Men of OKC: Day in the Life

So here are the new messages that I got in one day on OKC. Only new messages, all received in a 24 hour period. Strap yourself in.

There is love that rule the world

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-53-20First off, I was annoyed that he was named Daniel. In my 5 months on OKC I have conversed with 6 different people that go by Dan, Danny, or Daniel. 6. I can’t keep all of these people straight. Don’t fuck with my already shaky memory!

Anyway, this person lives almost 300 miles from me. There would be no casual meeting here. I want to talk to local people and date them. I don’t need to make more online friends and shit like that. But this doesn’t stop men from trying.

It occurs to me that some of these men are contacting me to get me on a webcam, have me send them dirty pictures and the like. They can masturbate to their heart’s content off of what I’m sending them and I get nothing. I would say that I get dick, but they would probably send me dick picks and while I like collecting them, they don’t really do anything for me sexually. And no more. If I’m not getting off, you’re not getting off. Life is tough.

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-53-29

But this one was not giving up. Now not only did he want to date me, he wanted to fall in love with me. I think. It’s hard to tell when people don’t use proper grammar. I wasn’t buying it. First off, I am a complete stranger to him. Second, I would never date someone that would say something like that. I don’t go for romantic guys, to say the least.

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-53-40So I had to tell him twice that I wasn’t interested in getting to know him and then in a last ditch effort to stay in contact with me, I had to inform him that I have no interest in becoming friends with him. I have enough people to keep up with on Facebook and quite frankly, I was completely disinterested in getting to know him. But at least he took it alright and didn’t go ballistic on me like other people have. Which is kind of sad that I have to be grateful to people who take direct and polite nos instead of acting like goddamn babies about it.


11 inches me my male memberscreenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-53-57

I’m quite to used to this. Guys will message me sometimes with their opening message being if they can ask me a personal question. Sometimes it’s innocuous, but other times it’s about the width of my vagina or some freaky sex thing that I’ve  never heard of that no one should ask a stranger about. But I’d die of curiosity if I didn’t ask what he wanted, so I asked….

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-54-07

…And I was totally confused by his answer.

Is this English? I read it over three times and wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say. Moreover, I was tired of trying to figure out what the fuck English speakers are saying in their native tongue. You want me to read and respond to your message? Then write it coherently! It’s not that fucking hard. I’m not asking for flawless writing and something that could submitted to a peer-reviewed journal. Just write something that can be understood by other human beings.

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-54-19Seriously? What I not understand? The whole fucking thing! It’s not coherent! I MiST emo love stories and I couldn’t figure this one out. He was clearly talking about his penis, I got that much with the whole 11 inches bit, but what does that have to do with white girls?

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-54-35

So it’s not like this was much better. But I got the gist of what he was saying. He has the age-old problem of his penis being too big and he just wants me, a total stranger on a website that lives over 1,000 miles away from him, to give him advice on what he should do. Because my dating profile clearly indicated that this is the kind of service that I offer. Oh, no wait. It doesn’t.

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-54-43

I question here if he believes that one white girl that he had this bad experience with is representative of all white girls, but he seems to think that I’m representative of all white girls, so clearly he does. Anyway, he doesn’t seem to understand how inappropriate it is to ask a total stranger on a dating site how to handle his large penis problems. I’m not sure if he was asking me this to impress me or to try to convince me to start up a conversation with him about his massive member or what. Either way, I didn’t care and I wasn’t interested in talking to him.

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-54-58

I told him exactly what I thought about this line of questions. It doesn’t matter if he polls every single white girl on OKC and all of them tell them that 11 inches is just fantastic if the next girl he goes out with in person has a teeny vagina. Regardless of what he was looking to happen by contacting me, it clearly didn’t. But again, at least he backed off.

Also, I’m kind of tired of guys apologizing for shit that they’re clearly not sorry for. He knew what he was doing when he continued to ask me about how to deal with his penis and probably still doesn’t see why it’s not an okay thing to do on a dating site to strangers. He’s just apologizing here because he feels embarrassed, most likely. You can’t use the word ‘sorry’ like a shield against accusations of inappropriateness. It doesn’t work like that.

The next day he sent me a link to a photo of him in his underwear with a huge bulge. Block.


Do  you want to build a conversation?

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-01-09 18-55-14So this is it. This was the entire conversation. He never got back to me. No idea what happened here. Why did he bother contacting me if he wasn’t interested in chatting? Why not even answer back to say that he wasn’t interested? What the fuck was that?


It’s sad when you realize that this was just literally one day of messages on a dating site. One single day. Granted, not all days are the same, but with all of the bullshit I’ve been putting up with lately, today is one of the days that just mystifies me.

But never fear. There’s always tomorrow.

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