The problem with skeptics

its-april-fools-day-spongebob-graphicI’ve always had the good luck to be friends with super smart people. When I started managing the Southeastern Virginia Skeptics Meetup group, I became friends with even more rational, critical thinkers. It’s wonderful to know that my friends aren’t going to be posting easily Snopes-ed articles about HIV infected needles in McDonald’s ball pits or bullshit about soda cans tainted with rat pee being sold. But there are some downsides to having intelligent, skeptical friends.

The main one that I can think of is not being able to pull an April Fool’s Day joke on anyone. Every time I think of a really great joke, I know that someone will question it and possibly pick apart why it isn’t true. I had a plan that Tim and I could argue back and forth over Facebook and “break up” on April’s Fools Day. But seriously.

Tim never uses Facebook, we never argue in public even when we do argue and the last time we had a fake argument, it involved me telling him that his dream of captaining a shrimp boat was silly and he accused me of smothering our child. Then the cops were called. Our fake personas got a little out of hand. So that wouldn’t really work.

We thought that maybe we could pretend to get married on April Fool’s Day, but everyone would know that without photos, Facebook check-ins at our wedding location and professional shots of us, that it wasn’t real. I hardly go anywhere without taking pictures and uploading them. Why would I suddenly be picture-less and silent on our wedding day? Even with an elopement, I wouldn’t be able to put my iPhone down.

The idea of claiming that I’m pregnant would be ridiculous, as most of my friends know that I’m sterile and/or that I hate children. But also pointless because everyone freaking does that. One year, soon after I got Facebook, I saw three friends in one afternoon claiming to be pregnant. It’s just too common.

I thought that maybe we could post on each other’s walls back and forth about something bad that had happened and make it sound like we had accidentally murdered a drifter and disposed of the body or something. But seriously, how dim-witted would we have to be in order to post stuff like that on Facebook? People would immediately see through it.

So yes, having skeptical friends is great, but not when you’re trying to plan an April Fool’s Day joke. Critical thinkers think too critically to fall for feeble pranks. I still have a few months. Maybe I can come up with something so intricate, so well-planned that I could manage to get all of them with the sheer realism that I managed. But, of course, it would have to be funny too.