Dead babies

I genuinely do not understand a woman’s need to display photos of their dead babies. I do understand that losing a child at any point is a horrible, earth-shattering loss that could probably make even the most balanced person go a little crazy. I just don’t get why so many people think the appropriate way of grieving is to remember your dead child to strangers on the internet who didn’t even ask.

Recently, a woman on the wedding forum that I’m on posted a complaint that a thread she had added to was removed because of her post. The thread was about what you did when you were 18. When she was 18 she miscarried a baby at 5 months. So she posted a description of her miscarriage and a photo of the dead baby wrapped in a blanket, being held as if it was alive. The post was removed so the original poster, months later, came back to complain that her post had disappeared.

Keep in mind, this is a wedding forum. Members do occasionally post things that are off topic, but this board in no way is meant to be support or counseling for grieving parents. The woman was so indignant that her post was removed and could not see how inappropriate it was to post a dead baby on a wedding forum on a topic that had nothing to do with loss or grief.

Another member lost a child to an illness when the girl was two. She has mentioned this child, who died, I believe, over a decade ago, several times and has included links to her memorial webpage and photos of her when she was alive. This strikes me as inappropriate as well. Why would you want total strangers accessing your dead daughter’s memorial webpage?

One reason why posting on the wedding forum is such a bad idea is that some of the women on there are mothers, are pregnant, or are trying to conceive. The reality of a dead youngster jammed in their face is sometimes too much for them to handle. I feel especially bad for the pregnant women who are no doubt riddled with anxiety over whether their pregnancy is going to go smoothly or how their baby is going to do once it’s born. Not to mention the influx of hormones. It just seems cruel to remind women in such a delicate position what the worst possible outcome for them would be.

But so far I have only seen this phenomena with dead children. When someone’s grandmother or uncle die there’s no post-mortem photo shoot. I’ve also never seen a poster or anyone on my Facebook constantly refer back to the dead person years or decades after they’ve died and continue to post photos of them in remembrance. Why is the grief process handled so differently when it’s a child? Also, how does it help anyone grieve to shove a dead baby in someone else’s face?

I’m not trying to tell anyone how to grieve. However, I doubt that posting images of your deceased child is the only thing that can possibly help you to get over your loss and move on with your life. It seems like these problems are better suited for close family and friends and even professionals to deal with. Not random people on the internet, some of who have no idea what it’s like to experience that kind of loss.

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