Prompt 16. Write a dating profile like an advertisement.
Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? Does your anaconda don’t want none unless she got buns? Do you want to meet a girl that will make you feel butterflies in your stomach? Then look no further! Star LaBranche can provide all this and more!
Star is a mature, focused, and driven 29-year-old white female. She’s a curvy size 14 that feels comfortable in her own skin. She has never been married and has no children. A thoroughly modern woman, Star is open about her sexuality and is really not that hard to get into bed. I mean, seriously, guys. She’s pretty easy.
Right now, Star is looking to start off things casual and see how things go. She’s not going to pressure you into marriage by the second date. Or even the twenty-seventh date. Trust me, she does not want to settle down right now. Star is incredibly easy to get along with and likes going with the flow and letting things happen.
That said, she also has amazing logistics skills and can plan an entire day together down to the minute so that you never stop having fun! Her skills come from both a natural inclination to manage time well and her work as a tour guide. Need a birthday party planned? She’s there in a heartbeat with an outline and prospective budget.
“Star has a beautiful singing voice and a kind heart. Watch out or she’ll steal yours!” -Heather P, Facebook friend
Hobbies and Interests
Star is an adventurous woman that will try anything once (including things in the bedroom, fellas). She loves going to museums, movies, dining out, exploring the area and lots of other activities. Her hobbies include writing (lots and lots of writing), drinking loose leaf tea, reading, learning, and trying new things. If you want a girl that you can call up and say, get your purse, we’re going on an adventure, then you have found her!
Always on the go, Star can be found at her favorite tea shop, work, community theatre, out with her Meetup group, or in playing Cards Against Humanity with her friends. This is not a woman that sits idle. She lives a full and interesting life. Just being around her gives you the chance to do lots of new and exciting things.
“Star has an 85% survival rate of previous boyfriends. That’s a number you can trust!” -Tom W, Facebook friend
A bubbly personality with a sharp wit and keen sense of humor, Star gets along with just about anyone. Introducing her to your friends and family is no problem. She is a social butterfly that will fit in perfectly with anyone that you please. And if things get tense, don’t worry, she doesn’t need you to stand up for her. This woman doesn’t mince words and can cut anyone down to size should they step out of line.
Kind and caring to a fault, Star is always a reliable person that you can count on when you’re in a tough spot. Always willing to go the extra mile and help out someone in need. And when your birthday rolls around, look out! Star will plan your party, get you awesome presents and make sure that you have your favorite kind of cake to enjoy.
While she has a fiery, intense personality, Star also loves her alone time. She’s an introvert that loves people, so after some going out, she will need a night in, cuddling on the couch. But don’t worry! She has a collection of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and RiffTrax DVDs along with a Netflix subscription. She also has the Dominos app on her phone. Get her some pizza and a movie and she’s set and happy for the night.
“100% guaranteed to only have a chance at being chopped up and put into a freezer.” -Ben S, Meetup Group member
Goals and Ambitions
Star is a writer that would just like to get paid for her talent and skill. She currently writes for her own blog as well as a slew of others. She also works on books and other projects in the meantime. Her writing is incredibly varied and prolific. She is always looking for new inspiration.
For her long-term goals, Star would like to relocate to the desert and get a corgi. Her dream job is anywhere she can write and get paid enough to not starve to death. She would love to travel and enjoy being with a long-term companion. If you want someone to explore the world with, she’s right here.
“Star asked me on a date and I said no. Now I’m homeless, friendless, penniless, and dead. Don’t be like me, date Star today!” – Mai-Anh T, Friend of 15 years
Her preferences in a mate
Star doesn’t ask for much and she’s very easy to please. All she wants is an atheist, with no kids, that is taller than her (she stands 5’7″). Although she doesn’t really go for looks, she likes men that have nice teeth and wear glasses. Does this sound like you? If so, respond to this ad and you could find yourself out on a date with your dream girl!
Don’t waste time
She’s been single for several months now, but it’s only a matter of time before a dashing man comes in and rides off into the sunset with this amazing woman. Better contact her now and get to know her before it’s too late and you’re left wondering what would have happened if you had just made that effort. Call now!