So I occasionally message men first on OKC. I only message those that I actually want to talk to, mind. These men generally have a high match percentage with me, seem interesting, and can make a decent joke on their profile. I got a quick match from one man and while looking over his profile, realized that he seemed like a cool person.
Look at that! I want a nice interaction with a human being. I love to laugh! I think taboos are ridiculous. I’m curious, open-minded and I learn new things all the time! The other day I just discovered that I have spirituality. Cool! And I wasn’t installing drivers, but everything seems great about this profile.
And look, he doesn’t want to talk to racists, xenophobes, women haters, or any other kinds of bigots. And he cares about animals. And look at the final paragraph. He’s okay with a woman making the first move! This is all awesome. I mean, come on, so much potential here. I sent him a brief message in somewhat desperation to find out if there was indeed intelligent life on OKC.
Most of these men made it into my Men of OKC blogs. But what does this man say to this incredibly poor treatment on a dating site? I need to be more careful. And I can’t take the first one that shows interest in me? I’m not even sure what he’s talking about here. I didn’t date any of these men. All of these interactions were online. If he is referring to not responding to men that I’m not interested in, that has been proven to not be very effective either.
Besides, what’s the point of being on OKC if I can’t even use the site for fear of being harassed for responding to a message? I did nothing wrong in any of these situations. I do not initiate contact with men that I’m not interested in. I don’t message, quick match, or even allow them to see that I have visited their profile. All I do is respond to messages that men send me. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, is the entire point of a dating site.
So he’s giving me advice to be more careful? The only way for me to avoid this kind of treatment is to get off OKC. There’s no telling which guy will threaten or insult me or when they will do it. If I was more careful, I’d have to regard each and every message that I get to be from someone who might act that way towards me if I don’t do everything that they want. Which is ridiculous.
How is someone going to say that they don’t want to talk to misogynists when they’re telling women to avoid unwanted advances from men? This person is no believer in equality. This person is a man that wants to give advice to women on how to live when they’ve done nothing wrong to begin with.
It’s like the Taylor Swift song goes: Players gonna play, play, play, play, play and the rapers gonna rape, rape, rape, rape, rape. It’s inevitable, like rain. Just wait long enough, it will rain. Just wait long enough, women will get raped. Fact of nature.
At this point I was over it. This is exactly what men tell women when they’re being informed on how to avoid being raped. As if women have such control over men that they can perform certain actions to avoid being assaulted. Because really, let’s go over what I was doing “wrong” on OKC that lead to me being threatened.
- I responded to messages that I was sent.
- I read someone’s profile and ask them questions about it.
- I politely informed men I wasn’t interested in that I wasn’t interested in them.
If this is wrong and deserving of harassment and threats when no woman should be on any dating site ever. Not to mention that I never asked for his advice or for him to solve my problems. I said that I wanted him to say something smart to me because I was tired of hearing not-so-smart things from men on the site. I never asked him how to avoid being harassed and certianly never made it his business.
And yes, I realize there is a typo on my response. I was so annoyed and over it that I wasn’t even paying attention. It’s bad enough that I get this bullshit from men in the first place, then to have another man prance in and tell me that I can avoid all of this and not only that but I should be avoiding this? Fuck you, dude. Fuck you and the white horse you rode in on.
I am a woman on the internet and culture has decided that that alone is worth threats and insults. You know what? I will remain on the internet no matter what happens. I go through a lot for my blog fodder, but goddamn, if I’m not exposing the underbelly of OKC and enlightening a lot of men to how women are treated on dating sites.
I won’t be changing a fucking thing about my behavior. I will continue messaging people back, being polite, and asking questions about information that that person provided in their profile. And if someone wants to be an asshole to me because I do that, then fine. But like this man, they might end up immortalized as one of the many Men of OKC.
Can’t get enough of the Men of OKC? Click here.