NB: This is a novelization of the film, Bratz Super Babyz. The dialogue is taken verbatim from the movie. The rest are things that I added in, in an attempt to explain some of the stranger parts of the film. To read all parts of this novelization, click here.
In the living room at Gran’s house, Sasha was banging what she thought was her new Zultra Zapper toy against the floor. It wasn’t working properly. She hadn’t bothered to try it out while she was at the store, but now she wanted to pretend to use it and run around with the other girls and it refused to make a sound.
She banged it against the floor again, as if that would fix whatever was causing it not to work. In reality, she had picked up the Potatoes’ Matter Exchanger and what she was banging against the floor was a very powerful and very complex piece of machinery.
Sasha narrowed her eyes at the Matter Exchanger before banging it against the floor once again. “Gran,” she called. “This Zultra Zapper won’t work. It’s supposed to make cool lights and sounds.”
Gran looked over at her with fake concern. The other girls had managed to already break their toys, now Sasha’s was out of commission as well. “I’m sorry, Cloe,” she told the girl, addressing Sasha by the wrong name, yet again. “We’ll get you something else tomorrow.”
Sasha didn’t even acknowledge that Gran thought she was a completely different person. “That’s okay, Gran,” she shrugged, putting the Zultra Zapper aside and looking over at the other girls, who were all coloring. “It’s not your fault,” she added, even though no one had insinuated that it was.
“It’s bedtime anyway,” Gran announced. The girls looked up from their coloring and groaned loudly. “Aren’t you tired after your big day?” She asked as the girls got up and dutifully walked upstairs to bed.
“Only tired of bedtime,” Cloe told her as the girls settled down in their cots and Cloe in her bed. Gran had given Cloe the only bed in the room because, after all, Cloe was white and certainly needed better sleeping arrangements than the three cots that the other girls had been resting on.
Gran turned out the light and looked over her four sleeping children with pride. “Good night, little girls,” she told them, happily.
The girls told Gran their various goodnights before settling back down in bed. Gran closed the door and headed back downstairs to watch some TV in solitude. As soon as the door closed, the girls imagined their pets coming to play with them.
Sasha reached out her hands to her rabbit and said, “Come here, cutie.” The hallucination snuggled her.
Cloe petted her winged pig delusion with joy. “Let me scratch behind your ears,” she offered, petting the pig some more. The toddlers settled down in bed, comforted in the knowledge that their imaginary animals would never leave them. Unlike their parents.
In the living room, Gran was sitting in her recliners, watching TV. She was idly flipping through a magazine as she half listened to the television. Gran sighed in disappointment as she looked through the magazine. So many people body shaming young women. They were either too fat or too thin. Their thighs were too small or two large. No one ever seemed to be able to match up to society’s image of the perfect woman.
Suddenly, a statement from the television caught her attention. “Dr. Bessie,” the woman said, “My boyfriend is obsessed with kissing my toes. Is that normal?”
Gran looked up in surprise. She realized that she had turned on a late-night sex chat show. “My goodness,” she said. “What filth. Disgusting.” She didn’t admit that she wanted to know Dr. Bessie’s response.
In the bedroom, the Bratz were deep into their delusional play. “Your whiskers tickle,” Jade told her black cat. She snuggled the animal and rubbed her face against its soft fur.
“Sleep right here, next to me,” Yasmin told her frog with a crown illusion. The frog had originally just been a frog, but since Yasmin’s nickname was Pretty Princess, she decided that the inhabitant of her personal paracosm should have a crown too.
The girls snuggled down in bed and stared at the ceiling, all unable to sleep after their exciting day. Just then, Cloe sat up in bed. “Wasn’t Johnny Speedometer the greatest?” She asked her friends.
“Yeah,” Jade agreed, accidentally elbowing her cat in its face. “Wouldn’t it be so cool to be a Super Bud? They get to stay up all night flying.”
“Totally,” Cloe affirmed. “Never have to be treated like babies again.”
“Yeah, we’d be in charge,” Sasha said, nodding. The idea of being in charge was something that she constantly fought for.
“I wish I could be a flying hero,” Yasmin said, wistfully.
“Me too,” Sasha added.
“Me three,” Cloe stated.
“Me four,” Jade said, yawning.
Back in the living room, Gran was fumbling to change the channel. She grabbed one remote, mumbling to herself, “There’s got to be something else on.” The innocently asked question about her boyfriend kissing her feet had turned into a discussion on fisting and Gran was not amused.
Gran picked up what she thought was a remote, but was actually the Matter Exchanger. She pressed the activation button, the only button that Sasha had somehow missed pressing while she was trying to get it to work. Green lightening issued from the device.
Gran, due to her eyesight and her general state of confusion, didn’t even notice the strange, indoor lightening float up through the ceiling and enter into the toddler’s bedroom. The girls were already sleeping peacefully when all of this happened, so none of the Bratz noticed the lightening or the changes that were taking place in their bodies.
Confused the the remote still wasn’t working, Gran switched her glasses and saw that she was holding Sasha’s broken toy. She set it down and picked up another remote. This one changed the channel. She flipped through several stations until she found herself watching two women making love. Gran paused for a second. Then she set the remote down.
The souvenir shop at Adventure Universe had been closed for hours. The clerk, who the Potatoes learned was named Ted, was tied up with rope, strapped to the large display rocket that was in the middle of the store. He looked around at his small captors in terror.
He had been smoking a joint as he closed the store alone when he saw the same strange looking baby and three things that looked like various spuds. When he first saw them, he thought he was just high and started laughing hysterically. But when the Potatoes attacked him and tied him to the rocket in order to interrogate him, he realized that this was no mirage.
“But I told you,” Ted objected. “We don’t sell Matter Changers.”
“Matter Exchangers!” Yam corrected him, loudly.
“Yeah, whatever,” Ted said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t even know what they are.”
Spud, who had been less than helpful the entire interrogation, tied Ted’s shoe laces together. As if that was going to do anything when he was tied to a rocket and unable to walk.
“What did I tell you?” Tuber asked, gesturing to the scared store clerk. “Very disagreeable creature.”
“Indeed,” Spud said, making a fist and placing it against his palm. The move would have been intimidating if Spud wasn’t a foot high and weighing in at three pounds.
Tot, who had also been less than helpful during the kidnapping, hopped onto the clerk’s shoulders and started tickling his ears. Ted laughed, unwillingly.
“Please!” He begged. “Whoever, whatever you are, let me go!” Just then, Tot extended a light and shone it right on Ted’s face. His bloodshot eyes burned with the light. “I work a second job delivering pizzas,” he told the Potatoes. “And they’ll can me if I’m late.”
“Ah,” Spud said, wisely. “He’s a worker like we used to be.”
Tuber was quick to redirect the conversations to the plight of the Potatoes. “Never again, my brothers!” He said, raising his fist in a dramatic motion. “We will regain the Matter Exchanger and change ourselves into kings!”
“Some of us have already changed,” Yam muttered to himself.
“Vlarked of a major king!” Tot exclaimed. Tuber furrowed his brow. That wasn’t even a part of their language. “I can’t go back to that, Tuber,” Tot continued. “That double-shift thing. Servitude all day and night! Do you know know what I went through to steal the Matter Exchanger? Do you?!” He shrieked.
“We heard it about a hundred times,” Spud said, rolling his eyes.
Tot had reminded the Potatoes that he had allow his slaver master to sexually violate his roots for hours until the master had fallen sound asleep. After the master was unconscious, Tot had ransacked the house until he found the Matter Exchanger and stole away back to the servant quarters to take the first of many showers in an attempt to scrub away the shame that he felt.
Tot ignored Spud. None of them appreciated the stress and trauma he had felt after the events. None of them probably ever would. “Then you!” He shouted, pointing at Tuber. “You! You greedy, selfish ball of starch went and lost it.”
“We’ll find it,” Tuber assured his younger shipmate. The other Potatoes were becoming harder and harder to manage.
“But how are we going to find it?!” Tot shrieked, his hands shaking violently.
“Look!” Yam suddenly shouted. The other Potatoes followed his outstretched finger and saw a security camera that was sitting attached to the ceiling.
“Moving image accumulation devices,” Tuber murmured in awe. None of the Potatoes realized that the film was still rolling and had captured their entire kidnapping and conversation. It would have been inconvenient enough to capture the four space Potatoes on screen, but for some reason, they all spoke English, and anyone who watched the footage would have been able to hear their entire plot.
Yam continued without a single concern. “They must have a visual record of the general activity at this location!”
Just then, Spud emerged front the manager’s office with a VHS tape. “You think it has something to do with this stringy stuff?” He asked.
Ted grimaced. Just seeing the older piece of technology made him feel queasy. He kept telling the manager that they needed to store the security footage at the main office. Although, this was mainly so that he could delete footage of himself being rude to customers and taking entirely too many smoke breaks.
The four Potatoes made their way back to their spaceship. They left Ted tied up and pleading with them to release him. They didn’t even notice that Ted started sobbing loudly as they closed the door to the souvenir shop. They had more important things that they needed to do.
Back on the ship, Tuber input the VHS into their hardware. It didn’t recognize the foreign technology at first, but after they ran an update on their systems and downloaded the latest version of Translatez It Now, the VHS played without problem.
The four Potatoes observed a toddler receiving an ice cream cone and a toy, and everything else that it desired that the parents pulled from their SUV-sized stroller. “I knew these babies had a life of total perfection. But nothing like this,” Tuber admitted as he observed a child scream and throw his bottle across the park’s walkway. “There!” He said, pointing to the screen. “One is expressing its displeasure with its gopher.”
“Yeah,” Yam said in awe, “That servant’s luck the baby didn’t decide to have it peeled.”
“Wait!” Tuber shouted, pointing at the Bratz on screen. “There’s a gaggle of babies that I observed for several time periods.”
The video showed the girls at the checkout counter. Gran purchased a the Matter Exchanger and handed it to Sasha. “Thanks for the Zultra Zapper, Gran,” she said, happily.
Tuber squinted at the screen. He wasn’t sure if it actually was the Matter Exchanger. In the last few hours, he had mistaken it for a Zultra Zapper, an employee had sold it the Bratz as a Zultra Zapper and no one else in the house had been able to tell that it was actually alien technology and not a child’s toy.
But Tuber knew that he needed to keep his team focused on something and they might as well try to get that device back. Even if it wasn’t the actual Matter Exchanger. It would keep them busy until Tuber could come up with something else to distract them.
“Hold the image. We have to find those babies!” Yam shouted, pointing at Sasha holding the Zultra Zapper. Tuber smiled. If they were convinced that that was the Matter Exchanger, it wouldn’t be entirely his fault if it turned out not to be later.
The next morning, Jade was sitting in her high chair enjoying a goopy bowl of pudding. The dish looked completely unappetizing to most humans, but Jade just adored the watery texture and excrement-like appearance. Jade picked up her sippy cup of milk and took a swig. She set the cup down and tried to remove her hand, but found that she couldn’t.
Jade looked at the cup in bewilderment. It was stuck to her hand. How could this have happened? Jade shook her arm, but the cup remained firmly planted to her palm. Scared, Jade shook her hand more violently. The cup flew from her hand, then returned, attached by a strange, glistening, orange, sticky slime that issued from her hand.
The little Asian girl gasped. She flung her arm and the cup flew across the room, then retracted just as it did before. Unsure of what was going on, Jade picked up her spoon and held her hands at her side where she balanced the spoon and the cup on the orange slime.
Although Jade didn’t understand what was going on, the truth was that her blood and bodily organs had replaced with this orange, sticky substance. The goo was now issuing from her pores in an effort to latch on to most objects that she came into contact with. While her powers were great, if something broke her skin, she wouldn’t bleed. She would just lose all of her goo and die.
At the same time, Yasmin and Sasha were coloring in their activity books in the living room. Completely oblivious to Jade’s discovery, Yasmin was hard at work, coloring in a flamingo. She paused. The feet were obviously yellow, but what color was its body?
“What color is an ostrich?” She asked Sasha, incorrectly identifying the animal.
“Black and white,” Sasha said, without hesitation. “The adults males, that is,” she added. “Females and young males are a grayish brown. Why don’t you look in that encyclopedia?” She asked, gesturing to the book that Gran had been using to steady a table.
“How did you know that was an encyclopedia?” Yasmin asked, curious as to where her friend had even heard that word.
“I read the cover, silly,” Sasha said, as if she had always been able to read and this wasn’t a newly acquired skill.
Yasmin gasped. “You can read? Oh my gosh! You can read!”
Sasha stood. Knowledge that she had never even considered suddenly filled her mind. “Ah!” She said, pointing her finger in the air. “E equals MC squared. The square of the hypotenuse of the right triangle is equal to the sum of the the squares of the two adjacent sides.”
Sasha looked at Yasmin and Yasmin looked at Sasha. “Oh my gosh!” Sasha declared. She was a genius!
“Oh wow!” Yasmin shrieked. “Totally gosh!”
Off in the distance, they heard a high-pitched scream that they knew could only be Cloe’s. Sasha looked up to the bedroom in annoyance. “Cloe? What now?” Sasha asked, out loud. She had just discovered that she was super intelligent and now her blonde friend wanted to distract everyone from her brilliance.
Sasha took of upstairs and arrived at the girls’ bedroom door to find Yasmin already there. Sasha looked at Yasmin, then back at the direction that she came in.
“How did you run so fast? You were like a blur,” she told her friend. But Bunny Boo didn’t get an answer. Instead, she and Yasmin looked into the bedroom to see Cloe, floating above the ground, her blonde head almost touching the ceiling.
“Cloe? Yasmin asked, in bewilderment.
“What? How’d you get up there?” Sasha asked, furrowing her brow at her hovering friend.
“Guys, get me down,” Cloe said, her bottom lip quivering with the threat of tears.
At the same time, Jade was still in the kitchen. She had started testing the durability of her goo and was now climbing the wall behind her high chair. Just like Spiderman, she was climbing towards the ceiling with no problem. She paused to evaluate her progress. “Wow, cool!” Jade said, looking at how far she had climbed. “I am super sticky.”
Just then she heard Sasha’s voice from the other room. “Kool Kat, come here for a sec,” she beckoned.
Jade couldn’t wait to show her friends her new-found ability. She carefully detached herself from the wall and was expecting to land on her feet, but found that she was floating above the floor. Gran, who had been in the kitchen the entire time, didn’t notice her tiny charge was now hovering.
“Oh my gosh,” Jade declared, cautiously moving forward. “I guess I haven’t woken up yet.”
“Jade!” Sasha called, impatiently.
“Coming!” Jade insisted. She flew out of the kitchen, loving the feeling of the wind against her freakishly long hair. “This is the best dream ever!” She declared as she floated up the stairs.
Do you want to read more Bratz reviews? Of course, you do. Click here.