MiST 88 – God Left Me, Who Needs Him? Part I

63_screaming-agonyThe MiSTers take on the first part of the second book in the God Took Me series. Unfortunately, this book makes even less sense than the original. Which, judging by the original, is quite an accomplishment. Will the MiSTers be up to the challenge or are they not prepared for this much idiocy?

Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.

Disclaimer:

I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed. My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, my MiSTers, and the mad. My characters are used only with my permission.

This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others.

It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.

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MiSTers!

Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Dominick Dante – I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softly and carry an iPhone.
Jarred Zion – Strangers are just friends that you haven’t met!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – Hey, you’re cute. What are you doing after the MiST?
Kalinda Beckham – Yes, that’s right, I’m the only remotely normal person here.

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(Melanie, Dominick, Deangelo, and Gwen are sitting in the conference room. Melanie and Dominick are playing Dungeon Siege together while Deangelo reads on the couch and Gwen goes over some paperwork from her latest case. Tempest walks in wearing an incredibly short tube dress and frilly panties underneath.)

Melanie: Hey Tempster, what’s new?
Tempest: Nothing much. I want to go out to Disemballa tonight but it’s way too early to go. I need to kill some time.
Dominick: Want to play with us? I’m about to take a break anyway.
Tempest: Nah. Hey, where’s Klinklon and Jarred?
Deangelo: Jarred said he was going out on a date. I thought that was rather odd for Jarred, but, well, you know.
Gwen: (Taking off her reading glasses.) Really? Kalinda told me that she was going on a date too.
Melanie: Huh, that’s strange.
Tempest: Hey wait, what if they’re going on a date TOGETHER?!
Dominick: Yeah, right. Jarred would have to actually ask Kalinda out on a date first.
Gwen: Hmmm, he does have a point. The last time Jarred tried he made himself so sick with worry he had to stay in bed all day to recover.
Tempest: What if Kalinda asked him out?
Melanie: Nah, she wouldn’t have. She’s still in mourning for Evangelos.
Dominick: (Wrinkling his nose.) Evangelos? But that whole fiasco was months ago. Besides, I’m quite sure Evangelos was with another girl later that night, why is she still holding out?
Melanie: Because she’s not a rebounding swine.
Deangelo: I must confess, my book is becoming dull. Why don’t we go see what the pair are up to.
Gwen: Yes, let’s see what is really going on.

(Melanie and Dominick pause their game, Deangelo sets down his book, Gwen shoves her paperwork back into her briefcase and the MiSTers exit the conference room with matching expressions of amusement.)

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(The five MiSTers enter M’s office and Dominick sits down at her massive computer.)

Dominick: Okay, let’s track our favorite MiSTing couple. (He types in Jarred and Kalinda’s name into the character database and pulls up their profiles. He then selects the “track” option from the dropdown list and the computer begins to load their story coordinates.)
Melanie: Can you see where they are?
Gwen: What map is that?
Deangelo: Look, they’re in one of Melanie’s stories.
Melanie: Wha? Why would they go there?
Dominick: Shush, the exact coordinates are coming up.

(The computer finishes loading their coordinates and displays a live fiction feed of the two. They are sitting in a nice restaurant, seemingly oblivious that a teenage Melanie is bussing a table across the room from them.)

Deangelo: So they ARE on a date. Well, this will be interesting.
Melanie: Hey, turn up the volume, I can’t hear what they’re saying.

(Dominick turns up the volume and zooms in on the unknowing MiSTers.)

Jarred: So then I said, “Rabbit? How about bunni of the happy fluffy sort?” And then we all laughed and everything was really… you know, hilarious.
Kalinda: Yeah, that’s…. hilarious… just… hilarious…
Jarred: I guess, you know, you had to be there.

(Melanie glances at the other MiSTers.)

Melanie: Things aren’t going very well, are they?
Dominick: Nope. Way to go, Jarredlita.

(Back to the date.)

Jarred: So… it was really nice for you to come out with me tonight. I really appreciate it.
Kalinda: Yeah, well, we’re friends, so I thought, why not?
Jarred: Oh, yeah, friends…

(M enters her office and raises an eyebrow at the assembled MiSTers.)

M: Can’t you play Words With Friends on your own computers?
Dominick: We’re actually not gaming, we’re spying on Kalinda and Jarred.
Melanie: They’re on a date. Well, kind of.
M: How are they “kind of” on a date?
Gwen: Apparently, Jarred asked Kalinda out on a date and she thought he was asking her out as a friend.
M: Oh. Awkward.
Tempest: Yeah, totally.
M: Well, we’ll have to break up their little “kind of” date. We have to MiST.
Deangelo: Not again! Please tell me it’s something halfway comprehensible this time.
M: No such luck. We’re MiSTing the second “book” in the God Took Me series.
Gwen: Lincoln and her nine hundred thousand dollars are back?
M: Oh yeah, and this story makes even less sense than the last one.
Melanie: Seriously?
M: Seriously. Come on, gather up your compatriots and get to the MiSTing theatre. There are typo daemons afoot.

(M exits her office. The other MiSTers exchange glances.)

Tempest: Well, I guess it’s time to save the two from their awkward date hell.
Dominick: Awww, damn. This one had real potential to get even more cringe-worthy.

(Dominick begins to key in the command to return Jarred and Kalinda from the story.)

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(The MiSTers shuffle into the MiSTing theatre. Jarred is looking rather crestfallen while Kalinda has gotten the impression from Dominick’s not-nearly-as-vague-as-he-thought-it-was teasing that she was actually on a date with Jarred. It’s awkward turtle all around.)

Jarred: Hey look, Klondike bars! Good, I’m starving. That restaurant was not very fast on the service. (He takes his seat and unwraps his mint-flavored Klondike.)
Tempest: That’s because Melanie was feeling up the chef!
Melanie: I was young and I didn’t know any better!
Gwen: Of course you were, dear.

(The MiSTers take their seats and begin snacking.)

M: (From the control room.) Okay, is everyone ready?!
MiSTers: (Clutching their heads.) Brain freeze!
M: (From the control room.) Here we go!

>”GOD LEFT ME, WHO NEEDS HIM?”
>By Unwanted Kurisutaru Black Wolf

Jarred: So does “Kurisutaru” actually mean anything?
M: (From the control room.) It’s Japanese for “Crystal”, which is the author’s name.

>The Change Of Heart
>~January 22nd 2010~

Melanie: This only dates back to 2010? Wow.
M: (From the control room.) The author is still working on book 5 in this series. It’s been idle for months so that means she wrote it all very badly and very quickly. Clearly part of the reason why none of this story has been proofread or edited.

>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>I didn’t know how long I was in this new hell hole…days….maybe a week?

Tempest: If Lincoln ever did a scrapbook she could call it “My Trip Through Various Hell Holes.”

>My heart was totally dead, Thor was gone…..

Deangelo: Is it just me, or is Lincoln far too devoted to her snake?
Dominick: It’s not just you.

>but I must stay strong. However days had pass, I felt so empty, like I’m naked,

Gwen: Because empty and naked are practically the same feeling.

>the powers were so comfortable, like clothes on my back, but they were all gone…or were they?

Kalinda: Try morphing into a tiger and maiming some people. That’s always made you feel better.

>”Lincoln Rosemerry, My name is Xavier Alcarese, I’m not gonna lie, I am the man who defy’s god’s power, I can easily outmatch.

Jarred: Outmatch what?
Deangelo: He clearly can’t outmatch anyone at Scrabble.

>Now that Jesus took away your powers, now I can see if God’s greatest can be my greatest.” and with that he knocked me out. Again.

Deangelo: It’s quite safe to say that Lincoln is much more tolerable when she’s unconscious.

>I dreamt of the times that me and Thor were together, how I always cried when mother hitted me or father yelled at me.

Gwen: Then she dreamed of the time when she learned how to properly conjugate verbs in the past tense during second grade English class. Oh wait.

>That memory kept on going in my head, until I woke up.

Dominick: (Singing.) Waking up is hard to do!
Melanie: …. Is there more?
Dominick: That’s the only part of the song that I know.
Melanie: Okay, never mind.

>***Dr. Xavier Alcarese’s Point Of View***
>Lincoln was knock out, it was time to start the experiment.

Tempest: I’m all for testing new feminine hygiene products, but this is taking it too far.

>I had my young assisant Shiloh carry the young miss into my lab, where he setted her on the operating table and took off her clothes and placed her in sheets.

MiSTers: (@_@….) Kay….
Jarred: That’s a little on the creepy side.

>”She is ready father.” Shiloh said, looking at the young girl. Something is telling me that he is falling for her…

Gwen: It’s the fact that she’s a teenage female and she’s breathing.

>He fed her food everyday and spent every minute outside of her door, cause I didn’t let him get near her.

Deangelo: And don’t worry, outside of her door doesn’t qualify as “near”.

>”Very good son, now go see if Gaberial has the animal blood from all over the world.” And with that he left.

Melanie: Well, can’t have do a voodoo sacrifice without animal blood.

>The plan was simple, I was to insert animal DNA inside her blood system, and with minutere robots to replace it with her RNA, the experiment should work.

Dominick: Well, that makes sense.
Tempest: It does?
Dominick: Not in the slightest.
Jarred: Don’t call me an expert on genetics but I don’t think you can replace human DNA with animal DNA then have robots turn it into RNA. They’re not even kind of the same thing.

>So far at the machines on my left, I got the canine family and the feline family and the rodent family, and the bird family…pretty much all but lizards.

Kalinda: What about fish and insects?
Jarred: And happy fluffy bunnies?
Deangelo: Technically speaking, there are nearly one thousand different families of animals.

>In order for this to work and to compete with God, I must have all animal DNA’s.

Tempest: Better get back to work then! There are theorized to be 3 million different types of animals on Earth.

>***God’s Point Of View***
>My powers felt like it was fading away. I can actually feel like my old age.

Melanie: So the immortal God is dying. Interesting.
Kalinda: But he’s immortal, he can’t die.
Melanie: I didn’t say he died, I said he’s DYING. Which is apparently possible in this universe.

>My angels tried to cheer me up and get me back to my old self, but nothing helps.

Jarred: God doesn’t know about the power of positive thinking?

>The world is rotting cause I made alot of people lose faith in me, and now evil is spreading like a forest fire.

Dominick: Is there a whole other part of this story that we’re not aware of? I mean, the only person we know of who’s lost faith in God is Lincoln. Who else is he talking about and what is this evil that’s supposedly spreading? So far we only know about Gabriel and Jesus’ plan to take the place over and those two are as savvy as Wile E. Coyote.

>”Father..?” Jesus came to my side, I hate for him seeing me like this, you call this a father figure?

Gwen: One could argue that a real father figure wouldn’t send their child to a hostile planet knowing he’s going to be killed, but let’s just stop there.

>”Yes my son, what is it you want?” “Just checking up on you father? how’s your powers?” “Getting weaker as the seconds turn to minutes.”

Melanie: (God, slightly baked.) Yeah, today I tried to smite someone and they were, like, totally not smited. They were, like, smitten. Is that a word? Yeah. Smitten.

>”Oh…..” he trailed off and started to walk away. “Son.” I said.
>He turned around and look at me, he has his mothers eyes.

Deangelo: (God.) I should remind him to give those back to her.

>”How’s Lincoln Rosemerry? I haven’t seen or heard of her.”

Tempest: So the dude’s dying, the world is being overrun by evil and all he cares to ask about is one whiney emo girl?

>”Father, are you losing your memory as well? she move to Cananda so that her father can’t track her, and Gaberial is with her, I’ll get Gia so she can trace Gaberial and he can report to you.” Then my son vanished.

M: (From the control room.) Remember, we’ve already established that God’s powers stop at the Canadian border.

>Theres something I can’t trust in Gaberial or my own son. What can a old man like me do?

Dominick: Shrivel up and die? If only God has some kind of supernatural powers or abilities that could help him out in a time like this. No? Too bad.

>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>”Lightness is what I need, but Darkness has my heart, always plotting a horry deed.

Gwen: Are we going back to that awful poem Lincoln wrote in the beginning of the story? Why in the world would that come up now?

>With no one on my side to help me flee, darkness will always be in me.”

Kalinda: Because the darkness is still within her, just in a different way now.
Deangelo: I think it’s showing how, despite everything that Lincoln has been through, she’s still the same whiny teenager that made up the word “horry”.
Dominick: Only now, she has a body count.

>I was in a deep sleep, I can feel some needles inside my arms, my legs, my back, and my forehead.

Jarred: Suddenly, she felt the rhythm in her soul!

>I wanted to shake the needles out of my body, but of course, I was strap to the table…damn it.

Tempest: What a waste of straps. If you’re not going to do something fun with them, don’t bother using them at all. You know?

>All I can do was dream, to think, to live that I can never live in real life.

Melanie: It’s… you know, it’s hard to make fun of something when you can’t even understand it…

>My dream was that I was in the forest, the grass under my feet was wet and cool, and the air was soo cool,

Kalinda: And the trees were cool and the bugs were cool and the forest creatures were cool and everything was just really fucking cool!

>oh man it was paradise, my heart felt warm and fuzzy, my worries were gone.

Jarred: A little angsty there, Kalinda?
Kalinda: I seriously don’t know how much more of this I can take. I mean, come on. We sat through two excruciating parts of the first story and now we have to sit through the second one. Can you imagine how drained we’ll be by the fifth one?
M: (From the control room.) If it makes you feel any better, we’re coming up on our one hundredth MiST. How cool is that?
MiSTers: Not cool! Not cool at all!

>”THOR!” I yelled as I saw my beloved friend on a tree, looking healthy as ever. I ran to him and grabbed him and placed him on my neck.

Tempest: Then they dropped to the forest floor and had tentacle sex right there in the cool grass.

>”Thor, I missed you so much, how are you?!” I smiled at my friend, but he just look at me. “Thor, speak to me” Again silence. Thor….. Of course, my powers are gone,

Deangelo: Which is a shame when you remember all of the stirring conversations between Lincoln and her pet snake. The way they would debate philosophy and art. It was just astounding. The intellectual depths of the two characters will be sorely missed.

>”IF I CAN TAKE AWAY DIEASES AND BLINDNESS, I AM CERTAIN I CAN TAKE AWAY POWERS AS WELL!!” that was te last thing Jesus said to me before he took them away.

Melanie: That’s like saying you can fix a computer so you should be able to take a class of kindergarteners on a field trip.

>I know I hated the powers, but they were gonna do something good to me, me and Thor were gonna have a new life, a life where we can live happy.

Gwen: Yes, and never think about the people Lincoln had to kill to get there.

>The fresh cool green forest vanished and turned into a dark cave. Water drops echo the grand cave like a echo in a hallway.

Jarred: So an echo sounds like an echo. Great imagery there.

>It was very cold and awefully too damp. I started walking deeper to the Cave, hoping I can find the opening, but what I found was a egg.

Dominick: Omelets.
Melanie: That’s seriously the first thing you think when you see an egg?
Dominick: Why not? I mean, omelets are made out of eggs. Egg, omelet. Seems logical to me.

>***Gaberial’s Point Of View***
>”Dr. Alcarese, I found all the lizard’s DNA in the world, including something you’d find interesting.” I said and placed dozens of test tubes of blood in front of him.

Tempest: Dozens, huh? Hey M, how many kinds of lizards are there in the world?
M: (From the control room.) About 3,800 kinds, according to Wikipedia.
Tempest: Dozens.

>All of them were pure red, but the last two were white as ivory.

Deangelo: Ivory blood? Really?
Gwen: Technically, white isn’t ivory.

>”What are these?” Dr. Alcarese asked, his eyebrows furied in wonder. “Its a suprise, that god couldn’t even do” I came over to whisper it in his ear.

Kalinda: Something an omnipotent deity couldn’t manage? That’s going to be interesting.

>His face lit up and he look at Lincoln over his shoulder.
>Her face was paler than usual,

Melanie: Well, that’s one plus for Lincoln. She’s finally achieved a new level of pale.

>as the different animal blood was being inserted inside her body I can see her hair changing from blacks to whites to browns to oranges to reds to different shades of browns and blacks and grays.

Gwen: So inserting animal DNA into your blood stream changes your hair color. Interesting.

>Her sking was turning from blubber to scales to hard armer plates .

Dominick: I still don’t get the point of taking Lincoln’s powers away just to give her the same powers back again.
Deangelo: Because this time they’re replicating the powers with science instead of by a divine force.
Dominick: But it’s still the same outcome.

>”Gia was here not to long ago, I think she was looking for.” Shiloh came out of no where.

Tempest: Yeah, Gia was here, she was looking for a complete sentence. She couldn’t find one here so she went elsewhere to track one down.

>Shiloh was a young man of 18, he has black hair and green eyes. His style was somewhat like Lincoln’s

Jarred: Always good to see that kids cut off from the real world can still manage their own emo style.
Gwen: Perhaps the author is trying to make the point that emo style is innate, as children without access to popular culture still manage to dress like emos.
Dominick: Every time someone says “emo” does anyone else hear “emu” in their head?
Melanie: Sometimes… Yes.

>I believe, he’s somewhat nice, for all I know.

Tempest: Sounds like he’s trying to delicately describe someone he wants someone to go on a blind date with.

>”Shiloh, get out of here!” Dr. Alcarese sent his son out of the room, but that doesn’t mean he can’t see us.

Deangelo: So his eyes function properly and he can see into an open room. Brilliant.

>”I’ll leave then, in the mean time, God is getting weaker, the sooner you prove that you can be more powerful than him the better.”

Kalinda: So their plan is that Jesus is going to prove himself more powerful than God through the means of science and then all of the angels and shit are going to say, “Fuck god and all his many wonders, let’s all be subjects of a guy who never got laid in his life and an archangel that doesn’t have his name spelled correctly, ever”?
Gwen: Why, is there something wrong with that plan?

>Before I left to search for Gia, I can hear Dr. Alcarese saying. “This is gonna be interesting.”

Tempest: And painful. Don’t forget painful.

>The Overpower

Dominick: Like this overpowering stench of failure that this story gives off. It clogs my senses.

>***Thor’s Point Of View***

Jarred: A part of me was hoping that we wouldn’t have to hear anything else from Thor, but seriously, what would Lincoln do without her favorite reptile?
Melanie: Be even more whiney?

>I was still in this forest, suriving by mice and rabbits, anything that I can reach. My rib cage is still healing from the crash,

Gwen: I fail to see how a bus crash that killed humans left a little snake alive.

>I just hope soon enough to find Lincoln, I can always find her.

Jarred: Because he got her chipped.

>Gia, some Raven, came to me once in a while to give me some mice since I couldn’t move much back then.

Dominick: I’m not an expert on reptiles, but it sounds to me like a snake with a crushed rib cage would be a dead snake.

>Gia left one day and I wondered why.

Deangelo: (Thor.) She must be working with the men in black. I mean, ravens are black. So why not?

>I started slithering towards the direction she was flying. It took me hours to catch up to her, she stop to get some prey or a drink of water from the river.

Tempest: Of course, Gia was flying below the tree line, making it easy for Thor to keep up with her.

>As she flew over the trees

Tempest: Er, never mind.

>and me slithering tree to tree where I saw a huge japanense house.

Jarred: I thought they were in Canada. How did a Japanese house end up in Canada?
Kalinda: Maybe she means Japanese architecture. Like a pagoda.
Jarred: Ooo, I love pagodas! They’re so pretty.

>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>Pain is what I feel,

Dominick: (Lincoln.) My stubbed toe hurt like a bitch!

>I want to attack everyone,

Gwen: Well, that’s healthy.

>My heart is made out of steel,

Deangelo: Which is also healthy.

>my heart can’t be touch by anyone…..

Melanie: Not even Thor?

>I wanted to get away, but the needles, they are hurting me like no tomorrow. I didn’t know what they were inserting me,

Tempest: This whole sentence is just so many layers of wrong.

>but it felt like hot water, no not even water, like….LAVA. It felt like Lava was going inside my blood system,

Deangelo: That’s one method of torture medieval inventors failed to come up with.

>it felt like my organs were churning, like if you didn’t eat for a whole week, your stomach would growl and seem to shrink.

Kalinda: I’m pretty sure that fasting for a week doesn’t cause your organs to churn.
M: (From the control room.) It doesn’t.

>Shit, to think about it, when was the last time I DID eat?

Dominick: Seriously? I mean, seriously? When I’m in tremendous pain, my last meal doesn’t really enter into my mind. The pain must not be that bad if she starts thinking about cheeseburgers.
Melanie: Really? There comes a time when you DON’T think about food.
Dominick: Well, it’s rare, but it happens. Remember that time you shot me? I wasn’t thinking about food then.
Kalinda: Melanie shot you? And you’re still with her?!
Dominick: It was an accident.
Melanie: Yeah, it was. Of course, it was an accident I didn’t hit you square between the eyes.

>I was still in this cave, looking at this egg, it seem to grow everytime I even glance at it.

Deangelo: Then Lincoln noticed that the egg wasn’t getting bigger, she was getting smaller!
Gwen: Soon she was so tiny that she could have lived inside the egg quite comfortably.

>It soon became from a small chicken egg to a huge ostrich egg. I think its not gonna stop growing…..

Dominick: Then it’s going to take over the world?

>***Dr. Alcarese’s Point Of View***
>I’m almost done, Lincoln is almost done.

Jarred: Done being an emo?

>Dispite the fact that she didn’t get a proper meal, she is still healthy as a horse.

Kalinda: And she still has the face of one too.

>It took me almost two days to finish doing the transfuring all of the animal DNA into her blood system and according to the mini robots inside her body, its working.

Tempest: The nanobots sent back a status report that read “It’s really, really emo in here.”

>Shiloh came out to his room and started being useful by cleaning the test-tubes and organizing the monitiors.

Deangelo: But when you think about it, is he actually being helpful, or is he just staving off what must be the indescribable boredom of being trapped in the middle of nowhere with your dad and a random emo girl?

>My son doesn’t see my dreams of competeing against god, if only he can see and feel the wonder of being more powerful than the creater himself.

Jarred: Technically, unless the doctor creates an entire world and all its many wonders, he’s not more powerful than the creator. He might be able to mimic God’s giving Lincoln the ability to transform into animals power, but that doesn’t make him more powerful than God.

>”Father, the reptile DNA will be done in 3 minutes.” Shiloh said, looking at the girl, hmm maybe Shiloh will like to be in her shoes.

Dominick: But her shoes are way too small for him.

>With that I drugged him by stabbing a needle in his neck and started dragging him to the table next to Lincoln,

Gwen: Well, this is going to make for one awkward evening, come Thanksgiving.

>getting all the extra DNA I had from the animals and started to insert it inside my own son.

Kalinda: But didn’t they put all of that DNA into Lincoln? Are they reusing it? Is that even sanitary?

>***Shiloh’s Point Of View***
>I never introduced myself,

Tempest: And our lives would still have been complete if you didn’t.

>so I’m going to start here and lead you to whats happening. My name is Shiloh, and no, I’m not a beagle.

Melanie: Are you sure? Have you checked recently?

>I’m 18 yrs old with inky black hair that is form to a punk rockish mohawk, with dark green eyes. I’m 5’9 with skin pale as ice,

Gwen: (Face palming.) Ice is transparent.

>my father never let me go outside to long, so my skin never felt the sunshine kisses.

Dominick: Yep, another teenager with rickets.
Deangelo: It worries me that teenagers have no idea that never going out in the sun is actually very bad for you.

>I never had a best friend, I always wanted one, but my father pretty much scares them away.

Kalinda: (Shiloh.) — With his Coco the Clown impression.

>I felt utterly alone and thought that no one never suffer like me. Until I met Lincoln.

Jarred: Then he realized how lucky he was?
Kalinda: Maybe he realized how he could use his past as grounds for lifelong whining.

>When I saw Lincoln the moment that the angel Gaberial brought her knocked out, I thought that she can’t get any more beautiful.

Tempest: Considering that Shiloh has never seen a real girl before, it probably doesn’t take much to impress him.

>Her skin reminded me of swan feathers, soft and pure white, her eyes were pure and soft filled with hazel sadness

Dominick: Her farts were pure and soft and smelt lightly of roses.

>and her hair, I can already smell the sweet sweet smell of peanuts and chocolate.

Melanie: Huh. Is Lincoln secretly a chocolate bar?

>I wanted to hold her, to embrace her and my pain until it went all away.

Gwen: Is it just me or does Shiloh have the potential to become a very scary stalker?
Deangelo: It’s not just you.

>I hated the fact that my father used her like a lab rat in a dangerous experiment, now he is using me as well, but I don’t know what for.

Tempest: Interesting how Shiloh knows he’s being used in an experiment and everything considering he was rendered unconscious without any explanation.

>He did alot of experiments to young people such as I,

Dominick: He kidnapped his victims by hanging out around Escape the Fate concerts and seeing who could whine the most about their unfulfilling, middle-class, teenage existences.

>they are in england where they live in one of those medievel (however you spell it) castles.

Gwen: (Squinting.) However you spell it? This is the one word she’s concerned that she might not be spelling correctly? Really?
Jarred: Imagine if she wrote that after every word that’s misspelled. The story would be twice as long!

>Each person has had a gift that was copy from god.

Kalinda: I would point out that the story led us to believe that this was the first time that these two had attempted an experiment such as this. Now we find out that this is how Gabriel and Dr. Alcarese spend a long weekend.
Tempest: So the doc and Gabriel are churning out these supernatural humans and sticking them in a medieval castle and no one is the wiser?
Deangelo: Well, we’ve already established that God’s powers stop at the Canadian border, maybe they don’t extend across the Atlantic ocean either.
Kalinda: Then the author is basically saying that God is an American deity. Interesting.

>My father loves competition, thats why he is doing this.

Melanie: There are plenty of competitive people out there, but really, how many of them have tried to overcome God’s powers? Slackers.

>My mind was funcitoning, but my body didn’t do what I command it to do. I hated that feeling.

Gwen: Yes, we know, sleep paralysis is terrible. You don’t have to keep whinging on about it.

>But I can feel what it felt like hot wax being inserted inside my body. I started to dream myself being at a green forest, it felt cool and fresh,

Tempest: Then he ran into Lincoln and the emo love fest commenced!
Kalinda: Please, no. This story is bad enough without a teenage pregnancy thrown in.

>as if you took a nice cold bath from a humid hot day outside. I touch the leaves to feel it to be cool, but then all of a sudden I saw that I was inside some cave.

Dominick: You know, if this was my dream, I would have spontaneously combusted by now or had a run-in with some zombies.
Melanie: You spontaneously combust in your dreams?
Dominick: Occasionally. Usually after eating Mexican food.

>I can see nothing but darkness, well nothing but a young girl holding something….

Deangelo: He sees a young girl holding a dictionary.
Jarred: Now you know it’s a dream.

>Lincoln holding something I saw in my studies in the reinassance era….a dragon egg.

Gwen: Yes, I remember when I studied the medieval era in college. They went over dragon eggs with great detail.

>***Gaberial’s Point Of View***
>I found Gia outside of Xavier’s house, and brought her inside.

Dominick: (Gabriel.) We unwound, had a few beers, and talked about this crazy life we lead.

>She needed me cause she sent me a message, the girl’s snake was still alive.

Tempest: By now, Thor’s reciting his emo poetry about losing Lincoln to any animals in the forest who will listen.

>I told her that to take care of the snake and locate him, that way she can’t blame me as much as I was meant to be blame.

Jarred: What? What is he talking about?
Melanie: He’s to blame for the whole accident that injured Thor. Maybe that’s what he’s referring to.

>She flew away and I went inside of Xavier’s house to see not one human body, but TWO human bodies on the table.

Kalinda: (Gabriel, sighing.) Alcarese has been on a killing spree again.

>”Xavier, what is the meaning of this?” I said seeing both Shiloh and Lincoln pale as Satan’s eyes and thin like skeletons.

Jarred: (Alcarese.) It’s two for one day?

>”Boys are faster than the girls, the blood is easily going inside my son’s. He caught up with Lincoln’s transformation. We are about to see whats gonna happen in another minute.”

Gwen: Nice to see that Alcarese maintains the strictest scientific standards of testing.

>This was crazy, but brilliant at the same time. I can’t wait to see this, to see how human kind is superier than god himself since he is losing his touch.

Deangelo: Superior, if that is indeed the word the author was trying to spell, would mean that Lincoln’s new powers should be an improvement. However, the plan is to give Lincoln her exact same powers back, so I fail to see how this experiment is going to prove anyone to be superior to God.

>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***
>Alot is happening,

Tempest: I agree. Alots are very happening creatures.
Dominick: I wonder how many times we can use that joke before it gets old.
Tempest: Indefinitely.

>I can feel it. I was taking care of the egg like it was my baby,

Kalinda: (Lincoln.) I put it in my lap as I drove.

>something special, I felt so much love for it, as much love as I love Thor.

Deangelo: No, certainly not. Lincoln couldn’t love anything as much as she loves Thor. Nothing.

>I turn around to see Shiloh, the young man who took care of me somewhat, he look at me with atonishment and empty handed.

Dominick: Oh man, I hate it when someone looks at me empty handed. I mean, it’s like, go put something in your hands, asshole!

>Until he came up to me, we were nose to nose, he was so handsome, but I know I can’t love him.

Gwen: That would require some character development.

>’Can’t trust your friends, can’t trust your family, can’t trust NO ONE’.

Tempest: But when you really think about it, she doesn’t have any friends, she maimed her own mother and alienated her family, and none of the people she’s come across so far in the story have given her any indication that they might be trustworthy. This is less of a mantra, more common sense.

>But can this be false with Shiloh.

Melanie: Nah, continue to loath and fear everyone.

>He was empty handed for a moment, until he has a egg that is similiar to mine, but here is the thing. His was bigger than mine, but we had the same color. His was a darker shade of black and gray than mine.

Jarred: Maybe the author is a really big fan of Ann Veal and this is her way of subtly paying tribute.
Gwen: Yes, because we know what a master of subtlety the author is.

>”What does this mean?” I said to him. He was about to say something when the eggs started vibrating and starting cracking.

Dominick: Well, there go the delicious omelets they were going to have.

>”Whats happening?” I said to Shiloh, he knows something, and he wanted to say something, but then I felt a powerful punch go straight to my chest, then I saw that it happen to Shiloh too.

Kalinda: Looks like it’s time to tap out.

>My shoulder was burning. The tattoo of god’s kiss, it was gone.

Deangelo: She had a tattoo of God’s kiss?
Gwen: I don’t think that was ever explained.

>”I DID IT! I OVER POWER GOD HIMSELF!!”I heard Dr. Alcarsese said and I was even too tired to open my eyes, but was suck back into darkness.

Melanie: She zaps back to the forest to discover that her egg housed as gigantic chicken. She had chicken tenders for dinner.

>The Sweet Heart
>***Thor’s Point Of View***

Kalinda: Oh good! More of Thor crawling through a forest, making a journey that would be completely impossible for your average python.

>I couldn’t contuine anymore, I must stop. My body felt that it was about to shut down completely, I didn’t know why.

MiSTers: (Face palm.) ….

>I slither up to a high tree that had lots of green leaves for me to camoflauge easily. As I found a perfect branch, I tried to reach Lincoln.

Jarred: Maybe he can text message her. Kids these days love to text messaging.

>For some reason I couldn’t feel her presence, I mean I wasn’t that far from the house, and I know Lincoln is there, but I don’t know why I can’t contact her all of a sudden.

Jarred: He must not be getting cell service.

>Gia appeared out of no where and started cawing at me.

Kalinda: She wanted to know if he would like to go out to dinner sometime.

>”This is Dr. Alcarese’s house and Lincoln is actually in there?”

Dominick: Are you asking me or telling me?

>Caw caw

Melanie: (Nudging Gwen.) Hey, do you speak crow?
Gwen: No, not that this author would even be able to write crow language correctly, seeing how badly she butchers her native tongue.

>”I see….why are you helping me?” Caaaaw caw ca ca aw aw

Kalinda: Well, this is going to be a fascinating conversation. You’d think the author would throw in some translations or something. But nope.

>”There is a god? and you are trying to help him?” CAAAAAAAAAwww “Oh you meant his son, Jesus, he is trying to take over the thrown and that you are trying to help that happen?”

Dominick: I’m always thrown when the author uses the wrong form of “throne” like that. It’s just weird.

>oooo “Why?” caw caw caw “God is loosing his touch?”

Melanie: That’s a good reason for betrayal and mutiny. He’s losing his touch. Throw his ass out of power.

>Thats when she got her beack and placed it on my face, thats when I saw everything that has happened.

Tempest: Flashback! Flashback!

>God was in his thrown, appearing to be bored, so he accidently starts killing people.

Jarred: He “accidently” started killing people?
Gwen: Is the author trying to state that the only thing keeping God from killing innocent people is something to occupy his time?

>The people turned to spirts and started going to there family and saying that God doesn’t care about his people, he is slowly killing us one at a time.

Deangelo: Although, technically, everyone will die at some point. Let’s not forget about that.
Tempest: He’s lucky those spirits didn’t organize and start holding protests in heaven. That would have looked really bad for God.

>Then he got tired of bringing them to heaven, so thats when he is ordering his Angels to go get there spirts before Satan gets them.

Dominick: Yeah, I can see why it would be such a pain to have to personally escort the people you killed out of negligence all the way to heaven.
Kalinda: You know, this doesn’t jive with what happened to Lincoln. In the first book it says that Gabriel killed Lincoln accidently, not God. God had no idea about it and yelled at Gabriel when he showed up in heaven with the dead Lincoln talking about how Gabriel wasn’t certified to kill a human.

>Jesus wants the thrown and to make things all better again, but god is immortal, he can’t die, but step aside. Jesus can’t die either.

Tempest: You know, this little flashback might actually be helpful if it told us things we didn’t know and filled in some of the back story of this ridiculous plot. But so far it’s told us something that doesn’t make sense with what has already been established and rehashed a bunch of things we already knew.
Deangelo: Strange. It’s almost like this writing is… you know, not good.

>Then God tried to make things better like giving them powers, but he screws up cause his powers make the people seem crazy and starts messing up with there lives.

Jarred: But seriously, what did he think was going to happen? Giving a human supernatural powers? Not everyone is going to use their powers to become a super hero that helps people.

>Long story short, Jesus wants to fix everything God has done.

Melanie: And bring back Casual Friday.

>Gaberial is helping Jesus accomplish this by getting god’s plans and turning them into science experiments.

Dominick: Which is totally helpful and totally makes sense.

>”But why did he take Lincoln?” I asked.

Jarred: Clearly, God digs emo chicks.

>She said that God, placed one final task for Gaberial, to be Lincoln’s guardian angel, but its deeper than that. “How deep..?” I asked and she answer this.

Gwen: (Gia.) Deep. It goes all the way to the top. That’s right, the president is in on it!

>Lincoln already knows what the power feels like and what it does and how to control it, they are gonna do science experiments on her,

Kalinda: (Gia.) They’re hoping to get first place at Middlebrook Elementary Science Fair this year. Last year they got third place and they were so upset. Poor boys.

>and if this succeeds, then it shows that man can do anything god can do and he’ll have to step down.

Deangelo: So all of the advancements people have made in science and medicine haven’t proven that humans have abilities which can rival God?
Dominick: Nope. The only way to prove they’re superior to God is to inject an emo teenager with DNA so her RNA will be overcome with nanbots.

>I turn towards the house,’Lincolnsssss…….’ I thought before my body shutted down….I’m cold-blooded by the way…

Jarred: And my shoe size is 11. I’m glad we’ve established this.

>***Shiloh’s Point Of View***
>I couldn’t remember my dream when I woke up. Well, OUR dream that is.

Melanie: But if he can’t remember it, then how does he know it was a shared dream?

>I sat straight up to see dozens of needles in my arms and legs and stomach and my face. “WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!” I yelled, fury building in my fists.

Tempest: Well, he didn’t give you a day at the spa, genius.

>”I changed you my son, now you are the most powerful being in the world, like Lincoln.” He pointed at Lincoln.

Jarred: Aren’t they even mildly concerned that if they give these children too much power they will use their abilities to turn on their captors and destroy them?
Gwen: Maybe they used a bunch of gormless teenagers because they were fairly certain they could be easily controlled.

>She was slowly getting up, but looks so ill. Her pale coloring was yellow like cheese.

Dominick: Like a sharp cheddar or a tender yellow American?

>She needs food, she needs to wake up and smell the fresh air, I think that’ll do her good.

Melanie: At least, it might stave off the rickets for a while.

>”Father, she needs to go outside.” I pleded, I care about Lincoln, more than ever now than before. My father shrugged his shoulders and started typing non-stop on his keyboard.

Kalinda: (Shiloh.) I wanted to tell him that that keyboard wasn’t actually attached to anything, but I thought better of it.

>I didn’t think I can carry her, but I did. She was as light as a feather, and I carried her outside.

Jarred: Wait, who is talking again? I got so bored I stopped paying attention.
Tempest: Shiloh. Although, given the rate at which this author changes narrators it would be easy to get confused.

>It was starting to snow lightly, but not much to cause a blizzard. I started running with her, the need for speed was extrondairy, I felt faster than Flash himself.

Deangelo: Flash? Flash Gordon?
Kalinda: The Flash?
Gwen: Kid Flash?
Jarred: Flash Bunni?
Others: Who?
Jarred: Flash Bunni. He’s the quickest Happy Fluffy Bunni of them all. (Looking around.) What?! You were all naming Flashes, I wanted to join in!

>I decided to stop by a huge Willow tree that was near a clear lake. I can see that we were at least a mile away from my house.

Dominick: So this dude just walked a mile with an unconscious girl in his arms? Wouldn’t she get a little heavy after a while?
Kalinda: But don’t you remember from earlier? Lincoln was as light as a feather. A dainty little wrist-cutting feather.

>I sat on the snow with Lincoln in my arms, she was so beautiful, but so sick at the same time,

Melanie: Is it just me or does someone who is incredibly beautiful while deathly ill sounding like a Mary Sue.
Tempest: A Mary Sue? In this story? Never!
Dominick: Come on, Mel. Seriously. What tipped you off?

>but I knew that the cold air was doing her good cause she was getting her color back.

Deangelo: Yes, exposing someone to freezing temperatures when they are seriously ill is always the best thing for them.

>”Lincoln…..?” I said, hoping she’ll regain her concouious. She furied her eyebrow and snuggle closer to me, I wonder if she knew what she was doing.

Kalinda: She’s probably just reacting to the extreme cold that she was suddenly subjected to.

>I just hugged her closer and let the snow kiss our faces and bodys, hoping that one day I can kiss her lips and for her to become my sweet heart.

Dominick: And then he can chop her up and keep her in his freezer so she will always be his. I see this romance working out well.

>The Team
>***Lincoln’s Point Of View***

Tempest: Hey, should I announce changes in points of view?
Others: (O_O!) No!
Kalinda: Page breaks and flashbacks are bad enough. No POV alerts!

>I woke in Shiloh’s arms, it felt so warm, so safe. I can just stay here forever, but that couldn’t last long. “SHILOH! LINCOLN! COME INSIDE!” Dr. Alcarese shouted from where he was at.

Dominick: He managed to shout from the house and be heard a mile away? Wow, that dude has some powerful lungs.

>I didn’t want to get up, but Shiloh got up and carried me to the house. The house was somewhat huge, but looks like a japanense culture house.

Gwen: Japanese culture house?
Deangelo: I have no idea…

>He carried me inside and sat me at the long sofa, where he came close to me and sat down. I couldn’t help but to hold his hands, I felt fear when Dr. Alcarese came towards us.

Tempest: Why? She can morph into a white tiger again and maim everyone in sight. Why should she be afraid of him now?

>”I got nothing to say, but to pack your bags Shiloh and go find Lincoln’s belongings at the bus crash cause we are going to LONDON!”

Dominick: Dude, I wanna go to London. How come the messed up emo chick gets to go to London and we have to stay here?

>***Thor’s Point Of View***
>So colllldddssss. Thats why I had to stay still, if I were to contuine slithering, I would freeze to death. My body felt like crap, physically and mentally.

Kalinda: God, nothing is worse than a mentally-anguished snake.
Melanie: You know, one thing I always liked about animals was that they never got themselves into complicated emotional problems, but this story really dispels that notion.

>My body felt numb and stiff, like if I slither, it would feel like carrying a boulder on my back, and mentally, well, I miss Lincoln.

Jarred: This whole snake/girl relationship thing is starting to weird me out too.

>I tried to contact her mentally for the pass week, but nothing. So before my body gives out for me, I’m gonna try once more.

Dominick: Clearly, Thor is with Verizon. No one can hear him now.

>’Lincoln, its Thor, your snake, I’m here, near you…I can’t go on, Cold-blooded…..Lincoln, I love you if I were to pass away…you

Deangelo: (Thor.) Can have my stereo and my collection of sad clown figurines.

>were the best friend I ever had…..

Tempest: Technically, the only friend he’s ever had.

>Lincoln, I just hope you find true happiness…..’

Gwen: The kind of true happiness you can achieve through murdering anyone that stands in your way.

>My vision went blurry and I did the last thing I could do to let me live alittle while longer. I place my head under my numb body, hoping I can get any heat from it, and slept.

Dominick: You know, I have a hard time feeling sorry for Thor. I mean, he knew he had a low metabolic rate BEFORE he decided to go trekking through the snow. Shouldn’t he have thought better of it and tried to contact Lincoln before he was near death?

>***Shiloh’s Point Of View***
>I knew why we were going to London,

Gwen: To see the queen!

>my father has a castle over there,

Kalinda: Uh, how did Alcarese afford a castle? Those things aren’t cheap.

>and I knew why we are going to that castle.

Jarred: For a rousing game of Hello Kitty Uno!

>I was walking with Lincoln to go get her stuff before the snow went any thicker to cover her things.

Deangelo: Wait, what’s going on?
M: (From the control room.) Apparently, Shiloh is taking Lincoln back to the site of the bus crash to gather up her belongings.
Deangelo: Didn’t the bus crash in Washington?
M: (From the control room.) According to the story, they were about three miles from Washington when the bus crashed.
Dominick: So he ran her across the border? Did they drive? Did they have to stop at a border station? How did they explain themselves to the immigration agents? I have all of these questions.

>A sad face experssion was on her china doll face. “Lincoln, what’s the matter?” I ask, holding her hand.

Kalinda: Uh, her LIFE! Where has he been for this entire story?

>She stiffen at first, but her fingers finally relaxed over mine. “God took me, and gave me powers, and when things started to look good,

Tempest: Hold the phone, when did things ever start to look good?
Melanie: Well, she got hit by a car. Er, that’s not a good thing.
Gwen: But then Lincoln was given the ability to transform into animals.
Kalinda: Which she used to maim her mother and kill two guys.
Jarred: Well, then she got almost a million dollars out of the bank using someone else’s credit card without verifying her identity and made all those plans to live on her own.
Tempest: Oh yeah, maybe that’s what she’s referring to.
Deangelo: You know, if I had read those plot events in the description of a book or movie, I would definitely pass on it and not think twice.

>God forgot about me, causing me to get kidnap by Gaberial and letting all those people die…including Thor, my beloved snake…

Dominick: If you love him so much, then why don’t you marry him?

>Then God left me in the hands of this man, and Jesus took away my powers, making me lose the only connection I could’ve have with Thor, now that your father pretty much gave them back to me, I don’t know if I can reach him ever again if he’s alive.”

Melanie: Here’s a radical thought; why don’t you try?

>We were right at the crash, human bodies were cover with the snow like a white blanket.

Gwen: What? All of the dead bodies are still laying in the snow? No one found them yet? Didn’t anyone notice the bus never arrived and all of those people were missing? They’ve been gone for weeks!

>Lincoln started crying and went to the crash to get her things. She had a backpack, a bag that went on her shoulder, then a laptop bag.

Jarred: Don’t forget about her bag of money!

>”THOR ISN’T IN HERE!!” She screamed, looking through the snow and going to tree to tree. “Lincoln!” I scream and chased after her, she was fast.

Tempest: Does anyone else see this as the perfect opportunity for Lincoln and Shiloh to escape? They’re alone, no supervision, and there’s a bag with nearly a million dollars in it somewhere in the wreckage. Time to make tracks.

>I leaped over tree stump to tree stump and ran through the fallen cherry blossom leaves that flew once more before they turn to a ugly brown.

Melanie: For some reason I doubt Lincoln and Shiloh are intelligent enough to make a safe getaway.
Jarred: Maybe they have Stockholm Syndrome.

>Lincoln had the speed of a cheetah, and the gracefullness of a wolf, leading a hunting pack.

Dominick: The agility of a flying squirrel, leaping its way into oncoming traffic.

>I didn’t know she can be this graceful, but turns out that I can too. Lincoln then finally stop by a huge pine tree and look up at the branches. ‘Thor…?’

Kalinda: I’m waiting for when Lincoln and Thor spot each other and do the whole slow-motion running to embrace their true love in unbridled joy.

>I can hear her, but her lips didn’t move, is she mentally talking or looking for her snake.

Deangelo: No, she’s just an excellent ventriloquist.

>She reach her arms up and tipetoe to get something. “Lincoln, what is it?” I ask her, walking by her side until I saw a huge snake, that was once green, but was turning to a light blue.

Gwen: Wait, what? I thought Thor had followed Gia and gone far from the crash site before his body shut down.
Tempest: Maybe Thor hallucinated his entire “journey”.
Melanie: Maybe Lincoln ran the entire distance that he traveled.
Dominick: Maybe this story doesn’t make any fucking sense.

>”We got to get him inside and warm him up.” She said and started running with the snake.

Kalinda: Running with snakes. Is that like running with scissors?

>”Lincoln who is that snake?” I said running beside her side. “Thor…” she said until we both ran to the house in full speed.

Deangelo: Wait, now the house is within walking distance of the crash? Then how can it be in Canada?
Gwen: You know, it was never established where the story was originally set, so there’s no way we can be sure where she was coming from when she was going to Washington.
Jarred: That kind of makes more sense if all three locations, the crash site, Thor’s final resting place, and the house, are very close together. Not a whole lot of sense, but more sense.
Deangelo: I have a headache.

>***Gaberial’s Point Of View***
>I had to go back to America before God sends a angel after me,

Melanie: It’s so bizarre that God is now an American deity. It’s not like the Christian religion originated in America.

>I started flying with my angel wings, Gia came out of no where and reported that the snake was found by Lincoln and Shiloh.

Gwen: Passive voice? I’m starting to suspect this entire story is one gigantic exercise in trolling gone bad. How else could someone who can legally vote not know ANY common grammar rules?
M: (From the control room.) I’ve read the author’s Facebook page. Thinking that she was an awesome troll is giving her way too much credit. Believe me, this story is legitimately bad.

>”Good girl Gia, you have the rest of the day off. If I need you, I’ll whistle.” Then she flew away.

Jarred: Gia’s going to go to a raven spa and get her feathers smoothed.

>As I was flying to the golden gates, I met Jesus there, he must of been waiting for me. “My father wants to speak with you, he is in his room, with Mary.”

Kalinda: Mary is reading him a bedtime story and tucking him in.

>Now thats rare. Mary doesn’t really pay attention to God cause she knows that he is ultra busy, maybe he called on her too..? I nodded my head and teleported to his chambers.

Deangelo: If he can teleport, then why does he waste any of his time flying around?

>”Gaberial at last..how is Lincoln?” He never stops asking that girl.

Tempest: Once again, I find it hard to believe that with seven billion people on Earth, some of them in positions of tremendous power, his only concern is one annoying emo chick.

>I sighed and went up to him, he was in his bed, with Mary, sitting in a stool next to him, feeding him water and patting his head, he must be getting a fever.

Jarred: Gabriel should have brought chicken noodle soup, of course.

>”Lincoln is fine, she found a nice home with a family of a father and a son in Canada, Thor is with her as well. She will live peacefully with them.”

Melanie: I might not be up to date on all Christian doctrine, but I’m pretty sure that lying to God is right at the top of the list of things you’re not supposed to do.

>”Thats good….good….goo-” Then he started coughing really bad, like a cold. “Easy my lord, drink more water…” Mary said and gave him some water.

Tempest: Come on, the dude is an immortal who’s dying, give him some tequila!
Gwen: How is that supposed to help, exactly?
Tempest: Tequila always helps me when I’m feeling down.

>”Thank-you Mary, you are dismiss. I must speak to my trusted angel…alone.” She bowed her head and walk out of the room. I never knew god thought of me as his ‘trusted angel’.

MiSTers: Sucker.

>”Gaberial, I am growing so Ill that I can barely see you as we speak.” I didn’t know what to say so I just bowed my head.

Deangelo: Because what can you say to someone who is immortal and dying?

>”I can’t contuine with me being lord of the universe, I want you to be in charge until my strength returns to me.”

Jarred: Well, this is going to send their plans for celestial domination into a tailspin.
Melanie: You’re absolutely right.
Kalinda: What was their plan again?
Jarred: To do the same thing God did, just with science and then force him to step down, because that all somehow makes sense.

>”Me Howard?” I said.

Tempest: Another thing, why does Gabriel get to refer to God by his first name? Shouldn’t he call his supreme creator something a little more respectful?
Dominick: Naw, son. Gabe and Big G are tight, yo.

>Me in charge of Heaven…? “Yes, yes you, for now on, starting this day…no go…the sooner I get my strenght the better.”

Gwen: I don’t understand how that will work. If God is losing his powers because people have stopped believing in him, then how is he going to regain his strength by giving his position to someone else?

>And I left, I must tell this to Jesus…but should I really? a Human Angel is nothinig compare to the power of God. I’ll think this over.

Jarred: Okay, so if Gabriel is put in power, how is this going to go over with Jesus? And also, what is Alcarese in all of this for? Does he just want funding for his research or is he trying to accomplish something more?

>***Xavier’s Point Of View***
>”What is this?!” I yell as I was trying to pack.

Deangelo: (Shiloh.) Dad, that’s a suitcase. You put your clothes in it.

>We have a whole day to pack and we need to go to London already. “It’s Lincoln’s pet snake, Thor, he is dying, but we can save him dad.”

Melanie: Yeah, he’s totally going to help, because Alcarese is such a compassionate person.

>I slap my son across the face.

Melanie: See.

>”WHAT DID I TELL YOU TO CALL ME WHEN I FINISHED DOING A EXPERIMENT?!” “Xavier…..” He said, rubbing his cheek.

Kalinda: So he calls his dad by his first name after he finishes an experiment? Does he call him by his last name whenever he finishes eating a slice of rhubarb pie?

>”Good boy, now get rid of the snake.” “WHAT?!” Lincoln shreak. She was kinda cute when she was angery,

Dominick: (Xavier.) Which I mean in a totally non-creepy, observational kind of way. Seriously, I’m not a pedophile!

>her words that she spoke to me were filled with vemon and fire.

Gwen: And 25% spittle.

>”I BECOME YOUR DAMN EXPERIMENT UNDER MY FREE WILL,

MiSTers: Huh?
Tempest: Lincoln consented to all of this nonsense? What?
Jarred: Why in the world would she do that?
Melanie: This makes no sense.
Gwen: Just like the rest of the story then.

>YOU TOOK AWAY MY LIFE, MY FUTURE, AND NOW YOU ARE GONNA TAKE AWAY MY ONLY FRIEND,

Deangelo: Yes, it sounds like she should have never agreed to be a part of this insane man’s experiments. Too late now.

>MY HEART IS NOW DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR GOD!!!

Dominick: Pst! If her heart was literally dead then she would be dead too. Don’t tease us.

>UNLESS YOU LET ME SAVE MY THOR AND LET ME KEEP HIM, I’M NOT GONNA GO WITH YOU AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!”

Gwen: Now maybe someone can explain why Alcarese and Jesus endowed someone they have no control over with such incredible powers.

>I like her spunk.

Gwen: ….. Or we could just go right back to being creepy.

>Her eyes were changing from red to gold to black, her animal powers are developing very well. Alittle bit TOO well.

Kalinda: Animal power? Is she the sixth Planeteer?

>I wouldn’t want her to attack me with a tiger or a bear, so I’m gonna have to let this go.

Gwen: So, he just realized that he created something he cannot control?
Melanie: Nothing like thinking ahead.

>”Alright Lincoln, you win.” And left the three alone while I went to my office one last time to call my second in command, Danny.

Deangelo: Second in command? This all appears to be a much larger operation than we previously thought.

>”Mr. Alcarese?” said Danny. “Brother I have done it once again!” “God’s last assignment?””YES! I’m going to London right now! so prepare….the TEAM.”

Dominick: Not just any team. The A-Team!
Jarred: (^^) The A-Team?
Dominick: What? I can’t be nostalgic?
M: (From the control room.) That’s all for now, kids.
Tempest: Awwww, but they’re about to go to London to see the queen!
M: (From the control room.) I promise you’ll get to MiST the rest of it, soon enough.
Tempest: Yay! Er…. wait, what the hell am I saying?
Dominick: Well, MiST over, food time!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(The guys stop Jarred in the hallway as the girls continue on to the conference room.)

Dominick: Hey Jay, we know about your little date with Kalinda.
Jarred: (Sad face.) It wasn’t a date.
Deangelo: Jarred, my boy, I think it’s time Dominick and I teach you a little bit about how to be in a relationship.
Dominick: We can start by discussing how to maintain control of the remote at all times.
Deangelo: Well, I’ll teach you a little bit about being in a relationship.
Jarred: Really? You guys would do that for me?
Dominick: Sure! We have to look out for our boys, right?
Jarred: Right!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(The girls enter the conference room to find a spread of Italian food on the buffet. The girls start to fill their plates.)

Gwen: So, Kalinda, how was your date going with Jarred before you were interrupted by the MiST?
Kalinda: Date? Oh, that wasn’t a date. Jarred just asked me out for dinner. You know, as friends.
Melanie: Oh really?
Tempest: So you don’t think that Jarred is dateable?
Kalinda: I’m sure there’s some nice, fluffy bunni of a girl that would be perfect for him. But I seriously don’t think it’s me.
Melanie: Want to throw in your two cents, M?
M: (Taking a bite out of a breadstick.) Heck no, I stay out of MiSTer drama.
Tempest: We don’t!
M: Yeah, that’s why you should all be very afraid.

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