Random Thoughts Sex Month

safe_sex_mythsI was going to have a week of blogs about sex, but then I realized that this entire fucking month was about sex. And I decided to make it sex month on SOT! Woot, woot!

My autocorrect doesn’t like the word “vagina”. It keeps changing it to “bagina”. Cause that’s a word, right? Siri could just tell me that she judges me for how often I talk about vaginae instead of trying to be subtle about it.

What do people have against booty calls? I keep hearing really negative things about them. But booty calls are awesome.

My brain comes up with some really weird shit during sex. The first time I slept with Noah we were in the middle of the act and my brain is suddenly screaming “HE’S MARRIED! HE’S MARRIED! HE’S MARRIED!” as if that was something that I had just figured out and that I hadn’t be aware of the entire time.

When I was a kid, I used to think that in order to have an orgasm, you had to be with a partner. It was some kind of special reward for managing to be with another person. Boy, was I relieved when I found out that you could do that shit solo.

I’m not used to guys making a lot of eye contact during sex. When I sleep with Scott he studies my face. I was beginning to develop a complex about it because damn, what the hell did I look like? I asked him to describe my sex face, he responded, “Have you ever seen somebody bite into something that is the best thing they’ve ever tasted? Like that.”

I wrote about sex on Godswill, but I don’t have quite the backlog that I do here, so it’s been posted for a while. Check out my article on overcoming my Catholic upbringing to experience sexual liberation: Sexual Liberation and other things that I’ve gotten After Leaving Catholicism.

So after I had sex on my birthday I put up a life event announcing that I had birthday sex for the first time ever. Apparently that event was made public because people that weren’t Facebook friends with me mentioned it to me. It got awkward. I finally figured out how to make it private. Whoops.

Maybe it’s bullshit, but I really respect a guy that can get my bra off. I’m a 38G and my bra is super reinforced with four snaps. Someone that can whip that sucker off is going to impress me for sure.

That awkward moment when you tell your mom that you made out with a guy and she’s incredibly scandalized and you don’t want to mention that you made out with him before you had sex with him.

There’s something really sexily intimate about the man you just had coitus with brushing one of his beard hairs off of your face. Maybe I’m weird.

Some guys on OKC are so convinced that they’re special snowflakes. Then you ask them for specifics and they tell you that they want laughter, friendship and passion from their connection with a woman. Really? That’s what fucking everyone wants. You’re not unique.

I was talking to a co-worker who felt strange about a man paying for a date, for fear that he would feel entitled to more than just a kiss goodnight. I assured her that no one has ever put me in that position, but if they would, I would go on an epic feminist rant to end all feminist rants and educate that sexist motherfucker about the fact that no one is owed sex.

I really know more about birth control than I think I do. I don’t need to know anything about it now as mine is permanent. But yeah, I know a fair amount.

So it turns out that I love birthday sex so much I had birthday sex for my ex. I knew he wasn’t getting any so I made sure to have sex twice on his birthday for him. You’re welcome, big guy.

Chris told me that one time he was dating a woman that, on the third date, showed him a waist-up birthing video of when she had her son. I can’t imagine the level of zen he must have reached to not run out of the room screaming. Sometimes I think I share to much, then I heard this and I was like, nope! I’m perfectly normal.

If you ever want to get me to say that I love you, just make me  your little spoon. I get so relaxed in that position that I just want to start with the professions of love.

I’m keeping track of my social media stats before and after Sex Month, just to see how things change during November. Like my Facebook page to find out what happens during my month-long TMI session.