Men of OKC: Star’s Boyfriend

Sometimes on OKC, I give guys my phone number. Sometimes regret giving guys my phone number. Sometimes no amount of disinterest or ignoring their messages works to deter them from contacting me. Sometimes I don’t feel like outright telling them to fuck off because I’ve been threatened and called names in the past all for politely turning someone down.

But this time, I decided to try something new. But before I get to that, let’s go over what had happened with this person up until I figured out how to get rid of them. Obviously, we started messaging on OKC. Then I gave him my number and we started texting. Let’s pick up there with our story.

IMG_0976And this was how it started. I was not exactly wooed by his conversation, but he seems nice enough and I didn’t rule out meeting him. So when he asked me out, I told him that I would be at the tea shop on a certain day and that he was welcomed to come visit me there. He had mentioned meeting for pizza earlier and I have it on my profile that I love pizza.

IMG_0977So he canceled on me. No biggie. People get sick, things happen. Besides, It wasn’t like I was gagging to meet him. No big deal. So we set up another date. And then this happened:

IMG_0978He tries to act like my schedule is so flexible for him that I can just rearrange everything at a moment’s notice. But no, I work three jobs, I have a full social life, and I’m a girl with shit to do. After he canceled on me yet again and couldn’t seem to figure out that I’m not going to drop everything in order to meet him, I had had enough.IMG_0979

I ignored several of his messages in hopes that he would just take the hint and he didn’t. At the time this was going on, I was dealing with a lingering episode of hypomania and was not in the mood to deal with another unreliable man that I wasn’t even interested in. So I did this:IMG_0980

So he left me alone. He sent me a message on New Years, which I responded to, but didn’t lead into conversation. Then he sent me one on Valentine’s Day.

IMG_0981The above conversation took place on Feb 14, then he doesn’t contact me again until March 1. Instead of setting a date or nailing down something solid he just buggers off for two weeks and contacts me again. And he continues to sporadically message throughout the month.IMG_0982

I ignore him and it does no good. He continues to message me and ask about my availability without ever suggesting a solid date, time, or place to meet. At this point I was pretty over it. I was disinterested, he could not get his shit long enough together to set up a meeting and not only that, but he had already bailed on me twice. When he contacted me on March 11, I had had enough. IMG_0983

At first I thought he might be gaslighting me by telling me another name. But it seems like that was an innocent mistake. Anyway, I looked over the conversation that I had had with him on OKC and it was nothing to write home about. At all. He seemed like a boring person that had nothing interesting to say and no intellectual passion to say it with. I saw no reason to continue our communication. But he did.IMG_0975

I asked him previous to this screenshot why he had waited so long to contact me since I told him that I wasn’t able to date and he didn’t understand what I had been talking about. But then he kept messaging and messaging even when I wasn’t responding. So I finally did something that I was pretty sure would stop all of this. I pretended to be my own boyfriend and asked if “he” could help.

It’s been a while, but I remember reading about how men are more likely to respect another man’s claim to a woman than that woman’s own desires to be left alone. Single women are often thought of as “asking for it” based on the fact that they are single. Without a man in their lives, they are thought of as deserving of harassment and unwanted advances. So I decided to see if it was true. My own total disinterest over several months and having no willingness whatsoever to meet this man did nothing to deter him. What would happen if I made it sound like I had a boyfriend?

Well, it’s been months and I haven’t heard back from him. It seems that the most effective way to get him to leave me alone was to make him think that another man is currently occupying the space that he wanted. And that’s really sad.

How could he even think about dating me when he had no respect for my feelings, my life, or my schedule? Why date a person when you don’t listen and interpret their messages well enough to realize that they want nothing to do with you? How far did he think he was going to get by constantly messaging me, even when I didn’t respond, and continually make vague comments about meeting?

In the end, I’m pretty sure that I know what to do the next time a man is not getting the hint. I really don’t like doing it because I feel like it only reinforces that another man should be taken more seriously than I should be, but it seems to work, so why not? The other day I received messages from 3 different men that I have no interest in seeing in a 24 hour period. This is a problem.

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