Men of OKC: Sharyna’s Takeover: Taylor Swift’s Number 1 Fan

So for a week I decided to allow my friend Sharyna to take over my OKC account and talk to the men that messaged me that were completely not compatible and I had no interest in meeting or dating. What ensued was complete insanity that culminated in so much concentrated hilarity that I’m quite sure we will be doing another Takeover Week by popular demand.

One of our first victims was a man that I had been talking to. He said nothing interesting to me. His views did not match up with mine and he was also pretty far away. Overall, I was bored conversing with him and I let Sharyna have him. And oh did she take him to places. She started messaging him the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s Blank Space (she knows it’s one of my favorite songs) with only punctuation and some emoticons thrown in.

Would he notice the lyrics to this very popular song? Would he figure out that he was being trolled by Taylor Swift? And how long do you possibly think a man would converse with someone spouting song lyrics at him? Read on…screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-17-17The song starts out innocently enough.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-17-28

He suspects nothing!screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-17-45He had already mentioned in his messages to me how attractive he found me and I had already ignored it. But Taylor was here to write her way into his heart!screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-17-54At this point, I believe a  normal human being would have noticed that something seemed off. But he didn’t seem to be catching on.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-18-06Um, yeah, dude. My smile and eyes are awesome. Taylor?screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-18-15He tries to change the subject, but Taylor isn’t done yet!screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-18-23He’s down! He wants to play that game with Taylor! He wants all of this!screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-19-03So he finally, in the second stanza of the first verse catches on that something is amiss and she’s not actually responding to what he’s writing. But does he stop messaging? I think we know the answer to this.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-19-13Still determined that I’m actually talking to him and not repeating song lyrics, he tries some more.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-19-26It’s too late to regale me with your wondrous tales of Chipotle. Taylor is taking this one home. It’s time to get through the end of verse 1.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-19-39Of course, here he’s referencing my colonial photos that I still had on my account (I have since removed them). And yes, the phrase he was looking for was “tavern wench”. Nice try, though.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-19-49It seemed that he had figured out that this was not in response to what he was writing, but then he goes right back to attempting to answer the song lyrics. Side note, if I had a birthday wish that would actually come true, I wouldn’t waste it on a dude. I’d get a publishing contract.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-20-12It’s funny that he’s claiming to want to meet someone who is actually interested in him when I was clearly not when I chatted with him before. It’s a common thing for Men of OKC to claim in frustration that they just want to find someone to love and hold and snuggle, but really, they don’t select people that have the same ideals and values that they do and then they don’t take the hint when someone is not impressed with them. screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-20-21This is actually true. Pretty much all of my ex-boyfriends would call me insane. But anyway, Taylor Swift’s Number 1 Fan here doesn’t know what to do with this. He attempts to ask me what I’m looking for. Apparently he can find a Facebook anywhere. I mean, anywhere you have an internet connection you can probably get on Facebook. That’s not so difficult.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-20-45I hate when people use the term “real” in this context. Everyone is a real person. Side note, I fantasize about having stimulating conversation with someone. He did not fulfill that desire.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-21-07So he says nevermind, right? So he’s going to stop responding, right? screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-21-17WRONG. He’s back for more! He can’t get enough of that TS. And who can really blame him?screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-21-32Yep, Sharyna is hard at work, and she takes her trolling seriously. Well, okay. Not that seriously.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-21-39I’m sure he could show me something. Just probably not something I’m interested in.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-21-46So now I’m full of it. Surely, he’s not going to message back after the next song lyric, right?screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-22-00Wrong again. Wow, you’re really bad at this game. Anyway, apparently he has a throne and it needs my ass. Too bad he only has Taylor’s words to comfort him.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-22-06That almost sounds like a threat.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-22-20Oh, I’m safe? Well, thank goodness for that. A stranger on the internet said I was safe. All is well then.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-22-26I like how we’re now a “we”. He’s well into the second verse of a song and this entire time he hasn’t outright accused anyone of trolling him or bothered to Google some of the lyrics to see what they actually were. Which, let’s face it, he probably should have done by this point.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-22-39And he’s still trying to talk to me! This just baffles me. I mean, I put a lot of thought into my responses to men on OKC and apparently all you need to do is recite song lyrics to them and they will still respond back.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-04-26 13-22-48I’m definitely—sorry, differently—a writer? Come on, dude.

So after this, he finally stopped messaging. At this point, Sharyna and I were hoping that he could go the distance and last to the end of the song. But alas. He didn’t quite make it. Although we will always have this fascinating conversation.

Taylor Swift’s Number 1 Fan, we salute you.

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Want to read more of Sharyna’s Takeover? Click here.