Sex before marriage

premarital-sexOn OkCupid there’s a bunch of questions that you can answer in order for them to match you with other people. Some of the questions are weird, some of them are repetitive, and some of them are so subtle that people won’t even realize that you can tell a lot from them by the way they answer. There are two questions that stick out for me. One is; “Which is bigger, the earth or the sun?” And you would be surprised how many people are convinced that the earth is bigger. But the other is; “Would you need to have sex with someone before marrying them?”

I’ve seen a lot of men answer no to this question while my answer is categorically, yes. I’ve been in a sexually unsatisfying relationship before, lots of them, actually, and I never will again. While you can glean some things from being intimate, without penetrative sex, and from other aspects of behavior, I maintain that I would do everything in my power to ensure that the person I marry is someone that I enjoy having sex with and that enjoys having sex with me.

Also, practically speaking, I would have to be dating someone for several months to a year before accepting a marriage proposal from them and then I want to be engaged for about two years after that. So dating someone seriously for 3 years without actually boning? No thanks. I don’t have enough patience for that. Also, the whole full-on sex part is my favorite. Everything else is nice but, for me, fooling around without completing the act until marriage is just weird in my opinion

I wonder why men would pick this option when, hey, there’s another one out there. Sometimes I wonder if they’re trying to appeal to a certain type of woman that would not want to have sex before marriage. Sometimes I wonder if they’re religious and hung up on the idea that they can’t have sex before marriage. I think the latter is probably a lot of it. As a hold over from Christianity, unfortunately, a lot of people still think that only engaging in sex after you’re married is the way Jesus wants it. But those people aren’t the ones that I’m interested in dating in the first place.

Dating is difficult and internet dating is no different. Trying to figure out if someone is right for you is an age-old question and can never properly be answered because often the right person is only right for you during a specific time in your life. But one thing I know is that I would never put a ring on a dude’s finger if we haven’t boned yet. I’m not going to make a wild bet on my future sexual happiness and just assume that we’ll be good in bed together. That’s not a chance I’m willing to take.