Recently, I posted a screenshot of an interaction I had with a theist (last screenshot on this blog) and I was accused of being an “idiot” and discriminating against religious people. I tried to explain to the accuser that dating is not a job interview and there is no such thing, but he was determined to prove that my not wanting to date a theist was proof that I was a bigoted asshole that wouldn’t give innocent Christians a chance. Also, apparently his parents had differences in religious views and because his parents made their marriage work, that proves all people can do the same thing.
But this is total bullshit and here’s why; no one is entitled to date you no matter who they are. You get to decide who you date and whether your criteria is Oxford comma or religious views, that is your choice. You are not choosing someone to work with, give your business to, or be friends with. You are choosing someone that you want to spend your time with in a romantic relationship and possibly even mush your genitals together. In order for this to work, you need to not only get along with this person but also be physically attracted to them.
As far as getting along with someone, I realize that I am not only an atheist but an outspoken one. I typically describe myself as a raging atheist. Religious views are something that have a massive effect on individuals and not wanting to fight an unending battle regarding this viewpoint is something that each person has to decide for themselves. Have people with different views made it work before? Sure. But I have chosen to veer away from religious people because of the almost inevitable conflict that it would cause should I date one.
That being said, I “discriminate” against a lot of other people. I won’t date a racist. I won’t date a homophobe. I won’t date a misogynist. I won’t date a xenophobe. Look at all these people that I’m unfairly discriminating against! I’m such a bitch. So unreasonable. No wonder I’m still not married.
But seriously, many men have been told that we’re not compatible because of their views of the LGBT+ community. I like to call that the gay rights cockblock. If you don’t believe that these people are your equals then I don’t want to have to take the time to explain it to you. I need someone who understands sexual orientation and gender identity.
And moving onto physical attractiveness; you are not obligated to date anyone, no matter what a great person they are, if you are not physically attracted to them. Trust me on this. There is no amount of brainwashing you can attempt on yourself in order to ignore that you’re not physically attracted to someone that you’re sleeping with. It doesn’t work. Just let someone go if the thought of them touching you makes your skin crawl. No one gets brownie points for dating someone with a nice personality when you have zero chemistry.
This being said, if this principle of dating discrimination was true then I would have more reasons than most to cry foul when someone doesn’t want to date me. I’ve had men turn me down for because I have an STD. I’ve had men refuse to date me because I’m mentally ill. When someone finds something about me that’s a dealbreaker, I move on like a fucking boss and find someone else to date. Because if you can’t accept me as I am, crazy and infected with herpes, then we are clearly not compatible. Does it annoy me that some people are so close minded and terrified of STDs and mental illness that once they hear that I have either they leg it like they’re being chase? Sure. But if someone doesn’t want to date me then they don’t want to date me. And there is nothing I can do about that.
We love to vilify someone whenever a relationship doesn’t get started. Just because you don’t want to date someone doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or they are. It means they don’t want to date you and there’s nothing wrong with that.
When it comes to dating, no one deserves a message, a date, a kiss, or your time. You are not discriminating against someone if you find that they have a deal breaker for you. You get to decide who you get close to and saving yourself the stress of being in a relationship with someone that you know you strongly disagree with from the beginning is just self-preservation. Dating is at an individual’s discretion and is no one else’s business but their own.
Also, Noah recently told me about a woman who refused to date anyone that owned an iPhone. This is her right as a single person looking for a mate. Is it a little ridiculous, probably. But that doesn’t matter. She knows what she wants and an iPhone user is not it.