Whenever I read or hear a woman say, “other girls hate me,” I inwardly cringe. Mostly because I don’t think this is true and also because the next words out of that person’s mouth are almost inevitably, “they’re all jealous of me.” I don’t think that this is true either. But as someone who has always relied on female friends as a constant in my life, it’s hard for me to see how women can be so catty and petty towards each other.
The idea that you don’t get along with other girls signifies to me that you see other girls as competition or a measuring stick of your own success as a woman. If you’ve only met two or three women in your entire life, then there is a possibility that they were the insecure ones. However, if you have never met a woman that you have gotten along with and you’ve met the amount of women the average person comes into contact with, then other women aren’t the problem. Also, the implication that everyone is jealous of you is something I find very vacuous.
It’s become almost an automatic assumption in this day and age that if someone doesn’t like you, then they’re jealous of you. Let me assure you that this is probably not the case. There are a few people who lash out at those who they resent for having something that they don’t. But there are even more who generally just don’t like the person. I dislike the Westboro Baptist Church congregation completely. I am not at all jealous of them or anything that they have. If I had the option of being one of them, I would rather swallow bleach.
When I dislike someone, it’s because I find a quality in them lacking. Perhaps they’re not kind. Perhaps they’re not humble or self-aware. Perhaps they are racist, sexist, homophobic or have other prejudices. Perhaps they unfairly put others down. Whatever the reason, when I don’t like someone, the last thing I would want is to be that person. If I find someone with a trait that I admire and want to have, I want to be their friend so I can be around that quality and witness it in action. I look up to women who are strong, self-conscious, funny, articulate, passionate and intelligent. If I see a trait in a person that I like, the last thing it makes me do is be mean to them.
Furthermore, the accusations hurled by Samantha “I’m too pretty for this world” Brick, that women hate her because she is so beautiful is nothing but sheer vanity. First of all, I find Samantha Brick to be only moderately attractive. She’s pretty, but not nearly as beautiful one would have to be in order to have people hate her for it. She’s not Jennifer Aniston. If women do hate Samantha Brick, it’s probably because she’s so into herself. I have never met the woman in person, but her writing alone makes her sound like she has the most insufferable personality.
Who would want to be friends with someone who expends all of their energy on their appearance? Not to mention that Brick probably doesn’t want any female friends. She has already stated that she thinks of anyone who is overweight as a failure, so why would she want to associate with failures? Besides, Brick wants to make sure that she’s always the most beautiful woman in the room. So if fatties or anyone even on the heavier side of a healthy weight range is out, and women as/more attractive than she is are out, then who is there left to be friends with her?
I recently read an article about a woman who claimed that the constant harassment over her beautiful face and figure led to her having to quit her job and live off of her parents. For some reason, she didn’t think about going to the HR department or bringing anything up with her boss. She just decided that she was too pretty to work and quit completely with no future job prospects at all. The woman has a PhD in a scientific field, so she’s clearly not lacking in intelligence. But she must be living on another planet to think that as soon as you hit a speed bump at your job you should just give up working entirely.
When it comes down to it, female friends can provide the companionship and understanding that women need. How can you truly embrace your womanhood if you can’t stand other women? It makes the girl who claims to be hated by other girls somewhat self-hating. They loathe other women, so do they inherently loathe themselves? Psychology aside, with the state of the world and women being denied equal pay, denied the maternity leave that they need, having their healthcare choices threatened and living in a society that demands they look a certain way and that certain way only, women need all the friends they can get.
In the immortal words of Hello Kitty, you can never have too many friends. To survive in our society, you shouldn’t eliminate an entire gender of people from being your friend. Especially when those people are the ones who can help you through difficult times and understand your feelings and emotions. Everyone should have the support they need and sometimes you need friends who know what it’s like to cry into a carton of ice cream after a break up.