Of View***
>I was in Canada, and boy was it cold,
Kalinda: Because that’s the only thing the author knows about Canada; it’s cold. Very perceptive.
>for some reason this Saturday felt too long for my likeing, but there is somebody I gotta meet.
Tempest: Gabriel is going speed dating.
>I started flying with my angel wings, with Gia flying at my side. “GIA GO TO LINCOLN!” she cawed in announce. She don’t speak english,
Deangelo: That’s okay. The author doesn’t understand it very well herself.
>but I know exactly whats she saying and no I don’t speak bird.
Melanie: So neither of them speak each other’s language yet they’re able to communicate perfectly. How?
>”GIA!!” I said as a direct order, she mumbled and flew the oppisite way.
>I was almost at the person’s house when I heard thunder. Shit.
Dominick: Is Gabriel afraid he’s going to get hit by lightening or something?
>”Gaberial, where are you going?” said Howard. “Canada, Gia is gonna follow Lincoln to here and I’m going to move her to Canada.”
Jarred: God must have a lot of free time if he’s spending this amount of time worrying about one teenager.
>”Why Canada?” “So her father won’t follow her.” “Very well carry on.” and he vanished. Oh wow…he IS losing his touch.
Tempest: Tricking God is funny!
Kalinda: I wonder if anyone in heaven ever talks about what happened to Lucifer…
>I shove it out of my mind and finally went to the main person I was looking for, he’s kinda like god, but human. Now don’t think I’m going crazy, just watch.
Deangelo: Never fear, there was nothing crazy at all about that statement. Kind of like God, but human. It makes perfect sense!
>”Dr. Alcarese!” “Gaberial! how are you doing?!” “Got a plan for you to test it out, its Howards best work!” “Oh really?!” he looked at the file I gave him and his eyes lit up.
Gwen: It was a recipe for God’s special peach cobbler.
>”Think you can do it?” “Can I do it, it makes sense now!! I just need an example of how to carve it!! something that already knows what to do.”
Jarred: So is anyone going to explain to us what’s going on?
>An idea came to me, “I got it Doctor, just sit tight.”
Dominick: Nope, not at all, Jarred. Not at all.
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>We were close to Washington, how did I know? My animal instincts told me.
Gwen: What? Animals don’t have an instinct that tells them how close they are to things.
>Nah, just joking, I actually read a sign “3 miles to Washington.”
Melanie: Uh yeah, that joke was hilarious.
>’We are almost there Thor, I can’t wait!’ ‘Me either Lincoln, finally a good lifesssssssss’
Deangelo: Yes, after learning all of the survival skills that Lincoln has, she is definitely ready to be out on her own.
>Again, I’m ignoring the ‘s’. I was looking out of the window of the bus, I can hear alot of things, I can hear the wind blow, the trees whistle, and deer running with there fawns.
Kalinda: Loggers in the distance cutting down all of the trees to make Chinese takeout menus that will appear in your mailbox for years even though you’ve never been to that place before.
>It was a beautiful thing to hear, but what ruined it was a memory lane check. Metal scratching metal, tires screaming with cement. I flash out of memory lane and shook my head.
Jarred: Is this a premonition?
>’Anything wrong?’ Thor asked me. I smiled at my snake and petted his head. ‘Nothing Thor, nothing’s wrong.’ But it just hit me. The same sounds echoed where everybody heard.
Jarred: Yep, it was a premonition.
>I look up front to see a 18 wheeler truck hitted the metro bus, knocking us off the street into the forest life.
Tempest: Dude, everyone is so going to die.
>I saw childern holding to there mothers, old couples and young couples grasping each other, then Gaberial. “Lincoln come with me quick!” he said. “WHATS GOING ON?!”
Melanie: Is Gabriel killing more people? What the hell? He is such a bad angel.
>”They are about to die.” “Then I’ll die with them.”
Dominick: She can’t die, she’s immortal.
>”Lincoln if you don’t come with me, Then I’ll make sure they will die!”
Deangelo: Really. So here is one of God’s messengers threatening to kill a bus full of innocent people if he doesn’t get what he wants. That is utterly Christian.
Gwen: I’m sure Howard will be pleased as well.
>”If I go with you, make them live!” “Deal.” he said and reach out his hand. I hastly grabbed his and he dragged me out of the bus, but Thor slipped out.
Tempest: Uh oh, Lincoln has lost her only friend. True, a bunch of people died. But Thor is far more important.
> “THOOOOOOORRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yelled and the bus hitted a tree. >”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yelled. My Thor….My heart was finally broken.
Dominick: Cue more emo whining about being alone.
>The Unexpected Gift
>***God’s Point Of View***
>I couldn’t believe this happened,
Melanie: Neither can we, sir.
>I didn’t order this, I didn’t want those people to die, but there wasn’t anything I could do.
Gwen: But you’re God! You’re supposed to be able to do anything! Why would a deity be completely useless while his minions are making all of the decisions?
>There body’s were in ashes and there belongings were scatter in the trees. “GABERIAL!!” I yelled, but of course he is beyond my reach. When a angel is on a mission, its impossible to reach to them.
Kalinda: Didn’t he just talk to him in the last chapter?
>I sighed and started naming the people who died, all humans and no animals.
Tempest: But the people who died already had names.
Deangelo: Wouldn’t the top human angel take care of all of that? Certainly, God has to look out for more pointless teenagers that some angel tried to kill.
>***Thor’s Point Of View***
>I hate being physically abuse,
Melanie: Which is weird, considering how many people usually love it.
>but what I REALLY HATE THE MOST IS PEOPLE TAKING LINCOLN AWAY FROM ME!!! I slither out of the bag, which was hanging out of a tree.
Dominick: Well, looks like Thor is going to have to slither his way to Canada to get back to his Lincoln.
>I couldn’t feel my ribcage, so I just hang on to the tree. My ribs felt shatter into a million of pieces. I look up to the sky, wondering where Lincoln is at? Did she surive the crash?
Tempest: Uh, where was Thor when Gabriel was taking Lincoln away?
>will she come back to me? is she alright? questions wonder in my head.
>I look to the ground to see dozens of bodies being burned, how sad.
Kalinda: Yeah, tragic.
>I heard a caw above me, it was a raven, or a blackbird, or was it a crow? They all look alike. The bird kept circling around me, what does SHE want?
Jared: Yeah, no one has explained exactly what Gia is supposed to be doing. I mean, why is she there?
Gwen: It said earlier that Gabriel was going to send a raven so that Howard will think that he transformed into a raven.
Jarred: How is that going to help anything?
Gwen: I have no idea…
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>Can’t trust no one, I should of remember that.
Deangelo: For as much as you drone on about it, yes, you should have.
>When Gaberial took me out of the crash and left my only beloved friend Thor…Fury and sadness overwhelmed me.
Melanie: But then Gabriel took her out for lattes at Starbucks and all was forgotten.
>My whole body felt so cold, my head felt so hot, and my body felt normal. I didn’t feel so good, my thoart was boiling hot, my saliva tasted foul and salty.
Dominick: Wow, that was so well described, I can actually understand what Lincoln is feeling at that moment. It’s like I’m right there in the story.
>I was knocked out, but I can tell I was in a room,
Kalinda: (Lincoln.) Because I retained awareness even when unconscious.
>I was wearing my clothes when I was in my house, but I must of changed cause I can feel my skin touching the sheets that were covering me.
Dominick: Oh crap, she landed herself in some kind of rape dungeon.
>I was wearing shorts and a tank-top with some socks and my hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I didn’t wear any jewely. “She’s awaking Dr. Alcarese” said that evil familiar voice, Gaberial.
Gwen: It would be lovely if someone would explain his evil plan now. I mean, we’ve been kept in the dark long enough.
Jarred: But seriously, when they explain it, do you think it’s going to make any kind of sense?
Gwen: Well, no. But if they explain it, then we can mock the plan for being so detached from reality.
>”Good, good, now we are gonna see how this works.” Thunder echoed the room and I opened my eyes. I saw machines and heart monitors, I saw Gaberial with his huge black wings,
Deangelo: (Lincoln.) I looked to my left and saw a sign that read “Bless this Rape Dungeon.”
>a doctor that wore nothing but white, he even had white hair and ice blue eyes, and some dude that look familiar. “Jesus what are you doing here?” Gaberial said.
Dominick: Wow, Jesus is getting in on this too?
>Are you fucking serious? “My father can’t go to Canada, so he ask me to deliver you a message,
Kalinda: Wow, so God’s power and might doesn’t extend to Canada. I didn’t know that his omnipotence stopped at the border.
Deangelo: He must not have a passport.
>what was up with the bus? every living thing died.” My Thor was dead..? no. No. No. NOOOOOO! WHY IS FATE SO CRUEL TO ME?! DAMN IT!! WHY! I HATE LIFE! I HATE LIFE!!!!
Deangelo: Are you done with your temper tantrum yet, young lady?
>”Oh, I had nothing to do with that, but at least I got what I needed..” and pointed at me.
Melanie: Nothing to do with it? Didn’t he cause the bus crash?
Tempest: That’s what it sounded like to me. But, you know, consistency isn’t exactly this author’s strong point.
>”Lincoln Rosemerry? this girl has deal with enough, when I remove my dad, I won’t deal with the humans anymore. Its all about science now” Jesus said.
Gwen: So Jesus is an advocate for science. Really? There is nothing scientific about his story or his presence on earth. How is he going to explain that?
>”I got an idea” Dr. Alcarese said. He went up to me and look straight to my eyes. “I think we should take away her gift, then we can see if science can actually outsmart god’s power.”
Jarred: Well, I for one am looking forward to the hard-hitting explanation for how all of this science is going to work.
>Me, Jesus, and Gaberial look at Dr. Alcarese in atonishement. “What a very interesting idea” Jesus said, looking at me.
Kalinda: Hey, you know what, if they take away Lincoln’s powers then she’ll be mortal again, then she can die and then the story will be over!
M: (From the control room.) Nice try, Kalinda, but Lincoln lives. A long, long, long time.
>They were all looking at me, like they are gonna rape me or something. “Stay away from me!” I yelled and was about to punch Gaberial when Jesus grab my wrist and I felt weak.
Deangelo: As it turns out, Jesus is from the Negaverse.
>It was as if energy was being sucked out of me. “I may not have the ability to give powers, but I can take away powers like I can take away blindness and sickness.” Jesus said.
Gwen: He can take away powers and illnesses. Great. Nothing illogical about that combination.
>And once again I fainted. Damn it.
M: (From the control room.) Well, that’s it, kids. Just an author’s note to go.
Dominick: That’s it? But nothing was explained.
M: (From the control room.) Check out the author’s note.
>End Of Book One
Jarred: Always good advice.
>I’m going to contuine this book, but its gonna be call “God Left Me, Who Needs Him?” So I just hope you didn’t lose hope with me.
Melanie: Oh great. More of this freaking story. That’s what I wanted for Christmas.
>The reason I decided to make another book was cause I didn’t want this book to be changed into another whole topic in one book, it would be too long.
Kalinda: Uh, was THIS book supposed to have some kind of overarching theme? Because if it did, I’m completely lost.
>I just hope that you keep reading my stuff!
Deangelo: Oh we’re reading it alright. We’re reading all of it.
Tempest: M, are we going to have to MiST the rest of this ridiculous story?
M: (From the control room.) Eventually.
Dominick: Well, that has brightened up my afternoon.
M: (From the control room.) Come on, kids. I’ve got dinner set up in the conference room.
(The MiSTers reenter the conference room to find a buffet of Indian food spread out on the buffet table. The exhausted MiSTers grab plates and start to fill up as M takes a piece of nan bread and starts nibbling on it.)
M: So, how did everyone enjoy that story?
Deangelo: Awful, absolutely awful. (He sits down and begins to eat.)
Gwen: Yes, I have to say that it fails on all fronts. I mean, most stories we read are badly written, but this one seems aggressively so.
M: What’s even worse is that there’s 4 more parts to this story. And they’re looooooong.
Kalinda: Oh no, do we have to MiST all of them?
M: Yep. And they just get more ridiculous as they go along. Seriously, by part 5 it makes absolutely no sense.
Dominick: Wow, it’s sad to think that someone put so much work and effort into something that’s still so terrible.
Melanie: Work and effort? It’s clear she didn’t copyedit this story at all. Did she even glance over it before she posted it? Not to mention she didn’t bother to learn basic grammar rules before starting this story.
Jarred: Melanie does have a point. I mean, how long could she possibly have spent on this story?
Tempest: But at least there was no generic emo love interest that she fell in love with ten minutes after meeting.
M: Just wait.
Tempest: What?! No, seriously.
M: Seriously, just wait.
Gwen: Oh perfect. Now there’s something to look forward to.