All this shit they’re constantly trying to shove up us, clean us up – stuff us up, make it go away. Well, my vagina’s not going away. It’s pissed off and it’s staying right here. Like tampons – what the hell is that? A wad of dry fucking cotton stuffed up there. Why can’t they find a way to subtly lubricate the tampon? As soon as my vagina sees it, it goes into shock. It says forget it. It closes up. You need to work with the vagina, introduce it to things, prepare the way. That’s what foreplay’s all about. You got to convince my vagina, seduce my vagina, engage my vagina’s trust. You can’t do that with a dry wad of fucking cotton.
-Excerpt from “My Angry Vagina” Eve Ensler, The Vagina Monologues
So I first heard of menstrual cups a while ago. My first thought was that they were the worst idea ever. Who wants to stick a cup up your vag for five days? But after several more periods and more dealing with tampons, I realized, why not try it? It certainly can’t be any more annoying.
I got my DivaCup from Amazon. Like everything else that I purchase. It arrived and I looked over all of the accompanying materials and examined the cup itself. The first thing that I noticed about it that it’s really soft. I mean, like softer than cotton and more flexible.
When my period started, I knew it was time to try it out. I had three main worries when it came to proper use of the DivaCup. 1. Getting it in. 2. Walking around with it in. 3. Getting it out. I will address these three worries step by step.
- I used the fold, then fold again method to get it in. It becomes very compact and it’s so flexible that getting it in is no real problem at all. I tried to turn it, like the directions recommended, but I found that I couldn’t. I think my vagina is too narrow. Anyway, I figured if this was a problem, I would come to it later. I had read about cups getting off center and leaking, but I’ll get to that in a little while.
- I could not feel the cup at all, once it was in. We’ve all had tampons in that we could feel. And it feels awful. Big fucking wad of cotton, after all. But the cup is perfect. It’s totally comfortable. I experienced no leaking; thanks narrow vagina!
- When it came to getting it out, I stuck my fingers up there and could barely feel the stem. I had a momentary moment of panic that this shit was stuck and I would have to go to a doctor to get it out. And let’s just say that I’ve gone to a doctor to get a lost tampon out before and after my abscess, I had flashed enough doctors my crotch.
But the instructions say in order to get it out to bear down like you’re having a bowel movement. I did so and BAM! It moved down and I got it out. There’s a bit of pulling involved to get it out. Which, you have with tampons anyway, and quite frankly, if it wasn’t hard to get out, it might fall out on its own accord. Besides, it was much more comfortable to get the cup out than any tampon.
One other thing that occurred to me when removing the cup, was that if I should need to have a bowel movement, I probably need to remove the cup first. It just seems like a good idea. I don’t know what would happen if this situation came to fruition, but I’m not about to try.
Over all, I love the DivaCup. The best part about it is that you can leave it in for 10-12 hours. I change the cup in the morning and at night. No going to lunch and having to replace a tampon. No, after dinner tampon and then a before bedtime tampon. Also, no tampon disposal! Other people can sometimes get fairly freaked out by tampons in trashcans. I don’t because I went to a women’s college and nothing disgusts me. But other people do and it’s fucking annoying. With the cup, you just wash it out and stick that sucker back in. No trash can needed!
I highly recommend for women to give a menstrual cup a try and see if they like it. It’s a great alternative to tampons and pads and is super easy to manage and not to mention comfortable. If nothing else, it’s fun to try new things and see how they go.
People like to do that, right? With their vaginae? No? Just me. Well, okay then.