Kalinda is having man problems, yet again. Ingie has taken a liking to her, but she’s not that interested. Will she figure out how to let him down gently? Will she even have time to think about it when M gives them another MiST? This time it’s the sequel to Dead Inside. Will Sapphire find true love? Will her life turn out alright when a random emo boy takes a liking to her? Or will she be unable to recover from the random acts of violence that punctuates her existence?
What in the world is MiSTing, you ask? Read Star’s Guide to MiSTing and figure out what the hell all of this is.
Did you originally write this story and now you want to sue me? Read Don’t Sew Me! and find out why this would be a really bad idea.
I don’t own any copyrighted characters, series or songs. Which should be obvious, because I didn’t copyright them. I didn’t write the story being MiSTed. My intellectual property in this MiST is the witty remarks, and my original characters. My characters are used only with my permission.
This MiSTing is not a personal attack on the author. It’s an attack on their terrible writing. This is not meant to be even slightly constructive, instead it is meant solely for the amusement of others. If you learn something from this MiST it is coincidental and unintentional.
It’s important to learn to laugh at ourselves. Don’t take life too seriously.
MiSTer’s roll call!
Melanie Bryce – Every day is a day to prepare for the zombie apocalypse.
Dominick Dante – My riffs are so hot I keep a burn unit on speed dial.
Gwen Desiderio – If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
Jarred Zion – I knew friendship was magic before anyone made a show about it.
Deangelo Desiderio – I taught Grumpy Cat everything she knows.
Tempest Lucki – I’m a try-sexual. I’ll try anything at least four or five times.
Kalinda Beckham – I just wanted to be a normal person. Then all of this happened.
(Kalinda enters the conference room, her body slouched over, a defeated look on her face. She goes over to the gaming nook where Melanie is playing the new Assassin’s Creed game and flops down. Melanie doesn’t notice her.)
Melanie: Don’t you try to sneak up on me when I’m sneaking up on you! Take that, bitch!
(Kalinda clears her throat. Melanie still doesn’t notice her.)
Melanie: Shit, shit, shit! Reload, you asshole! Faster, they saw you!
(Kalinda acts like she stretching and “accidentally” nudges Melanie on her elbow. Melanie keeps playing and doesn’t turn around.)
Melanie: Not now, Dominick, I’m busy. We can play Hide the Cucumber later.
Kalinda: Uh, it’s me, actually.
(Melanie turns and sees that it’s not her boyfriend after all. She pauses her game.)
Melanie: I haven’t seen you around for days. Where have you been?
Kalinda: Mostly in the Land of the HFBs.
Melanie: …. Were you kidnapped?
Kalinda: Kind of.
Melanie: Seriously. What’s going on?
Kalinda: Well, Ingie seems to have taken a liking to me.
Kalinda: Yeah. He invited me out to go to that silly festival the other day and I went and we had a great time, but he’s just so sweet. I couldn’t tell him no. Then he kept asking me to do other things and meet his friends and he cooked dinner for me. I’m not really attracted to him, but I can’t seem to let him down gently.
Melanie: Have you tried?
Kalinda: Well, I told him that I wasn’t ready for a commitment yet.
Melanie: And what did he do?
Kalinda: He said would wait for me until the end of time. But then I told him that he wasn’t really my type.
Kalinda: He said he was Type O, so he was universal.
(Melanie thinks for a second.)
Melanie: You could tell him that you once licked a dude’s balls. That might turn him off.
Kalinda: (Cringing.) He might go spontaneously deaf.
(Just then, the door to the conference room flies open and Tempest enters. She looks around and puts her hands on her hips in annoyance.)
Tempest: Today has just been one big fish taco fest for me. Where are all the guys?
Melanie: They’re at Bronycon 2014. They asked me if I wanted to come and I politely declined.
Kalinda: How politely?
Melanie: Not that politely.
Tempest: Well, time for me to ditch this clam bake and go find some menfolk.
Kalinda: What’s wrong with women?
Tempest: I’m just not in the mood for them. Sometimes you want vag, sometimes you want penis. You just can’t explain that.
Melanie: That’s true. Sometimes you have a penis-shaped hole in your life that only a penis can fill.
Kalinda: Right now there’s too much penis in my life.
Tempest: Tell them to wait in line. That’s how I usually do it.
Kalinda: I’m talking about Ingie. He wants to get into some kind of weird bunny relationship and I’m not that attracted to him.
Tempest: I know all about attracting guys, I don’t know anything about making them uninterested in me. Maybe you should ask M. Her boyfriends usually get sick of her within three months. Maybe she has a secret.
Melanie: That’s not a bad idea, Tempest. Where is M anyway?
Tempest: Tea shop, probably.
Kalinda: What’s she doing there?
Tempest: Writing. What else does she do?
Melanie: Let’s call her and see if she wants to come over and share her secrets about how to get a guy to not be interested in you.
(Kalinda picks up her cell phone and dials M’s number. She picks up on the second ring and Kalinda puts the call on speaker phone.)
M: Something wrong?
Kalinda: No, I just need some dating advice. Want to come and hang out for a little while?
M: Uh, yeah, I think I can. I’ve already written about eight thousand words, so that’s good for one day.
Kalinda: Cool, see you in a few.
Melanie: Bring me some tea!
(A portal opens and M steps out carrying her Hello Kitty purse, laptop bag, a cup of tea and a brown paper bag.)
M: Hey everyone!
Tempest: Ugh, now it really is a cheese fountain ball up in here.
Kalinda: Cheese fountain ball?
(M puts her stuff down and hands the brown paper bag to Melanie.)
M: I got you some AnxieTEA. It helps you to relax.
Melanie: Cool, thanks.
(M sits down in the recliner and stretches.)
M: So what kind of dating advice are you guys looking for?
Melanie: You have this amazing ability to get guys to completely lose interest in you and Kalinda needs some of your expertise. She’s trying to let Ingie down gently and he’s not getting the hint.
M: (^^;;;) Gee, I’m so flattered that you guys thought of me for this.
Kalinda: Any time.
M: You could always —
(M is cut off by the song “I am what I am” from La Cage Aux Folles starting up.)
M: Looks like the Bad Fic Finder is at it again. Hang on, guys.
Tempest: Great. First a clam jam, now a MiST.
(M exits the conference room and reemerges holding several sheets of paper.)
M: Looks like we have a MiST to do.
Kalinda: What else is new?
Melanie: What’s on the chopping block this time?
M: The sequel to MiST 85, Dead Inside.
Melanie: Which one was that?
M: The one about the Angsty Mary Sue named Sapphire who had people dying tragically around her and blamed herself for all of that shit. She had a best friend named Bliss and the last story ended with her emo boyfriend dying from another random act of violence.
Tempest: Well, how can we say no to something as fascinating as that?
M: Head out to the theatre and I’ll get the rest of the cast together.
Kalinda: I don’t have a solution to my dating problem and now I have to MiST. Perfect.
(The girls head out of the conference room towards the theatre.)
(Melanie, Kalinda and Tempest are already in their seats snacking on their popcorn and candy. The guys and Gwen emerge from a large blue portal and take their seats. The guys are all wearing pony ears and have their faces painted with their favorite pony’s cutie marks. Gwen is eying the guys suspiciously. They take their seats and get comfortable.)
M: (From the control room.) Is everyone ready?
M: (From the control room.) Jockers, start your horses!
>No one can save me.
Deangelo: Maybe because you need to save yourself. Oh wait, that would call for an emo to be proactive and we all know why that’s never happened.
>Im Saphire i am still 16.
Kalinda: How long have you been 16?
Kalinda: Never mind…
>I have moved when Alex had died.I just had to get away from it all.
Gwen: I would want to move from a place where you’re likely to be shot just walking out on the streets.
>It is december itd bin 4 months since Alexs death.
>I have changed
Tempest: Now she’s a self-assured young woman who goes to therapy, takes her psychiatric medication and lives in a home where her abusive parents won’t hurt her.
>i almost killed myself but they had
>gotton me to the hostpital just in time.
Tempest: ….forget what I just said.
>I just want to die and that is how i will always fill
Dominick: I know how this story makes me “fill”.
Melanie: Like vomiting?
Dominick: Like vomiting.
>i have no one left and my heart is shattered and i dont think no one can ever mend my heart.
Kalinda: Because why learn to be a complete person on your own and live your own life when you can complain about people not doing it for you?
Melanie: You know what we should do? We should create a seminar for emo girls to learn how to be real human beings instead of dependent princesses. We could make millions.
Gwen: How would we get the girls to come to our seminar?
Melanie: Hand out skinny jeans and get Avenged Sevenfold to play.
>I have no more fillings my heart is black….
Jarred: If your filling turns black, you should probably just throw it out. I mean, it’s most likely gone bad.
>My eyes shot open as my phone alarm went off.
Melanie: (Sapphire.) I didn’t know what it was or what it wanted, but I had to make it stop.
>I sighed.School i thought.I dragged myself out of bed.I walk over to my door and i turned my light on.I went over to my closet
Dominick: When she opened it, it exploded band t-shirts and white checked socks all over her. She suffocated from the massive amount of clothing she owned. No one noticed she was dead for three weeks.
>and i grabbed red skinnys and a band tee.I went in my bathroom and i turned on the shower i waited till the water turned warm and then i got in the shower and i took a shower.
Deangelo: Bloody hell, I remember this story. The narration is the same through out. Just more, “then I did this, then I did that, then I did this other thing”. Sometimes I loathe sequels.
Gwen: Yes, at least new bad writing is slightly more interesting.
>Then i changed into my clothes i brushed out my hair ten i dryed my hair then i straightened it then i poofed my hair in the back.
Kalinda: I feel like I could write an emo style guide, just by reading all of these emo love stories. The authors devote all of their description to clothes and makeup. I think we have the typical emo outfit down pat by now.
Melanie: First seminars, then style guide. Emos will have no pocket money left after we get through with them!
>I went back to my closet and i grabbed a pair of plaid socks.And then i slipped on my vans.I grabbed my phone and my ipod and i slipped my phone in my pocket.
Jarred: It’s strange how emo teenagers are always so abused, but they never fail to have iPhones and iPods.
Tempest: It’s one thing to beat the shit out of someone, but it’s another to take away their phone. That’s just cruel.
>Then i ran down stairs and i grabbed my scool bag and i slipped on a black jacket.”Do you want a ride to school?”mom asked
Kalinda: She has only had ten beers that morning and she’s still slightly sober. As soon as she hits number 15, it’s lights out for Sapphire.
>”But you might.”Mom started to say
Tempest: Who is she trying to convince?
>then i cut her off
Melanie: With a large knife.
>”NO!”i screamed and i walked out the door.
>I wasnt in the mood i was never in the mood
Jarred: She wasn’t in the mood to have someone do something nice for her? This is no way to win friends and influence people.
>all this was to me was a sad and depressing day.
>I turned on my ipod and i walked to school…
Deangelo: It’s that kind of can-do attitude that is going to get her through adolescence and into an interesting job in her adulthood.
>First day of school.
>I soon arived to my new school.
Jarred: She met up with her friend Bliss, then fell in love with a boy named Aiden, then got into a fight at lunch time and hated the world by the end of the day.
>It was a fairley big school but i have bin in bigger.
Gwen: This story belongs in a bin.
>I walked in still listnening to my ipod not really careing what people think of me.I started to walk to the office till i ran into someone.
Melanie: Is she blind? I know she’s listening to an iPod, but she can still see, can’t she?
>Great i thought just what i need.
Tempest: (Sapphire.) Time to lay some bitches out. Sigh.
>”What the h-.”The boy stopped i really didnt want to look up i didnt care who i ran into.
Deangelo: Even if that person can turn your entire life around and giving you something to live for? I don’t think so!
>”Oh im sorry i didnt mean to.”He started to say
>”No its my fault im sorry.”I said still looking at the ground.
Jarred: Look into his eyes! Then you can kiss and that will break the emo spell!
>”Are you knew here?”He asked
Dominick: I wish I knew what they were talking about.
>”Were you going?”He asked
Kalinda: Going slow insane, yes.
>”To the office.”I said
>”Do you want me to show you were the office is?”He asked
Melanie: (Sapphire.) I figured it was down the hall. Right by the sign that says “office.”
>”I dont care do whatever you want.”I said still looking at the ground.I felt someone grab my hand.I blushed a little.
Dominick: Before she fainted at the feeling of another human being’s skin next to hers.
>”So i never really caught your name.”He said
Tempest: Because she didn’t tell you what it was, you asshole
>”Oh.Im Saphire.”i said
>”Im Sky.”he said.
Jarred: (Sky.) I have a brother named Ribbon and a sister named Satin.
>”Well heres the office.”Sky said
>i looked up at him i was shocked he looked my age and he was gourges.
Deangelo: A boy at her high school looks about her age? Really? Is that shocking?
Gwen: I’m still trying to figure out just what “gourges” is. Gouges? Gorges? I have no idea.
>”Do you want me to walk you to your first class?”Sky asked
Melanie: (Sapphire.) Only if you cut my food into tiny bits for me at lunch, wipe the drool off my chin and burp me after my feeding.
>”I dont care whatever you want to do.”i said
Kalinda: That soon became their thing. Just like in Princess Bride.
>i walked over to the lady at the desk
>”What do you need hun?”The lady asked with a smile
Deangelo: Intensive psychotherapy and a meeting with Child Protective Services would be a great start.
>”Um yea im new here.”i said
>”Ok.”she said and she handed me stuff that was my classes and my locker stuff.
Dominick: Sure, it was stuff, but were there things with it, too?
>and i walked out the door
Gwen: Farewell to you, too!
>Sky walked me to my first class.
Jarred: It was art class. He drew a picture of her.
>”No problem!”Sky said with a smile
Melanie: He seems much to happy to be an emo.
Dominick: Just wait, I’m sure he’ll cause some completely unneeded drama soon.
>and he left to whatever class he was suppose to go to.I had geomerty.I hated geromerty i was never really good at it.
Tempest: You can add spelling to the list of things that you’re not good at.
>I walked in.
>”May i help you?”The teacher asked
Deangelo: (Sapphire.) Table for two, please. A booth if you have it.
>”Eh yea is this mrs.Smiths class?”i asked
>”Yes and you must be Saphire Anderson.”Mrs.smith said with a smile.
Gwen: (Mrs. Smith.) Students, this is the girl I was warning you about. No sudden movements, remember.
>”Ok class this is Saphire Anderson.”She said
>A couple guys whistle but i just rolled my eyes trying to ignore them.
Tempest: Even though she was secretly picking out the father of her inevitable emo baby based on how loud each one was.
>”Just sit anywere you want.”She said
>i just sat in a seat i dint really pay attention who i sat around i just wanted this day to be over.
Deangelo: Little did she know that the seat she had sat in was adjacent to both her future emo lover and her future preppy bully.
>Geomertry took forever to end.
Gwen: Yes, because learning is hard.
Melanie: Don’t forget that emos have better things to do than sit in class. They have emotional crises to explore and people to beat up and boys they don’t know to pledge their undying love to.
>secong third anf rourth periode took forever to go by
Jarred: There sure are a lot of forevers in that day.
>i have second and third with Sky but fourth i had by myelf.
Tempest: Entirely by herself. There wasn’t even a teacher in that class. She was just in an empty room with a text book.
>5th preriod lunch time.
Kalinda: Time to go get French fries and dunk them into milkshakes!
Jarred: Wrong story. That was Binx and her annoying friends.
Kalinda: Oh, right. I get them all confused sometimes.
>I walked over to my locker and i put in my comnimation.04-30-15 that was my locker combination.
M: (From the control room.) Pay attention, this will become very important later in the story.
Gwen: Are you serious?
M: (From the control room.) Not at all.
Dominick: Isn’t that cute? M made a joke.
M: (From the control room.) M also makes your food.
Dominick: I mean, it was a hilarious joke! Ha ha! M is so funny!
M: (From the control room.) Yes, she is.
>And i put it in but well it didnt work because my locker didnt opened.
Melanie: Seriously? She couldn’t get her last locker open without a boy’s help either. How hard are combination locks these days?
>I sighed,How was i going to get my lovker open?i thought to myself.
Jarred: Wait for a dashing emo boy to come rescue you! Of course. That’s how dashing emo boys work.
>”Need help?”A voice from behid me said i knew that voice it was Sky
Jarred: Ta dah!
>he opened my locker.
Kalinda: Because he understands how simple locks work.
>”Thanks.”i said while putting away my stuff.
Tempest: Now she has to bone him in return.
>I shut my locker and walked away.Sky soon caught up with me.”I want you to me some people.”Sky siad with a smile
Deangelo: (Sky.) They’re trained mental health professionals and they keep wanting to talk to me. I don’t know what about.
>”Um im not really good at making new friends i think i will be fine.”i said walking away
Melanie: Now she needs to go to the bathroom and cry about how alone she is.
>Sky ran infront of me “Please they really want to meet you!”Sky said with a big smile.
Dominick: (Sky.) Don’t let their chanting and the black candles weird you out. It’s totally cool.
>I sighed.”Fine.”i said
>Sky smiled even bigger.
Tempest: Now he moves onto phase 2 of his plan.
Jarred: What’s phase 2?
Tempest: I have no idea. I’m not even clear about what phase 1 was.
>He grabbed my hand and walked me over to 2 people both boys.”Saphire this is Max and Alex.”Sky said with a big smile
Kalinda: Hang on, those are normal people names!
Gwen: You’re right. Their names should be Ribbon or Moon Dancer or Table Tennis.
>He said Alex it shattered my heart into more peices.
Dominick: Oh wait, her dead ex-boyfriend was named Alex. Ah. Okay.
>I was with Alex.A man walked ip to us and held a gun i froze just what had happened to TonY.
Gwen: Maybe this was the same person? Maybe a person had become completely obsessed with Sapphire and was intent on killing every male who was close to her in life to ensure that he had no competition. We don’t know what happened to her dad, after all.
Tempest: (Singing.) Bang! He shot me down! Bang bang, I hit the ground! Bang bang, that awful sound! Bang bang, my baby shot me down!
Deangelo: I adore that song. Nancy Sinatra is an amazing performer.
Tempest: Oh, is that who sings it? I heard it on the previews for the Bonnie and Clyde remake.
>the man was gone but there was blood splattered all over me but there was no bullet in me.I looked at Alex who was shot and losing blood quick
Melanie: She then fell to her knees and blamed herself in an effort to stop his bleeding.
Dominick: How is that going to help?
Melanie: It’s kind of like faith healing. But with an emo twist.
>”Mam?”a women asked
>i walked in he was cold he was dead and it ws all my fault……….
Kalinda: Yeah, it was clearly her fault because…
Gwen: Laws of motion.
Tempest: American Idol.
Deangelo: The British Pound’s exchange rate.
Melanie: TSA regulations.
Kalinda: Exactly. That’s why it’s her fault that her friend randomly got shot.
>~~~~~~~~~~Back to reality~~~~~~~~~~
Melanie: Let’s not get too optimistic. Nothing in this story is even close to reality.
>I felt tears running down my cheeks.
>”Saphire are you ok?”I herd a voice say
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) No, I’m not okay! I have all of these feelings and emotions!
Jarred: She doesn’t have feelings, she has fillings.
Dominick: I bet her dentist is rich.
>”Why are you crying?”Sky asked
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) Because there are people in this world named Alex and that upsets me!
>i put my hand on my cheek to fill tears running down my cheeks.
>”Oh.It dosnt matter.”I said looking at the ground
Deangelo: I hope that she doesn’t think that this making her mysterious or intriguing. Because it just makes her look emotionally unstable.
>”Im sorry im not filling well i h-Have to go im really sorry.”I said with tears still running down my cheeks and i walked away.
Melanie: Sky’s friends started to wonder why he always went for the weird ones.
>Sky was just looking at me i could see the pain in his eyes as i walked away.I just couldnt handle it…
Gwen: If she breaks down every time she hears the name “Alex” she is in for a lot more problems in her life.
>How could you?
Jarred: I didn’t do anything! I’ve just been quietly MiSTing this story.
>I ran home not wanting to think of the dark memories that will forever haunt me.
Melanie: But she had to get her obligatory 4 hours of self-pitying in for that afternoon, so she went ahead and did it anyway.
>I arrived at my house and i opened the door.My mom would understand why i came back.
Dominick: Yeah, right before she beats you senseless.
>I walked in to see my mom half naked makeing out with some random guy.
Deangelo: He threw some money down on the coffee table before leaving the house.
>’WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!”I screamed at her
Tempest: (Sapphire’s mom.) Fulfilling my needs as a woman! Why are you home from school at lunch time?
>”Saphire i-i thought you were suppose to be in school.”Mom said
>”How could you!How could you do this to Dane!”i screamed
Jarred: Who’s Dane?
M: (From the control room.) Her mother’s abusive, current boyfriend.
Gwen: Was he the one that beat her senseless in the last story?
M: (From the control room.) That was Dave. Different guy, same character.
>”Maybe i should go.”The man said and he soon left.
>”Saphire please do”She started to say but i cut her off
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) I don’t care if you’re a grown woman! You shouldn’t do thinks that I don’t approve of!
>”No!i dont even want to look at you!”Saphire said
Tempest: You’d think that you should be a total bitch to someone who’s abusive to you. But whatever.
>I ran up stairs and i locked my door.How could she i mean she can never keep a realationship with out her messing it up.
Deangelo: Yes, she should keep her relationship with her emotionally manipulative, physically abusive boyfriend strong and healthy. That makes sense.
>I layed in my bed i put in my ear phones and i turned on my ipod.I soon woke up and i could here Dane talking to mom i had to tell him
>i dint want him to suffer.
Melanie: Uh, what?
Gwen: She’s so helpful to insert herself into her mother’s romantic live and make her decisions for her. What a great daughter.
>I ran down stairs my mom and dane were on the couch together.
>”Dane i have to tell you something.”i siad
Dominick: (Sapphire.) I ate the last Klondike bar.
>”Ok then what?.?”he asked
>”Mom was with another man and she was almost doing it with him.”i said unsure what he was going to think or say
Deangelo: This is definitely going to end well for our emo heroine.
Jarred: Maybe she’ll learn an important lesson about why you shouldn’t meddle in other people’s business.
>”Um no i was not there was no one over here i dont know were she got this from but there was no man over here!”mom said while pretending to cry
Kalinda: Sapphire should have put her camera phone to work and snapped a picture as proof.
>she ran to her room.My mouth dropped how could she just do that she was the one lieing not me.
Tempest: It’s almost like things don’t work out for you when you squeal on people and butt into their lives thinking that you’re some kind of savior.
>”Your Whore!you are fucking lieing!’i screamed
Jarred: I get the feeling that this encounter is going to end in violence.
Melanie: Maybe someone will be shot.
Gwen: That can’t happen. She knows this person and she did something to piss him off. Gunmen are always random strangers that shot people for no reason.
>Dane gave me a mean look.
>”Dont you ever lie to me and dont you ever call your mom that and never ever use those kind of words in my house!’he screamed
Deangelo: Time for someone to get beaten up.
>He slapped me across my face then he grabbed me by my neck and through me against the wall
>he punched me in my tummy then he slung me on the ground and he kicked me in my side a couple times as i screamed in pain.Then he went in my moms room.
Kalinda: It’s a good thing she was so concerned about his feelings. He sounds like such a great guy.
>Tears were running down my cheeks he was just like dave.
Tempest: What was your first clue?
>I just layed there for a couple minutes.I made myself git up and i grabbed my jacket
Melanie: And her phone and iPod, of course.
>and i left i ran any were but there he was turning into dave.
Jarred: Sounds like his transformation into Dave was completely a while ago.
Dominick: That’s not even his final form.
>I ran to the park and i sat on the park bench crying.
Deangelo: Emo savior enters from stage left!
>I herd someone behind me and then befor i new it someone had there arms wrapped around me.
Gwen: Well, that’s either her emo savior or someone else who wants to beat her up.
Tempest: Could be both. Let’s not count ourselves out now.
Jarred: What do you think we’ve been doing?
>Ok well i need to have some comments saying i should countinue writting this story.
Kalinda: Yeah, continue “writting” the story. I can’t wait to see what you “writte” next.
>Thanks for reading!=))
MiSTers: We hate you!
>I turned around to see it was Sky.
Deangelo: This doesn’t put me at ease.
>He was huggung me i thought he was mad at me.I sighed.”Im sorry.”i said in a sad tone
>”Why are you sorry?”Sky asked
Tempest: (Sapphire.) Because everything is my fault! There’s no oxygen in space because of me!
>”Beacause.What had happened at school.”i said
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) The part where I asked you to make a blood sacrifice to the dark lord. I feel really bad about that.
>Sky walked over to the front of the bench and he sat right beside me.”Its fin.But what i want to know is why you are crying?”Sky asked.
Melanie: (Sapphire.) How can you ask me that when there are things in the world that I don’t like?!
>I looked down at the ground and i started to cry again.Sky grabbed me and pulled me into s hug
Dominick: Because teenage boys are totally not weirded out by girls crying. They just love it and are eager to interact with them once they turn on the waterworks.
>soon he had gotton me to come down
Jarred: From the ledge?
>and i told him everything about what hadhappened to me between me and TTony then me and Alex then Dave and now Dane.
>Sky looked mad
Gwen: He resolved to take Sapphire to the hospital and get the police involved right away.
>”Im gonna kill him.”Sky said as he got up
Dominick: Or he could just do that.
Melanie: Because violence solves all of your problems. Even the problem of violence.
>”NO!”i said i grabbed Skys hand and i pulled him back on the bench
>”Please just dont you will make this even worse.”i said
Tempest: I don’t know. Dane being dead might improve her life. And if Sky takes the fall, she loses nothing.
>”Look im sorry but i have to g-go home.”i said i didnt want to go home i would go any were but there but i knew i had to.
Kalinda: Because that’s where her skinny jeans are. She can’t abandon that place.
>”Do you want me to walk you home?”Sky asked
Gwen: In the rain?
>”Um no i think i will be fine.”i siad
>’Ok well see you towmorow?”Sky asked
Melanie: (Sapphire.) If my mom’s boyfriend doesn’t beat me to death first, then sure!
>”Um yea.”i said not really shure if he was going to or not.I gave Sky a hug and i left to go home.
Kalinda: Because home is such a great place to be.
>Soon i arrived home i walked in but when i did i was shoved against the wall…
Jarred: By a large plushie dog that her mom had just bought her to apologize for how she acted.
>Just let me die…
Jarred: Okay, maybe not.
Melanie: This is going to be an uplifting chapter.
>I walked in my house and i soon as i did i was slung against the wall.I screamed in pain.Then i got hit in the tummy.
Deangelo: Then she was slammed into the coffee table. No wait, that was the last book.
>I screamed in pain as i fell to the ground.”And were did you go?”Dane asked
Gwen: He wants to know because he’s very worried for her wellbeing.
>”Why does it matter.”i whispered
>”You were probley whoring around wernt you!”Dane yelled
Dominick: Now’s the time when you respond; “I’m not my mom!” And run off to your bedroom.
>i rolled my eyes.
Dominick: Aww, come on! Such a great opportunity, and she wasted it.
>Dane slapped my across my face.
>Dnt you ever roll your eyes at me again!”Dane yelled
Deangelo: Yes, I can see why she wanted to go home so quickly. This is definitely something that she shouldn’t have missed.
>he slapped my across my face again.
Tempest: For good measure.
>Then he left.
Kalinda: He was off to punch kittens in their sleep.
>Tears were running down my cheeks as i crawled up the stairs and into my room.I fell on the floor and i had to catch my breath.
Jarred: If she crawled up the stairs then how did she fall to the floor? She was already on the floor.
>I sat up in pain and i crawled to my bathroom i grabbed my razor and i started to cut myself the blood ran down my arm and dripped down onto the floor.
Gwen: Not on the carpet! Blood is impossible to get out!
>I got a towl and cleaned the blood up.I guess i felt a little better.
Dominick: Good thing that’s all taken care of. It didn’t require going to the police or anything.
>I went to my closet and i got black shorts and a blood on the dance floor tank.I set my phone alarm and i sat it on my stand by my bed.
Jarred: Is she going to sleep? It can’t be that late in the evening.
>Then i turned off my light i locked my door that comes into my room and i grabbed my ipod then i crawled into bed while listning to my ipod and soon i fell asleep…
Melanie: Maybe she needs her beauty sleep so she can get up tomorrow for a hard day of flying from one emotional crisis to another.
Gwen: We could use some right now.
>My eyes shot open as my phone alarm was ringing i looked at ny ipod it was dead.I sighed.
Tempest: Because she doesn’t understand how batteries work?
>I turned my phone alarm off.I walked over to my door and i turned my light on.The brightness burned my eyes.
Dominick: She fell to the ground screaming about the light.
>I walked over to my closet and i grabbed red skinnys and a mayday parade band tee
Deangelo: Mayday Parade? That’s new.
M: (From the control room.) They’re an American rock band from Florida.
>then i took a shower i put my close on and i grabbed my black and white checkered jacket on my bed and i slipped it on so i could hide my cuts on my arm.
Jarred: But she’ll never hide the cut on her heart.
>I walked into the bathroom i brushed out my hair then i dryed it i straightened it next then i poofed my hair.
Dominick: (Nature documentary narrator.) It seems the emo has poofed her hair slightly higher than yesterday. This is believed to be a sign that she is ready to mate and conceive her first emo child. Watch how she teases the hair in the back for maximum volume before she leaves her living area.
>The i put twenty-pounds of eyeliner and some mascara.
Melanie: Then her face fell forward from the massive amount of eyeliner that she heaped on her face and she slowly suffocated to death.
>I grabbed some socks they were white with black poke a dots.I slipped on my converse then i ran down stairs and i grabbed my bag.
Deangelo: Then she had a nice conversation over toast with her mother and they got down to the root of their issues as a family.
Gwen: What? In some parallel universe?
Deangelo: Yes, one where she’s not an emo.
>”Do you need a ride to school sweety?”mom asked in a sweet tone
Jarred: It’s so nice of her to offer again. Maybe she’s extending an olive branch of friendship to her daughter.
>”Fuck you!”i screamed at her and i slammed the door.
Jarred: …Okay, maybe not.
>It was her fault i got beat.
Melanie: I’m pretty sure it was Dane’s fault that you got beat. But nice way to shift the blame from the abuser to one of the other victims.
>I started to walk to school.
Tempest: Then she was “hitted” by a car and went to Heaven where she got the ability to turn into animals.
Others: (>_<) …… >I walked past the jocks of the school and i seen them whispering to each other
Dominick: They knew that her birthday was coming up and they wanted to get a special present that she would just love.
Kalinda: Like what?
Dominick: They’re jocks and this is an emo love story, so a rape smorgasbord.
>and then they all gave me a evil grin.Then i started to walk faster.A jock ran infront of me.”Well dont you look nice today.”He said
Melanie: Then he asked to borrow her lipstick.
>”Leave me alone.”i whispered
Dominick: But what she does have are a very particular set of skills; skills that she has acquired over a very long career. Skills that make her a nightmare for people like him. She has the skill of being emo.
>”W-what did you say!”he said
>”LEAVE ME ALONE!’i screamed
Jarred: When you do your seminars for emo girls, you should include a section on how to make friends.
Gwen: We will do our best, Jarred.
>i felt someones hand go around my mouth.
>”This wont take long but just try not to struggle.”he said with a grin.-
Kalinda: And there you go. Proof that jocks have no souls or even a vague sense of human decency. They’re just one-tasked raping machines.
Tempest: Didn’t this happen to her in the last story?
Deangelo: Yes, it did.
>I bit the guys hand that was around my mouth.
Dominick: Then she bit through his jugular and be bled out on the ground.
Melanie: You watch too much Walking Dead.
>he screamed in pain he let go of me.I tryed to make a run for it but
Deangelo: She was so Vitamin D deficient that she struggled to move faster than a slow walk.
>the jock he looked like the captain of a football team punched me in my lip which his knuckles,
Tempest: She should feel honored that a lowly emo girl such as herself is being punched in the face by someone as popular as the captain of the football team.
>his knuckles hit my lip ring which then my lip started to bleed pretty bad.
Gwen: This was the start of the infection that accidentally led to her death.
>He grabbed a hold of my wrists with one hand he pushed me against a brick wall.He slapped me across my face.
Kalinda: Sapphire mistook this action for a sign of true love and proposed to him on the spot.
>Then he tightened his grip on my wrist he startted to dig his fingers in my cuts on my wrist i screamed in pain.
Deangelo: Where is her emo lover to come to her rescue? He better hurry.
Melanie: Last time he only showed up after she passed out, didn’t he?
Deangelo: I can’t recall.
Melanie: Me neither. Ah well.
>He slid his free hand up my shirt and tryed to unbuckle my bra but i kicked him hard in his tummy which made him fall to the ground.
Tempest: In the tummy? What about the junk? That’s way more effective.
>I ran and one of the other jocks tryed to catch me he grabbed ahold of my jacket but i slipped out of it and i ran for my life.
Jarred: She ran right to the police and reported the jocks for what happened. Criminal charges followed.
>Blood was dripping every were as i ran but befor i knew it i ran into something and i fell hard on the ground my wrist and my lip started to bleed even harder.
Dominick: Worst part is that she landed on her Nightmare Before Christmas key chain and it stabbed her right though her leg.
>My whole body was shaking as i stayed on the ground i started to breath heavily.My vision soon became blurry and soon everything became black.
Deangelo: Is she dead? Please tell me that she’s dead.
Gwen: …. You’re welcome?
Melanie: If authors knew what we were doing, they would hardly thank us.
Jarred: Oh goody. It was far too long since we had an irrelevant dream sequence. The plot was almost starting to… do whatever it is the plot was trying to do.
>i opened my eyes.The sun was hitting my face.
Kalinda: With the loving slap of an abusive care taker.
>I sat up i was in a knee lenegth plain white dress and i had no shoes on.
Deangelo: But her hair was still poofed in the back.
>I got up the wind was blowing it felt good.it was so pretty out.I looked at my wrisy the cuts were gone.
Dominick: In their place was a tattoo of the emo drawing that Alex had done in class all those days ago.
>Then i felt some wrapp there arms around me i turned around to see it was Alex.
Melanie: Only half of his face was gone and maggots were dropping from his eye socket where his brains had been blown out. He leaned over me and wheezed. The word he said sounded like… “Braiiiiiiiins….”
>”Alex?”i whisperedhe smiled tears were running down my face i put my hand on his cheek he was so warm.
Dominick: Seriously, M?! You would have yelled at me if I had told that story.
M: (From the control room.) You only get one. Besides, Melanie’s story was a little bit shorter than yours usually get to be.
>He kissed me i smiled through the kiss.But so mant thoughts ran through my mind.Alex broke the kiss and he walked away i followed him he walked through a door and he shut it.
Kalinda: Which you’d think would be a hint that he didn’t want her to come with him. But noooooooope.
>I walked through it when i did i was falling.
Deangelo: Then she hit the ground with a loud splat and that was it.
>Soon i fell in a room and there was a mirior faceing me.I walked over to the mirior
Tempest: You guys all know that I’m not the best speller in the world —
Tempest: — But even I know that “mirror” isn’t spelled with two ‘i’s. Sometimes I worry about the education system that these poor emo children are abusing, but other times, I think it’s really just their fault for not using the tools that people are giving them.
>and Alex appeared i put my hand on the mirrior matching his hand but i fell through the mirior i was in a pool of blood and Alex was standing there.
Gwen: Right beside him was Tony. Then all of the faces of those she’s wronged floated up at her, screaming her name in agony.
>”Alex?”i whispered but he didnt answer
>i started to be pulled down i screamed for Alex but he just turnened away and walked away.
Jarred: Maybe she should stop seeing him. Just a thought.
Kalinda: Yeah, but this is only a dream version of him. I mean, the real one is dead. So she can’t see him anyway.
Jarred: Oh yeah, good point.
>and befor i knew it i was under the pool of blood.
Deangelo: I wouldn’t go so far as to class anything that’s happening in this story as reality. I mean, it just seems a little optimistic about the author’s writing abilities.
>My eyes shot open as i felt a single tear go down my cheek.I wiped away the tear.I sat up and i looked around i wasnt shure were i was at.
Tempest: But if the pile of severed heads was anything to go by, she was back at the voodoo temple.
>I herd footsteps behind my it was a couple people was it the jocks did they catch me.
Gwen: The amount of errors this author squeezes into one sentence has to to be some kind of record. Of course, the fact that this should be several sentences not just one.
>I thought to myself my heart started to beat really fast and i was breathing really slow.Then i herd the door open…”Your up.”
Kalinda: Her up what?
>i herd a voice behind me.Then the people walked over to the couch i was in the love seat.but it wasnt the jocks they all looked my age and emo.
Dominick: This is new. Her life is now so fucked up that she requires an entire cast of emo saviors instead of just the one dude that it usually is.
>There were four guys and two girls.I didnt answer.”Are you hungry?”He asked
Jarred: Oh my god, they’re cannibals!
Others: (O_o) What?
Jarred: Oh wait, no, no they’re not. Sorry. I just got a little jumpy.
Gwen: This isn’t Walking Dead.
>”Um no.But thanks anyways.”I said
>I got up from the couch.My phone started to ring.
Melanie: She picked it up to discover that she had won a cruise for two to the Bahamas! Again. For the like the fourth time that year.
Deangelo: Since when does a phone conversation require its own story break?
Kalinda: Since never.
Tempest: Glad we got that cleared up.
>”Saphire are you ok!”Sky said in a worried tone
Melanie: (Sapphire.) Yeah, no thanks to you! You’re supposed to be my emo savior, asshole. What’s wrong with you? I needed someone to come to my rescue and you weren’t there! You’re fired!
>”Um yea.”i said
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) I’m in a strange place surrounded by people that I don’t know, but I should be fine. I mean, they look emo and all, so they should be harmless, right?
>”Why didnt you come to school and why didnt you answer my phone calls are you shure your ok~Sky said in a worried tone
Jarred: There are other reason why a girl would not answer a guy’s phone calls. Am I being too subtle?
Tempest: Because this conversation is just so funny.
>”Eh yea im fine im shure.”i said
Gwen: Well, if she’s “shure”. I mean, you can’t get more sure than “shure”.
>”Well you got to meet me at the park i want you to meet some people.”he siad in a less worried tone
Melanie: Because we all remember how well it went last time when he introduced her to people.
Kalinda: His new friends are going to be named Dave, Alex, Tony and Dane. Just wait.
>”Ok i will be there soon bye.”i said
Dominick: Yeah, because she’s so into being social and meeting new people. I bet she can’t wait.
Jarred: And he’s being so considerate to invite her to do something she clearly doesn’t want to.
>”Ok bye.”Sky said
>~~~~~~~~~~~End Of Phone Convo~~~~~~~~
Tempest: Back to reality?
Deangelo: Emo love story reality.
>I hung up and slid my phone in my back pocket.
Melanie: (Sapphire.) I guess I have to go talk to people now.
>”Im sorry but i have to go.”i said
>”Oh.Ok.but do you want me to walk you to were ever your going?”He asked
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) You want to maybe tell me your name and how I ended up here with you and your friends?
Tempest: (Sapphire.) Also, why is my wallet gone?
>”Whatever you want to do.”i said
Dominick: Come on, Sapphire! That’s your thing with Sky! Don’t use it with other people. It cheapens it.
Gwen: Perhaps this young lady has adopted this as her life’s motto.
Dominick: Better than some?
Deangelo: Worse than most.
>”I will be back guys i want take long.”he said to his friends one of the girls rolled her eyes when he siad that i could tell she really didnt like me.
Melanie: Which, we all know, is because girls are hollow, shallow bitches that hate each other for no very good reason.
>Then we headed out the door.”So were are you going?”he asked
>”Um the park.”i said
Jarred: (Boy.) Uh, we’re about 50 miles from the park. Are you sure you want to walk?
>”Ok.I never caught your name.”he said with a smile
>”Um saphire.”i said with a smile
>”Evin.”he said with a smile
Deangelo: (Evin.) It was spelled Evan, but that wasn’t emo enough. So I changed it.
Gwen: (Sapphire.) My name was Sapphire, spelled the proper way, but who has time for that? So I changed it to Saphire.
>”I like that name.”i said with a smile
>he laughed.Then we just talked.
Kalinda: They got onto heavy topics like human evolution, global climate change, capital punishment and the plight of orphans in the Sudan.
Jarred: They probably talked about Black Veil Brides and how tight they like their skinny jeans.
>Soon we arrived to the park.
>”Thanks.”i said with a smile
>i gave him my number and he gave me his.
Melanie: Is she even worried about how she passed out and woke up in a strange place surrounded by emo teenagers?
Dominick: Is she worried about the jocks that sexually assaulted her?
Tempest: Is she worried about her arm that was supposedly bleeding really badly when she passed out?
Deangelo: Is she worried that she passed out and might need medical attention?
Kalinda: Nope. I don’t think she’s bothered by any of these things.
>”Well bye.”he said with a smile.
>I gave him a hug and he left.
Jarred: He disappeared into the night. Like so many emos before him.
Dominick: What do you think we’ve been doing?
>I will write more later.Thanks for the comments!=))
MiSTers: You’re welcome!
Tempest: This story becomes decent.
Gwen: Nice one, Tempest.
>I walked to the swings of the park.I seen no one,why did Alex tell me to come here if he was not even here.
Deangelo: Doesn’t she mean Sky? Alex is dead.
Melanie: And it’s her fault!
>I could fill my heart begin to shatter into even more peices.I sighed.Sky wasnt comeing.
Jarred: Sure, the guy is late and bam, she goes into an emotional crisis.
>I should have none better.I sat up and i started to walk till i got a text meassage.
Kalinda: The message was from her local pharmacy that her prescription had been filled for the past two years and she really needed to pick it up.
>I looked at my phone the,i didnt know the number but the message saidlook behind you.
Melanie: That was the last thing she ever read.
Dominick: Da DUM!
>My hart sunk as u started to get scared.I turned around slowey
>my eyes widened…
Deangelo: Who ever could it be?
Jarred: Do we really care?
>Sorry so short.
Deangelo: I’m sorry that you don’t write chapters in haiku.
Kalinda: Well, that mystery’s solved. Let’s all go home, people.
>i was so suprised.Was this girl Bliss?
Melanie: Nah, it just looked exactly like her and had all of her memories. She was actually a cyborg!
i thought to my self.I was speechless i havnt seen Bliss for awhile and when i moved i never said goodbye.
Jarred: Well, that’s rude. You should always say goodbye to people.
Gwen: Did they just leave in the night? How could she have gone without saying goodbye to her best and only friend?
>”Huh?Well duhh silly i have misssed you!”She said with a big smile.
Deangelo: Perhaps there’s a reason why Sapphire left without saying goodbye…
Gwen: She was feeling too emo to extend the effort?
>Bliss was always happy i never realyy got why she was so happy she was never sad or depressed she loves the world and her life.But i gusse that is what makes Bliss,Bliss.
Tempest: So Bliss isn’t an emo? Cause emos can find things that aren’t depressing and get depressed over it.
>Bliss walked over to me and gave me a big hug.
Dominick: Sapphire was enjoying the friendly embrace when she noticed a sharp stabbing pain in her back. It was too late before she noticed the knife that Bliss had plunged in between her vertebra.
>”How did you know were i was?”i asked
Melanie: (Bliss.) The tracking unit I implanted you with.
>”Umm.A friend of yours i think his name was Sky or somethin!”she said with a smile.
Deangelo: How did she meet Sky?
Kalinda: She read his blog and recognized Sapphire from his description of a whiny, emo girl that had given up on life even though she was too young to know anything about it.
>”Oh.”that was all i had to say
>We walked over to the swings and sat on them Bliss was across from me.
Jarred: The whole swings across from each other turned out to be a really bad idea when they started swinging and crashed into each other.
>”Um yea?”i said back
Gwen: (Bliss.) Where do babies come from?
>’Why didnt you say goodbye?”Bliss said in a sad tone
>”Um what do you mean?”i said
Dominick: What do you think she means?! You left and you didn’t say goodbye. It’s not a nice thing to do.
Jarred: Their friendship isn’t magical. It’s not magical at all.
>”When you left you didnt even say goodbye you just left me worried.”Bliss said with a sad expression on her face
Tempest: Hey, what if Bliss is always happy because she’s on really powerful anti-depressants?
Deangelo: An emo taking medication for a diagnosable psychological condition? I doubt it.
>”I dont know?”i said
>”Oh i see.”Bliss said in a sad tone
Melanie: Even though that explained absolutely nothing.
Kalinda: Maybe she forgot.
Gwen: One would think that that’s something worth remembering.
Melanie: Maybe she has M’s memory span.
(The MiSTers look up to the control room to see M glowering at them.)
>”Bliss i didnt want to make you sad.”i said
>”Well you did anyways.”Bliss said starting to cry
Dominick: Yeah, bitch. God, what’s wrong with you?
>I walked over to bliss and gave her a hug,she was crying.For the first time in months and it was all because of me.
Kalinda: Was it normal for Sapphire to make Bliss cry?
>”Im sorry.I didnt think you would take it this hard.”i said in a sad tone
>”Well i did.But i gusse its fine.”she said
Deangelo: Then don’t cry about it!
>i smiled.Me and Bliss just sat on the swings talking.
>Talking about everything.But soon Bliss had to go home and i had to go home to.
Melanie: How did Bliss even get there? I don’t remember her having a car and the family supposedly moved. So did Bliss just hike to where ever they went?
Gwen: It’s an emo love story. She just materialized there, then will dematerialize when she’s no longer needed for the plot.
Jarred: Oh goody. A dream sequence. I was just thinking it had been too long since we took a total break from the plot and went into an irrelevant dream sequence.
>My eyes opened with the sun beaming in them.
Dominick: Directly into her corneas. She was blinded forever.
>I sat up.I was in a long white dress in a medow.
Kalinda: Then she looked over and saw Sky standing in one of the sun beams, sparkling.
>Were was i,i dont remember going to sleep in a mewdow.This had to bin a dream.
Melanie: Yes, but not a very good one.
>I stood up and i took a look around.It was so pretty the grass was green there were flowers and butterflys every were.
Kalinda: And one large mirror.
Deangelo: What are you referencing, Kalinda?
Kalinda: New Moon. The dream sequence that Bella has in the beginning of the movie.
Deangelo: Forget I asked…
>I seen someone about a couple feet away he was laying on the grass sleeping.I walked over to him and i sat beside him.
Jarred: Which was really uncomfortable for him. But he kept it together.
>I felt like i knew him.I lay donw right beside him and i closed my eyes.
Gwen: She fell asleep in her dream?
Dominick: Then she had a dream within a dream. Dream-ception!
>When i opened them i was in a long black dress my hair was pulled back.And i was dancing with him,i had no clue who he was but i felt like knew him.
Tempest: Maybe if she looked at his face she could see if she knew him or not. Cause, most people have faces and you can recognize people by their faces.
>I felt safe with him i fet alive.
Jarred: But did she feel real?
Melanie: Her life is bad news.
>I opened my eyes.I looked at my clock it was seven am,it was the weekened.
Dominick: Excellent. Now she had lots of time to concentrate on being emo. Not just regular emo either. But ultra emo.
>I got up and i turned my light on.I grabbed a pair of white wripped up skinnys with fish nets underneath them.
Tempest: Fishnets come in pants now? How could I not have known this?
>then i grabbed a paramore shirt.I walked in my bathroom i sat my clothes down and i turned on the shower.I took a shower then i changed into my clothes.
Gwen: Sometimes I wonder why emos need to go into such detail over their hygiene routines when they don’t go into detail about anything else. Do emo readers just assume that their heroines never shower if they’re not explicitly told that they do?
Kalinda: It could also be that clothing descriptions are supposed to substitute for plot and substance in these stories.
>I brushed my hair out i dryed it then i straightened it then i teased it in the back.
Deangelo: Yes, but did she poof it? I need to know if there was poofing going on.
>I grabbed my eye liner and mascara i put tons of eyeliner and mascara on.
Melanie: 20 pounds worth, like yesterday?
>I grabbed my ipod and phone.Then i slid my converse on ,I opened my window and i climed down to the ground.
Jarred: ….Because going out the front door would have been so last season?
>I walked to the park,soon i arrived to the park and i sat on the swings.
Tempest: Are parks the new emo hang outs? Like Starbucks for hipsters?
>I put my head phones in my ear and i drown the whole world out.I felt myself being pushed in the air.
Dominick: When she realized what was going on, she was laying face down in the dirt. The jocks were back and they wanted a piece of her emo ass.
>I turned around to see it was Sky.I smiled i turned off my ipod and i jumped off the swing.I walked over to Sky and gave him a hug.He smiled.
Dominick: Because he knew he was one step closer to being a father.
>”What was that for.”he said
>”For telling my friend were i was.”i said
Kalinda: So she didn’t think that was creepy? She thought it was sweet?
>”No problem.Im the best arnt i!”he said with a smirk
>’Sherr,i will let you think that!”i said with a smirk
Jarred: Then they all smirked until their smirking heads fell off.
>Sky tackled Saphire to the ground.
Dominick: (Standing up.) Illegal roughness!
Melanie: Sit down, you weirdo.
>He pend her arms to the ground.
>”Say it!”he said with a smile
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) I worship you as my emo lord and master!
>”No way!”Saphire yelled while sticking her tounge out.
>Sky just laughed.
Tempest: Just then his penis slipped into her vagina and they made a baby.
Others: (o_O) What?
Tempest: We haven’t had an emo baby for a while. I’m starting to miss them. I mean, come on, teenage pregnancy is a great thing, right?
Gwen: I can live without seeing another emo baby ever.
M: (From the control room.) I have plenty of stories with emo babies if you guys really want to MiST one.
Deangelo: No! No, that’s okay! We promise!
>Saphires phone started to ring,
>Sky got off of Saphire and helped her up.
Jarred: It was a company who could help her manage her credit cards.
>Saphire answered the phone.My eyes widened and i could fill my eyes starting to water.
Gwen: What a daring point of view change. It’s almost like the author has no idea how to write a story.
Dominick: Come on, Gwen. She’s having fillings. We need to be sensitive to her emotional needs.
>I hing up the phone and i slid it in my back pocket.
>”S-sky can you take me to the hospital.”i said
Kalinda: Someone attempted suicide.
Tempest: What makes you say that?
Kalinda: The fact that this is a goddamn emo love story.
Deangelo: I was already planning on it.
>Ok so i will have to right more later.
>Some people are asking if this has realy happen to me.
Melanie: All of this illogical shit and people are wondering if it’s real?
Gwen: No one ever said that audience for emo love stories were more intelligent than their authors.
>Well no this is just a story i made up.
>Thanks for reading and sorry about thee grammer!=))
Tempest: Two errors in a sentence apologizing for improper grammar? That takes talent.
>Please be ok!
Jarred: Nothing in this story is okay. Nothing at all.
>Sky drove me to the hospital.
Dominick: With a car that he stole from a family that had been out at the park, walking.
Melanie: No, he didn’t. He commandeered it as it was an emo emergency and he is part of elite emo crime fighting team.
Dominick: Oh yeah? What was team’s name?
Melanie: ….The Razors.
Dominick: That actually works…
>I ran in with tears running down my cheeks.I ran up to a desk,”May i help you?”the lady ask
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) Can you fix all of the problems in my life?! Can you bring someone back from the dead?! Can you heal my wounded heart!?
Gwen: (The Lady.) Uh, I can direct you to which part of the hospital you want to go to.
>”Uh yea.What room is bliss in?”i asked still crying
Deangelo: I like how not only did the woman not look up that information, but she’s just letting Sapphire go to her room without the slightest clue who she is.
>but she is in surgery right now so you will have to wait.”the lady said
Jarred: Surgery? What in the world happened to her?
Kalinda: Razor blade to the head. She was trying to cut, but she couldn’t figure out how to do it.
>I sighed.I sat down beside Sky.He looked worried.
Gwen: Yes, he was overcome with concern for a girl he met ten minutes ago.
>I tryed to hold back the tears but they just kept comeing.I cant loose Bliss she is like my bestfriend she is the only thing i have that understands me and now she could be dead.
Tempest: Yeah, it would be so tragic if Bliss died because then no one would be around who could understand Sapphire.
>Soon i fell asleep…
MiSTers: (-_-;;;;) …….
Tempest: I know when I’m really worried about something I like to sleep.
Jarred: (Sapphire, waking up.) Poptarts please!
>i shot up
>Sky began to laugh
Dominick: (Sky.) You’re so funny when I suddenly wake you.
>”you can go see Bliss now.”he said with a smile
>”Do you want to come?”i asked
Melanie: Which totally wouldn’t be weird.
Gwen: I think the entire reason why she’s in the hospital might make it weird or not. Suicide attempt, yes that would be weird. Blood clot, probably not weird.
>”No.I think i should give you and Bliss time to well talk.”he said with a smile
Jarred: So what’s wrong with Bliss exactly?
Kalinda: No one’s said yet. Just wait, I’m sure they’ll discuss it when Sapphire goes in.
>Saphire got up and gave Sky a kiss on the cheek.
>I ran in Bliss’s room.
Deangelo: Before anyone in the hospital could tell her not to run in the halls.
>I open the door to see Bliss awake she had all sorts of wires in her.
Dominick: (O_O!!) This isn’t a hospital at all! They’ve turned her into a cyborg!
>”Elloz Beatiful!”she said with a smile
>which made my eyes water even more.
Gwen: As much as emo love stories go out of their way to make their main characters morose about every single thing in the world, seeing a teenage girl fresh out of life-saving surgery and still smiling annoys me just as much.
>”Ohh now dont cry!”Bliss said with a smile
Tempest: It’s like this girl doesn’t even know what an emo is.
>Thats when i started to cry.I walked over to Bliss and gave her a hug.
>”Why are you crying.Im alive arnt i?”she said with a big smile
Dominick: (Sapphire.) I guess the doctors haven’t told you that you’ll never walk again.
Melanie: (Bliss.) What?! Fuck the world! Fuck god! Fuck this entire planet!!!
>:Beacause i almost lost my bestfriend!”i said crying even harder now.
>”But you didnt!Now dont cry no more!”she sad with a smile
Jarred: Are they just going to talk about crying this entire time? What happened to Bliss? Why is she in the hospital!? Come on, story telling.
>I shook my head and wiped away the tears no matter how bad i wanted to cry i just wouldnt let myself.
MiSTers: Too late.
>I stayed with Bliss all most all night till visting hours were over and i had to go home.
Tempest: Is that it?
Dominick: That was quick.
Tempest: That’s what she said.
Deangelo: I don’t understand. Why was she in the hospital?
Gwen: M, can you shed any light on this?
M: (From the control room.) Bliss is never mentioned in the story again.
Kalinda: Wait, what?
M: (From the control room.) This is the last time the story mentions Bliss. We don’t hear anything else about her. I like to believe that her appendix burst and they had to do emergency surgery to save her.
Melanie: Are you serious?
M: (From the control room.) Completely.
Jarred: As many terrible stories that we’ve read, I’m still a little surprised.
>Soon we arrived to my house.Luckly no one was home.
Gwen: Sapphire sure has had a long day. First she goes to the park, then the hospital to see Bliss who was dying from some mysterious thing, then back to her place with her favorite bloke. Good thing she doesn’t have homework or extra curricular activities.
>I got out of Skys car and Sky did the same.
>I grabbed Sky by the hand and i led him inside.
Dominick: They had to step over the use condoms that lay strewn throughout the house to get to the living room.
>We walked over to the couch and sat down.
Dominick: There, Sapphire recounted how many affairs her mother has had with men on that couch. In that exact spot he was sitting in.
>”Soo.What do you want to watch?”i asked
>”Hmm.I dont care what do you want to watch.”he asked
Kalinda: (Sapphire.) I want to watch the entire Twilight series. All of them. Back to back.
Deangelo: (Sky.) Uh, maybe we can watch some TV.
>”No i asked you first!Now what do you want to watch?”i asked
>”No i asked you second now what do you want to watch!”he said with a smirk
Tempest: Someone just pick something! You probably won’t watch the movie anyway!
>”FINE!”i screamed and Saphire started to pout.
Jarred: Did we just switch narrators?
Melanie: Who the fuck knows in this story?
>Sky tackled Saphire too the ground
>”Choose!”Sky said with a smirk
Kalinda: Then Sapphire smirked back. Then Sky smirked at her. Then they smirked each other all night.
>”No way you choose!”I said while sticking my tounge out
>Saphire soon pinned Sky to the ground
Dominick: And that was when Sapphire’s Nam flashback hit and she lashed out at Sky.
>”HA!NOW YOU CHOOSE!”i screamed
Deangelo: Dios mio! It doesn’t fucking matter! Just choose a goddamn movie!
Gwen: Just wait, the rest of the entire story is going to be just them fighting over what movie to watch.
>Sky stuck his tounge out.
Melanie: But he only did it because he doesn’t like the way he smiles.
>”HUH.FINE HOW ABOUT FINDING NEMO.”I said
>”Fine with me!”Sky said in a cocky way
Kalinda: All that discussion over a Pixar movie.
Tempest: I feel like we’ve actually watched some kind of emo mating ritual taking place. It starts like this and ends with a baby.
>Sky got up,and helped Saphire up.Saphire put in the dvd and jumped on the couch right beside Sky.
Dominick: She landed in the wet spot.
>Saphires phone started to ring.
Jarred: It was a robo call that just wanted her to listen to a brief message from a political candidate about zoning laws.
>”Um hello?”i said
Melanie: Hey, she got her kid’s name right. Points for that, huh?
Deangelo: You are going to be an excellent mother.
>”Um yea?”i said
>”Me and your father(Not her father it was Dane)
Gwen: Then just write Dane! It’s not that fucking hard!
>are going on vacation iim sorry but there was no room for you
Jarred: The truth is that their resort had a no-emo policy. Her mom is just trying to spare her feelings.
>so we will be back in about a week ok bye love you!”mom said and she hung up
Tempest: She later texts that there’s a G of cash in her sock drawer, so she can get groceries.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of phone conve~~~~~~~
>”What a bitch”i said
>”Whos a bitch?”Sky asked
Dominick: Your mom! Ooooooo!
>”My mom.”i said
Dominick: Her mom too.
>”Oh.”was all he had to say.
Kalinda: She sure got over her entire parental abandonment thing early.
>I walked over to a thing that we kept covers and i grabbed me a big cover.
Jarred: A thing?
Deangelo: A chest of drawers? A bureau? A chest? A trunk?
>I wrapped it around me and i sat down by Sky.
>”Arnt you going to share!”Sky said
Tempest: (Sapphire.) There’s a snuggie in the bottom of the thing. Want that?
>”Nahh!”i said with a smirk
>”Stengy!”Sky yelled and then he crossed his arms and put his pouty face on.
Kalinda: Sapphire would have been insulted, but that’s not an actual word. So she was more confused.
>I sighed.I gave half the cover to Sky.
>The he gave me a big smile
Dominick: Right before he knifed her in the throat.
Dominick: I’m bored. The assholes in this story are watching a fucking Pixar movie.
Which made me laugh.
>I laydown on the couch and Sky layed there right beside Saphire.
Deangelo: Did she just…
Gwen: Switch narrators in the same sentence. Yes, yes, this author did.
Deangelo: I can’t wait to see where this thrilling stories goes next.
>Saphire and Sky was face to face.
>Saphire started to play with Skys hair.
Dominick: 14 years later, they divorced.
Dominick: I’m bored!
>Soon saphire started to git tierd.
Tempest: Because playing with hair is so exhausting? This girl is going to be great in bed.
Kalinda: (Sky.) Can I have a balloon?
>”Close your eyes.”Sky said
>”Just do it please.”Sky said
Dominick: Those were the last words she ever heard.
>”Ok”Saphire said she closed her eyes.When she did she felt lips on hers.
Melanie: Which turned out to be really awkward because she didn’t want to kiss Sky after all.
>Sky was kissing her.
Deangelo: Yes, we’ve grasped that. Thank you.
>Saphires tummy soon began to fill up with butterflys and her cheeks became like really red.
Kalinda: Not just red, like really red.
>They kissed for about a minute.
Jarred: She knew this because she was looking at her watch the entire time.
>Sky broke the kiss.
>Saphire was shocked.
Gwen: Shocked that he kissed her when her eyes were closed like he’s some kind of coward?
Kalinda: That wasn’t cowardly, that was really sweet.
Gwen: How would it have been if she hadn’t wanted to kiss him?
Kalinda: ….. Good point.
>”Saphire i love you.”he said with a smile
MiSTers: (O_o) …..
Melanie: Hey Sapphire, ask him what he loves about you. See what he says.
Deangelo: They’ve known each other for what, two days now?
Gwen: Emo love doesn’t have time constraints on it!
>”I love you to”Saphire said
Tempest: Now Sapphire can explain to us what she loves about him exactly.
>and she gave Sky a kiss.
>Soon they fell asleep…I thought you were dead.
Tempest: Something Kalinda has said to a guy that she dated before!
Kalinda: I hate you…
>Sky and Saphire has beeen dating for about a month now.
Melanie: For all of her whining about her broken emo heart, she sure moved on pretty swiftly.
>I opened my eyes as i felt arms around me.
Deangelo: Unfortunately, they were Dane’s arms and he was throttling her for not coming home the previous night.
>I rolled over to see Sky still sleeping i gave him a kiss on his for head and then i got out of my bed i grabbed my clothes out of my bag and i took a shower.
Jarred: Oh good. We get to hear all about her getting dressed. I was hoping that we’d all be told what band t-shirt she’s wearing today.
>(Btw Saphire stayed the night with Sky)
Gwen: His mum and dad were absolutely fine with their teenage son spending the night with his girlfriend under their roof.
>I got out of the shower i wrapped a towl around me.I cracked open the door to see Sky still asleep i walked over to my bag and i grabbed my straightner,hairspray,and my bow.
Tempest: What about her clothes?
>I ran in the bathroom i plugged in my straightner then i changed
Kalinda: Hair is more complicated, it seems.
>i dryed my hair brushed it out then i straightened it then i teased it.And then i finalley put my bow in.I walked out to see Sky gone.
Melanie: He had quietly slipped away before she got up to avoid the inevitable scene. He left a note on her dresser.
>Then i felt arms around my waist.
Dominick: Before Sapphire knew what was happening, Sky body slammed her against the floor!
>”Goodmorning beatiful!”Sky said
>”Goodmorning.”i said with a smile
Gwen: “Good morning” is not one word…
Jarred: It is when you say it really fast. Goodmorningeveryone! Ha ha, see!
>I turned around and gave Sky a short but passionet kiss,making im wanting more.
Tempest: Just then, his mom entered the room to take his clothes hamper.
>”So why are you all dressed up for?”he asked
>”Im not dressed up.And i thought we could go to the park.
Kalinda: Is that all this town is? Just a park? Don’t they have a movie theatre or a book store or a museum or something?
Deangelo: Do you really think these emos would spend their time in museums? Given how much respect they have for school?
Kalinda: Well, I guess not. But still. Don’t they have a smoothie bar? Just go somewhere other than that goddamn park!
>Soo,go get ready mister!’i said with a big smie
>Sky sighed and shook his head in agreement.And sky got ready soon we left for the park.
Melanie: Then they went to the park. Then they arrived at the park. Then they got out of the car. Then they walked over to the park.
Dominick: Then Bliss showed up and they LARPed all afternoon.
>We were walking to the park.But i wanted to play a game.
Deangelo: The game involved several of the park goer’s untimely deaths.
>So i started to walk faster and i started to go ahead of Sky.Sky smirked.He started to catch up with me but i ran.I made it to the park befor he did but i ran into someone which made me fall on my butt.
Gwen: Do all emos lack depth perception? I’m starting to wonder.
>I got up and the boy turned around.
>My eyes widened.
Jarred: Alex, Sky’s friend that she met at the beginning of the story? What’s he doing there?
>Thanks for reading.I will right more later!=))
Tempest: Maybe she should save her “righting” for school where someone can teach her that there’s a word called “writing”.
>This can’t be true!
>My body froze i couldnt belive my eyes was this truly Alex.
Deangelo: Wait, her dead ex-boyfriend?
Jarred: (O_O) Is he a zombie!?
Dominick: We’ve never seen an emo love story with a zombie in it. Come on, kids.
>”I-it cant be you!”i said
Kalinda: That’s when Sapphire realized that she was hallucinating again.
>”It is.”he said
>”H-how the doctors told me you were dead!”i said
Gwen: Maybe they weren’t good doctors.
>”My mom wanted them to tell you i was dead because she said it was your fault,
Melanie: Is he fucking serious?
Deangelo: It would appear so.
Tempest: I’m pretty sure that doctors don’t just go around lying to people.
Gwen: Even if they did, it’s not Sapphire’s fault that some random person shot Alex. How exactly would she be to blame for that?
Jarred: No one needs a good reason to blame an angsty Mary Sue.
>Saphire this is really me.”he said
>my eyes started to water and i fell on my knees.
Dominick: (O_o) You don’t have to worship him or anything.
>”You left me!”i screamed
Kalinda: He got shot, you dolt! Not everything in the world is about you!
>”You left me all alone!I-i was alone i had no one.”i said while crying
Jarred: She’s still got her mom. And her mom’s abusive boyfriends.
>”As soon as i go better Saphire i was looking for you.”Alex said
Tempest: (Alex.) You promised we’d have sex, remember? Is now a good time? I have a car.
>he walked over to me and came clos to my face.
>”I love you Saphire always and forever.”he whispered
Melanie: Does he realize that he’s saying this in front of her current boyfriend?
Kalinda: Where is Sky? He’s being awfully quiet.
>then i felt his lips pressed against mine,i didnt pull away i just stayed there shocked.I broke the kiss and i started to cry even me.
Gwen: And then Sky did something…
>”I-i have to go.”i whispered
>”Im s-sorry.”i said
Gwen: Never mind.
>i got up and i ran as hard as i could and as fast as i could.
>I seen Sky.I stopped and looked at him.
Tempest: (Sapphire.) What the hell took you so long?
>my eyes started to water as i ran past him all i could here was him screaming for me and running after me.
Deangelo: But since he was so out of shape that he couldn’t keep up with Sapphire walking into the park, he soon gave up and stopped chasing her.
>I ran in my house and i ran upstairs.
Kalinda: Which was conveniently park adjacent.
>I ran into my bathroom and i started to cut.
Melanie: Really? Two guys are in love with her and she cuts?
Gwen: It must be too much to be so loved and cared for. She just doesn’t know how to cope.
Tempest: I’ve had two guys tell me that they love me on the same day.
Melanie: How did you deal with it?
Melanie: See, the rational way.
>Soon i was gitting light headed i walked over to my bed and pasted out….
>I can’t do this anymore.
Dominick: Neither can I. Let’s go. (He gets up.)
M: (From the control room.) Sit back down! We’re on the penultimate chapter.
Dominick: Fine. (Sits back down and grumbles to himself about cruel and unusual punishment.)
>I woke up filling like shit.
>Not that i was sick,i felt sad,depressed,empty,ETC
>I walked into my bathroom and loked at my self my mascara and eyeliner were all down my cheeks.
Deangelo: She decided that that looked suitably emo enough and she walked out of the house after poofing her hair.
>I sighed i changed into black ripped up skinny jeans and a black veil brides bandtee.
Melanie: Good thing our depressed emo heroine isn’t so sad that she can’t keep up her amazing emo wardrobe.
Gwen: The bulk of her characterization is in her clothing, so she kind of has to if she wants to remain a person in this story.
>i out a black jecket on to hide my cuts.Then i redid my akeup.I put my socks on then i slipped my converse on.
Jarred: Wait, where’s the hair poofing!? There was no hair poofing!
>I grabbed my ipod and i went to the park.
Kalinda: She should just set up a cot there. It would save her a lot of time.
>It was pooring rain and walked over to a tree and i sat underit crying.I didnt know what to do i just wanted to die.
Dominick: Because why figure things out when bullets are so cheap?
>I just sat there watching the rain poor,i started to cry harder.
Tempest: I’m a little lost. I know she’s emo, but two guys want to date her and she’s crying over it? Why?
Deangelo: She feels guilty for Alex being shot and Sky falling in love with her when Alex was still alive, thus causing the love triangle.
Tempest: ….But none of that is her fault.
Deangelo: And that’s why we call her an angsty Mary Sue.
>I felt a arm around my neck then i turned around to see it was Sky.
>”Are you ok?”he asked
>i didnt answer
Gwen: She simply couldn’t answer with all of this wrongness in her life!
>he understood i wasnt in the mood to talk but just then i herd someone walk toward us,i looked up to see it was Alex
Dominick: Aw shit, son. It’s going down now.
>he had alought of pain in his eyes as he stared at my and Sky.
>”S-Saphire how could you.”alex whispered
Tempest: How could she do what? She thought you were fucking dead. Did you expect her to mourn you for a year before meeting someone new?
Kalinda: Why didn’t Alex just text Sapphire and let her know that he was okay? Why not get a message to Bliss? Or Facebook Sapphire or Tweet her or something. This isn’t the middle ages. There are a shit load of ways to communicate these days.
>i got up and stood right infront of him.
>”Im sorry.”i whispered
Melanie: She’s sorry? For not knowing that he was dead after doctors lied to her? Yeah, I don’t think so.
>”Who the hell is this.”Sky asked
>”Im her boyfriend.”he said
>”No,im her boyfriend.”Sky said
Jarred: Maybe they should all sit down and evaluate their lives with a trained professional.
>They kept going back and fourth about who was my boyfriend.
>”I-I Cant do this!”i yelled
Gwen: Yes, it must be so difficult to have two boys fighting over you. What a difficult life she leads.
>i looked at both of them and i starrted to cry i ran away from them,to my house were i was alone.
Dominick: Her parents had never returned from vacation, but she hadn’t reported them missing or anything.
>I ran in my room and i knew what i had to do.
Tempest: She had to swear off men all together and devote herself to being a Black Veil Brides groupie. Screaming and crying for a band was where her true passions lay.
>I started to cry as i wrote each of them a note.
Deangelo: Wouldn’t a rose ceremony be more effective?
>I have to do this,
MiSTers: No, you don’t.
>just remember i will always love you,
MiSTers: But not enough to see you ever again.
>i cant choose and i love both of you the same
MiSTers: Then figure something else out. Picking one or suicide are not your only options.
>but my life is empty
MiSTers: No, it isn’t. You have two people in it now.
Jarred: And Bliss!
>no one can mend my heart not even you.You tryed but sadly you could not
Melanie: It turned out her heart was just too emo to be healed.
>tell Bliss i love her and i am sorry i had to do this.
MiSTers: No, you didn’t!
>And remember i will Always be watching over you and Sky.
Gwen: Not if she’s committing suicide.
Deangelo: I do believe that are watching natural selection in action right now, children.
>I love you too,never forget that.
Kalinda: How much would it burn if she wrote them both the same note? Oooo,that would harsh.
>I love you both evenly always and forever.
Melanie: But not enough to stick around and work things out. Sorry, fellas.
>Im sorry i have to do this but this is my only option,
MiSTers: No, it’s not!
>I will be watching over you and Alex no matter what.I LOVE YOU…
MiSTers: Then don’t kill yourself!
>As a single tear hit the note i knew what i had to do.
Jarred: She had to rip both of them up and actually do something productive to fix her life.
>I will always love you 4-ever.
>As i picked up the knife and i looked at it.
Tempest: Anyone else not really feeling that sad that this character is going to be dying slowly and horribly?
Dominick: I’m not. The story has to be over when she dies and quiet frankly, if she can’t handle the problem of having two people in love with her at the same time, she’s probably not cut out for the rest of what life has to offer.
>I knew i had to do this,this was it the end of my life.
Deangelo: She had a good 16 years. Lots of people were shot. But it was a good run.
>As i started to cry i stapped myself in my broken heart,
Melanie: She… stapped herself?
Gwen: With strawberry filling.
>my breathing began to grow slower and fell to the ground as everything started to go black
Melanie: Her life flashed before her eyes.
Tempest: He took a while 30 seconds.
>i herd the door open.
Dominick: Hey wait, no paramedics! Come on! Her last wish is to die and we all need to respect her wishes!
>Befor i was truly dead i herd a whisper in my ear.
>”I love you always and 4-ever……
Kalinda: And it was weird to hear that coming from someone who wasn’t calling an ambulance.
Jarred: It’s finally over, yay!
Jarred: Well… Not quite.
>I hope you liked the story!
MiSTers: We didn’t!
>I knw what a sad ending but all endings usally have a happy one so i made a sad one
Gwen: She’s clearly never read any Russian literature.
Deangelo: Like that’s the only educational deficit she has.
>but what i wonder is who was the one that whispered in hr ear!=))
Tempest: Does anyone care?
Dominick: Hop the next train to Nopesville and ride that bitch to the station.
>Thanks for readin and thanks for the support!
MiSTer: (Middle fingers in the air.) Screw you!
Dominick: (Jumping up.) That’s it! Let’s get the hell out of here!
Jarred: (Jumping up too.) Food time! Food in my tummy!
Gwen: (Getting up slowly.) I’m so stiff. I’m starting to feel my age.
(M enters the conference room behind the MiSTers. They see a buffet of Pho has been set up for them. They quickly fill their bowls and sit down to eat with chop sticks and Chinese soup spoons. M grabs a Dr Pepper and sits down at the table while they fill in.)
M: So, that MiST wasn’t that bad, huh?
Deangelo: Were you asleep in that control room?
M: Not for most of it.
Jarred: Seriously, M. It was brutal.
Kalinda: You know, we never did solve my problem.
M: What problem?
Kalinda: Gee, thanks.
Melanie: She just forgot. Don’t be offended.
Tempest: Yeah, M forgets everything.
Kalinda: Anyway, my problem is that Ingie seems to like me and I can’t get rid of him.
M: Tell him your favorite china patterns are geometric.
M: He has his heart set on getting a floral pattern for his wedding china and he would never continue a relationship with a girl that likes geometric patterns as those are his least favorite.
Kalinda: Really? That’s it?
(Dominick gets up to get the sriracha, then sits back down.)
Dominick: Are you sure you should be letting him down at all, Klinklon? I mean, you’re not getting any younger and you do want to get married, right?
Gwen: There are other people in the world besides Ingie, Dominick.
Dominick: True. But you know what Tempest says.
Tempest: Lube before boobs is never rude?
Dominick: Er…. that OTHER thing that Tempest says.
Tempest: Oh, if you’re going to be picky, you’re going to die a virgin.
Kalinda: Marrying Ingie and dying alone are not my only options. And I have had sex, thank you very much.
Deangelo: Yes, with that man who tried to use you for a green card. How is he, by the way?
Kalinda: ….Evangelos occasionally writes from jail. He says it’s not that bad.
Melanie: Hey Temp, we should find Kalinda a man. You in?
Tempest: How much time do you have?
Gwen: Nonsense. Kalinda is an eligible bachlorette. I’m sure it wouldn’t be difficult to find her someone.
M: (Getting up.) Well, you kids have fun. I’ve got some more work to do. Just remember the china patterns if Ingie isn’t taking the hint.
Kalinda: How am I supposed to work china patterns into conversation?
M: You’ll figure it out, I’m sure.
(M exits the conference room.)
Dominick: Does anyone else want seconds or am I going to eat alone?