Cheating

funny-pictures-your-cat-cheats-at-board-gamesI cheat at Monopoly. If I get the feeling that the person I’m playing with isn’t paying attention, I start gently nudging my piece forward on the board when they’re not looking. Manipulate the counting of spaces during my turn to land on a desired destination. Take two five hundred dollar bills from the bank instead of two one hundred dollar bills when I pass go.

I’ll land on the Electric company and take the deed to Park Place. I’ll lie about how much money I’m supposed to be awarded from my Community Chest card. It’s even worse when I’m playing Pokémon Monopoly and inevitably no one else knows or can correctly identify the Pokémon, which makes cheating that much easier.

This isn’t to say that I don’t like to play and honest game. I do. If I can find someone willing to sit down with me long enough to play and entire game of Monopoly, I’m overjoyed. I only start cheating when I realize that my opponent isn’t paying attention, and so I’m not being properly challenged by them. My flagrant cheating begins out of boredom more than anything else. I also tend to get a bit ADD when playing a prolonged game like Monopoly without any flashing lights or explosions and cheating certainly makes the game go faster.

I’m also cheat at Chess. I move pieces illegally on occasion. I’ve even once knocked part of the pieces over on the board and put them back in an arrangement that was more advantageous to me. I play innocent if anyone catches me, but I find that most opponents are so focused on their own pieces they won’t notice if I suddenly have two bishops on black squares or a knight that moved four spaces, instead of in the L shape they’re supposed to.

I cheat at Life (which sounds very ironic). Whenever I need to select a card, job selection, salary, house, so on, so forth, I get the person holding the cards to get them into a position where light shows through them and I have a vague idea of which card is which. I always manage to get the Rock Star with the highest salary and the mansion.

No one can understand how. I’m not sure why I cheat at this game. But it’s probably because I don’t want to be the loser with a crappy job and no money on any level.

So you’ve been warned. If you’re going to play a board game with me, watch me like a hawk. I don’t really care about winning games as much as I do keeping myself interested. And when someone is not paying enough attention to the board I make a new game out of seeing just how daring my cheating can be before someone catches me. And let me tell you, I’m very good at this game.