Random Thoughts 23

23andMeLogo_MagentaLimeI want to do 23andMe, but I want to do it for my pets. For some reason, I don’t really care where I come from or what my ancestry is. However, my pets are all rescues and no one is 100% sure of their parentage. I’d love to see what breeds that they have in them. How much Malinois is Waffles? How much Labrador is Loki? Is Happy actually a Maine Coon or is he just really fluffy? That’s the only reason why I would do 23andMe.

Hel and I have decided that cats should be a scientific unit of measure. In addition, all science classes need to use examples with cats when explaining scientific lessons.

I hate it when people I never talk to on Facebook want to comment on  a post and “school” me on something. If you don’t talk to me regularly, you can bet your ass I don’t want to hear your thoughts on how Obama is Kenyan and there’s no war on women. If you don’t know me well enough to comment on my regular posts, don’t comment on my political ones. #unfriend

I put a hashtag at the end of that statement because I know what the kids are into these days. It’s hashtags, right? Or are they still doing those vodka-soaked tampons?

My mom and I recently went to a scrapbooking retreat about 10 minutes from our house. During the four days that we were gone (not including when we came home for lunch) my dad called my mom about 14 times. He goes to the other side of the world for 6 months at a time, but leave him home alone for a few hours and he starts hearing strange noises.

Happy Cat has so many photos himself, he could be a cat model. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I’m feverishly snapping photos of him as he stretches in the sunshine.

Sometimes I think about editing the Bratz Wikia. It’s just so terrible I can’t help but want to go all Grammar Nazi and correct all of the copious mistakes contained within.

Vistaprint has made so much money off of me. I print out their business cards all the time. But then after I put some into my purse, I regularly lose the rest. Then I end up ordering more because I can’t find the ones I already printed. I need to put a homing device on those things…

I recently asked Tim that if we got a house and Waffles lived in it, if it would be a Waffle House. I am a comedy genius.

My Pinterest feed is so backwards. Half of the recipes are Weight Watchers, Biggest Loser, healthy-diety crap, then the other half are ultimate cheese burgers and carb-stuffed cakes that use so much butter that Paula Deen would blush.

People who do beauty pageants should start asking contests general knowledge questions. Just for the hilarity of it. Then the smartest girl should win. Also, they shouldn’t have only conventionally attractive people in pageants. Scratch that, there shouldn’t be pageants. No one should be arbitrarily judged on their appearance and ability to pick out an evening gown that someone else likes. Everyone should just be themselves.

I can’t help but like some a little bit better when I find out that someone read my blog. I was recently debating whether or not to delete someone from my Facebook page and I remembered that they had never once commented or liked a blog that I could recall. So that worked against them. Very heavily. If I was on OkCupid again, I would probably put on my profile that reading at least one blog post was mandatory before contacting me.