Some guys don’t take the hint. Some guys don’t have good reading comprehension skills. Some guys can’t express themselves in writing. Some guys don’t have well-thought out or coherent arguments for the things that they believe in. Some guys don’t respond to direct declarations of disinterest. Sometimes you find all of these qualities in just one guy.
This is the story of one man and how he could not take the fucking hint on OkCupid. I am showing our conversation in full here, because I believe that no amount of my own description of his half-assed, unintelligent rambling could possibly come close to explaining just how pointless and completely unrelated to my questions it was. I often abbreviate conversations in order to make them more coherent, but part of this man’s utter charm is his lack of coherency. So I will let his words speak for himself.
Load up the kids and strap yourself in, this is going to be a bumpy ride.
This is how it all started out. He sent me a message, so I looked at his profile. We were 63% match and 20% enemy. I usually don’t message or star men myself unless our match is 90% or better. 63% is not high or impressive. When I looked over his questions, I found a mountain of evidence for the fact that he was not, in any way, LGBT+ friendly.
He indicated that he did not believe that gays should have the right to marry or adopt children. He wrote that a gay friend hugging him would make him uncomfortable. He said that if he saw a man knitting in public that he would think that he was gay. Which I find an issue because it’s ascribing “feminine” behavior to gay men, which is a stereotype, as well as using the idea of homosexuality as an insult. Also, knitting is fucking awesome. Everyone should knit. There are no genital requirements to pick up knitting needles.
Because of this factor, plus the fact that he was above my normal age rage, plus that he in another state, plus I did not find his photos appealing, I decided that I did not want to take this conversation further. I wrote him a short, but direct reply. And it didn’t work.
Now granted, I like computer nerds and this is a total panty-dropper for me. I’m weird, we know this. But I’m not interested in dating people that are anti-LGBT+ no matter how good they are with computers.
I explained my reason for no longer wishing to communicate with him. And then it started. I received this in response:
Usually, I would be impressed with someone whose English skills are so poor that they are able to write a monstrous paragraph like that with a single period. But honestly, the content upset me more. Heterosexual freedom? Sex in Europe? Alan Turing movies? What the fuck was he talking about?
I didn’t even know where to attempt to begin with this rambling collection of nonsense. To say that he’s against gay marriage because of corporations just isn’t coherent or intelligible. When he further goes on to criticize American morality and politics for its effect on gay marriage, it doesn’t seem to me that he is making any kind of statement as to whether gay marriage is a good thing or a bad thing. I really didn’t know what to do with this. But I chose to start small.
That didn’t address my question at all. It’s just more disconnected rambling. And is he trying to say that gay people don’t just want to get married and be happy with someone? I’m not even sure what his argument is here. But one thing I did know, he was not a fan of America and that seemed like it might be causing problems as he is in America on a dating website trying to talk to American women.
Three simple, direct sentences. Will he now answer my question about “heterosexual freedom”? Will he try to be less of an elitist jackass about European? Will anything he says actually make sense. Just observe.
It’s not as if all countries in Europe have gay marriage, to begin with. His rantings about “sexual freedom” are not even part of the argument. Again, he makes no attempt to address my question about “heterosexual freedom” or what it has to do with the LGBT+ community. At this point, I was not having fun.
I, once again, clearly stated that I didn’t want to talk to him. Not only was his argument incoherent, he couldn’t write well enough to even get it across to me. Trying to decipher emo love stories is easier than this asshole. But he’s pretty sure that he knows what he’s talking about and I’m wrong and europe is great. So he tries again.
Yeah, the problem is that I don’t understand europe that well. That’s why I don’t see why he’s against gay marriage. That’s my goddamn problem. It’s all about the system, man. The problem is the system!
Since he can’t seem to answer why he’s against gay marriage, I ask him about his other questions that indicated to me that he was not LGBT+ friendly. Surely he can explain these questions without talking about corporations, right?
At the time these messages came in, I was driving to Hampton to have dinner with friends. I was driving along, not able to answer my phone and message after message kept rolling in. I had decided not to respond back to him and when I got to dinner, half an hour later, I got yet another message from him. By this time, I had had it. I gave my phone to Dan and told him to write anything he wanted. And so he did.
Didn’t even phase him. No talk of cock in his throat could get him off of this ridiculous tangent about American politics. And now he brought Reagan into it! What the fuck, dude. What the fuck? I didn’t respond. I wasn’t planning on it again. But he was determined to convince me of his european superiority.
He took my not responding as proof that he had hurt my delicate American feelings, not my complete disinterest in the rambling nonsense that he had to spout. It’s sad to see a man so completely devoid of the social intelligence needed to realize that I had no interest in talking to him and certainly wasn’t going to date him. But honestly, do you think that this stopped him? If you did, you have entirely too much faith in humanity.
First off, he made no effort to understand me. He did not ask me questions about my position or even coherently answer my questions. The match percentage is nowhere near high. And finally, I had very little in common with his superior europeanness and we both look at the same questions and come to opposite conclusions? The conclusion that gay people don’t deserve to get married because of corporation is not a conclusion that anyone should take seriously.
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