Sometimes dudes don’t get it. Sometimes dudes don’t get it at all. Sometimes “it” doesn’t get the dudes. Here is one bizarre conversation that I had with someone where “it” was no where near the equation.
Remember JMan from my Men of OKC: Opening Lines blog? Well, this is him, he just changed his profile picture. I didn’t write about the entire conversation that we had. And trust me, it gets no better than how it starts.
I was already out of patience with this one.I asked if he read my profile because I like to think that my profile is one that comes off as intelligent, thoughtful, and not at all indicative that I would be receptive to someone giving me pointless flattery. Of course, I only recently realized that for someone to see my intelligence, thoughtfulness and all that other nonsense, they would actually have to have two brain cells to rub together. That’s where this plan falls apart.His questions indicated that he was looking for someone to have kids with, he was a Christian and although he wasn’t an outright bigot, he had questions that indicated he wasn’t completely okay with the LGBT+ community. When I say 100% I fucking mean it. If I have to explain to you why drag is okay, we’re not going on a date.
Of course, this gets lost on him. I’ve seen lots of guys look at my desires as things that are supposed to make me a less desirable mate and they have to overcome them in order to talk to me. But in reality, I find men that don’t fit my criteria to be undesirable and I don’t want to date them. Whether they know or believe that an atheist in the Bible Belt is in a position to be picky about who she dates, I am and I will be. And here we go. I thought that giving him ALL of the reason why we wouldn’t be compatible, beyond that we live in different states, would be too much for him, so I used the first, and seemingly the largest reason why we would not work out.
I asked him if he knew what secular meant because he never seemed to put two and two together and realize that I only want to date secular people, he is not secular, therefore, I would not want to date him. But, of course, he doesn’t. And then he asks me what so many Christians have asked before him. Although I’ve written an entire blog about the LGBT+ Allies on OKC, it’s worth repeating that if you don’t know what that initialism stands for, you are living under a fucking rock, and so removed from a community that I feel strongly about that I would not want to date you.
What really baffles me is his response here. I swear and, according to his religion, blaspheme and all he can say is “cool”? Is he trying to prove how down he is with godless chicks or is he really that oblivious? I think this question will resolve itself in time.Again, another positive, but ultimately meaningless word in this conversation. He still doesn’t seem to connect that I want to date secular people and he is not one of them. Also, why would I state that being 100% LGBT+ friendly is essential to me if I wanted to date someone that didn’t even know what it meant? Again, he does not consider any of this. He’s just out there, typing away with no self-awareness whatsoever.
Is he seriously asking me about my body? I just established that we are not compatible, he doesn’t meet any of my dating criteria and he wants to chat about my body? But, of course, what are women to men like this if not their bodies? Why do their minds or their thoughts or their wishes matter when they have breasts? Why show a woman any respect as a person when you can chat with her about her boobs?
It gets worse. Although my answer was intended to shut down this avenue conversation, it did nothing of the sort.This is something else that annoys me. What I look like is on my profile and very apparent. I shouldn’t have to spell it out for someone or discuss it for whatever kind of weird foreplay he was trying to get me to engage in. Although I have a body, I am not limited to it. And that should be respected. But yeah, not with this guy.
My body is smoking and I don’t need some random man on OKC to tell me that. As for my curves… what? I mean, what? Where are they? Where do you think they are? My purse? On my bookshelf? In the kitchen? If you want to see my body, look at my fucking photos. Don’t ask me silly questions about it.
But, still. he doesn’t get just how disinterested I am in having this conversation and how much this is annoying me. Because he doesn’t seem to have the social skills to do either.At this point, I just lost my shit. My breasts, which have caused me no end of problems, at this point were a G cup. G cups are pretty hard to miss. Also, I don’t want to talk about my breasts. Out of all the things in the world for me to talk about, my breasts, which cause me pain and difficulty on a daily basis, are not something that I want to discuss in detail.
And there’s the very obvious fact that my photos are there for viewing and clearly depict me and my G cups in all of their oversized glory. So asking me to talk about something that you can see for yourself if you just go through my photos, which, at this point, I’m sure he’s already masturbated to, is just pointless. I’m not having a sext conversation with some weird stranger on OKC and although that should be apparent by now, it’s obviously not.
He’s not sorry because he realized that he did something wrong. He’s sorry because I used Caps Lock on him. If I asked him what he was sorry for, he probably wouldn’t have been able to tell me. But I was done with this dehumanizing conversation about my body. I told him that I wasn’t going to have sex with him, which is apparently what he wanted after the only talking point he could think up on his own where my body and breasts. I thought this would shut him up. But I thought wrong.Oh, then that’s okay. Sometimes I get bored and I go to KKK meetings. It doesn’t mean that I’m a racist. I just get listless and have to amuse myself somehow. I actually have less respect for him now that he’s saying he goes to church out of sheer boredom and an inability to spend his time in a better way instead of a deeply-held belief or a faith tradition.He didn’t get my grammar joke the first time and he didn’t get it now. He also didn’t pick up on how fucking disinterested I am in regards to talking to him about my body. His flattery and compliments were getting him nowhere with me and I made that pretty fucking clear and he still persisted with no thought whatsoever to what I wanted.Again, he starts asking me questions where the information is clearly available. Not only is it on my profile, but I openly said what I wanted earlier in the conversation. Just how dense do you have to be to not understand this? Did he forget? Did he not read it in the first place? If he liked my profile so much then why didn’t he read the first fucking thing that I had on there, which was what I was looking for?Finally, he gets something right! He was losing the game completely, but then he made the best choice ever and that was not to continue to contact me. I didn’t respond to this message and for months, I didn’t hear from him.
But then… for some unknown reason he decides that it’s the perfect time to pick up where he left off and check in on me. And my boobs. I can only assume that he believed that I wasn’t having any luck on OKC because I still had an account up and I hadn’t already deleted it to go get married. But when he first contacted me, I was making it insanely clear that I wasn’t looking for a monogamous relationship at all and that being exclusive was not a priority for me.
I answered him the only way I knew how. We had one, boring and highly tedious conversation more than 5 months previously. It wasn’t as if I was massively excited to see a message from him pop up on my phone. I didn’t even remember who he was before I scrolled through our old conversation. And yeah, when I realized who he was, I wasn’t excited. At all.This is just laughable. I am a complete stranger to him. I could be in the same elevator that he’s riding in and he would have no idea. He cares about me? Don’t make me fucking laugh. It might sound nice to think of yourself as so altruistic that the plight of strangers bothers you, but this is not the case. If he cared about me, why was he such a jerk to me and keep asking me objectifying questions about my body and breasts when I clearly didn’t want to talk about that? Why did he not cut off conversation off when I told him what I was looking for and he wasn’t it? Why did he do any of the things that he did if he honestly cared about me?
Spoiler: The answer is that he doesn’t care about me because he’s a fucking stranger and he can’t.What? And how he gives up? As soon as I don’t tell him that I want to fall into his arms because he’s such an awesome and caring guy, he’s out?It must be hard for nice guys. I mean, they firmly believe that if they’re nice, and caring, enough, they just go up to a girl and display their Nice Guy badge and sex falls out of the woman’s vagina right onto their penis. And here he is being all nice and asking about how I’m doing and caring about me and where’s the sex? It didn’t fall out of my slot. My sex machine must be broke. It’s broken and it’s wrong that he has to suffer the indignity of being rejected for dating all because he’s too clueless to have an adult conversation.
To his credit, he did stop messaging me after I sent this. So that’s, like, one point in his favor. For the rest; no points. He couldn’t have a coherent conversation, he paid no attention to how uncomfortable he made me or how little I wanted to discuss my body. He asked me questions that I already answered and continued to contact me after I made it really fucking clear that I wasn’t interested.
You failed, sir. You failed.
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