I recently received a message from someone intending to intimidate and body shame me. They noted that they had photos of me when I was 300 lbs, in my underwear, and eating. They remarked that, out of the goodness of their hearts, they had not released these photos on the internet. Insinuating that I would be embarrassed by these photos and also that they believed they had blackmail material handy if they ever needed it.
Welp, I thought, that was interesting. When it comes down to it, the last thing I would ever do would be to try to deny who I was at any point in my life. I’m not embarrassed that I once weighed over 300 lbs. I’m not ashamed that I got weight loss surgery. I’m not humiliated that I have binge eating disorder and I gained weight because I was sick and out of control. The very fact that I was supposed to be scared of these photos and of this person releasing them is just ridiculous.
Not to mention; I have a fucking eating disorder. Making comments like that about anyone’s weight is unacceptable, but to do it to someone who has a mental illness specifically regarding food and their body is nothing short of vapid and cruel. Right now, however, I am in a really good place. A really good one. And I’m not ashamed of who I was or what I looked like.
So here are photos of me at 315 lbs, in my underwear, hours before I went into surgery. For the life of me, I can’t find the photos that they were referring to, even though I went through all of my old pictures on my external hard drive. So this will have to do. This is what my body looked like when I was obese. This is who I was for several years when I couldn’t keep a handle on my eating disorder.
It doesn’t matter what form my body takes; I am a human being and I will not allow anyone to take away my dignity.
[Images: A series of three photos of me, in my underwear. Front view, side view, and back view.]