Age gap

Screen shot 2013-04-11 at 2.25.41 PMThis picture is unrelated. So, for some unknown reason, I suddenly got popular with the younger dudes. In one day, I was hit up by an 18-year-old that I used to work with who wanted to have sex with me. Then a 19-year-old who had only showed a passing interest in me suddenly got a lot more interested over one text conversation. It’s odd, but I feel strange about sleeping with or even dating someone as young as these men.

Although I feel that my feelings are tied to my experiences when I was their age and that has nothing to do with their current situation. When I was their age, I was dating far older men who were emotionally abusive and used my trust in them to coerce me into doing things that I wasn’t ready for, then usually leaving me abruptly with no sense of closure or answers about what exactly had happened in the relationship.

The first time I had sex, I wasn’t sure that I was ready for it, I didn’t feel comfortable, and it was hardly the memorable, intimate experience that has been sung about and captured in movies. Beyond that, I was too immature to be in a relationship with someone twice my age and the strain of trying to convince myself that I was and keep up with someone who was on a completely different level than I was currently at was overwhelming. I have very few fond memories of the relationships that I was in when I was that age and part of it was due to the fact that I was so young and unsure of myself. The situation that I find myself in now is very different, however.

First of all, all players in this game are of legal age. Something I can’t say about myself when I was in my first relationship. Also, I have no expectation of forming a serious relationship with either of these two men. One just wants sex and the other wants to date casually and have sex. I would not be exerting pressure on them to be my perfect mate and need them to be mature beyond their years and far more experienced that they are. There should be something said about the gender difference in these situations. Their experiences as young men is totally different than my experience as a young woman.

Not only are we not in the same generation, but society treats young people differently based on their gender. There is no doubt in my mind these men would be lauded by their friends to have sex with an older woman. They would feel powerful and in control and experience a self-confidence boost from bedding me. It should also be noted that not all relationships between older people and younger people are bad or that these relationships should be inherently bad.

My relationships were bad because my youth and naivety was exploited by manipulative men. I would not be emotionally abusive to these young men or put them into any of the situations that I found myself in. It’s not in my nature to act to the detriment of those around me and honestly, for all of the maliciousness I have in my bones, I could never summon up enough to act half as terrible as these men did or keep it up for as long as they did. In the end, I think although the situation looks the same from the outside; younger person dating older person, that’s exactly where the similarities end.

I am not the men that hurt me, these young men are not me at their age. While it still makes me a little uneasy, I will be watching what happens carefully and monitoring the situation as I proceed. If I get the feeling that this unhealthy for myself or for one of them, I will put a complete stop to it immediately. I realize that I older and more experienced and I will not use that to hurt anyone else.

Update: I ended up never meeting the 19-year-old or seeing the 18-year-old again. The former continued to talk to me and message me and never wanted to set a date to meet. I finally got fed up with it and stopped answering. The latter made it clear that all he wanted was sex and when I informed him that I’m not sleeping with someone that wouldn’t even be interested in sharing a meal with me first, he stopped texting.

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