The MiSTers take on another fanfiction by Hikaru, the infamous author from Louisiana who tried to excuse her crappy writing based on her geographical location. This fic features the Gundam Wing pilots discovering that they have 5 female counterparts. And yes, it’s as bad as it sounds. Will the MiSTers and their extra special guest MiSTer, Sharyna, be able to sort this fanfiction out? Or is it just too bad for them to deal with?
Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.
*N/B: For some reason, the title of this fic has been lost. It strangely wasn’t in the title of the MiST or in any of the documents. The title it has now is my best recollection of what it was.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing, it’s characters or their respective likeness. I didn’t write this fic. All the characters MiSTing it are mine. This is REALLY, REALLY nasty, you have been warned. BY READING ANY FURTHER KNOWING THIS, YOU WAIVE YOUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO BITCH, WHINE, MOAN, OR COMPLAIN. Furthermore, I can’t be held responsible for any content of this word file because apparently my cats have learned how to type.
Love and kitty treats,
Melanie Bryce (The Shy One) – Hello everyone!
Gwenavere Donovan (The Boss) – Salutations.
Tempest (Slutbunni) – Oooo, you’re cute. Are you busy tonight?
Kalinda (Vamp) – Does my hair look alright? Oh, hi everybody.
Jarred (Sweetie) – Hello all you lovely people!
Dominick (He’s just there) – Hi. Uhhh, I came with Mel.
Deangelo (The Smooth One) – Hello, my you are looking beautiful today.
(M walks into the conference room where all the MiSTers are assembled and quickly begins to hand out the folders.)
M: Okay kids. MiSTing time. You’ve got another fic by Hikaru.
Deangelo: Not another one…
Gwen: Hasn’t she gotten the hint yet?
Jarred: But crappy writers never get the hint, that’s why they’re crappy.
M: Very good Jarred.
Tempest: Hey this is a G Wing one! All those cute boys…
Melanie: Wait a sec.
Dominick: Yeah, we don’t know anything about G Wing.
Kalinda: Yeah, all I know is the characters names.
M: Oh that’s right… Well, let’s get someone who DOES know something about G Wing to guest MiST.
Deangelo: Like who?
(Suddenly, a rumbling noise begins, and the room starts shaking.)
Jarred: What’s going on!? What’s going on?!
(Sharyna walks in through the door)
Sharyna: Hi, peoples!
Dominick: Da penguin?
Sharyna: (Sharyna is thrown to the ground by another shake.) Yeppers. Dude, is this place always this unstable?
M: Hmmm, must be a rip in the story dimension. Oh wait, did you take the elevator to get here?
Sharyna: Ummm… yeah. Shouldn’t I have?
Melanie: We’ve been having problems with it ever since Tempest screwed Evangelos in it.
Tempest: (^_^) Evangelos…
Sharyna: Oh, dear…
Gwen: I’m NEVER taking the elevator again.
Sharyna: (To herself.) Mental note: Next time, come in through the wall.
Dominick: Hmm, seems like things have settled down now. So welcome aboard, Da Penguin.
Sharyna: Thanks, Dommie! (^-^!)
Melanie: Do ya want us to call you Sharyna or Da Penguin?
Sharyna: Whatever bakes your cookie.
Jarred: (^_^) That’s a new one! I like that one!
Kalinda: Calm down, Jarred.
Tempest: Yeah! Let’s MiST!
M: You ready Sharyna?
Sharyna: (Looks over at Tempest.) You seem pretty eager to get to this fic, Tempster… should I be scared?
Tempest: Maybe they’ll be sex in this one!
Sharyna: (Raises an eyebrow.) Oh, dear. (In response to M) Wait, wait, wait! I need to pet the kitty! Where’s the kitty?!
(Kalila comes bounding into the conference room, expecting a treat. She nearly knocks Sharyna over.)
M: Kalila, don’t pounce on guests.
Sharyna: Yay! Kitty!
Kalila: Mew? Mew!
M: She says hello.
(Sharyna starts petting and cooing at Kalila, offering her a slice of fresh tuna.)
Tempest: See! This is what I was talking about earlier! Now Kalila gets all the attention!
Deangelo: Not this AGAIN.
Sharyna: Oh, I know what she says…she’s SUCH an ADORABLE little cutie, isn’t she? Aren’t you, sweetie? ^-^!
Kalila: (^_^ In kitty heaven.) Mewwwwwwwwwwww!
M: Let’s get started then. Come on guys, Sharyna grab Kalila will you? She wants to MiST too.
Sharyna: Sure! (Picks up Kalila and starts off.)
(All of the MiSTers are seated in their regular seats. Sharyna is sitting with Kalila in her lap.)
M: (From the control room.) Everyone ready?!
Sharyna: Define “ready.”
Dominick: Ready = to be prepared to put a crappy author in their crappy place.
Melanie: Ooo! Can you spell it too?
M: (From the control room.) Here we go!
>Hi ya’ll this is my 2nd story,
Gwen: Because we’ve already MiSTed the first one.
Kalinda: But this one will probably suck just as badly.
>so the first one sucked
Deangelo: Whoa! That’s the most intelligent thing she’s EVER said.
Sharyna: Hey! She realized it! (Calling out.) Congrats, crappy author!
>but I wasn’t as good at grammar;
Gwen: By the “ya’ll” in the first line, I doubt you’ve improved.
>well I’m not saing that it’s better,but I’ve improved.
Gwen: (-_-;;) Now I would like to point out that if you have improved then your writing SHOULD have gotten better.
Sharyna: Improvement kind of implies that it’s better…
Deangelo: But at the rate this author is going, I doubt she can define “improved”. It should be considered amazing that she even spelled it right.
>All you Gundam fans that disagree on the girl Gundam polits, can stop reading!!!
Sharyna: ….”polit”? (o_O)
Jarred: Looks kinda like “polite”.
Sharyna: Almost as bad as the one time that girl thought “politics” was “ploics”.
>But you don’t Know what you are mission.
Tempest: We’re a mission?
Sharyna: OK… so she’s… back talking the mission? I guess?
Melanie: We’re on a mission to hunt down crappy authors and give them a good whap to the head!
>Oh 1 more thing,
Dominick: This fic sucks.
Kalinda: I can’t write.
Gwen: Please flame me.
Sharyna: I’m just plain stupid.
>Don’t give me crud on the reviews.
Deangelo: That’s half the fun.
Tempest: But we don’t even write reviews. We just MiST.
Sharyna: Besides, how else would you know that you suck?
>In other words Don’t write stuff on the F/F/R
Melanie: The WHAT?
Sharyna: It’s like a/s/l, but… not at all.
Dominick: Full frontal… no wait that starts with an ‘N’.
Sharyna: Oh, dear.
M: (From the control room.) I THINK it stands for FanFiction Review. But I’m not sure.
>that will cause me to hunt you an your stories down and write something that >you wont like
Kalinda: Was that a threat?
Sharyna: Like what? ” Ottawa”? “Ukelele”? “Vomitorium”?
Melanie: Or how about “wow that wuz actally a gud storie i wish i culd rite like dat”
Sharyna: (Twitches.) … scary.
>Ok enough chit-chatting lets start the story.
Tempest: Let’s not! Let’s all go have sex!
Jarred: I’d rather MiST…
Tempest: Page break! Page break!
>This is on a normal Monday morning for the Gundam Polits,
Dominick: There’s those damn “polits” again.
Sharyna: Oh! Wait! Maybe it’s like pollit.com!
>Kick-back and relax.”Yo Heero turn on the TV will ya?” said Duo.
Sharyna: (Heero.) Hell no.
Kalinda: (Heero.) I can’t find the remote!
Sharyna: Since when did Heero become Duo’s personal slave, anyway?
Tempest: Ooo! I wonder what Duo does with him after dark! Tee-hee!
Kalinda: (Twitching.) Ew… .
Sharyna: … oh, dear.
Gwen: Tempest, I am already having nightmares from these horrible fics! Would you lay off!
Tempest: Gwen said “lay”!
Deangelo: Is for horses!
Sharyna: Is for hor-what he said!
>Heero are you lookin for this?”
Jarred: For what?
Sharyna: (Heero.) My favorite nightie! Where’d you find it?
>asked Trowa wile holding it in Heeros face.
Sharyna: Holding… what, exactly? (o_O)
Melanie: (o_O) Maybe I’ve been around Tempest too long… But that was REALLY nasty…
Tempest: Ooo! Yaoi!!!
Sharyna: Down, Tempster.
>Heero snatched it,
MiSTers: (O_O!!!) AHHH!!!
Kalinda: Did he rip it off?!
Dominick: Oh God, NO!!!!!
>and turned on the TV.
Sharyna: Oo, that would be really messy. All those body fluids all over the place… (x_x)
Tempest: Dude, you can turn on the TV with one of those things?
Sharyna: Damn, it must be reaaaally long… and sturdy, too… please tell me I did not just say that… (o_O)
Tempest: You did! You did! Sharyna’s crossing over to my side!!!!
(Sharyna screams in unholy fear.)
Melanie: Don’t worry little penguin, I won’t let her take you!
Dominick: Yeah me too! The LAST thing we need around here is another nympho!
>Relena was on the TV screen.
(Sharyna screams in unholy fear. Again.)
Jarred: Who’s Relena?
Sharyna: (To Jarred.) You know Britney Spears? Imagine her being the ruler of one of the most influential nations on earth, and obsessed with poor, poor Heero Yuy.
Jarred: (@_@) B-Britney?
Sharyna: Well, in mind if not body… but yeah. Kind of.
Kalinda: Good God, NO! Say it ain’t so little penguin!!!
Melanie: God, there’s more of them…
Sharyna: Well, her fans say she’s an intelligent, compassionate and kind girl who’s just in love with Heero…
Dominick: That’s what they say about Britney… Cept for the Heero Yuy part.
>”Last night we found out something that the Gundam polits won’t believe.
Sharyna: It’s not butter.
Gwen: They’ve been used in a crappy fic!
Kalinda: They’re not Gundam “polits” they’re homeless bums.
Tempest: They’re all gonna get laid!
>said Relena.5more Gundam.”
Deangelo: Hold on, actual GUNDAMS or “polits”?
Jarred: (Tugging at Sharyna’s sleeve.) What’s a Gundam?
Sharyna: It’s a type of Mecha, Jarred.
Jarred: What’s Mecha?
Sharyna: Ah…let’s just say it’s a big machine, piloted by a human, that can do cool things.
Jarred: Ahhhh, sounds like fun!
>”What the heck!” said Heero while spiting out his drink.
Deangelo: He better clean that up before it sinks into the carpet.
Sharyna: What did the poor drink ever do to him, to have him spite it so?
>Heero turned off the TV.
>”5 more Gundam polits!” said Quatre.
Melanie: Yep. Pretty soon they’ll be “polits” everywhere.
Sharyna: What, so right after hearing that, he turns off the TV. Doesn’t he want to hear anything else about the issue?
Tempest: Yeah, like if they’re single.
>Tomorrow we search! ” said Heero
Sharyna: (Heero.) For the Holy Grail of Cheese!
Dominick: (Heero.) For a better fic!
Kalinda: (Heero.) For new clothes!
Tempest: (Heero.) For condoms!
Tempest: (9_9) What?
>wile walking outside.
Gwen: Away from this crappy fic.
>”Heero, said Duo the remote?
Melanie: Duo’s a remote?
Sharyna: (O_O) Duo’s been turned into a remote!
Deangelo: Well, at least his pain is over.
>”Heero looked it his hand.
Dominick: That bastard turned Duo into a remote!
Sharyna: … AND he’s been fused onto Heero’s hand! The horror!
Tempest: (Singing.) I did it again! Got stuck in a fic, that’s really crappy!
Sharyna: Tempster… no. Please. (o_o)
Tempest: Fine then. I’ll just stick to rapping.
Jarred: He’s going to throw Duo!!!
Sharyna: (Pokerap G/S) o/’ Gotta catch, gotta catch, gotta catch ’em all! o/’
>Heero through it so hard Duo couldn’t see Heero through it.
Melanie: He… through it…
Gwen: It made more sense when they “thru” it.
Sharyna: It did?
Melanie: MiST 16.
>The remote went pasted Duos hands and hit Duo in the chest.
Dominick: Awww! Poor little Duo!
Sharyna: He’s been pasted!
Jarred: Duo abuse! Duo abuse!
>When duo looked back up Heero was gone.
Kalinda: Dum, dum, DUM!
Tempest: Page break! Page break!
Sharyna: And a swirly-eyed one, too.
>Heero jumped into a tree
Gwen: So he’s taken to living in trees now?
Sharyna: He’s a flying squirrel!
>thinking about the new Gundam.
Tempest: The new Gundam? I hope they’re cute!
>”5,5new Gundam. What the heck is going on here?”
Deangelo: You’re in a crappy fic.
Melanie: Maybe he’s sexually repressed. Cause sexual repression can lead to insanity.
Sharyna: That’s what Da Penguin said! (-_^)
>Heero fell asleep, and a girl popped her head outta the bushes near b
Dominick: She didn’t “poped”?
Melanie: Sorry Dom.
Sharyna: Aw, and I wanted to meet the Pope, too.
Dominick: And I liked that impression!
>”You’ll find out soon Heero Yuy, Soon.” she said.
Sharyna: Oh, good. Thanks for telling us.
Tempest: Page break! Page break!
>Duo walked into his room thinking
Gwen: Which was quite an accomplishment for Duo.
Dominick: Yeah, especially since he’s a frigging remote!
>”I’m to young to have an rivel!!
Sharyna: You’re never too young to have a rivel! Rivels are for people of all ages! …Hey, what *is* a “rivel”, anyways?
Tempest: Hey, I don’t have a “rivel”!
Jarred: I think it’s supposed to be rival. But I could be wrong.
Sharyna: Maybe you can ask Duo to give you his, Temp.
>5 gundams,noway how?”
Melanie: This whole thing started with one thing. A crappy author.
>said Duo sitting down on his bed.
>A girl poped her head into the window.
Dominick: Hey! She “poped”!!!
Sharyna: And things just went downhill from there.
Dominick: (The Pope.) Peace be unto the MiSTers who can stand to read this crap! Peace be unto you! And may your peace be spread to all the corners of the world! Then there will be no more crappy fics.
>”duo soon you will see.”she said.
Kalinda: More stalkers!
Tempest: Page break! Page break!
>Trowa is walking to the walked into the kitchen,
Sharyna: Oh! He must be rapping!
Deangelo: He’s walking, then he walks into the kitchen, then he stops walking because he has walked to his destination that was in walking distance and sat down, Quatre followed.
Gwen: Now if Trowa walked off of a bridge would Quatre do that too?
Sharyna: Ooh, can we try that?
>”So Trowa what do think about these 5 Gundam polites?”
Dominick: Don’t strain anything there, Trowa.
Sharyna: Polites? Well, at least they’ve got good manners.
>asked Quatre.there probably imposters!”said Trowa.
Sharyna: (Looks around.) Where? Where?
Melanie: Duo’s a remote, Quatre’s a imposter…
Jarred: I wonder what Wufei is gonna be…
>2 girls popped there heads in the kitchen.
Sharyna: Ew! Nasty! Imagine the mess!
Gwen: (M.) They’re heads! Dead heads! And they’re not on bodies!!
M: (From the control room.) Hey!
Sharyna: The Horseless Headman?
M: (From the control room.) Yeah…
>”See you soon Quatre. “said the one of the girls.”
Sharyna: The One? Sounds spooky-like…
>”Trowa, hope to see you soon.” said the other.
Tempest: Ooo! These girls sound nice and kinky!
Sharyna: Oh, dear…
Melanie: I hope not. Remember the last “lemon” this “author” wrote?
Gwen: I’m trying to block it from my memory…
(Sharyna quickly reaches over and stuffs a gag into Tempest’s mouth.)
Sharyna: Page break.
Dominick: Hey… she just gagged Tempest…
Deangelo: Why didn’t we think of that?
Sharyna: Because I… am Da Penguin. (Bows.)
>Then Wufia walks out side to find Heero.
Sharyna: …”Wufia”? O_O
Jarred: Remember “Egale”?
Sharyna: Yeah, but that at least could be *sounded out*. This is just…is just… weird!!
>”Heero? Said Wufia. Where are you?”
Melanie: Dude, he’s right in font of you! What do you want him to do? Bite you?!
>Just then A girl walks out from a bush infront.
Dominick: What the hell is with these people popping out of bushes?!
Sharyna: Really? Hey! Where’s B girl?
Tempest: Having some fun with C girl!
>”Hello Wufia.” she said.
Melanie: (Wufia/Wufei) Hi, psycho stalker lady!
Sharyna: (Wufei, looks around.) Wufia? Who’s that?
>”Who are you?” he asked.
Kalinda: (Batman.) Your worst nightmare!
Jarred: A cute happy little fluffy bunni!
Gwen: Not even close, Jarred.
>”I can’t tell! she said jumping away.
Jarred: She jumps! Just like a bunni!
Sharyna: Hey! Jarred’s right! She *IS* a cute happy little fluffy bunni!
Deangelo: Then what is she doing in this fic?
Melanie: Maybe she was kidnapped…
Dominick: By a crappy author
Sharyna: What a way to go…
>You’ll find out real soon!”
Gwen: THERE’S a threat…
>”Who the heck was that?” asked Heero. Wufia jumped.
Dominick: Holy shit, now “Wufia” is jumping.
Sharyna: And Wufia’s a cute happy little fluffy bunni too!
Deangelo: Maybe they’re all captive fluffy bunnies.
Jarred: Yeah! Then we can set all the happy fluffy bunnies free!!!
Tempest: Uhhh, I’ve got a date tonight…
Kalinda: Shut up, person with a life.
>”Heero you seared me!”
Sharyna: With what? A curling iron?
Deangelo: So anime characters have all started searing each other…
Gwen: Probably to put themselves out of their misery.
Sharyna: (To the screen.) Good luck, guys!
>he said. “Sorry Wufia, said Heero, I didn’t know you seared so easy?”
Sharyna: Well, most people who aren’t wearing heatproof clothing all over their body usually do.
>”You Baster!” said Wufia.
Gwen: Baster? Like a turkey baster?
Sharyna: Must be.
Dominick: Yo! “Author”! If you’re going to swear then at least spell it right!
>”Heero I’ll kill you for that!” said Wufia.
Kalinda: (Wufei.) Don’t make fun of my turkey baster!
Sharyna: (Wufei.) Yeah! It’s my buddy!
>Wufia chased Heero around the same tree all daylong,
Kalinda: Wow… look at them go…
Tempest: I wonder if they last that long in bed…
>when Heero stopped then, he said “It’s time Wufia, lets get the others.”
Gwen: Time for what?
Deangelo: To wash behind their ears.
Kalinda: Washing the dishes.
Sharyna: To watch Pokémon.
Jarred: Yay!!! Pokémon!!!
Sharyna: o/~ I wanna be, the very best, that no-one ever was! o/~
Jarred: o/~ To catch them all is my real test, to train them is my cause! o/~
Melanie: Guys… I’m still armed…
Sharyna: o/~ I will travel…er… I mean… heh… Hi Melanie. (^^;;)
Dominick: Don’t aggravate her, please. I don’t want to have to sleep on the couch again, thanks.
Sharyna: (Turns to the fic.) Oh look, a page break.
Tempest: Oh! Page break! Page break!
>well that was chapter 1,
Kalinda: And it sucked.
>I don’t know how long it gonna be.but its good
Sharyna: No, it’s not.
Deangelo: I beg to differ as well.
>Well that’s chapter one.
Gwen: Yes, we’ve established this fact…
>How did you guys and girls like it.
Sharyna: Like it? That’s possible?
Dominick: Like being able to pull a bus with your ear.
Deangelo: Dominick, some one actually did that.
Dominick: Like being a crappy hentai who escapes MiSTing.
Deangelo: Much better.
Tempest: Besides! There was no sex in it!
>I’ll be writing chapter 2 tomorrow.
Jarred: NOOOO!!!! Stop the insanity!!!!
Sharyna: (Points to Jarred.) What he said.
>Well it looks like this story will have up to 3 to 4 chapters to it
Jarred: (Latching onto Kalinda.) No more! No more!
>after that I’m gonna put up an poke’mon one called: The 4 Element Sisters
Dominick: Which will no doubt be even crappier…
Sharyna: No kidding.
M: Actually, she did write a character thingy. But she posted it in New York Undercover section… Okay, MiST is over, back to the conference room kids.
(Everyone’s back in the conference room.)
Deangelo: Thank God, THAT’S over…
Sharyna: (Shaking her head.) That was one…*pathetic*…”fic”.
M: Don’t speak too soon, there are 2 more chapters to that fic.
Dominick: Come on, M! Have a heart!
Gwen: Or a soul.
Sharyna: (Leaps across the table and shakes M by the collar.) Say it ain’t so, M!!
M: (o_0) No more caffeine for you, Sharyna. But yes, it is so.
Jarred: Not more!!!!
(Sharyna does a “Kirk in ‘Wrath of Khan’ ” pose.)
Melanie: If one of them is a lemon, I’m going to… .
M: No lemons, kids.
Sharyna: (Stands up and blinks.) Wait a minute… I’m not part of the regular crew! I don’t have to do the other chapters! Woo-hoo!
Tempest: No fair! M? Can we keep Sharyna?
Sharyna: No, she can’t, because I’m on an equal rank with her. So there. 😛
M: Yeah, sorry Temp.
Sharyna: Don’t forget, I’m *still* the studio manager for Tempest’s Advice Line.
(Suddenly Kalila runs into the conference room and tackles Sharyna.)
Sharyna: Kitty!! (Snuggles Kalila and gives her treats.)
Kalila: (^_^) Mew! Mew, meow mew!
M: Hey Sharyna? Kalila asked you to come back for another MiST so you guys can hang out again.
Sharyna: Ahh… I’ll see what I can do. (^-^)
Kalila: (>^_^<) Mew!
M: Well, Sharyna. I guess we’ll see you next MiST.
Tempest: Oh, but remember about the elevator.
Sharyna: (Nods.) Right.
Melanie: Bye-bye nice person who doesn’t subject us to horrible MiSTs!
(Sharyna claps her hands. A sudden rumbling echoes throughout the building, which begins to shake and shudder once more.)
Jarred: Kalinda, I’m scared!
(Suddenly, the wall of the conference room crashes down, and one large eye peers in)
Jarred: (O_O)!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!
Tempest: Whoa… cool!
Tempest: Well, if the EYE is that big…
Sharyna: Wai! Hello, Simba!
(Sharyna jumps across the blank space between the floor and the elephant’s back, and waves at the crew.)
Sharyna: Don’t even think it, Tempest. Or you’ll end up like that guy in Super Special 03.
M: See ya later, Sharyna!
All MiSTers: Bye!!!
Sharyna: (Laughs.) Bye-bye guys!