[Image: Happy cat, reclining on the stairs. He has his head over one step.]
April 23, 2015
Something is wrong.
I was asleep on my pillow, basking in the loving glow of my mom and the knowledge that I, Happy Cat LaBranche, am the undisputed King of the House and ruler of my domain, when mom got up and started acting very strangely. At first she put on those clothes that humans use to hide their strange, fur-less bodies. That is nothing strange, other than how strange it is that humans think they need clothes. But then, she started to put things in different places.
It’s hard to explain this behavior. I’ve seen it a few times with humans, but usually not with mine. It’s like they’re rearranging their belongings. Maybe it’s to categorize them or ensure that all of them are still there. Maybe they get bored with how things always look and they want something different. I have no idea. But she stared moving things off of the floor and putting them onto the bed. Eventually, she got too close to my pillow throne and I removed myself to the bathtub. I wanted some water anyway.
I’m tired of playing in the bathtub. I’ve had all of the water that I want and then I dumped my water dishes over to watch it go down the drain. Water is so fascinating. It’s fascinating but scary. It’s like it’s harmless in small doses and then you add too much and suddenly it’s a big glob of terror for most cats. I’ve read on the internet about cats that like water. But, well, some cats wear sweaters. So what can we say for my once-proud feline race?
I emerged from the bathroom to see that the landscape had shifted. Drastically. I jumped back and looked around suspiciously. Parts of the room had been moved. I wondered if I was having some kind of catnip-induced hallucination. But I couldn’t be having one of those. I hadn’t had any nip in ages! (Thanks for that, useless caretakers.)
This is strange. I walked around and found that there were fresh spots of carpet underneath where the things used to be. I sat down on one of the dusty spots and surveyed the new landscape. Just then I saw a pink puffball. A new pink puffball! I ran over and grabbed it in my mouth, jumping onto the bed to play with it. I love my puffballs. I have his brother down in the closet kingdom right now. Maybe I should reunite them and play with them both at the same time!
“Oh, there you are, kitty,” I looked up to see mom entering the bedroom. With her she had the vacuum. I dropped my pink puffball in surprise and ran from the room.
There’s vacuuming going on upstairs. Sure, humans say that they love you. They give you treats and food and tell you that you’re a good kitty, but then they do bullshit like this.
If I was a political kind of cat (which, my politics do not extend out of my closet kingdom), I would fight against the use of vacuum cleaners everywhere. Buildings need Roombas that we noble cats can ride on! Not these horrible monsters with hoses and wires. I should bring this up next time the humans have a family meeting. Although, this time they have to invite me with a formal invitation. I can’t drop everything to run and help the humans, after all. I’m entirely too important for that.
I was so stressed out that I had to take a long nap in the closet. The personal petter was in the TV room messing around. That little box she has must be utterly fascinating because she’s on it all the time. I wish she would go somewhere. I want the entire couch to myself. I want to sit on the arm rest and just look at the room. For hours. And I can’t believe she is there and would mess up my flow.
I wandered back upstairs to see what mom was up to. The bedroom was still in this different state with the things in different places, but the floors seemed cleaner. I wonder if there is a connection between that and the vacuum. I have no idea.
Anyway, I looked around and surveyed my new domain. I guess I will have to get used to this now. The walkways are not so clear, but I can still get to the bed and the bathroom. I guess things could be worse.
I hopped onto my pillow and got onto my Sphinx pose. Just in case mom needs to be reminded who is really in charge here. Speaking of which, I didn’t see her. I wondered where she had gotten off to when she emerged from the sunset room with a stack of blankets in her arms. Where do humans get all of these things?
I have just a few cat toys and that’s more than enough for me. Humans are so strange. Hmmm, I think I’m hungry. Time for some kibble and maybe a kitty treat if my petter is around. Then a nap. Lots of naps.
Okay, no one panic, but I went back upstairs and… the room is just like it was this morning. I don’t know how she did it, but mom replaced the objects and mountains of things and the room is back. It’s like magic. Human magic.
I wonder if this will happen again. Maybe it’s a one-time thing. Maybe not. I will be cautious and not panic if this does occur once more. Humans do keep my life interesting, at least.
To read more in the Adventures of Happy Cat, click here.