I’ve heard of Pickup Artists (PUAs) from various forms of media before. I have kept myself willfully ignorant of them in order to preserve my own faith in humanity, so I completely admit that I do not know all of the rules and subtleties that go along with emotionally abusing women into dating you. However, I have plenty of experience with emotional abuse and let’s just say that that’s what I noticed first. So here’s my interactions with what I believe was a Pickup Artist. May I never meet one again.
Side note, remember the guy from this blog that told me not to write about him without his express written permission? Yeah, this is him.
First thing I noticed from this guy was that the entire second paragraph of his self-summary section was about the size of his penis. Classy, right? I know the first thing I want to know about a dude is how big his dick is. But anyway, I decided right there that I would not be having sex with him. I believe I am smaller than the average woman and I have no interest in suffering through more painful sex because my vagina is too narrow.
He messaged me first and asked for my phone number pretty quickly. I told him that we could be friends and then he told me not to write about him. Which was my first tip off that he was a controlling douchebag. I had never made any indication that I was going to write about him and he immediately felt the need to tell me that I wasn’t allowed. Well, look how that turned out.
Anyway, he started texting me and we chatted. Briefly. He told me very early in the conversation that he was going to be in my area of Virginia at the end of the month and asked me where he should lodge in order to be close to me. I thought that was a little weird. But I told him what city I lived in and what areas were nearby and he said that he would find a hotel in the next town over. He also asked me about my job. I told him that I write for a website and I’m a tour guide.
He asked if he could read my writing on the website and I said that I hadn’t started yet. He was disappointed that he couldn’t read my writing on the site, then I reminded him about my personal blog. Then this happened.
This, children, is called negging. I do know what this is after Mai-Anh explained it to me a few months ago. It’s a classic PUA move. And in this context, was a strange one. He was honestly trying to insult my blog by insinuating that I hadn’t written that much. Writing a lot is something that I do. Even when people can’t agree on the quality of my work, they give me props for how much I fucking write. It seems like such a strange thing to try to insult me for. He’s seen bigger blogs? Where?
My blog publishes every goddamn day with one author. I now have over 900 blogs written in about 4 years. That is impressive no matter who you are. But he was determined to belittle my blog as it occurred to him that this is something important to me. And to his credit, it worked. I was insulted. I was annoyed. I ranted about this on Facebook. That’s when someone told me that he was probably just negging me.
So I decided that red flags were presenting themselves and I would tread very carefully around this man. Then he messaged me and asked how many nights he should book his hotel room. I had no idea what to tell him and I said that. Why was he asking me how long he should get a room? The only thing I could think of would be that he was trying to feel out how long he would need it for. I decided then to enlighten him to the fact that I didn’t want to have sex with him. And then this happened:
This was the last straw. A man that contacted me on a dating website was asking me how long he should get a hotel room after getting lodging near where I was when he lived in another state. I had every right to think that he was making some kind of reference to sex. And his response doesn’t even make sense. He might be trying out the PUA stuff, but he’s not very good at it.
I said that I DIDN’T want to have sex with him and he tells me that I should look somewhere else for sex? What? I just said that’s not what I’m interested in. As soon as I read his message I realized that he was expecting me to apologize and beg to meet him and that is just not happening. I’m not falling for this bullshit and he can go try to undermine another woman’s confidence in order to date her. I’m not interested.
So this is my first run in with someone using PUA tactics. I have to say, I’m not impressed. He didn’t emotionally manipulate me into doing anything with him and in the end, I was only convinced that he is a terrible person. But the good news is that I got a blog out of it. Two, in fact.
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