You can’t fix me

mental-healthI understand that you want to help me. I understand that I sometimes post things or say things that worry you or might make you think that I’m not coping well with my illness. And sometimes, you’re absolutely right. But here’s the thing; there’s nothing that you can do.

You can support me, you can spend time with me, you can distract me, but you can’t fix me. And I’m not expecting you to. Dealing with my mental health is something that I have to do on my own. I appreciate the help and support, but when it comes to making me feel normal when I’m not, it’s not something that you have control over.

And honestly, sometimes your attempts to just annoy me. It just reminds me that I am pretty helpless against my own brain chemistry and not even the best of intentions can make a real difference when I’m too lost in an episode to cope. But even if I can’t cope, even if I can’t deal with what’s going on in my head, it’s still not your problem or responsibility or obligation. If something happens in my head it’s not due to anyone’s lack of effort. It’s my brain malfunctioning and no one should feel that if they only did X, Y, or Z that I would have been fine. Because that’s bullshit.

I have no doubt that this is not what people want to hear. But it’s the truth. I would love to tell everyone that all I need sometimes is someone to take me out to a movie or go bowling with me and I’ll be magically cured of all my negative, intrusive, self-destructive thoughts. But that would be a total lie. Some days no amount of bowling or togetherness or watching bad movies is going to do anything other than temporarily distract me from what I’m feeling. And that’s not your fault.

Sometimes people approach me like it’s their mission in life to make me all better and that’s just not possible. I’m not expecting someone to fix me and I don’t hold people responsible for not doing that. Sometimes all you can do for me is text with me and talk about how Michonne is the best character on Walking Dead. And sometimes, that’s all I need. So please don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. And if I’m not, it wasn’t because of something you did or didn’t do.