M is back from a trip and finds her MiSTers celebrating Deangelo’s birthday. Complete with terrible British accents. Will they be willing to do a MiST in the middle of the celebration? Or is the tale of a teenage girl sent to an all-boy’s school to “straighten out” the pupils there, just too silly for them to take?
Want to know more about MiSTing? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and educate yourself.
I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed. My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, my MiSTers, and the mad. My characters are used only with my permission.
This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others.
It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.
Melanie Bryce – The real way to a man’s heart is through his stomach cavity.
Dominick Dante – I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.
Gwenavere Donovan – Walk softly and carry an iPhone.
Jarred Zion – Strangers are just friends that you haven’t met!
Deangelo Desiderio – Grumpy is the only one of the seven dwarfs I understand.
Tempest Lucki – Hey, you’re cute. What are you doing after the MiST?
Kalinda Beckham – Yes, that’s right, I’m the only remotely normal person here.
(M enters the conference room to find the MiSTers dressed in turn of the century costumes, sipping tea out of fine china cups. Soft classical music is playing the background and everyone is laughing demurely. M raises an eyebrow. Rosie bounds up to the table and stands on her hind legs, sniffing the air. Jarred leans over and hands her a tea biscuit. The little leopard cub takes it and scampers off to her pet bed where she nibbles on it.)
M: Did you guys watch the entire Downton Abby series on Netflix again?
Dominick: (Speaking in a terrible British accent.) Oh pish, M! We are all celebrating Deangelo’s birthday. Did you forget to write the date down on your calendar?
M: First of all, you said “pish”. Second, someone neglected to send me an invitation and you all knew that I’ve been out of town this weekend.
Melanie: (Speaking in a terrible British accent.) But we sent the invitation to you through the post! Did you not check your mailbox promptly when you returned?
M: I was comatose after I got back and no, I haven’t checked my mailbox.
Jarred: (Speaking in a rather convincing British accent.) Well, why ever not?
M: Because I don’t have one on the satellite. How the hell are we supposed to get mail up here? UPS space men?!
Kalinda: Dominick! You were supposed to tell M about her mailbox!
Dominick: Oopsie… er… daisy. I forgot.
Deangelo: Well, it is of no concern to any of us now. M is here and we shall all celebrate the anniversary of my birth.
Gwen: Yes, darling. More champagne for everyone!
M: Well now, no one mentioned anything about champagne.
Tempest: (Grumbling.) No one told me that there weren’t actually going to be doing body shots.
Dominick: (Sighing.) If you do one body shot, will you be happy?
Tempest: Not off of you! We all remember how that ended last time.
Melanie: I told you that I get irrational and violent when I drink. You have no one to blame but yourselves.
Kalinda: Strangely, the cops didn’t see it that way.
M: How about we do a MiST then come back for tea and crumpets?
Jarred: Not another MiST. What if this one takes a year too?
M: Is that complaining that I hear?
Jarred: (o.o!) No!
M: Good. Cause for a second I thought that everyone wanted to do a MiST every single day like we did a few years ago. Wasn’t that fun? Then we could power past 100 MiSTs and go for 200!
Kalinda: Yeah, well, that’s too bad, because no one was complaining. Because no one wants to freaking MiST that much, ever. We all value the few brain cells we have left.
Gwen: Should we MiST in costume? That would be a fun birthday adventure.
Melanie: I don’t know, it’s kind of hard to breathe in this corset. (Adjusting her boobs.) And other things are uncomfortable too.
M: I’m going to be in the control room. You all have 15 minutes to get to the theatre. Wear whatever weird outfits you want.
(M exits the conference room with Rosie trailing her. The MiSTers all exchange glances.)
Jarred: That sounds like a challenge to me. Did that sound like a challenge to anyone else?
Deangelo: That was definitely a challenge.
Kalinda: I didn’t hear a challenge.
Melanie: Me neither.
Dominick: That’s because you’re not a man. Come on, everyone. Let’s get ready to MiST!
Tempest: Yeah! (Pauses and thinks.) Wait, how did M get us excited about doing something that we hate?
Gwen: She’s magical like that….
(The MiSTers enter the theatre wearing the most ridiculous outfits they could find. Tempest is dressed as an old timey archeologist. That has an allergy to clothes. Deangelo is dressed as Bill Nye the Science Guy, complete with a polka dot bow tie. Gwen is an Egyptian princess, wearing dramatic eye makeup. Melanie and Dominick are dressed as Superwoman and Superman, respectively. Jarred is dressed as an armadillo, complete with face paint. Kalinda is dressed as Tempest, wearing a skin-tight hot pink tube dress, silver stiletto heels, and a hair piece made out of individually packaged condoms.)
M: (From the control room.) Uh…. Guys?
MiSTers: We’re ready!
M: (From the control room.) Whatever floats your boat. Here we go!
>Walking On Spider Thread *FINISHED*
Dominick: Oh good. The only thing worse than a horrible story is a horrible story that never ends.
>by Imperfectly Perfect =]
>Andii is going to be the only girl in an all boys school. Why?
Gwen: Because she is bravely working to break down gender barriers and show teenage boys how to relate to their female counterparts and respect them as young women?
>Because she may be the only thing that can straighten out the misbehaving and misguided boys.
Gwen: …. Or not.
Deangelo: Right. Adults in a school atmosphere couldn’t help a bunch of wayward boys. Let’s throw in a hormonal teenage girl and see how she does!
>School Is Just A Prison For Children
Melanie: Yeah right. There are actual prisons for children. School just tries to educate you, so you stay out of real prison.
>I walked through the school yard, feeling everyones eyes on me.
Kalinda: They stared at her thinking, “is this the female of our species that we have read so much about?”
Dominick: They’re just at a boarding school, Kinklon. They don’t play Magic: The Gathering.
>I pulled my jacket closer around me. It was strange I was starting half way through the year and I looked around. Everyone was glaring at me.
Gwen: They probably didn’t realize that women occasionally wear clothes.
>I swallowed as I walked into the home room. I felt twenty four pairs of eyes on me.
Tempest: It’s events like this that inspire me to become a stripper.
Melanie: Really? You look at this situation and you just want to take your clothes off?
Tempest: Well, I usually want to take my clothes off, but when you have an audience and all eyes are on you, why not?
>”H-hi, I’m An-Andii, s-sir” I whispered whilst stuttering and saw the teacher raise an eyebrow.
Deangelo: I really question whether emo love story writers actually read their stories aloud to see how they would sound.
Gwen: I question whether they actually even glance over their stories after they write them before posting them for everyone to read.
>”Andii? Andii Morrison?” He asked and I nodded.
Jarred: Does anyone else think that Andii is a silly name for a girl?
M: (From the control room.) I’m guessing by some of the slang used in the story that the author is Australian. I Googled “Andii” and it’s apparently an Australian boy’s name. But Andii is better than Binx. So we can all be happy for that.
Dominick: (Deadpan.) Yeah, happy.
>The boys sneered slightly and I tightenned my grip on my books.
>”This is an all boys school, why don’t you go to the school down the road? All girls?” the teacher asked, bemused.
Gwen: That’s rude. What if Andii is a transgender boy who doesn’t feel comfortable dressing in his true gender yet?
Deangelo: Darling, these emo love story writers can’t manage to write about anything convincingly, I can’t imagine them trying to tackle something as delicate and complex as a transgender person’s experience.
Gwen: Good point…
>”I went there, sir,” I said and he frowned.
>”Then why are you here?”
>”Because they couldn’t handle me sir.
Tempest: Yeah, because when you can’t handle a wild teenage girl, the best thing to do is send her to a school full of hormonal boys, drowning in their own masculinity.
>Said that I was a loose cannon sir. Said I was too dangerous to be around those ‘fragile’ girls, sir,” I said and the teacher laughed a little.
Kalinda: (Teacher, laughing.) If only we still upheld those ancient gender roles. Yes, that would be amusing.
>”And they think that sending you here will straighten you out? They think that you can handle the misfits and ignorant asses who attend here?”
Gwen: Always wonderful to see a teacher with a high opinion of their students.
Jarred: Not to mention one that feels free to share his high opinion of them while they can all hear him.
>he asked and I looked up at him, blinking twice. I knew what he meant. All the boys were out of Juvie, or lived on the street.
Melanie: That’s a flawless idea! Send an out of control girl to a school full of out of control boys. That will help her blend into society when she graduates.
>”I don’t think I’m here to get me straightened out,” I said and he burst out laughing.
Kalinda: Does she mean that she’s there to get an actual education?
>”You think you’re here to straighten these boys out?
Kalinda: Okay…. Maybe not.
>You think you have what it takes to survive the day? Knock yourself out, because someone will,” he said and pointed to a chair up the back.
Jarred: This sounds like such a wonderful, supportive environment. I can just see Andii flourishing in this school!
>I resisted the urge to punch him and walked up the back, seeing someone stick their foot out to trip me up. As I walked past I kicked their ankle, making them cry out.
Dominick: Yep, always combat teasing with violence. This is teaching young people so many good things about the world.
>I smiled. I was going to fit in just fine.
Tempest: At least until it’s PE time and everyone has to get changed in the same locker room…
>I am who I am, you’re approval is not needed
Gwen: I don’t approve of your grammar, much less anything else about you.
>The dorm room had a two beds, one next to each wall and two cupboards either side.
Jarred: What about desks? How are they supposed to write papers or study without desks?
>I was like the room had been split down the middle and the sides were mirror imaged. Except one side was completely are and clean, whilst the other was messy with posters and cds everywhere.
Kalinda: Yeah, they were exactly the same, except that they weren’t.
>”Chick, can I help you?”
Gwen: Are you a trained psychologist?
>someone asked and I turned, seeing a guy with black messy hair and blonde streak through it. He had electric blue eyes and frowned at me, looking
me up and down.
Dominick: Nope. Definitely not a mental health professional. But how crazy would it have been if it actually had been a shrink?
>”I’m Andii,” I replied and he rose an eyebrow.
>”Andii? Andii Morrison?” he asked incrediously and I nodded.
Tempest: (Boy.) But you have lady parts!
>'”Last time I checked.”
>”You’re a chick,” he said and I repressed an eye roll.
Gwen: He’s very observant. This school is teaching these young men such great things.
>”I am aware of that.”
>”Why are you here?”
Melanie: But really, why are any of us here? What purpose do we have on this earth and how do we know if we accomplished it or not? How do we measure our impact on the planet without minimalizing or overstating our actions?
>”Because I was sent here,” I replied and he frowned and shoved past me, laying down on the bed on the messy side and put his iPod in.
Jarred: (Boy.) I have to meditate on this and figure out the very best, emo way to handle it.
>I sighed and walked over to him, yanking them out.
Tempest: Gently tug, don’t yank! She is never going to be friends with this guy.
>”Shove off bitch,” he snapped, pushing me away a little and I put my hands on my hips.
Deangelo: M, please tell me that these two characters don’t end up making a baby by the end of the story.
M: (From the control room.) No spoilers!
>”Can I at least know your name?” I asked and he looked up at me.
Tempest: (Andii.) So I can scream it later.
>”Coby, now go away, your side of the room is there,” he said, putting his earphones back in and pointing to my side of the room.
Dominick: I love how the author crafts her male characters as fully developed human beings. It’s like I’m right back in high school with all of my friends.
>I sighed and a bell rang, Coby grumbling under his breath and standing up.
Kalinda: (Coby.) Time to give the head mistress her sponge bath.
>”Canteen, now,” he said in a bit of a snap and walked out the room. I sighed and followed him and the canteen.
Gwen: How exciting! This is just like Are You Being Served?.
>It was big, white, with a buffet styled food bench along the side and tables scattered through the room. I immediately walked over to the bench and started getting some food, and saw everyone looking at me.
Tempest: You know, she could make boat loads of money if she offered to let guys see her boobs for a fair price. She would be able to quit school and go into business.
Deangelo: Running a brothel?
>”No one gets food before Aero,” someone whispered and I ignored them.
Gwen: Is his last name “Plane”?
Gwen: Oh, I forgot you silly people from other countries don’t call them aeroplanes like normal, decent people.
>Whoever this Aero was, he was going to have to put up with me now.
Jarred: You have to hand it to her, she is doing her best to fit in.
>I heard the doors open and I turned, seeing a tall guy with black hair and big dark eyes. I swallowed a little and started walking to a table as he walked towards me, tripping me up.
Kalinda: It’s amazing anyone can walk around this place with all of this tripping going on.
>”What the fuck are you doing?” he demanded and I pushed myself off the ground, turning to him.
Jarred: (Andii.) I’m trying to live as a woman in a man’s world! Why are you oppressing me?!
>”Getting food, what does it look like?” I asked and he scoffed.
Deangelo: (Aero, scoffing.) Food? Only mortals need food.
>”I mean why are you getting food before me? I mean, you may be new and a chick, but I will kick your ass if you do it again,” he snapped and I smirked a little.
Gwen: Well, someone has already threatened to beat her up, she’s settling in here just fine.
Tempest: (Looking off into the distance.) Sometimes I fantasized about going to an all-boy’s school. But then I realized that my vagina couldn’t handle that much friction.
Others: (@_@) Uh….
>”Really? You will kick my ass?” I asked and he narrowed his eyes, giving me a shove.
>”Yeah, in fact, I’ll give you a demo now,” he said and my smirk grew bigger as I shrugged.
Dominick: Yeah, it takes a lot of balls to beat up someone half your size. Amazing.
>”Sure buddy, knock yourself out,” I grinned, waiting for his hit.
Jarred: His new hit single!
MiSTers: (Singing.) Hit me, baby, one more time!
>Life Isn’t About Finding Yourself, It’s About Creating Yourself
Tempest: And when you’ve created a monster, it’s time to start over.
>I looked at myself in the mirror, a big purple bruise forming already on my left eye.
Gwen: If the bruise is forming ON her actual eye, she should probably seek medical attention.
>I sighed and heard someone coming in. I looked up immediately and felt my blood run cold at the sight of Rayke.
Deangelo: Aero, now Rayke?
Melanie: Did she get all of these names from a Panem baby name book?
>”Long time no see kid,” he grinned and I opened my mouth then closed it again.
Melanie: What’s going on here? Is this an ex-boyfriend? Brother?
Tempest: Fuck buddy?
Jarred: Tennis partner?
Dominick: Organ donor?
Melanie: You guys are ridiculous…
>”You come here?” I whispered and Rayke nodded.
>”Clearly I do,” he smiled and I pouted. Of course, my luck.
Gwen: Yes, it must be terrible to have him attend the school too. For some reason that hasn’t been explained.
>”Yeah, well, I don’t want any trouble.”
Deangelo: Ignoring all evidence to the contrary.
Kalinda: Yeah, people who don’t want any trouble tend to walk away from fights, not invite people to hit them.
>”I think you’re going to need as many people on your side as you can get now Andii, after your little performance with Aero,” Rayke smiled and I glared up at him.
Dominick: Maybe they’ll do a Sharks vs. Jets street fight!
Gwen: ….So they’ll dance and sing musical numbers?
Dominick: Oh, is that what they did in that movie? I fell asleep before we got too far into it.
>”Anyone who wants to give me shit, can give me shit Rayke,” I said and I looked in the mirror. I had plain brown hair and browny green eyes.
Jarred: Hazel. The word for browny-green eyes is hazel.
>Rayke had blue eyes and black hair, and stood a head taller than me.
Deangelo: This story doesn’t have enough descriptions of clothes for me. I don’t feel immersed in the emoness of it at all.
>”You need to watch your back Andii, I might not be there,” Rayke said and I spun around, glaring at him again.
Melanie: Where exactly was he the first time? She got her ass kicked if her shiner is anything to go by. I fail to see how he helped.
>”If you haven’t noticed, I can look after myself thank you very much,” I snapped and shoved past him, about to walk out.
Kalinda: Hey M! Where are they right now exactly?
M: (From the control room.) Not entirely sure. Earlier the story said that she was looking into a mirror, and later she walks into her dorm, so she’s not currently in her dorm. A bathroom maybe? But I’m not sure if this school has unisex bathrooms or she’s in the men’s room or Rayke entered the women’s room.
>”I know you can, but so can everyone else here. Aero was going easy on you, he won’t again.”
Deangelo: Next time, he’ll actually murder you.
>”Who says I was doing my best on him, Rayke?” I asked over my shoulder
Jarred: Uh, the fact that he kicked your ass? Just a thought.
>and I heard the door shut as I walked down the corridor, into my dorm. Coby was wearing just a pair of boxer shorts, looking down at a comic book, and I rolled my eyes.
Tempest: Time to get down to some emo baby-making magic!
Kalinda: Well, she’s been beaten up by a dude, he’s reading a comic book, the scene is set for emo romance.
Dominick: Nah, they need Black Veil Brides playing on an iPod somewhere.
>”I saw that,” Coby muttered and I shrugged.
>”I don’t care,” I muttered immediately, but frowned, thinking how he could know that without looking up.
Deangelo: He just assumed that she would roll her eyes at something he did.
>”Yes you d-” Coby cut off when he looked up. I was wearing just a black bra and a pair of black short shorts.
Gwen: Because who needs modesty when you’re a teenager?
>”Something wrong Coby?” I asked, smirking a little.
Tempest: (Coby.) Yes! You still have girl parts! And now it’s more obvious!
>”Yeah, you are not going to last one second if people find out you sleep like that,” Coby said,
Dominick: Is that some kind of threat?
>grabbing a shirt out of his drawer and throwing it at me. I pouted and he laid back down on his bed.
Tempest: How dare he ask her to cover up! She should be able to sleep in whatever state of undress she wants! You should know that sleeping in the nude lowers your blood pressure.
Deangelo: It does? According to who?
Deangelo: That doesn’t encourage me to try your style of dishabille anytime soon.
>I rolled my eyes again and unclipped my bra, throwing it to the ground before putting the shirt on. I swear I saw Coby blush a little but I didn’t care. The way I laze around he would see my boobs a kabillion times before the year is over.
Kalinda: She does have a point. When you’re rooming with a guy in such close quarters it’s best to just get that out of the way first.
Melanie: Who told you that?
Kalinda: Guy I lived with after college.
Melanie: And you fell for that line?
Kalinda: Fell hard. I thought he had nice eyes. Turns out, I’m just not that smart.
Melanie: Don’t feel bad. Guys can get pretty creative.
>”Can you not do that? Please?” Coby snapped and I shot him an angry look.
Tempest: (Andii.) Are you immune to the power of my boobies?!
>”Get used to it asshole,” I snapped and then almost laughed at what I realised what we were fighting about.
Dominick: Yeah, most dudes would fight to see boobs. This is a weird story.
>”So you’re a slut?”
Melanie: Obviously. Being comfortable with your body is so incredibly slutty.
>”Dude, their boobs, get over it,” I muttered and pulled the quilt over me.
>”You’re a strange girl Andii.”
Jarred: Now would be a good time for her to offer to clear his aura of any demons or bad energy fields.
>”No, I just don’t care.”
>”Exactly,” I heard Coby mutter and I rolled my eyes, laying down on the pillow, closing my eyes.
Deangelo: Well, this has been a successful day all around. She met all her new classmates, who hate her, got into a fight in the cafeteria, ran into someone that she somehow knows but never explained what their relationship was, then flashed her breasts to her male roommate. This story has clearly peaked.
>If life gives you lemons, take them, they’re free
Jarred: But what if you don’t like lemons?
>I walked into my english class and Aero was holding a blonde boy up against the wall.
Kalinda: They were in the midst of a passionate embrace.
>”I said give me a straight answer Dice!” Aero shouted and the blonde boy started stuttering.
Melanie: (Aero.) You said you traded me an Arceus and what I got was a Psyduck that only knows Yawn! What the fuck, dude? What the fuck!?
>”Hey,” I snapped and Aero turned, sneering when he saw me.
>”Oh, look, princess peach.”
Dominick: She has nothing in common with Princess Peach! We’re up to Chapter 4 and she hasn’t been carried off by Bowser or anything!
>”Sorry Ping Pong, but I ain’t going to stand by,” I snapped and Aero dropped blondie.
Deangelo: Ping Pong? Is that some kind of an insult?
Jarred: Ping Pong is one of the greatest games ever! How could that be an insult?
Tempest: M, I think this calls for the Urban Dictionary.
M: (From the control room.) “Ping Pong” can be used as a racist term for Asian people. None of the other definitions make sense in this context. Although, the author hasn’t previously stated that Aero is Asian. His name isn’t Asian either. So yeah, the author is either crafting her main character to be a racist or she’s created her own kind of insult that no one else is aware of.
>Straight away I walked over and helped him up and wiped some blood from his mouth and I walked him over to a seat.
Kalinda: Then she bound his wounds by tearing her shirt into strips, baked him an apple pie, and sang him to sleep that night.
>”Th-thank you,” he stuttered and I shrugged.
>”No problem, what’s your name?”
>”Dace, but people call me Dice,” he said and I rose and eyebrow.
Tempest: So close!
>”Because they say Dice instead of Dace?”
>”Yeah, basically,” he laughed and I grinned back.
Deangelo: I can certainly see why. Dace is such a difficult name to pronounce.
Jarred: Yeah, four whole letters. How does he live like that?
>”I’m Andii. So why was Aero giving you shit Dice?”
>”No reason,” Dice muttered and looked down.
Kalinda: I’m still holding out for some heavily implied homoerotic undertones.
>I bit my lip, wanting to know, but I had a feeling Dice wouldn’t be telling me.
Kalinda: Because no one would understand their love!
>”So how old are you Dice?”
Dominick: (Dice.) I’m actually in my mid-forties. This is why you should study hard, young lady.
>”Sixteen, but in two months I’m going to be seventeen.”
Melanie: I remember when I was sixteen, going on seventeen. Already had a rap sheet longer than my arm span. And I was just getting started.
Gwen: Well, no one ever said that you were a role model.
Jarred: I could be a role model.
>”Cool,” Dice grinned and I grinned back.
M: (From the control room.) There’s a soft break in the story here, which I’m going to assume is a page break since the next part picks up on a totally different scene.
Tempest: Page break! Page break!
M: (From the control room.) …Thank you, Tempest.
>”Andii, hey Andii! Wait up!” I turned, hearing someone calling my name and saw Dice running towards me. It was Saturday, my first Saturday in this boarding school.
Jarred: And she had so much homework to catch up on that she didn’t have time for any teenage drama!
Deangelo: Wishful thinking. Teenagers devote most of their lives to teenage drama.
>”Hey Dice, what’s up?”
Dominick: (Dice.) I just discovered that I was adopted. I’m not sure how I feel about it. But the fact that my parents are Chinese and I’m not makes a lot more sense now.
>”Some of the guys are going to the movies, wondering if you wanted to come with,” Dice said and I shrugged.
Jarred: Well, that’s nice. Maybe she is making friends after all.
>”Great, come on,” Dice said, turning and grabbing my hand, running again. I laughed as I was dragged along and we ran to the carpark, where I saw Coby, Rayke, and two guys, twins, from my maths, Jame and Harly.
Gwen: Is Jame some kind of strange Australian spelling of James?
M: (From the control room.) According to a few websites I looked up, yes.
Jarred: We’re learning so much from this MiST about Australian culture!
>They were the same, with black hair and blue eyes, but Jame had a red streak through
Deangelo: How many boys have black hair and blue eyes in this story?
M: (From the control room.) So far 4 out of the 6 characters introduced. Jame, Harly, Coby, and Rayke. Aero has black hair and dark eyes, no word on whether or not they’re dark blue. Dice is the only blond boy in the entire story.
Deangelo: Either this author has a thing for boys with black hair and blue eyes or Australia has an inordinate amount of them.
M: (From the control room.) Just got word from someone living in Aussie-land that there is no significant amount of people with black hair and blue eyes living there.
>”Oh dear god! Oh please no! Not Andii!” Rayke said dramatically and everyone laughed and I gave him the finger.
Tempest: Would love to know who this guy is exactly. But let’s not worry about loose plot ends in an emo love story.
>”Come on guys, or we’re going to be late again,” Coby complained and Rayke opened the back door for me.
>”Always the suck up,” I muttered and heard Jame laugh.
Dominick: Rayke then shoved her into the door, smashing her face against the window and knocking out two of her teeth.
>”Most girls say gentlemen.”
Kalinda: … Prefer blondes?
>”I know Rayke,” I shrugged and sat in the middle, Jame sitting on my left and Harly on my right. Coby and Rayke were in the front, Coby driving and Dice climbed in the boot, pulling a blanket over him so no one would see.
Gwen: Only a true group of friends would make you ride in a car boot while going to the movies.
M: (From the control room.) Another soft break.
Tempest: Page break! Page break!
>We climbed out and I instantly recognised two girls. Sarah Jakes and Rebecca Moon, from Harlo Girls Boarding School.
Tempest: Uh oh! Girl drama!
>”Pooky Bear!” Rebecca cried, wrapping her arms around Raykes neck and Sarah started pashing Coby.
Melanie: … Pashing? What the hell is pashing?
Dominick: Is like bashing? Like she’s beating the crap out of him right now?
M: (From the control room.) I looked it up on Urban Dictionary and apparently it’s an Australian term for making out or passionately kissing.
Dominick: I liked it better when we all thought she was beating the shit out of him.
Kalinda: I’m pretty sure only your brain went there.
Dominick: Well, it still improved the story.
>”Pooky Bear?” I mouthed to Rayke who shrugged and Rebecca caught sight of me.
Tempest: Uh, she was only standing there the entire time.
Jarred: Andii is such an awesome ninja that she had managed to escape detection until now.
>”Oh, you’re coming?” she asked and I nodded.
>”Sure am,” I grinned and they both pouted, annoyed.
Melanie: I bet they all hate each other because they all think that the other girls are jealous of them.
Gwen: Then they all rush home to talk shit about each other on Facebook.
>”Let’s go in,” Sarah muttered and I grinned a little more. I loved destroying their good moods.
Deangelo: Because that’s healthy.
>”I take it you know Rebecca and Sarah then?” Jame said, rolling the ‘r’s and I nodded.
>”Sadly, I do know tweedle dee and tweedle dum,” I replied and Jame nodded.
Kalinda: (Andii.) We were lost in the Andes mountain range once after our plane went down. Almost didn’t make it out alive. It was tough, but we got through it together. Unfortunately, the post-traumatic stress disorder that we all suffered drove us apart.
>”You hate them.”
>”I make it that obvious?” Jame laughed and shook his head.
Deangelo: No, no you didn’t. The girl asked you if you were coming along, you affirmed that. How exactly does that speak of unbridled hatred?
Dominick: These are girls. If they shoot someone a sideways glance it means they’re mortal enemies.
>”We’re going to see Brothers Grimm,” Jame said and I frowned.
>”But, that came out ages ago, why’s it still in cinemas?”
Tempest: Because someone pirated it off of Netflix and is screening it for cut-rate prices?
>”It’s not, it’s just people write down what they want to see and people vote, it only happens Saturdays though,” Jame laughed and I nodded.
Jarred: I vote that they should show the Care Bears movie. Everyone enjoys that!
Dominick: Jarred, the only way you’d be more annoying was if you were a furry.
Jarred: What’s a furry?
Dominick: Forget I said anything…
>”Okay, this place is strange, but I knew that,” I muttered and Jame laughed. We didn’t need to buy a ticket so we walked straight into the cinema and I groaned.
Tempest: They didn’t buy tickets? How is this movie thing legal?
Gwen: Perhaps it’s a private showing that’s not advertised. Or they’re doing something illegal.
>There were only five seat left, and eight people.
Melanie: No way around it now; everyone battle to the death!
>Rayke and Coby sat down, Sarah and Rebecca immediately climbing onto their laps. The other three boys sat down and I frowned.
Tempest: Time to get cozy with your new friends!
Gwen: Time to stand during the entire movie.
>”If you guys think I’ll sit on one of your laps you’ve got your head screwed on wrong,” I said and Jame patted his lap.
>”Come on Andii, I’m the safe one,” he smiled and everyone laughed.
Jarred: Safe one?
Dominick: Is he wearing a condom right now or something?
>I rolled my eyes and sat on his lap anyway, and he wrapped his arms around my stomach and pulled me closer.
Kalinda: Yeah, that looks safe.
>”Well, the safest as long as their are no hot guys in the movie,” Jame added and I laughed.
Tempest: Well, he could have just said that he was gay upfront.
Gwen: I question the idea that women should all feel comfortable touching and sitting on gay men just because they’re gay. Women don’t lose their concept of personal space around someone who isn’t physically interested in them.
>”Well, Heath Ledger and Matt Damon are in it.”
Dominick: Andii’s in trouble then. Even I would flirt with Matt Damon, given the chance.
Dominick: It’s his soft eyes. He’s so handsome.
>”Oh, they’re alright I guess, but I prefer guys my age,” Jame laughed and looked around.
Gwen: Yes, it’s far more legal.
>”Two eyes on the screen then,” I laughed and saw Harly grinning a little, shaking his head while Dice was close to bursting out laughing. Coby didn’t pay any attention, he was already pashing Sarah and Rebecca was playing Raykes hair.
Kalinda: I love how her concept of a boyfriend is someone to constantly make out with. Relationships should never have to be complicated.
>”Babe, when the movie starts, can we watch?” I heard Rayke ask and Rebecca pouted.
>”You don’t want to make out?”
>”I want to watch the movie.”
>”Fine.” I laughed a little. The roles really were swapped around.
Gwen: Yes, because a teenage boy is supposed to have no other interest in his life other than snogging. Meanwhile, teenage girls are supposed to hate being physically intimate and only do so under great duress.
M: (From the control room.) There’s another page –
Tempest: Page break! Page break!
M: (From the control room.) – break. Thank you, Tempest.
>”I have to say I have seen a better horror movie, that was more comedy,” I said and Dace walked next to me.
Dominick: Hold on a sec, are we calling him Dace or Dice? I can’t keep up with all of this change!
>We were walking back to the school instead of going in the car.
>”Yeah, and nice work making Harly scream by the way,” Dice laughed and I grinned.
Melanie: (Dice.) The way you carved his name into your arm with a switch blade was amazing. How you did it without crying I will never know.
>I had put a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box and put my hand in, hidden of course, and when Harly went to grab it I grabbed his hand. I never knew guys could be so high pitched.
Dominick: That’s not all that devious. I mean, what if one of the guys had done that with a different appendage?
>”That was probably the highlight, then that set of a chorus of screaming and laughter,” I laughed and Dice shook his head.
Gwen: Yes, that must have been hilarious for all of the other cinema-goers who didn’t want to watch that silly film anyway.
>”Why are you really at Morgans Boarding?”
>”I got transferred from Harlos.”
Tempest: (Andii.) Well, first I wore flip flops to school and was suspended due to violating the dress code. But then, when I was really bored in class one day, I made a gun shape with my fingers and mimed shooting myself in the head. Then I was taken to the school nurse and diagnosed as suicidal.
>”I wasn’t bad at Harlos. A little rough yeah, but not bad. I’m stronger and quicker than most of the girls.
Deangelo: Oh, go on. Tell us about your wonderful singing voice too.
>I didn’t do anything wrong, but I think the reason I got transferred wasn’t to straighten me out, but try and straighten out the boys at Morgans,” I shrugged and Dice looked at me.
Melanie: Why? How does that make any sense? Why would a teenage girl be able to straighten out a bunch of juvenile delinquents when educated and trained adults can’t.
Tempest: Maybe this is some kind of horrendous social experiment?
Gwen: Maybe it’s a prequel to Teen Mom.
>”They really think you can look after yourself?”
>”You’d be surprised,” I laughed and Dice laughed as well.
Kalinda: Oh no, not only is she supposed to look after herself, she supposed to look after an entire school of boys who all hate her and have no problem with beating her up.
>”For some reason, I think I will be.” We started walking again and heard some shouting.
Dominick: Someone had just gotten tea bagged by a noob on Call of Duty.
>We looked around I recognized Harly trying to pull someone of someone else.
Kalinda: Don’t get in the way of their love!
>”Shit, that’s Aero and Jame, Jame doesn’t stand a chance,” Dice gasped and I started sprinting faster than I ever had before.
Melanie: Emo Girl, to the rescue!
>I slammed my body into Aero and ent him flying, me landing on top of him. I looked behind me and Harly was pulling Jame to his feet, who had a bloody, puffy lip and was clutching his arm, tears streaming down his cheek.
Tempest: Does this chick have a death wish?
Jarred: All of this violence is scary. Why can’t they all get along and play Twister together? That’s a great game for friends to play.
>”Get out of here,” I snapped and looked back to Aero, who punched me hard in the face, making me fall back.
Kalinda: Good thing there’s a teenage girl around to save all of these dainty boys from nasty bullies. Especially since there doesn’t seem to be any adults around.
>Rayke was right, he was going easy before, but then again, so was I.
Deangelo: Should someone grab the body bags?
>When The World Turns It’s Back, I’ll Have Yours
Dominick: Really? Who is going to have your back, Andii? So far you’ve been diving into fights with people coming by after it’s over to tell you that you were being unintelligent.
>I sat up and grabbed Aeros collar, pushing him against the ground and climbing onto him, keeping his hands down with my knees.
Tempest: This is so not sexy. I mean, make out, don’t make war.
Kalinda: That’s not the phrase, Tempest.
Tempest: Well, it should be.
>”What the hell is your problem?” I demanded and Aero struggled so I slammed my fist into his chest. He coughed and I shook his collar.
Melanie: Is this a chapter of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” that I missed?
>”I got your attention now? Answer, what is your problem?”
Jarred: Is he going to start crying and pour his heart out at her right now?
>”Bite me,” Aero snapped and I shrugged, biting his wrist as hard as I could. He cried out and I looked up at him.
Gwen: (Cringing.) That’s supposed to be a euphemism.
>”Tell me your problem then.”
>”Fine, fine, my problem is you!”
Jarred: Yeah, someone sitting on your chest, punching you and biting your wrist is often at the forefront of your mind when it’s actually happening.
>”I might be a part of it but I’m not the problem ass hole, I know that much,” I snapped and pulled away from the ground and slammed him back into it.
Melanie: If you want to interrogate him, you might not want to murder him first.
>”Let me go Andii,” Aero coughed and got one of his hands out from under my knee and he shoved me to the side, jumping up. He kicked me in the stomach before turning and making a run for it and I coughed, getting to my hands and knees.
Kalinda: Weenie Man, away!
>”Andii!” I heard someone shout and someone lightly grabbed my waist, helping me up.
>”Freaking hell,” I coughed and looked up, seeing Coby looking at me worried.
Melanie: (Coby.) You going to be okay? Cause, I mean, if you die I get straight As for the rest of the year. Just saying.
>”You took on Aero?”
Dominick: (Coby.) In Mortal Kombat?!
>”I have before,” I snapped and Coby shook his head, putting my arm around his shoulder and we slowly made our way back to the dorm.
Jarred: Yeah, and she got her tail kicked then too. She really needs to stop getting into fights.
>”Harly took Jame to the hospital, nurse reckons broken wrist.”
>”Okay another reason why I’m going to kill Aero,” I whispered and coughed some more. Ow.
Tempest: Have we already mentioned how great it is that there’s a teenage girl there to leap to everyone’s rescue because they all seem to be incapable to defending themselves?
Jarred: Yeah, I think we have.
Tempest: Well, I just wanted to make the point again. Cause, damn, this is getting annoying.
>”You alright Andii?”
>”Trust me, I’ve had worse, just need to lie down for a bit,” I said and Coby opened the door.
Melanie: (Andii.) One time was on a nature trail in Brazil and discovered an entire village in the jungle that had never seen outsiders before. I had to save them from the flood that their weather god was going to bring upon them because they didn’t chase all of the bad spirits away while they were harvesting their crops. You should have seen me after that fiasco. At least I was able to save all of their lost orphan children though…
>”Damn, I thought you said you could look after yourself,” Dice snapped angrily and he helped Coby take me to my bed.
Gwen: Yes, how dare you get the stuffing beaten out of you, Andii!
Kalinda: Sheesh, it’s not like he was any help in the fight.
>I could walk, if I was forced to, but it hurt my chest so much.
Deangelo: The young lady was punched in the face then kicked in the stomach, why does her chest hurt?
>I think I was a bit winded.
>”I can, when I’m not kicked in the chest. Boobs hurt as much as balls you know,” I muttered.
Melanie: Okay, first off, she was not kicked in the chest, she was kicked in the stomach. Second, how would she know what kind of pain scale comparison there is between boobs and balls? Unless she has both, that is.
>Dice rolled his eyes while Cobys mobile started ringing.
>”It’s Rayke,” he said before walking out and Dice picked the shirt up from under my pillow.
Jarred: This might seem like a silly question –
Tempest: Silly question for a silly story.
Jarred: — But why didn’t they take HER to the nurse? She could have internal bruising or a broken nose or something.
Deangelo: I’m sure she can handle the pain. She can take care of herself, you know?
>Cobys shirt had become my shirt now. I yanked my shirt of and Dice didn’t react at all, just picked my singlet up and handed me the shirt. I pulled my bra off and put the shirt on, Dice sitting next to me.
Gwen: Is she willing to show her breasts to everyone?
Tempest: Apparently. And why not? You can straighten boys out by showing them your boobs. Scientific fact.
>”How are you feeling?”
Melanie: Like she wants to go frolic in a field of daises!
>”My chest hurts, I know have an even worse bruise on my cheek, I feel like crap, but I’m great, because Jame isn’t as bad as he could have been,” I said and Dice nodded.
Deangelo: She really seems to relish “saving” people that she barely knows.
>”You’re a whole lot different compared to the other girls Andii.”
>”I’m a whole different from everybody,” I replied and Dice smiled a little.
Jarred: She’s such a special snowflake.
>”That I don’t doubt, and I don’t doubt that you’ll keep surprising and worrying us.”
>”You know me well, even though it has basically been one day.”
>”I have a good judge of character.”
Tempest: Nah, this is just a poorly-written story.
>”My turn to say that I don’t doubt,” I smiled and Dice smiled a little bigger.
>”You’re a good kid Andii, you don’t seem to be the type to be coming to Morgans.”
Melanie: Yeah, I couldn’t tell by how she gets into fights that don’t concern her and takes it upon herself to beat the crap out of people that she doesn’t like.
Gwen: But she’s there to straighten out the boys, remember? Only she can save them!
>”The same to you Dice, so tell me, why are you here?”
>”I held up a few petrol stations when I was ten.
Gwen: As you do.
>I went to Juvie for four years and then I came here.”
>”How the hell did you hold up petrol stations when you were ten?” Dice laughed a little.
Dominick: (Dice.) An air gun and a winning attitude.
>”My older brother had a gun, gave it to me, told me to do it, and we would see mum again,” Dice replied and I kissed his cheek at the end, his voice was sad.
Gwen: Unless Australia relishes punishing manipulated minors, I doubt a case such as this would even go to trail, let alone end in a conviction with a 4-year jail sentence. But what do I know about the law….?
>”I went to Harlos to learn how to be a proper young lady, instead I broke two teachers noses and threw the teacups across the room, set fire to the sowing room and made a gas leak in the kitchens, by accident.
Melanie: I thought she said that she wasn’t that bad at Harlos. This is her definition of not that bad? She assaulted two people, destroyed private property and tried to blow up the building! I might have done some crazy shit in high school, but I didn’t do anything like this.
>I think that also might be a reason why they sent me to Morgans,” I said and Dice laughed.
Deangelo: And why punish her through the legal system when they can send her to an all-boys school for no adequately explained reason?
>”Sure Andii, by accident.”
>”I swear it was,” I laughed and Coby came back in.
Tempest: (Andii.) Ha ha, gas leaks are a laughing matter!
>”That was Rayke, he was a bit worried about you Andii,” Coby said and I shrugged.
Dominick: (Coby.) He also said that he was strangely aroused.
>”He should know by now that-”
>”You can look after yourself,” Dice and Coby said at the exact same time and I crossed my arms.
Jarred: Does anyone notice a pattern here? Anyone?!
>”Well, I can.”
Kalinda: Despite all evidence to the contrary….
>”Okay, well, I’m going to go to my dorm before night maid catches me so see you guys later,” Dice said, standing up and I waved.
Dominick: Night Maid? Is that a character from Dungeons and Dragons or something?
>”Yeah, see you Dice,” Coby said and Dice walked out, flicking the light off for us.
Jarred: (Coby.) Wait! I’m not at my bed! Where did it go? I’ll just make my way over – Ow! Sugar cookies! Stubbed my toe.
M: (From the control room.) Yet another –
Tempest: Page break! Page break!
M: (From the control room.) Thanks, Temp.
>I looked up as Jame walked in, a thick cast on his arm and his lip had two stitches, and his left eye was puffy. He sat next to me and Harly on his other side.
Gwen: Well, it’s a good thing that his brutal beating didn’t get in the way of his education.
Melanie: Also nice to see that the schools stance on bullying is so strict that they’ve done a total of fuck all about Jame getting the shit kicked out of him.
>”Jame?” I whispered and Jame looked at me. I could see he was upset about something and I grabbed his hand.
Jarred: Upset about something? Nah, he has no reason to be upset at all.
>”What the hell happened last night?”
Kalinda: (Andii.) We communed with the Fairy Queen and was assaulted by evil spirits in the dark forest. Then you turned into a unicorn and sprinted off.
>”I could ask you the same thing,” he said a little breathless and I stood up, pulling him outside.
Gwen: But isn’t class about to start?
>”Miss, I did not say you could leave,” the teacher said, standing in my way and I gave him a shove to the side.
Gwen: Come now, children. You need to have more skills than just getting into fights. Sit down and learn something for once in your strange little lives!
>”Sue me,” I muttered and pulled Jame to the stairs.
Deangelo: Sue you? No one has invented a legal system in emo love stories, my dear.
>”Why did Aero beat you up?”
Tempest: (Jame.) Because he found out that I was stealing all of his socks out of his laundry and using them for a sock puppet theatre program that I do on my YouTube channel.
>”I ‘m used to it Andii, I mean, I have to be, there are always going to be people who have the same view as Aero.”
>”Aero did this because you’re gay?”
Kalinda: Hey look, an actual problem that real people face in the real world.
Kalinda: And it’s in an emo love story….
Kalinda: And it’s not going to be handled even vaguely realistically….
>”Yes, and the fact I’m coming to an all boys school, they don’t like,” Jame said and I frowned.
Dominick: Too bad there isn’t some kind of authority at the school or even authorities outside of the school that you could tell. Like parents or teachers or principals or cops.
Jarred: Yeah, it’s a shame that none of those exist.
>”Most of the guys here.”
Tempest: If you really want to be fair though, Aero beat up Andii for eating before him at lunch, so I doubt that he’s really that picky about who he bullies.
>”Well you know what, you don’t have to give a shit about what people think about you Jame. You’re an amazing guy, don’t let anyone discriminate you because of what you are when they don’t know who you are,” I said and Jame nodded a little, a tear falling down his cheek. I gave him a hug and kissed his cheek.
Kalinda: So Andii is not just an expendable punching bag, she doubles as an emo counselor. I can see why they sent her to this school to straighten everyone out.
>”Don’t let anyone tell you, you aren’t great,” I whispered in his ear.
Dominick: And with that, all of his emotional problems were solved and he was forever changed in this world that is so against him.
>I sat outside the maths room and the bell went. I saw everyone piling out of the classrooms and saw Aero come out with his pathetic gang.
Melanie: He has a gang now? He’s moved up in the world. Or down. It’s hard to tell.
>As he walked past, not seeing me, I grabbed his arms and pulled him into the toilets.
Gwen: Here we go again. Aero is going to rearrange her face for the third time in a week. She is getting on at this school just so well!
M: (From the control room.) Let’s take a break there. There’s some kind of delivery outside and Deangelo has to sign for it.
Tempest: Oooo! It must be a super-secret birthday present! (She jumps out of her seat and stretches.)
Deangelo: I’m intrigued and slightly terrified at the same time.
(The MiSTers pile back into the conference room where M is talking to a UPS delivery guy in a space suit. He looks tired and annoyed.)
Deangelo: I believe you have a package for me.
Delivery Guy: Yeah, I – (He turns and views the MiSTers in their full costumed regalia. Tempest waves at him and smiles. Jarred is trying to scratch his face without touching it so he doesn’t mar his face paint.) Uh…
Deangelo: (Realizing that he’s looking over the MiSTers.) Oh, don’t mind them. We were just having a fancy dress party.
Delivery Guy: Uh yeah… Fancy… (He fumbles for his digital clipboard.) Well, just sign here and I’ll be on my way.
Deangelo: (Taking the clipboard and the stylus.) Certainly, my good sir. (He signs and hands the clipboard back to him.)
Delivery Guy: Well, I’ll just be going then. Uh, good bye.
Kalinda: (Trying to tuck her cleavage back into her dress.) Bye! Have a good day!
(The Delivery Guy quickly leaves. Deangelo approaches the gigantic wooden box and looks it over.)
Deangelo: I wonder who this is from.
(The MiSTers exchange glances, shrugging.)
Melanie: I don’t think any of us sent it. M?
M: Not me. I completely forgot that it was Big D’s birthday to begin with.
Gwen: Deangelo is getting his present from me tonight.
Tempest: Is it from Sharyna’s crew?
Jarred: (Looking over the box.) It says it’s from Lost Springs, Wyoming. Do we know anyone from there?
M: I don’t think so. Well, open this bitch up, D. Let’s see what’s inside.
(Deangelo looks over the corners of the box and realizes that it’s nailed shut.)
Deangelo: I think I might need a crowbar.
Melanie: (Reaching into her Superwoman bodice and pulling out a large black crowbar. She hands it to Deangelo.) Here you go.
Dominick: It takes more to be Lara Croft than being able to hide large objects on your body.
Melanie: I’m still closer to being Lara Croft than you are.
(Deangelo approaches the box and starts to pry it open. He gets one corner, then two. He pulls the wooden lid aside and tries to peer in.)
Kalinda: Can you see anything?
Jarred: Anything at all?
Deangelo: No, just blackness.
Tempest: This suspense is making me horny!
Tempest: Well, I have a hard time processing excitement apart from sexual excitement. It’s a medical condition.
(Deangelo pries a third corner, then the last one. The box lid crashes to the ground. Suddenly a mist spills from the box and fills up the room. The lights go out and the MiSTers all scream and scramble to find flashlights. They are almost calm again when an strange and scary mechanical whirring emanates from the box.)
M: The fuck was that?!
Dominick: Someone find a flashlight!
Kalinda: Ow! Tempest, that was my boob!
Gwen: Tempest, that’s MY boob!
Tempest: Sorry, I can’t see where I’m going!
(Suddenly Rosie bounds into the conference room carrying an electric lantern. Jarred grabs the lantern and the MiSTers all huddle together and step closer to the box. The mist is starting to clear when the MiSTers hear a very distinctive sound.)
EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!
(The MiSTers scream, Jarred drops of the lantern and they all run out of the conference room, tailed by a very large and angry Dalek.)