Bratz: Pampered Petz, adventures in animal hoarding, part 2

4608698249_fbe5fe10b8This is a multi-section review of the movie, Bratz: Pampered Petz. To read all sections in this review, Click here.

When we left off, Cloe and Yasmin were at Lola’s going through her stuff like a bunch of creepers. They discovered that their new friend has a secret past a mambo queen. Everything is going well until they get a visit from good old Mr. Grunion.

Grunion comes to the front door and knocks. No one hears him as they’re all in the garage having a moment. So he just enters the house. Because if you didn’t think that he was creepy before, you will now. He calls out for someone as he walks into the living room. But then Grunion steps on the squeaky toy.

The pets coming running. A bulldog knocks Grunion over and licks him. A chihuahua steals his toupee. Jinkxy takes the hairpiece and starts to model it. By now, Lola and the two Bratz have heard the commotion and have come to investigate. Lola takes the toupee from the monkey and gives it back to Grunion.

The older woman tells him that they don’t mean any harm, they just love company. Grunion pretends to be nice, his polite facade wearing thing. He says that he just loves all of the little critters. He tell Lola that he saw the police car and he wanted to check on her. Lola informs him about what the officer says and her problem with finding homes for so many animals in only three days time.

Yasmin offers for Grunion to adopt one of the pets, but he says that he can’t because of all of the construction. Just then, one of the kittens climbs up his back. Yasmin carefully removes the kitten as Grunion offers his assistance. He tells Lola that he has a friend in real estate that can find Lola a house to rent where she can have all of her pets and the neighbors won’t complain. But Lola refuses. “This is my home,” she tells him, firmly.

Grunion then says that she’ll just have to lose the animals. Cloe pipes up and tells him that they’re going to help her re-home all of her pets. Yasmin says that Lola always wanted to find the animals good homes, they’re just speeding up the process. Which probably isn’t that true if she actually is an animal hoarder. But, disappointed, Grunion says goodbye and leaves. After he goes, Annie runs to the door, barking. The girls ask her what’s wrong. Because, remember, Annie speaks English, understands what’s happening and knows that Grunion is up to no good.

Back at the spa, Sasha and Jade are in the bubbling mud springs, relaxing. Dan then comes running over and informs Sasha that it’s 5pm, the time that they should be setting up their booth. Th two girls freak out. They jump out of the mud and grab towels.

Splitting up, Sasha tells Jade to go secure their booth space and she will go back to the room get the accessories. The girls run off without showering. Dan calls after them that they need to get the mud off, but they are already out of ear shot, leaving a trail of mud behind them.

I realize that it’s supposed to be funny, but who would be caked in mud and have their first instinct be anything other than getting the mud off? I don’t care if a serial killer is stalking you with a chainsaw. Your first concern would be getting clean, then running for your life.

Anyway, back in Stilesville, Yasmin and Cloe are pulling a red wagon full of puppies and fliers. They post the flyers, reading that the pets are free and lists a phone number. The two walk around town posting the signs everywhere, even on the side of a bus.

While this seems like a perfectly reasonable idea, the dangerous reality is that people who fight dogs often get their fighting animals through these means. When the pets are free, they can just send the most legit-looking person of the bunch out to pick one up and they take the dog back to the kennel to live a short, horrible life as a fight dog or bait animals. They end up in medical research labs. They end up in animal hoarder’s backyards where they die slow and horrible deaths from neglect.

Back at the spa, Sasha and Jade are still wearing their towels and mud and are sticking to everything. They accidentally throw a rack of jewelry into a woman who then walks off in a huff. Needless to say, the booth isn’t going well. But considering that no one threw both of their asses out for tracking mud everywhere, they’re doing okay.

The scene quickly switches back to the streets of Stilesville where Cloe and Yasmin are putting up more flyers. They move on and Joe comes behind them and takes their flyer down. The girls don’t notice as they move on to post more.

At the spa, the mud on the girls has crusted over and are now now ridged. Back at the park, Yasmin and Cloe are showing a little boy one of the puppies. Joe sends over a remote control mouse, that I guess he just walks around with in his pocket, and sends it over to the puppy. The dog tears out of the Bratz’s hands and knocks the boy over.

As they continue, Joe takes down more of the flyers and puts up a sign in its place saying that they’re taking in strays as well. People immediately start bringing animals to the girls. Now in possession of more pets than when they started out, the girls try to run from the crowds that come bearing all kinds of cats and dogs and the crowds just chase them.

Back at the spa, Sasha is finishing cleaning up after their disastrous afternoon. Meanwhile, Jade is on the phone, updating Yasmin. As it’s been a good three hours since they’ve spoken and they have to catch up. Jade informs her friend that she didn’t sell a single thing. She adds that she’s not surprised that no one wanted a purse from, “a pair of mud bath mummies.”

Yasmin tells her that their day was terrible as well and they now have more animals to find homes for than before. Just then, a puppy tumbles out of the red wagon. Cloe stops to pick it up. Jade wonders how things can get worse.

Just then, Cloe and Yasmin roll up to Lola’s house and see that there is a police car in front of it. The same two officers are talking to Lola. They apologize to her, then serve her an eviction notice. Highly upset at this turn of events, Jinkxy takes the eviction notice and tears it up.

Sterns, who is still talking everything too seriously, gets upset while his partner just laughs it off. Sterns attempts to cuff Jinkxy and accuses the monkey of threatening an officer. He also calls the monkey a juvenile delinquent. As if that makes any sense. Blythe says what everyone with half a brain is thinking and points out, “He’s a monkey.”

The two Bratz girls ask what’s going on as Sterns writes out a second eviction notice for Lola. Blythe informs the girls that Lola has broken the terms of her lease by taking in all of the animals and she now has 48 hours to get rid of all of them. Blythe apologizes and wishes the woman good luck.

There’s no explanation for how or why this situation escalated. It seems that Lola was breaking a city law before by having more than 3 pets, but now she’s broken her lease? There isn’t a lot of explanation for how this entirely situation went from bad to worse. But this is a Bratz movie. And if it’s not about clothes or makeup then it doesn’t really matter.

Later that day, Yasmin and Cloe go to a skyscraper office building to see Lola’s daughter, Celia. They discuss how Celia is a top lawyer in Stilesville and she will undoubtedly be able to get Lola more time to find homes for all of her animals before she’s evicted.

The girls knock on Celia’s door and the woman is sitting in her office, examining a photo of herself as a child, playing the drums. The same photo that Lola showed the girls earlier. The Bratz walk in and they introduce themselves to Celia. The lawyer seems cold when the girls mention her mother. Yasmin informs the woman that Lola is about to be evicted for having too many animals.

Celia asks how many the woman has exactly and Yasmin isn’t sure, but guesses around 30. Yasmin adds that Lola only keeps the animals until there is room at the no-kill shelter for them. But she doesn’t mention that it seems Lola keeps that many animals in her house on a regular basis. Even with some going, more are coming in.

Cloe asks if Celia was aware of what her mother was doing and Celia simply says that they’re not close. Yasmin asks her if she knows how to get an extension on Lola’s eviction notice. Celia says that she can’t help and adds that taking care of so many animals is too much for a woman of her mother’s age.

Ever the optimist, Cloe insists that animals are Lola’s passion. Celia responds simply that not everyone gets to follow their passion. She apologizes to the girls for not being able to help them and closes the door. When she goes back to her desk, she looks at the photo of herself again. The lawyer then holds it against her heart, before putting it back in her desk drawer.

Although the scene has been made to look like Celia just doesn’t care enough about her mother to help, her reluctance to lend a hand might be completely rational. What if she’s a divorce lawyer and she knows nothing about real estate laws and restrictions? What if she’s medical malpractice specialist? Just because she’s a lawyer doesn’t mean that she knows every tiny thing about every tiny law ever invented.

Back at the construction site next to Lola’s house, Joe is looking over the blue prints. He looks over at Lola’s house as he studies them. Just then, Jinkxy comes through the fence and starts nibbling on an apple that had been laying around. Joe turns and Jinkxy vanishes.

Once Joe turns around again, Jinkxy returns and steals more of the apple, this time finishing it. He then throws the core at Joe’s head and darts off before the man can see him. In the process, Jinkxy breaks the table that Joe had been using and flings a measuring tape at his head. The monkey steals the plans again and scampers off.

At Lola’s house, the Bratz are looking through a bunch of boxes. The girls are lamenting their failures at both the spa and the pet rescue. Jade tells Yasmin that she’s sorry they weren’t able to give away the pets to good homes. But Jade doesn’t seem very concerned about her disastrous day at the spa.

Jinkxy returns with the plans that he just stole. Yasmin, meanwhile, is comforting Lola. The older woman tells the Bratz that they probably wish that they never met her. Then all look over and see Jinkxy with the blueprints. Yasmin asks the monkey if he took the plans from Mr. Grunion again.

Because this monkey is fluent in English, he nods. Yasmin takes the monkey’s paw and starts to lead him back to the house next door when Sasha tells her to wait. The Bratz girl looks over the plans and announces that they’re different from before. She gasps when she realizes that these plans are for Lola’s property.

Still no indication on where she learned how to read blueprints, but okay. Sasha informs the other women that Grunion is planning on building a huge garage on this properly. Cloe realizes that that’s why Lola is being evicted. Lola still tries to defend the man, saying that he’s so nice. But the girls are convinced.

Even angelic Cloe calls him a “sneaky creep.” Jade realizes that he won’t let them find homes for the animals so Lola will be kicked out of her house and he can buy the property. So what do they do with these huge problems looming in front of them while they’re running out of time and options? Dance break!

Jinkxy sees the drums and starts playing. Because animals are musical. Annie grabs some maracas and brings them to Lola. She starts dancing on her back legs and Lola shakes the maracas. Annie brings a guitar to Cloe. Sasha picks up a trumpet, Jade grabs a tambourine and they all start jamming.

Yasmin dances with Annie as the other girls play. How this mini-dance break is supposed to help anything is never explained. But no one really seems to care, either. After the dancing is over, Lola tells the girls that she hasn’t had that much fun in years.

As the girls all are talking and chattering excitedly when there is a knock on the door. The Bratz go to answer it and they are blinded by a camera flash. There is a news crew outside. A TV reporter ask the Bratz which one of them is Delores Reyes. As if any of them are old enough.

Lola steps out and tells the paparazzi that she’s Delores Reyes. As the Bratz look at each other in confusion, the scene switches to Celia’s office, where she sees the live news broadcast. The reporter knows about Lola’s past musical success and says that now she’s a recluse and an animal hoarder. Neither of which names seem to be untrue. But then he calls her crazy, which is just rude.

Lola begins to get offended at the accusations as Celia turns off her TV. At the house, the animals run out and start barking at the reporters. Because they understand everything that’s going on in this situation and they want to defend their owner. The home owner asks why the reporters are even there and who tipped them off. But the Bratz know who did it. “Grunion,” they all say in unison. The man in question is crouched behind a car on the street, laughing at the proceedings.

The girls are upset at this turn of events, but the Bratz have dealt with broken nails and bad hair days so they’re ready for anything that life has to throw at them. Sasha says that the animals, who are still barking and causing a fuss, might be onto something. She tells the other girls, “We’re about to turn this sour-lemon situation into some seriously wicked lemonade!”

Sasha grabs the microphone from the reporter and thanks him for coming. He announces that Lola is having a comeback concert tomorrow night. And it’s not only a comeback, but it’s a benefit concert for the animals as well!

The reporter lies and says that he knows that. Which is the first rule of reporting; just make shit up. Cloe adds in that it’s going to be, “Stilesville first ever adoption benefit concert!” Jade announces that Lola is still a passionate and fiery woman and that she rescues animals, she doesn’t hoard them. Which doesn’t seem to be quite true.

Going with the flow, the reporter completely changes his tune and is now praising Lola for her hard work and dedication. He now brands her as talented and effervescent. Sasha continues, saying that the concert is going to be tomorrow night in the town square.

Which, for those of us following along, was where the Magnolia Ball took place in Fashion Pixiez. Sasha adds that anyone adopting an animal gets in for free. Still hidden, Grunion grumbles about the girls’ new plan. He says that they’re running out of time before walking away to be creepy somewhere else.

Will the girls get everything they need together for the show in one day? Will the animals get adopted? Who are we kidding? This is a Bratz movie. They’ll do all of that and have an album go multi-platinum in the process.

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