No doubt in my mind whatsoever when I say that I would go back to the day before I had unprotected sex with my ex-boyfriend and prevent myself from getting herpes. No second thoughts, that is what I would do. For all of the emotional pain that I’ve encountered before and all of the dangerous situations that I put myself in, I fucking survived and learned something and moved on. But not from the herpes. What I thought was a fling that I would look back on with a slight cringe left me with a permanent disease that carries with reoccurring health problems (albeit, mild) and a shit load of stigma.
Of the two major issues in my life, particularly in dating, bipolar and herpes, herpes is fucking preventable. There would be no going back in time to correct myself from becoming bipolar. But all I would need to do would be to stay away from one asshole who ended up using me and telling his friends I was a bitch while he was living in my apartment and I was paying for everything and I would be set. Granted, I probably would need a sit down to discuss safer sex and how people who tell you that they’re clean aren’t always honest or accurate about their status, but still.
And yes, I’ve been in some fucked up situations that I wish I hadn’t been. But I have to say, I did learn from them. Sometimes not right away, but I did learn. Getting herpes? Nothing. I was not at high risk for it, it didn’t prevent me from doing more dangerous things, it just messed up my life. While I’m a lot more careful about condom usage now (because I have to be), I could have learned that without getting a fucking incurable disease. Also, the sex I had with the person that infected me? Calling it mediocre would be generous. It’s not like I even had such an awesome time then ended up with this problem. No, I had boring, unfulfilling sex, and then got a disease.
So yes, if I could go back in time only once to fix something, I would fucking fix that. No matter what shit I got into with other people, this is one thing that could be easily changed and taken care of. As for how it would affect me now, I would be living the same life. Just no need to have to go through the stress and worry of explaining my disease to someone or the fear of getting an outbreak. It would just be nice to not have to deal with this at all.