Flashback MiST 52 – Magical

hanson2f-1-webThe MiSTers get bored and this leads to them getting into trouble. As usual. So to occupy them, M makes them tackled short but painful Hanson fan fiction. Will their foray into boyband land be successful or will this request MiST be too much for them to handle? Come see if the Mmmbop their way to success or… do something else. I don’t know a lot of Hanson songs.

Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or celebrities, which may include but are not limited to, musicians, wrestlers and actors. I also do not own copyrighted songs, guest MiSTers, OOC demons or Mary Sues. The original MST3K is owned by BBI. I own the MiSTers, my character and any others that may include, but are not limited to, Evangelos, Donovan, Rosaleen, Smoke and Pandora. My characters are used only with my permission. I do not own or have written the material being MiSTed. If I wrote it then I would have broken all of my fingers and cut the cord to my net access to save the rest of humanity. This MiSTing is NOT a personal attack on the author, a personal attack on any celebrities living or dead or meant to be even slightly constructive. This IS meant solely for the amusement of others. It’s important to learn it laugh at yourselves, don’t take life too seriously, eh?


Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softy and carry a palm pilot.
Dominick Dante – Help me revolt against the couches!
Kalinda Beckham – “Stressed” is just “desserts” spelled backwards.
Jarred Zion – I wanna be a happy fluffy bunni when I grow up!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – It’s not the size! It’s- Oh wait, yeah, it’s the size.


(The MiSTers are in the conference room, crowding around Dominick, who is sitting at the conference table, reading from a diary.)

Dominick: (Reading.) I guided his kisses to my lips, my body already responding to his touch.
Deangelo: (Crossing his arms over his chest.) Does anyone else around here think that we *shouldn’t* be reading Prisma’s diary?
Tempest: Shut up, D. At least she’s getting some action. Or, fantasying that she’s getting some action anyways.
Jarred: Hold on, this is Prisma’s diary? I thought it was a Jackie Collins novel!
Kalinda: Shut up! Keep reading, Dom.
Dominick: (Reading.) I could feel his muscular frame pressing against mine. I breathed in, inhaling the raw scent of a man.
Melanie: Okay, it might be a turn on for you guys, but this is my future daughter, here.
Kalinda: Yeah, and it’s kinda creepy hearing Dominick read it. Ya know?

(Suddenly M walks into the conference room.)

M: (Reading over something in one of her folders.) Hi guys.
Dominick: (O_O!) AH! (Hides Prisma’s diary and pretends to act like nothing happened.)
M: (Raising an eyebrow.) Is something wrong, kids?
Kalinda: No, nothing wrong at all.
Tempest: Yeah, we’re all good and… uh, good.
M: Really? Cause Prisma told me that her diary was missing this morning and the only people with access to her stories are you guys.
Melanie: Well, well, what about Zivon? Huh? He’s a psycho. Why do you have to look at us? (Breaks down.) I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it!
M: Dommie?
Dominick: (^^;;;) Yeah?
M: Where’s Prisma’s diary?
Dominick: (Gets up and reluctantly hands M Prisma’s diary.)
M: Thank you, little Dommie. Now, if all of that’s over, we’ve got a MiST to do.
Jarred: An Emma Bunton fic?
M: Nope, Hanson. It’s a request too. Well, come on kids, let’s roll.


(All of the MiSTers flop into their regular seats. Jarred makes sure to check under his for any used barf bags first.)

M: (From the control room.) Alright, here we go kids!

>By AlbertaneGrrl15

Melanie: Eh? What in the world does that mean?
Kalinda: Albert Girl and her age?
Dominick: Albert! Like the wrestler?
Gwen: That one with all that unsightly back hair?

(Everyone turns to Gwen in surprise.)

Dominick: How did you know who Albert was?
Tempest: Ooo! Gwenie must be watching wrestling! Did you see Lita yet?
Gwen: (Turning red.) I- I don’t know what you’re talking about! I would never waste my intellect on a silly show like that!
Deangelo: My love is a wrestling fan. Dear lord…
Melanie: I know why Gwenie was watching wrestling! (Singing.) Gwenie’s got a crush on The Rock!
Gwen: I do not and don’t call me ‘Gwenie’!
Tempest: (Pat’s Gwenavere’s hand comfortingly.) It’s okay, Gwenie, you’re not the only one. (Notices that she’s only patting Gwen’s hand and begins to rub it provocatively. ^_^)
Gwen: (Pulls her hand away.) Back, you wicked temptress.

>I stand in the crowd,

Deangelo: (Narrator.) Grassing and occasionally neighing.


Tempest: Ooo!

>and clapping to the music, occasionaly screaming his name.

MiSTers: (Screaming.) AJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M: (From the control room.) Kids, this is a HANSON fic. Try screaming ‘Zac’ or ‘Taylor’ or uhh… Joey? Kevin? Nick? Drew? Shit! I can remember his name…
Jarred: The one who looks like a girl?
Dominick: They ALL look like girls.

>I get as close as I possibly can

Gwen: (Narrator.) Without crawling up onto the stage and mobbing him like a crazed teenager at a Backstreet Boy concert.
Dominick: (Raising an eyebrow.) No, she’d mob him like a crazed teenager at a Hanson concert.
Jarred: Hanson fans are worse…
Kalinda: Yeah, there were hate sites set up for the FANS and not the group. THAT’S pretty damn bad if you ask me.

>to the stage and reach my hand out, as if there’s a chance he could possibly bless it with his.

Dominick: (God-like voice.) Peace be to you, little teenybopper. Now, I will sign your bra strap.

>He walks along the stage, quickly gripping some lucky girls’ hands. I start to

Melanie: Formulate a cunning plan to knock off the ‘lucky’ bitch and get his hand.

>give up hope, but keep my hand where it is, hoping, hoping, hoping.

Jarred: (Singing.) Hopin’ and prayin’ and wishin’ and thinkin’. Something and planin’ each night something, something, that won’t get you into his arms!
Kalinda: (Poking Melanie.) Do you still have those suicide pills on you?
Melanie: Come on, Kalinda, this is only the beginning.
Kalinda: (X_X) I know…

>I feel a sudden warmth meet my hand and look up into a pair of deep caramel-colored eyes that lock with mine

Dominick: Then got stuck and a locksmith had to be called.

>and for a precious few seconds, we’re connected in some way I can’t explain in words.

Deangelo: I can think of one. Infatuation.
Gwen: How about two? Excessive enthusiasm.
Melanie: Three. Another teenybopper crush.
Dominick: Four. Obsessive-compulsive behavior.
Jarred: That’s three.
Dominick: Bitch, bitch, bitch.

>The only word I can fird to describe it is “magical”.

Kalinda: (Swooning.) Awwwwwwwwwww!

>After the concert, I wait outside with my father near the bus. He keeps telling we have to

Deangelo: Pay for his therapy.

>go home, but I beg him “just a little more, just a little more”.

Tempest: (Screaming.) More! More! MORE!!!!!!! (^_^) Tee-hee!

>He says fine, and we wait a little more.

Dominick: Two days later…

>About ten minutes later, I see them walk outside and wave to us,

Melanie: (Taylor.) Hi there! Don’t forget to harass your parents to buy our new album when it comes out!
Dominick: (Zac.) Don’t talk to the sheep, just get on the damn bus.

>then split up to talk to us. A throng of girls run toward his second older brother, some run to his oldest brother,

Gwen: Others to the Ben & Jerry’s across the street.
Kalinda: Some to the *NSYNC concert in the next town.
Jarred: (^_^) Some to the happy fluffy bunnies that were frolicking in the fields!

>and I see some more girls run over to him. I plead my father with my eyes, and he nods as if to say “yes”. I run to him,

Melanie: (Narrator.) Then smash into a stop sign that I didn’t notice before, because of the ‘magical’ atmosphere.

>trying to get as close as possible, but there are about six girls.

Tempest: Hey, this would make a good orgy lemon!
Jarred: Ew…

>He’s trying to talk to all them at once, then he looks in the back to where I am standing, and smiles as he makes his way over to me.

Deangelo: (Whispering to Gwen.) He’s moving in for the kill…

>The girls looks at each other, shrug, and run over to Isaac or Taylor.

M: (From the control room.) Isaac! That’s the dude’s name!

>One girl winks at me and mouths

Tempest: (Girl, mouthing.) Use a condom.

>”good luck” before she runs off.
>”Hi,” he finaly says to me.
>”Hi,” I answer a bit shyly.

All MiSTers: (Waving.) Hi!

>I’ve dreamed of this moment for years, and now I have no idea what to say.

Dominick: How about; “liked the concert. You were great.”
Kalinda: “I’ve been a fan of yours for years.”
Gwen: “I find your musical talents minimal and your lyric writing skills horrid”.
Tempest: “I have a room upstairs.” (Wink, wink.)

>”What’s your name?” he asks me.
>”Caytlin.” Something comes over me and I suddenly know exactly what to say.

Melanie: (Caytlin.) I want to stab you repeatedly.

>”That was an amazing show. You were great.”

Dominick: Ha! Even *I* know how to talk to a boyband!

>”Why thank you. I do try you know,”

Gwen: (-_-;;;) No… I couldn’t tell…

>he says, grinning a crazy grin. “Do you play any insturments?”
>”Do chicken shakers count?” I ask, laughing.
>He laughs too. “Sure, why not.”

Jarred: (?_?) What are chicken shakers?
Dominick: It’s when you hold a chicken by its feet and shake it up and down causing it to shake and squawk.
Melanie: I’m not even going to bother.

>”Well, then yes I do!” I say, still laughing. “I’d like to play the drums though, but what I really love to do is sing.”

Melanie: … . Off key.

>”Really?” he asks.

Dominick: (Zac.) Wanna join the band? You’d fit right in!

>”Would you mind singing a little for me right now?”
>”You mean it?”

Kalinda: (Zac.) No, actually, I don’t.

>”Sure, why not? Go ahead, sing a little.”
>”Well…all right.”

Gwen: (Caytlin.) It’s your funeral.

>I take a deep breath, clear my throat, and begin to sing.
>”The sun has fallen,

Dominick: (Looking around.) It has?!
Melanie: (-_-;;;) Not even gonna comment…

>Another day gone without you,
>My heart keeps calling,

Tempest: (Her heart.) Here my little Zac-poo! Are you ready for our honeymoon yet?! I rented us a room in the Cheap Hotel Of Lurrrrrrrrrrve!
Dominick: Lurrrrrrrrrrve. (^_^)

>And I don’t know just what to do

Deangelo: Neither do I. I’m not sure whether to vomit or plug my ears.
Kalinda: Hmm, I know what I’m going to get you for your birthday…

>When you’re near me,

Dominick: I get all warm and funny inside… . It might be indigestion though…

>I seem to forget my lonely days
>It’s more than a feeling,

Melanie: It’s a novel and a made for TV movie!

>It’s something that can’t be explained
>I wish that I was there,
>Wish that I was there

Deangelo: There, where?

>When you’re not here

Jarred: Hold on, he wishes that he wasn’t there when she wasn’t there? But I thought you’re supposed to wish you there when she was there so then you’d both be there… Or… Uh… Never mind. I’ll stick to Emma Bunton.

>I wish that I was there
>I wish that I was there
>I wish that I was there

Melanie: This sound vaguely familiar…
Kalinda: (Singing.) Wishin’ I, wishin’ I, wishin’ I was there with you!
Gwen: Natalie Imbruglia. I didn’t think of her.

>When you’re not here,
>I wish that I was there.”
>I open my eyes,

Dominick: (Caytlin.) To discover everyone was holding their ears and screaming for the horrible noise to stop.
Jarred: That’s not very nice, Dominick.

>sometimes I close them when I’m singing. When I do, I’m met with an expression of awe on his face.

Gwen: (Zac.) Finally. A voice Britney can feel superior too…
Jarred: Gwenie, you’re mean too!

>”That was beautiful,” he tells me, looking straight into my eyes.
>”Thank you,” I answer, staring back into his.

Melanie: Then he stares deeply into her eyes.
Kalinda: And she stares back just as deeply.
Melanie: Then he stares deeply into her eyes.
Kalinda: And she stares back just as deeply.
Melanie: Then he stares deeply into her eyes.
Kalinda: And she stares back just as deeply.
Melanie: Then he stares deeply into her eyes.
Kalinda: And she stares back just as deeply.
Tempest: Stop with all the damn staring and screw already!

>After a little while, we hug each other. The coldness of the night seems to disapear in his arms. I rest my head on his shoulder,

Kalinda: (Caytlin.) Then slip my hand into his back pocket and take his wallet.

>wishing this would never end.
>The moment is ended all too soon when a voice cuts through. “Zac!”

Melanie: (Voice.) Get your lazy ass back in here, the kids are crying and I don’t have dinner ready yet! And if you don’t get a job, I’m gonna take you on Jerry Springer!

>It’s Taylor’s voice, he’s calling from the doorway of the bus. “Come on Zac, we gotta go.”

Dominick: (Taylor.) We’ve got places to go, girls to turn into teenyboppers, bra straps to sign! Ah, the sweet life.

>Zac lets go of me, I let go of him.

Tempest: (Caytlin.) I wink at him and give him the key to my hotel room.

>He smiles, then gets into the bus. Before the doors close, he gives everyone a wave,

Dominick: (Zac.) So long, ya sheep!

>then looks into my eyes and smiles.

Deangelo: (Zac.) I shall return and feast on her fragrant blood in the darkness of the night.
Gwen: (Sigh!) Can you say that in Spanish?

>I feel the same thing I felt when he first touched my hand.

Melanie: Utter disgust.

>It’s, for lack of a better word, magical.
>The doors close.

Jarred: On her only chance to be a normal healthy Emma Bunton fan.
Kalinda: (Mumbling.) Like that’s a bad thing…
Melanie: Come on, kids, back to the conference room. I have a craving for pizza.


(The MiSTers are all back in the conference room, pigging out on several boxes of pizza.)

M: So what were you guys reading in Prisma’s diary anyways? Most of her entries are pretty suicidal sounding.
Tempest: We were reading this super hot fantasy Prisma was having about Zivon. (<3_<3) I mean, DAMN! He is so fine!
Melanie: He’s also crazy, but I’m sure that’s not a problem for Tempest…
Tempest: Do you think he’d go out with me?
Deangelo: Tempest love, he’d probably murder you before the end of your first date.
Tempest: (Laughs.) Yeah right, he’d want some booty first!
Jarred: Does anyone want to sing all of Emma’s songs in alphabetical order later?
Kalinda: That’s like asking someone if they want to receive Chinese water torture…
Gwen: No, water torture sounds much better.
M: (Chuckles.) Well, I’ve got to be going, guys. Lots to write, little time to write it. Bye-bye everyone.

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