Deangelo’s birthday is coming up and the MiSTers have barely started to plan his party when M interrupts them for a MiST. Will they feel like party planning after they read the happy tale of a tragic emo heroine whose life becomes perfect after she gets a boyfriend? Or is this story of illogical teenage sex just too ridiculous?
Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.
I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed. My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, my MiSTers, and the mad. My characters are used only with my permission.
This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others.
It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.
Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Dominick Dante – I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softly and carry an iPhone.
Jarred Zion – Strangers are just friends that you haven’t met!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – Hey, you’re cute. What are you doing after the MiST?
Kalinda Beckham – Yes, that’s right, I’m the only remotely normal person here.
(The MiSTers, minus Deangelo, are all seated around the conference room table. They look to be planning something very important.)
Gwen: For the nine thousandth time, does anyone have any logical ideas for how to celebrate Deangelo’s birthday?
Tempest: My idea was perfectly logical!
Kalinda: Meh, you’re the only one that would want to model lingerie in a winter-themed runway show. It would be a pretty boring show with just you in it.
Tempest: Hey, I wanted to do something nice for Deangelo’s birthday and I think he would enjoy a show like that. I can’t help it if I’m thoughtful.
Melanie: Why don’t we have a zombie apocalypse themed party? I mean, what would be more fun than that? You can dress as a zombie or a survivor. It would make for some great photos.
Jarred: I don’t think Deangelo shares your great love of zombies and the zombie apocalypse.
Melanie: Humph. Well, he should.
Dominick: I still say we should have guy’s night. No girls around, just guys doing guy things and farting whenever we want!
Jarred: Yeah, I don’t think Deangelo shares your great love of farting either.
Gwen: This is impossible. Can no one think of what DEANGELO might want instead of what they would want?
Tempest: Well, you know him best. You decide.
Gwen: Hmmm, he always did want a chance to take in an opera with all of the MiSTers. Why don’t we all do that?
Dominick: Fuck no. I draw the line at fat chicks in Viking hats.
Melanie: I have to agree with Dominick on this one. I don’t think I could sit through a three hour long opera.
Jarred: Hey wait, I have an idea. Why don’t we all act really sophisticated for a day and have afternoon tea. (To Dominick and Melanie.) Do you think you guys can last an entire afternoon without maiming someone?
Melanie: Oh Jarred of little faith. Of course I can.
Gwen: No offense, but I doubt all of you know the definition of sophisticated let alone how to act like it for an entire afternoon.
Kalinda: I know I can act sophisticated. Although this might require Tempest to wear actual clothes.
Tempest: (Looking down at her revealing outfit.) These are clothes! (Examines her outfit a little more carefully.) I mean, kind of.
Dominick: Tea it is, then. Good, I’ve been meaning to fancy myself up a bit. This should be interesting.
Gwen: Yes, it most definitely should be.
(Just then the conference room doors open and in walk M, Deangelo and Rosie. Rosie scampers over to the table and hops into Jarred’s lap.)
Jarred: (>^_^<) Hi there, little kitty!
M: Good news, everyone!
(All of the MiSTers groan.)
M: Hmmm, I figured that wouldn’t work. Well, we all have a MiST to do.
Dominick: Seriously? We just finished one!
M: No, you haven’t. You’ve all had a nice long break from MiSTing, now let’s buck up and get back to it.
Deangelo: Why can you never give us pep talks about anything other than ripping crappy writing apart?
M: Because that’s all we do here. Join a sports team and I’ll give you a pep talk before your games.
Kalinda: Fair enough.
Jarred: (Standing and holding Rosie.) Let’s get going to the MiSTing room.
(The MiSTers all groan again before wearily standing and exiting the conference room.)
(The MiSTers drift into the MiSTing room suspiciously. Waiting for them are funnel cakes, corndogs, and other various carnival treats.)
Dominick: Hey, hey, now we’re talking!
Tempest: M, did you rob a carnival food stand?
M: (From the control room.) Of course not! I had Melanie do it.
Melanie: I thought it was strange she wanted all of this stuff. But I’m not paid to ask questions.
(The MiSTers settle into their seats and start snacking.)
M: (From the control room.) Is everyone ready?!
MiSTers: (Their mouths full of food.) Muuuph frrrro!
M: (From the control room.) Here we go!
>SituationsEscape the Fate
Gwen: (Grumbling.) I wish I could escape from this horrible MiSTing.
>Written in Alice’s point of view
Kalinda: Alice? Ooo! Is this a Twilight fanfiction?!
M: (From the control room.) No. I decided not to be that mean to you.
>*1 week ago*
>These were his exact words.
Dominick: (Doctor.) Honey, those aren’t chicken pox on your va-jay-jay.
>Hey, bitch, I don’t love you, I only used you for sex.
>You weren’t worth it anyway, so bye.
Dominick: Uh yeah, slight flaw with this plan. You never tell a girl you’re using her for sex unless you’ve found someone else to use for sex so your sexing is not interrupted. Otherwise you’re just a dick with no pussy. You know?
>He broke me.
>He killed me inside.
Gwen: He should be charged with murder. Inside murder.
>I loved him, or I thought at the time.
>His words were ringing in my ears, over, and over again.
Kalinda: (Alice.) But none of that mattered because I was dead inside and couldn’t hear anything.
>The repetition of his stabbing words weren’t the only things that cut like a blade.
>Every time he touched me, every time he told me that I was his everything. Lies.
Jarred: Have you tried crying about it?
>He had just used me. For my virginity.
Tempest: Yawn! Who cares about virginity?
Kalinda: If there’s one thing I learned from Twilight it’s that virginity is super important and you shouldn’t have sex until you’re married.
Kalinda: Well, no, but that was the message it was trying to send.
>I wanted to kill myself.
Deangelo: Always an appropriate reaction to a break up. Without a man in your life, what’s the point of living?
Gwen: Ah yes, unfortunately for emos, you can only actually kill yourself once. You can whine about it all you want though.
>He was my love.
>He was my drug.
Jarred: (Alice.) He was my sofa cushion.
>January 19, 2011
Deangelo: The day Vitani- Saromme was supposed to crash into Earth. Ah, I remember that day well.
>”Hey, bitchbag, still crying over me? ”
Melanie: “Bitchbag”? Is that an insult now?
>I ignored him, and his fucked up attitude.
>HAHA! Look what the stupid jizzlokk wrote about me in her diary. It is hilarious.
Dominick: “Jizzlokk” is too, apparently. Whatever happened to a good solid “asshole”?
>My eyes widened, and tears started to pour endlessly through my eyes.
>I ran out before Max could humiliate me in my face further.
Tempest: Unfortunately for her, her face is humiliating enough.
>I decided. I was going to die.
Gwen: That’s a natural conclusion when things don’t go your way.
>Mom, Dad, everyone who loves me…
Melanie: I thought no one loved her, that’s why she taking her own life.
Dominick: Some people love her, just not enough to make living worthwhile.
Kalinda: Like when you post a funny status on Facebook and you only get a handful of likes when the status clearly deserves more. How can your life be worthwhile after that?
>I can’t take this anymore…
>The lies, the teasing, the loss.
>I have nothing but depression.
Kalinda: Which can be properly dealt with through therapy and medication…
>Don’t let me bring you down anymore.
>I love you.
Jarred: Wow, looks like this is going to be a really short story.
Deangelo: I doubt it.
Gwen: She’ll probably come back as a ghost or something. Maybe a vampire. All the kids like vampires these days.
>It was over.
Dominick: Uh, if it’s over, then how is she still talking to us?
>I was killing myself.It would soon all be over. All the pain, and all the misery.
Tempest: Yeah, yeah, just get your razor or whatever emos do to end their lives.
Jarred: Four! Come on guys, this is fun!
Dominick: (Singing.) Jump, jump, crisscross to make it! Jump, jump, uh huh, uh huh!
Melanie: Wowwwwwww…. You are really dating yourself.
>I closed my eyes, and let go, but something had caught my foot,
Tempest: Oh no, her fashionable pants loopy things were caught! Now what is she going to do!?
>I looked up… It wasn’t something. SOMEONE.
Kalinda: The fire department?
>It was… It was Ronnie, the boy, who had always teased me,
>the one who made me feel like shit,
Melanie: He wanted to finish her off himself.
>the one who every girl had their eyes on … and he had tears in his eyes.
>He pulled me up without breaking a sweat.
Deangelo: Because he possessed super-human strength.
>”what the FUCK were you thinking?”
>”What the FUCK?” he asked, now sobbing.
Dominick: Sobbing? Seriously, why don’t we all hold hands and talk about our feelings now.
Jarred: (Taking Dominick’s hand.) Well, right now I’m feeling very happy to be MiSTing with all my friends.
Dominick: (Pulling his hand away from Jarred.) Ew, I wasn’t serious!
Gwen: Come now, Dominick, surely you don’t find feelings threatening to your… masculinity.
Dominick: Nothing can threaten my masculinity! Not feelings or hand holding or even those goofy little air kisses! (Takes Jarred’s hand.) Right now I feel annoyed that we have to MiST and saddened that girls today don’t think that life is worth living without a boyfriend.
>I was gobstopped.
Tempest: She was…
Gwen: Gobstopped? Certainly, she means, gob smacked.
Tempest: No, I think she mean she had a huge gobstopper in her mouth and it kept her from talking.
Tempest: See, she can’t get a word out.
>”Why DO YOU CARE RONNIE?”
Deangelo: Because he’s secretly in love with her and now they’re going to go off and make babies.
>”I care Because I-”
Kalinda: Use your words!
>His eyes got wide as he realized something, then hard.
Tempest: Uh, might want to rephrase that sentence.
>”NEVER MIND!” He growled.
>He dragged me to his porche, driving fast, like a maniac
M: (From the control room.) Oh look, he drives like Timb.
Kalinda: Oh snap!
Melanie: Timb just got pwned.
Gwen: Good thing he never reads these MiSTs.
>Why did he even bother?
>”WHY DON’T YOU JUT KILL ME NOWW? YOU DON”T EVEN FUCKING CARE!”
Jarred: Ronnie then realizes that she’s correct and he shoves her out of the speeding car.
>”Please, don’t say that, Alice, ”
>he said, now sobbing
Deangelo: I thought he was already sobbing.
>”I don’t understand, I thought you hated me.”
>I was confused
Kalinda: So are we!
>I thought of all the times he make fun of me, and all the times he mocked me, blindly,
>Not sparing my feelings, never sparing my feelings.
Tempest: (Alice.) Then I thought of all the times I was getting changed in the girls’ locker room and I could swear I could hear whispering coming from the lockers. I wondered if he knew about the locker room ghosts.
>Every time he punched me, every time he cussed at me,
>Every time he told me that I was worthless
Melanie: (Alice.) Every time he told me I was on fire…
>and now he was here, saving my life, with tears in his eyes.
>I never thought he would ever cry.
Deangelo: Not even if he got caught in his zipper?
>My thoughts were interrupted by his voice, now more passionate than ever.
Dominick: (Passionately.) I have a key to a motel room downtown. What do you say?
>”Alice, I love you.”
>”I always have”
Jarred: He just has an unconventional way of showing it.
Tempest: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
>Alice, I love you,
>I always have.
Kalinda: (Ronnie.) Except for when you tried out that mullet hair cut. I didn’t love you then.
>Alice’s point of view
>Wow, W-O-W That really was unexpected.
Gwen: An unexpected as her inevitable teenage pregnancy by the end of the story.
>I scrutinized his face, of which held sorrow, amd maybe a bit of hope.
>The very boy whom I had thought hated my guts was actually in love with me.
Deangelo: In a way, this story is actually convincing girls that boys who act as if they hate them are just secretly in love with them, when, in almost all cases, the exact opposite is true.
>I was SHOCKED! SHOCKED
Dominick: SHOCKED, I tell you! Just SHOCKED.
>My expresion was frozen.
>My expression was horified.
Jarred: My expression is remotely amused.
Kalinda: My expression is annoyed.
Tempest: My expression is exasperated.
>He got the wrong impression.
Melanie: Certainly not, these two characters are completely in sync emotionally.
Deangelo: That will be productive.
>”You know what? My life is not worth living. I treat the girl I love like shit, and this is my fate.”
Gwen: Yes, maybe you should have rethought your method of expressing your love before now.
>”She hates me back! Do you know what? It is over. Today, Ronnie Radke dies!”
Kalinda: Well, that’s not dramatic at all.
>As I heard these words, I came back to reality.
>”Please, Ronnie. Please don’t.” I screamed, horrified.
Dominick: (Alice.) I can’t get teen pregnant without you!
>”You don’t even understand. Do you know how it feels to-”
Melanie: … Kiss in the moonlight?
Kalinda: … Love like you’ve never been hurt?
Dominick: … Beat Diablo 3 without your girlfriend complaining you’re spending too much time on it?
>I can’t believe what I was going to do.
Jarred: (Alice.) I transformed into my superhero alter ego!
>This was going to be life changing.
Tempest: (Alice.) I grabbed the wheel and turned us into oncoming traffic. We both died in each other’s arms, like Romeo and Juliet.
>I never really considered the fact that there would ever be anyone for me, except Max.
Deangelo: Yes, because he seems like such a nice, thoughtful boy.
>He was a real prick. But all my thoughts of max faded away, as I-
Gwen: …. Solved for X? Why does this story keep cutting people off in mid-thought?
Dominick: Well, it’s not like their thoughts are very coherent even when they are finished.
>Ronnie’s point of view
>”You don’t even understand. Do you know how it feels-”
Melanie: To do what?!
>I was cut off.
>By her sweet, tender lips. She kissed me with so much love, and intensity.
Kalinda: Yeah, because once someone who has treated you like shit for years confesses their undying love, you just go with it. No questions, no explanations, just pucker up and get ready to be impregnated.
Jarred: Uh wait, isn’t he driving?
>”Ronnie, Oh Ronnie…” she was cooing.
Melanie: (Alice.) Just hold still while I extract your brains. It won’t hurt at all. Then you can join us on Vergon 6 with the other star children.
>”Uggh, where am I? Wait, why am I on a bed?”
Deangelo: Why, indeed.
Gwen: So the boy is driving like a maniac, collapses at the wheel, they get into a terrible car accident and the boy is taken immediately to the hospital where he is now lying on a bed while Alice coos at him?
>”Silly boy, I kissed you, but you collpsed on me.
Kalinda: (Alice.) I swear I did shower this morning.
>It kinda sucks to be awesome at everything”
>She punched me playfully.
Gwen: I’m starting to suspect the author simply forgot that she established the boy was driving and has just skipped ahead in time…
>”Yeah….ummm… that was embarrassing.”
>I was turning as red as a beet. This was unlike me.
Dominick: (Ronnie.) I was overcome with the instinct to call her ‘shit face’ just for old time sake.
>She laughed her wind chiming laugh,
Deangelo: (Shaking his head.) If you don’t understand metaphors, just don’t use them.
>sending shivers of pleasure down my spine.
>She then looked at me expectantly.
Melanie: (Ronnie.) I was wondering what she was expecting when she bit my eye socket and started gnawing on my face.
>I asked confused.
>”Yes, Ronnie, I will be your girlfriend,”
Jarred: Uh, did he ask her?
>she hinted, rolling her eyes.
Melanie: That’s not a hint. She just accepted!
>I laughed and kissed her.
Kalinda: This is the weirdest hook up scene I think we’ve ever read.
Tempest: Not really, what about —
Kalinda: (Holding up a hand.) No, no, don’t even go there. I don’t want to recall any of those memories.
>This time, she collapsed.
Deangelo: (o_O) Does this girl believe that every time you kiss someone they collapse?
Gwen: I believe it’s because they’re emos. Kissing is so taxing that their fragile bodies swoon.
>And she thought she was smooth.
Dominick: She was wrong. Really wrong.
Tempest: Oh no! A spare closing parentheses! It’s lost its way in this story! Find your way home, little parentheses!
>Next day at school
Kalinda: Ronnie forgets all about confessing his undying love for Alice and goes back to treating her like shit. She commits suicide by lunch time.
>I felt arms wrap around me. I whirled around.
Melanie: And punched that creeper in the face!
>It was Max.
>”Get off of me, you douche!” I screeched.
Deangelo: I must say I appreciate this author’s realization that most teenage girls sound like they’re screeching instead of screaming and puts it out there for everyone to observe.
>”OOh, somebody is fiesty today. How ’bout you and me have a little fun?”
Dominick: See? I told you not to tell her you were just using her for sex unless you had somebody else lined up for that position. Now she’s not going to have sex with you and you don’t have any else and you’re a total douchenozzle.
>”Fuck off Max.”
>He pinned me down to the lockers.
Jarred: Hurry Ronnie, your helpless waif needs defending right about now.
>”MAX STOP!” I screamed.
>He smirked, and kissed me.
Tempest: Hurry! Lest her honor be compromised!
Gwen: I think that ship has already sailed.
>”What the fuck?” I heard a voice, and looked back.
>It was Ronnie. He had tears in his eyes.
Dominick: Seriously? Nothing like rushing into battle sobbing.
>Max pulled away. Ronnie Ran over to Max and punched him in the gut, and beat the shit out of him
Gwen: Yes, he beat the shit out of him. I appreciated the detail and painstaking accuracy in that description. I could feel every blow of Ronnie’s over-emotional fists.
Jarred: (Singing.) Wish upon a star! Makes no difference where you are! Anywhere you heart will… travel… will… be really cool!
Kalinda: Jay, I’m not quite sure that’s how the song goes.
Jarred: I know, I don’t remember the rest.
Tempest: (Ronnie.) Invite you to join us in bed sometime. The more the merrier!
Deangelo: Did those words really require their own full sentences and paragraphs? No, I think not.
>He then looked at me.
>”You okay, hun?” He put his warm arm around me.
Kalinda: Of course she is, her man is here. Everything is right in the world.
>”Umm, yeah. I think so.” I said shakily.
>We drove to his house, where I slept for the night.
Melanie: Which was totally okay with everyone’s parents.
>I snuggled in his warm arms, and fell asleep.
>I love you, I heard a faint voice say.
Gwen: She nearly whispered “I love you” back to him, then she realized it was a talking stuffed animal she had rolled over on.
>”I love you Too” I whispered.
Jarred: And why not? They’ve been through so much together and have build such a strong emotional bond. This is a perfect example of true love and how it can bind two people together in a powerful and beautiful way.
>I heard a silent gasp, and then a sigh of satisfaction.
Tempest: Alice thought this was really romantic until she realized that Ronnie was jerking it.
>I woke up to find Ronnie staring at me intently.
MiSTers: (O_O) Ahhhh!!! Creeper!!!
Kalinda: He was Edwarding her!
>”Morning, sunshine,” he smiled
>”morning,” I giggled.
>”So whathya wanna do today?” he asked, grabbing my butt.
Melanie: (Alice.) Well, I thought we could start off the day with a virgin sacrifice, pray to Satan and then finish up by attending black mass. I did tell you I’m a Satanist, right?
>”I dunno, maybe swimming?” she said with a squeal”
>He grinned,” Totally.”
Deangelo: That reminds me, has anyone made use of the pool room lately?
Tempest: I haven’t and I just got a new bikini, too.
Kalinda: We should have a cookout and enjoy the pool some more after we’re done MiSTing.
Gwen: But are we truly ever done MiSTing?
Melanie: Good point.
>He was so sexy
>I got up, and showered. After that, I changed into my
>bathing suit, and put a ripped tee over it.
Dominick: What? She’s at Ronnie’s house. Did she just happened to have those clothes in her backpack or something?
>When I made my way there, I found Ronnie, already in the pool, swimming like a pro.
Jarred: Until Squirtle used water gun.
>I loudly cleared my throat
>”heyy, babe,” he
>said, flexing his muscles.
Melanie: He then began the emo mating dance.
>I rolled my eyes, and then stripped down to my suit.
>Damn, should I say myself, I looked hot.
Tempest: Oh please, you don’t even have boobs yet.
>His eyes grew, his jaw dropped, and he got hard.
Jarred: (o_O) That’s awkward.
>I giggled, and he got RED.
Dominick: I remember the days when I couldn’t control my erections.
Melanie: What? Last week?
>*Ronnie’s Point Of View*
>Woah, she is sexy, damn hell.
Kalinda: Damn hell?
Gwen: Well, why not?
>I had realized what I wanted to do, but tried to push the thoughts away, as I tried to calm myself.
Dominick: Dude, think about dead puppies.
Deangelo: Dead puppies?
Dominick: Works every time.
>I didn’t succeed. Innapropriate pictures of Alice and me kept creeping back in my head, and I gave up.
Tempest: Why try to restrain your teenage fantasies? You’re only that age once.
Deangelo: Yes, Tempest, only once.
>I suddenly got tackled into the pool, and before I knew it, I was being splashed, like a goddamn mother fucker.
Deangelo: (Rereading.) I was being splashed like a goddamn motherfucker. Uh huh.
Kalinda: It’s just so descriptive. I mean, “goddamn motherfucker”? I know exactly what the author is trying to say.
>”Ohh, you little monster, you are gonna pay for that,”
>I laughed, and tackled her. She managed to escape, but then I cornered her.
Dominick: Wow, this story is just like playing Black Ops. Only it sucks.
>I was unsure whether to do this with her or not. As I paced towards her, a cheeky smile appeared on her face.
Melanie: (Ronnie.) Before I knew what happened she punched me in the face and held my head underwater until I passed out. When I woke up she was filing her nails.
>She started to kiss me in a way that one must not be kissed.
Jarred: (o_O) Like, slobbery kisses?
Gwen: Clam-tongue kisses?
Kalinda: Kisses were your teeth touch the other person’s teeth?
>That turned into sucking on my neck.
Dominick: (Ronnie.) Uh, I need to go change my pants, Alice.
>I moaned so loud, a bunch of kids started to cheer and parents were staring at us.
MiSTers: (o_O) Uh….
Deangelo: Wait, this is a public pool?
Tempest: I remember when I was a teenager and I would make out in front of anyone and everyone.
Kalinda: Good thing you grew out of that.
Tempest: Exactly. ….Wait.
>”Wanna take this baby home?”
>she asked in a seductive voice. I could only nod, i was totally paralyzed.
Dominick: He gets out of the pool completely hunched over and crab walks to the car.
>As soon as we got home, Alice ripped my shirt off, along with hers, and started to kiss me.
Melanie: Now would be a good time to mention a condom…
>I squeezed her hips, and stripped her further.
>My jaw dropped a mile when I took in her curvy body.
>I started hyperventilating,and I got hard, but that didn’t stop her.
Dominick: So he’s able to hyperventilate and maintain an erection at the same time. Interesting.
>She was one fucking naughty devil.
>We twisted up together in many interesting ways.
Kalinda: Is that a euphemism for sex?
Deangelo: Yes, but not a good one.
>She seemed to like it, I loved it, and before I knew it, I had lost my virginity to the girl I love.
Melanie: It’s kind of unfair how guys have such a great time losing their virginity and for girls it’s all painful and weird.
>I then couldn’t bear looking at her. What had we done?
Tempest: Is he Catholic?
>Hey guyzz, I need 5 comments to make more 🙂
>hope you like
Gwen: Please, Stef, please don’t deprive us of more of this fascinating story. I’m sure the next chapter will be even more riveting than the last.
>This is starting off in Ronnie’s Point of view.
>I drifted off to an awkward doze.
Dominick: He was almost totally asleep when he heard the scream of the first victim of the zombie apocalypse.
>throughout the night, all I could ever think about was Alice.
Tempest: Her tits.
>Woah! That was such a great night, I wanted to cry.
Kalinda: Yeah, crying about it always makes things better.
>I hope, with all my heart, that she enjoyed it as much as I did.
Melanie: (Alice.) Not bad. Definitely better than my last boyfriend, but not as good as the one night stand I had two months ago.
>As I faded back to reality,I looked at the time.
Deangelo: Time for Wheel of Fortune!
>It was 8:00 School had started already.
Gwen: But who really needs school when you’re emo?
>”Holy lord, Get up, Alice,” I screamed a the top of my lungs.
>She yawned and stretched, like an adorable little kitten, and then closed her eyes again.
Kalinda: Ronnie screamed at her again to get up and she raised her middle finger to him.
>Now, we were really going to be late.
>”Fuck! Alice! “I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Melanie: Isn’t that what you did last night?
>She smiled, mumbled, and turned away from me.
>Okay, I didn’t want to do this, but she leaves me no choice.
Jarred: He took out a Colt .45 and shot her between the eyes.
Others: (0_0) Really, Jarred?
Jarred: I wanted to be the one to say something dark for once.
Gwen: How did it feel?
Jarred: Not as satisfying as I thought it would.
>I lifted her up, and threw her back on the bed.
Dominick: She landed in a tight little ball and didn’t move.
Deangelo: His parents heard her screams and burst into the room. Oh wait, he doesn’t have parents.
>I burst into laughter, and she got up.
>”I’ll be in the shower.”
>She growled, and made her way to, kicking me on the way.
Tempest: Alice is a total morning person.
Gwen: At least he didn’t throw a cup of cold water on her.
>”I have an idea.”I mumbled to myself.
Dominick: (Ronnie.) If I compensate for the influx of radiation on the flux capacitor then I can rotate the fuel cells twenty degrees to the left and eliminate the cooling problem I’ve been having. Then I can time travel!
>I left her to shower in peace for five minutes.
>And then I barged in.
Tempest: Of course, we’ve already established that people who have no respect for other peoples’ privacy aren’t intrusive and annoying, they’re sexy and endearing.
>She screeched so loud, that monkies would be scared.
MiSTers: (o_O) O….kay….
>When I saw her body, my jaw dropped a mile.
Kalinda: Because her body had dramatically changed in the past 10 hours since he had last seen her naked.
>Suddenly A feeling hit me. She was mine.
Deangelo: Yours, you say? Then brand her like cattle and keep her in your house at all times. She’s yours after all.
>I smirked, “Awwww, hun, come on. It isn’t like I’ve never seen you naked bafore.”
>She growled, and then jumped on me.
Dominick: (Alice.) Falcon punch!
>She then pressed her chest to mine, making my heart race.
>I could feel her chest on me and I forgot who I was.
Tempest: Her boobs must be amazing!
Gwen: How do you figure?
Tempest: All she has to do is rub them against his chest and he forgets his entire identity! Those are some powerful breasts.
>”You aren’t getting away with this you sexy beast!”
>She pressed her curves on me, and I started hyperventilating.
Deangelo: Again? I’m beginning to think this young man has some kind of breathing disorder.
>”Oh yeah?” She murmurred, and pressed harder.
>”P-pl-please, school,” I managed to moan out.
Dominick: Dude, who needs school when you have fresh pussy? (Thinks for a second.) Or stale pussy? Or pussy in general?
>She giggled, got off me, and grabbed a towel.
>”Wait, Alice,” I yelled, and ran towards her.
Melanie: Ronnie used a flawless clothesline, knocking Alice onto the ground and covering her until the ref declared him the winner.
>She rolled her eyes, “What, Radke?” “I just wanted to do this,” I squeezed her boobs.
>Hey, she was mine after all. I think I deserved some.
Gwen: Yes, because once a girl is dating you her body is your possession for you to do what you want with it.
>She squealed, and whacked my butt.
>”Don’t make me go there,” she warned, with an evil smile.
>I decided to
Gwen: ….Join the circus?
Jarred: ….Start a Girls Aloud tribute band?
Dominick: ….Sing “Highway to Hell”?
Tempest: Demand lower taxes for the middle classes?
Kalinda: What the hell? The author didn’t even finish that sentence.
Deangelo: Stef, how could you?! Surely, we expected better writing from someone with such a command of the English language.
><This is in Alice’s Point of view.>
>”Okay, class, let’s start by- blah……”
Jarred: Sounds like how much the author pays attention in English class.
>Holy hell, she was boring. Since Ronnie was sitting next to me, I decided to have some fun.
Dominick: So she wrote him a long-ass note detailing all of her tedious personal feelings and thoughts about the various girls in the class. Ronnie was then expected to read the note and discuss it with her but he barely got through the first paragraph before he died of boredom.
>I slid into his lap, and he ran his hand up my shirt.
>He took a try at my boobs again, but I cut him off, by kissing him.
Melanie: Uh, I’m all for raging against the machine, but are they seriously feeling each other up in the middle of class?
>He chucstarted sucking on my neck, and I moaned.
>Let’s just say, that we, at the end
>Of this got sent to the principal’s office.
Deangelo: Whatever for? Surely, all students suck face with their significant others in the middle of the school day.
>The principal didn’t seem to care.The principal was my friend.
Kalinda: What kind of crappy school administration is this?!
Tempest: He probably slipped her some free condoms from the school nurse as well.
>He congratulated us on that, but warned us never to make love at school ever again.
MiSTers: (Face palming.) Uhhhhhh….
Gwen: (Principal.) Congratulation in your new romance, which is in no way going to end with a teenage pregnancy. Just be sure not to make that bastard child while you’re at school.
>I giggled, and nodded.
>Ronnie looked psyched out.
Dominick: Did he start to hyperventilate?
>The rest of the day was a blur.
>Before I knew it though, A year had passed with Ronnie.
Kalinda: Yeah, time flies when you’re an emo in love.
>It went by so fast and he was so amazing, so sensitive, so perfect.
Tempest: Yeah, we can all see by their interactions that he’s a wonderfully, compatible mate for Alice.
Dominick: And the way he hyperventilates during sex. So hot!
>I loved him.
>I loved him.
>I loved him,
Gwen: Are you sure about that?
>and I was sure of that.
Gwen: Well, alright then.
>It was going to be the biggest day.
>It was our one year dating anniversary.
Deangelo: I must say, they managed to date an entire year without a pregnancy. That is quite an accomplishment for characters in an emo love story.
>The very thought of it made me smile.
>Ronnie. Alice. Ronnie. Alice. Ronnie. Alice. A beautiful sound.
Tempest: Not really, but keep going.
>It kept going back in my mind.
Jarred: It did what?
>I stretched and got up from my bed.
>I brushed my teeth and took a nice long shower, making sure to scrub, shave, and pluck.
Dominick: Don’t forget to scour and disinfect!
Melanie: How would you know anything about that?
>I then went to my closet and pulled it out. My prized dress. A beautiful dress.
Kalinda: (Alice.) Modeled after Bella’s wedding dress, I got it from Alfredo Angelo at their last Spring blow-out sale.
>It was a little black dress which went up to my knee.
>But that’s not it. It was black and slim until my waist.
>Then it was like a shimmery tutu in the bottom.
Deangelo: Oh please tell me how she does her makeup and puts her hair up. I just have to know after that lavish detail about her outfit.
>I wore that with a beautiful red belt. It had a rose on it.
>I sighed in awe.
Kalinda: (Alice.) Damn, I’m hot!
>I wanted this to be the best day ever.
>Next, I started to put makeup on.
Deangelo: Oh goody!
>I put black eyeliner, and a bit of silver eye shadow. I used a little concealer, and finally red lipgloss.
>Damn, I made models look ugly xD.
Tempest: (Singing.) V is for vanity, every time I look at me / I turn myself on, yeah / I turn myself on, yeah
>I pulled on my heeled pumps and sat down on the couch.
>My mom then walked in.
MiSTers: (O_O) She has a mom?!
Melanie: Where has this skank been for the entire story?!
>”Honey, Here’s-” Her eyes got wide and teary as she saw me.
>”Honey, you look so BEAUTIFUL.”
Dominick: This is turning out to be such a nice story. Who would have imagined it started with a girl wanting to commit suicide?
Kalinda: I know, once you find your one true emo love everything just turns out fine. No therapy, no medication, nothing. Just a hormonal teenage boy will fix all of your problems.
>She ran over and gave me a hug.
>”Thanks mom. I want to look great for our anniversary,” I smiled.
Jarred: Well, who needs to be excited about college and your future when you have a boyfriend?
>She giggled. “Wait one moment.”
>She got up and then ran over to her room.
Kalinda: (Alice.) She came back with a fire extinguisher. By the time I realized what was going on, it was too late.
>In a minute or so, she came with the most precious diamond necklace my eyes had ever seen.
Gwen: Being that the girl is only 16 or 17, that’s not really saying much.
>”Wear this honey. This is the same necklace I wore for my dating anniversary.”
>It was so beautiful, I just wanted to cry.
Melanie: Too bad it wasn’t beautiful enough to keep Alice’s dad interested.
>I wore it and gasped.
>It was beautiful.
Tempest: So beautiful that Alice looked like a dried-up old whore by comparison.
>Nothing could ruin this day.
>The bell rang.
Jarred: Sadly, Alice had been in class day dreaming the entire incident. In reality, Ronnie had broken up with her and she was desperately clinging to her fantasies to keep herself alive.
>”It’s Ronnie!” I grinned.
>”Wait here honey, I’ll get it.” My mom ran towards the door.
Dominick: Mom then tries to put the moves on Ronnie due to her intense jealousy of her daughter.
>I just kind of waited until they came, which took longer than I expected.
>When they finally did, my mom looked kind of alarmed.
Dominick: Ronnie ultimately rejected Mrs…. er, whatever her name is. With her advances spurred, the mom threatened revenge. Thanksgiving is going to be really awkward now.
>I decided to let it go.
>”Shall we? He asked.
>I giggled, “We shall”
Gwen: Oh what fun those two have!
>We had a great day.
>It was so fun.
Jarred: Yeah, it sounds great. The description of all that fun. Just overwhelming!
>Finally, when we got back he looked really nervous.
>Hey, can you get my keys from my pocket.
MiSTers: (O_O) Who said that?!
>I frowned at that odd request.
>I reached in, and felt something metallic and pulled it out.
Dominick: It was a snub-nosed revolver. With just one bullet.
>Suddenly the puzzle went in place.
Melanie: One ring to bind them all.
Tempest: Another ring to make it.
Deangelo: Thank God I never watched those movies, I just don’t think I could take it.
>I jumped into his arms and he spun me around.
>”Yes,” I whispered into his ear.
Dominick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, never ask a girl to marry you unless you’ve already broached the topic of anal sex. Otherwise, it’s just a bad idea.
All the girls: (@_@) ….. Seriously?
Jarred: (To Kalinda.) Hey, you have to marry him.
Kalinda: (>_<) Don’t remind me.
>Chapter 8 (future)
Gwen: Future!? This girl has invented time travel!
>I accepted, and in a couple of weeks, we got married.
Kalinda: A couple of weeks? How the hell can you plan an entire wedding in a couple of weeks? This isn’t some kind of WE reality show.
>It was the richest celebration ever!
>I mean, the cake was GOLD!
Melanie: Where’d they get the money from?
>And when I threw the Boquet, mom caught It.
>Ronnie actually teared up.
>Anyways, We ended up having three kids, Alex, Dennis, and Ella.
Jarred: Those are rather normal names for emo children.
>Ella was the youngest.
>Me and Ronnie loved forever, and are inseperable.
Gwen: We also lost complete control of our tenses.
>Hope you enjoyed.
>Sequel about Ella? 5 comments saying yes, please.
MiSTers: (>_<) No, no, no, no, no!!!!
Gwen: Hey look, we’re done!
Tempest: Let’s go get some dinner!
(The MiSTers file into the conference room to find Timb playing Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Part 2 on his iPhone. A taco buffet has been set up. The MiSTers greet Timb and fill their plates before settling down at the conference room table. M enters the room with Rosie.)
M: See kids, that MiST wasn’t so bad.
Jarred: You have to admit, it was pretty bad. I mean, it started out lame, was lame around the middle and ended up being pretty lame too.
M: At least there were no abusive parents.
Gwen: No, just ineffective parents who have no involvement in their children’s lives.
Timb: Are you making them all MiST again, sweetie?
M: Of course, they’re MiSTers, it’s what they do.
Tempest: Hey Timb, I just got a new bikini. Want to play some pool volleyball later? (^_-)
Melanie: Seriously, Tempest?
Tempest: No harm in asking.
Deangelo: (Getting up and stretching.) I must admit, I’ve fallen behind on the reading for my book club. I must be going. Until next time, everyone.
Gwen: Bye, darling. I’ll be in soon.
(Deangelo leaves the conference room.)
Gwen: (Turning to the other MiSTers.) Okay, now we have to get back to planning Deangelo’s birthday party.
M: Deangelo’s birthday? That’s not for two months.
Gwen: It is? I thought it was next week.
M: No, you’ve got plenty of time. I’d ease up on planning for now.
Kalinda: I have an idea for Deangelo’s party. But I’ll need some time to research….