NB: This is a novelization of the film, Bratz Super Babyz. The dialogue is taken verbatim from the movie. The rest are things that I added in, in an attempt to explain some of the stranger parts of the film. To read all parts of this novelization, click here.
Outside of the house, the Bratz hoisted themselves up to see into the kitchen’s bay windows. They witnessed Gran feeding Tuber pudding. Cloe glowered, disgust rising in her throat. Jade walked over to the living room windows and watched the other three Potatoes in the den coloring with the Bratz coloring books.
“They’re touching our blanket!” Jade cried, pointing at the offending Potatoes.
“Gross!” Cloe declared.
“They’ve taken our place,” Jade said in horror.
They regrouped, looking at each other in concern.
“Why?” Yasmin asked, puzzled by the chain of events.
“They said something about wanting to be served and taken care of,” Sasha reminded her friends. “But I don’t care.”
Cloe’s lower lip trembled. “What if, when our parents come home tomorrow, they take them home?” She asked.
The girls exchanged glances. They were still living under the delusion that their parents were alive, so they couldn’t tell Cloe that their parents would never come get them. But they also didn’t want to point out that only a half-blind, demented old woman would mistake four conventionally attractive girls for four oddly-shaped male Potatoes.
But Cloe wasn’t finished. “And they get to ride my fancy pony and wear my clothes?” She moaned, tears rolling down her face. “And sleep in my bed?”
“Don’t be silly,” Sasha said, extending a hand to her friend. “Even a mommy couldn’t love that,” she reasoned. The girls nodded in agreement. Ugly people didn’t deserve love and affection, after all.
“I don’t wanna be replaced by a ‘tato,” Jade said, her ability to handle the situation waning.
Sasha turned her attention back to Cloe. “No crying,” she said, knowing that if she could stop Cloe from crying she could probably stop Jade as well.
“But…” Cloe said, her voice breaking.
“No!” Sash said, sharply. She placed her hand over Cloe’s mouth, roughly. “We can’t let those Potatoes know we’re out here,” she hissed at her friend.
“You’re right, Sasha,” Cloe admitted. The last thing she wanted to do was alert the Potatoes to their presence.
“You can’t make a sound,” Sasha said, just in face Cloe hadn’t gotten her point the first time.
“Okay, okay,” Cloe said in frustration. “No crying,” she agreed.
“Okay,” Sasha said, folding her arms over her chest. “Any ideas?” She asked her friends. She had none, so she thought she might as well ask the others.
“Gotta get those Potatoes out of there now and us in,” Jade said, thinking. “So here’s what we’ll do.” She motioned for the girls to form a circle and they kneel down together to make sure that no one could hear them. “We’ll climb up to our window, run up to Gran together. Cloe, you –”
“We can’t tell Gran!” Cloe objected. “Gran can’t know. It will scare her. And the Potatoes might get nasty and– and hurt her!” She said, her voice rising well above an acceptable level, tears once again threatening to fall.
Jade concentrated on not showing her annoyance with her friend. “You’re right,” Jade bit out. “We have to deal with those Potatoes on our own.”
The girls didn’t want to admit that their years of depending on each other had firmly implanted in their minds the idea that adults were useless. Gran, even though she had many more years of experience and resources than they did, wasn’t going to be any help.
She had to be protected and coddled against things that she no doubt was more equip to deal with than four toddlers. But the girls were resolute. They couldn’t tell Gran.
“How are we going to do it?” Cloe asked, looking to the other girls for inspiration.
“I’ve got an idea,” Jade said. “Remember how we used to play Super Buds, before we were real Super Babyz?” She asked, although the very mention of the game made her feel uneasy now, given their recent encounter with the superheroes.
“Yeah?” Sasha asked, wondering where she was going with this.
“Let’s try that,” Jade said. “Except the potatoes won’t know we’re playing.”
Cloe paused. She had no idea what Jade was talking about. But all of the other girls turned and nodded, with matching looks of determination on their faces. Cloe decided not to ask any questions.
The girls started climbing the lattice work that was outside of the bedroom window. They swiftly made their way back into their bedroom, not bothered by the tremendous heights, or the arduous climb. When the girls hopped onto the carpeting of the bedroom, they quickly looked around.
It was as if they could hear inspirational pop music throbbing in the background as they dressed themselves. The girls put on their costume accessories that were usually too clumsy to wear. They added their gloves and belts. They stuffed baby powder and bottles filled with milk into their holsters. Cloe hooked down pacifies onto her belt.
When the girls were ready, they put on their flowing red capes. They stood and examined themselves in the mirror for several minutes before they decided that they were ready. Cloe fixed her hair and Sasha dapped out a stain on her body suit.
“Okay guys,” Jade said, once she was sure that she and her friends were properly dressed and made up to fight the alien invasion, “Let’s take on these small potatoes.”
Sasha crawled lizard-like backwards down the stairs, in her awkward fashion. When she tried of that, she slid down the railing and hopped off, skulking into the kitchen. She observed Gran spoon-feeding Tuber pudding and growled, softly.
The little girl peeked out from behind the oven and grabbed the baby monitor that she had clipped her belt. “Every baby at the ready?” She asked.
The girls responded, even though baby monitors are not a two-way system. “Sirena in place,” Cloe said.
“Glue Girl ready,” Jade told her friends.
“Speedy says it’s a go,” Yasmin nodded. She thought for a second. That catch phrase wasn’t as cool-sounding as it had been in her head. Maybe she needed to work on it a bit more.
Gran walked away to get a ringing phone. Sasha saw her moment and ran across the room, hopping into the high chair opposite Tuber. She picked up the bowl of pudding. The Potatoe was resting his head back with his eyes closed, blissfully unaware of what was going on around him.
“You want baby food?” Sasha questioned, breaking him out of his almost trance-like state of happiness. “You’ve got it!”
Before Tuber could react, the baby girl started hurling pudding at him.
Tuber put his hands up to protect himself from the onslaught. “Ahh! It’s them!” He cried, hoping he was loud enough to warn his fellow Potatoes.
“Woo hoo!” He heard from another room, recognizing Jade’s voice.
Tuber jumped up in the high chair and grabbed his bowl of pudding. He fired back at Sasha. But before he could hit the little girl, she ducked out of the way and both Cloe and Yasmin stepped up, striking him with a double stream of milk from their baby bottles. Tuber tried to cry out, but the sound was stuck in his throat. He fell over, sputtering.
Gran reentered the kitchen after finishing with the solicitor. “Uh oh,” Sasha said. The girls quickly scattered, leaving a damp and furious Tuber laying on the table, covered in pudding and milk.
The elderly woman walked over to what she thought was one of her adopted daughters and surveyed the damage. “Oh Jade!” She exclaimed. “What a mess. Come with me.”
“Where are you taking me?” Tuber objected as Gran picked him up and cradled him against her sagging breasts. He clung to her for fear of falling, or even worse, the Bratz returning.
“For a bath,” Gran explained. “And then to your room,” she added. “You’ve been very naughty indeed.”
Tuber looked up at her in annoyance. She had no right to tell him what to do. “I order you to release me!” He cried.
Gran shot the girl a sideways look. It wasn’t like her little girls to be so demanding. It also wasn’t like them to have such rough skin and braided hair. Gran wondered if that was the drugs as she set Tuber into the sink, fully clothed and started running the warm water.
“Honestly, young lady,” Gran chastises and she filled the sink with bubbles. “I’ve never seen such behavior.” She paused, not wanting the little girl to know that she was suspicious of drug usage. “It’s those violent cartoons you’ve been watching,” she added. Gran congratulated herself on her save.
Just then, the kitchen door silently swung open to reveal the real Jade, carrying a bucket of sudsy water. Cloe held the door, looking over the entire room before she motioned Jade forward.
“Kool Kat, don’t spill it,” Cloe whispered to her. “Not until you get to the sink. Then this is the one time it’s okay to be really messy.”
Cloe ducked out of the room just as Gran left to go get the shampoo from the bathroom upstairs. The older woman had realized entirely too late that she had started washing the child in lemon-scented dish soap and while she was sure that the baby would be fine, she knew better than to wash her hair with it.
Jade walked unsteadily to the sink, trying not to spill the bucket of water. She walked up the step stool that Gran used to help the girls get to counter-level when they helped her cook and before Tuber, who was still fully clothed, and now smelled like lemons, could react, she dumped the bucket into the sink.
Jade threw the bucket down and ran as fast as she could out of the kitchen. Tuber reached out to grab the little girl, but he missed her by several inches as she fled. Jade regrouped with her friends, panting from her get away.
“Mission accomplished,” she told her friends, smiling.
Still in the sink, they heard Tuber’s voice wail, “I’m being devoured by globstules!” In reality, he was just covered with bubbles. He had never seen the before as the Potatoe home world lacked enough carbon dioxide to make bubbles.
Scared out of his mind from what he thought were tiny creatures roaming all over his body, Tuber jumped down from the sink, fell to the floor and staggered into the hallway. Tuber swatted at the bubbles on his body and screamed in horror. He could feel them eating him alive! He tripped in the foyer and laid on the ground, in agony.
He looked up, exhausted and scared. He saw Jade standing at the top of the staircase. Before he even knew what was happening, there was a puff of white powder and he was blinded. He felt an object hit him in the head.
“What’s that?” He demanded, clawing at his face. “I can’t see! Ahhh! Oh my eyes sting!” He groaned. He had almost wiped the baby powder off of his face when Sasha spilled some baby oil in a puddle by the stairs an Tuber unknowingly stepped in it. He fell hard, landing on his elbow.
“Come back here, you naughty girl!” He heard Gran call from the kitchen. Tuber looked up in horror. He definitely didn’t want her finding him right now. He ducked into the den to find his fellow Potatoes.
Jade quickly wiped up the spilled baby oil and disappeared just before Gran entered the foyer.Gran looked around, thinking that he had just heard Jade’s voice coming from that area of the house. She crossed over into the study to look for her there. She was probably strung out on drugs and terrified.
Tuber entered the den the closed the door behind him. He looked over at his compatriots in rage. They were all asleep, peacefully unaware of the terror that he had just encountered.
“Wake up, you lazy…” He mumbled, stopping himself from using every swear word his people had ever invented. He picked up one of Gran’s magazines and smacked the sleeping Potatoes in the face with it.
“What?” Spud stammered, coming to.
“Who?” Yam questioned.
“What’s happening?” Tot asked, yawning.
“How can you sleep!? They are attacking!” He shouted, gesturing to the den’s closed door.
“Who?” Spud asked in confusion.
“The former regime!” Tuber said, throwing his hands up in frustration. He was about to ask who else could be attacking them, but Yam spoke.
“What?” He asked, blankly.
“They’re trying to recapture the throne!” Tuber explained, loudly. He looked around. There was no lock on the den’s door. They had no way to keep them out. “Get up!” He shouted, turning around and glaring at the three odd-looking babies. “Assume battle mode! They have weapons and they’re really mean! Vicious!” He screamed.
“But we don’t have any defenses anymore,” Tot pointed out, cowering under neath the blanket.
“In this form, we’re helpless!” Yam added.
Spud opened his mouth to speak, but the door opened and the Potatoes, who were so terrified they were out of their minds with anxiety, hallucinated four animals attacking them. A frog with a crown, a pig with wings, a black cat, and a rabbit.
“Mutants!” Tuber shouted as the frog started to chase him.
“Help!” Yam called, abandoning the blanket and running for his life.
“Blight!” Spud swore.
“They’re attacking!” Tot needlessly shrieked.
The four Potatoes ran upstairs, the hallucinations hot on their heels. They ran into the bedroom where they had earlier taken their first naps. The four animals continued to attack and pursue the Potatoes as they screamed for help. Although they didn’t see it, the four Bratz girls stood in the door frame of the bedroom, watching in satisfaction.
Meanwhile, Gran, who had come into the den to find that room empty as well, walked back into the kitchen. “Jade?” She asked, wondering where in the world she had gone. Gran thought to herself that she might want to empty the sink, just to be sure that Jade hadn’t slipped beneath the water in her intoxication and drowned.
Upstairs, the Bratz stood back as their powerful delusions chased the aliens out of the bedroom. The girls started to stuff diapers onto the Potatoes’ heads. Cloe stuck a pacifier in Yam’s mouth to stop him from making his high-pitched squeal. The Bratz then shoved the creatures downstairs. They rolled down the steps, crying out for mercy the entire way, then rolled right out of the front door.
Sasha was the first one down the stairs. She slammed the door and locked it. She turned back to her friends and dusted off her hands. The girls cheered and shouted in excitement.
“Babyz rule!” Jade declared.
“We’re super without even being super!” Yasmin added in glee.
“Let’s go get that Zultra Zapper thing,” Sasha said. “So this kind of thing doesn’t happen again.”
Cloe nodded. “Good idea, Sasha,” she said.
The girls raced off to the bed and looked around. The went right to the table with all of the remotes on it, where Gran had been keeping it, the table was a remote short.
“Oh my gosh!” Cloe declared. “It’s not here!”
“Forget something?” The girls whipped around to see the four Potatoes standing confidently in the doorway to the den. Tuber was holding the Matter Exchanger. He pressed the activation button on it and the four bizarre-looking babies returned to their original Potatoe form.
The girls gasped in horror and shock. They had never seen Tuber’s original form and his double row of eyes scared them.
“Now, retreat!” The leader ordered the toddlers. “Or we’ll turn you into grobelets,” he threatened, pointing the Matter Exchanger at them.
The girls exchanged glances. “What’s a grobelet?” Jade asked.
“I think don’t think we want to find out!” Yasmin reasoned.
“Quick, out the back door!” Jade told her friends.
The Bratz raced out of the living room as the Potatoes laughed. They reveled in their victory. “Okay, comrades,” Tuber said. “Back to bliss!”
The four stood together and shouted, “We want to be babies!” The Matter Exchanger was activated and they were transformed once again into the strange, doughy children.