Jerry (my husband) woke up this morning and didn’t tell me that he loves me. His lack of respect is probably from the way he was raised to hate and fear women. I told him before he left for work that he needs to appreciate me as his wife, but also as a woman, and he just smiled and nodded. I hate it when he does that. But he’s a man. So what do I really expected?
Had lunch with Diana today. For someone named after the goddess of the hunt, she sure is lacking in everything goddess like. She told me that she wanted to go back to school but that her husband, Kevin, was worried about money. I told her to tell his fat ass that he should stop holding her back and allow her to live her dreams, just has men have been able to do since the dawn of time!
To make matters worse, the waiter was a man and he kept looking at me like he was raping me with his eyes. I tried to ignore it. But by the end of the meal, I had finally had enough and reported to his supervisor that he had been completely sexually inappropriate with us.
Diana said that she was embarrassed, but I know she didn’t like the harassment anymore than I did. I stood up for both of us. She should have thanked me.
I tried to watch some TV today, but I couldn’t stand more than 15 minutes. I watched a scene in one show with a woman wearing a low-cut top. Yes, because all women are just sexual objects for men, right?! Then I changed the channel and there was a scene with no women at all. Because men want to make women invisible, don’t they?
I turned to the music channel because I thought some relaxing music might help me to calm down. But there was some evil woman on screen talking black and calling everyone bitches this and bitches that. “Hey, bitches!” “Yo, bitches!” “What’s up with that, bitches?!” It’s infuriating. Some women just don’t understand how their words can hurt other women, and really, all of humanity.
I’m so glad I have work tomorrow. At least I don’t have to worry about seeing Jerry until later in the evening. He wanted to have sex tonight, well, rape me. I’ve tried explaining to him that the act of letting him violate my body with his penis is just so frightening to think of that I need some time to come to terms with it. He just smile and nodded again. He just doesn’t understand.
So we had sex. I tried to just lie there and let him rape me. He asked me if it felt good and I told him that it felt like years of sexual oppression and violation at the hands of male tyrants. He tried to laugh it off, but I know he felt like the piece of shit man that he is on the inside. Good.
After Jerry was finally done he asked if I had thought about his idea about having a baby anymore. I couldn’t believe it! First he rapes me, now he wants to talk about violating my body for 9 months straight! I told him that my ability to produce children doesn’t define me as a woman. I also brought up that what if we had a girl and his gender-folk raped her, just like countless girls every day. How would he feel about that?
Jerry sighed and asked me to think about it some more. He said that he would love to have a baby with me and that we would make fantastic parents. But he really just wants to relegate me to home and housework. He claimed that my salary was enough to support us both and he would be able to work from home and spend lots of time with the baby, but yeah right.
I would pop that kid out then he would realize that he’s too much of a sexist to allow me to go to work while he stays home and jeopardizes his fragile masculinity. Then I would be expected to stay in the kitchen all day and bake for him while he goes out and earns money. No, thank you! I’m not going to be marginalized and oppressed like that.
I’m going to do my affirmations, then go to sleep. I am woman. Hear me roar. I am woman. Hear me roar.