Men of OKC: Sharyna’s Takeover: Star-Crossed Lovers

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In OKCupidonia, where we lay our scene

So Sharyna had a brilliant idea: make two of the men of OKC talk to each other. This worked by copying and pasting their replies back and forth between two chat conversations. Here’s an example: 2015-04-26 14-03-31 2015-04-26 13-58-03See how this is working? She only edited out gender-specific terms (like “lady” above) and personal information in order not to give up the game too early, but only ever deleted these things—never adding anything.

As it turns out, these two really liked each other! Things were going well until tragedy struck and they had a falling out. But such is life on OKC.

A pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents’ strife. 2015-04-26 13-58-09For some reason, he doesn’t react to being called beautiful. In the second response, the other man had actually called me “young lady”. Sharyna took out the “lady” bit as that would have been a dead giveaway that he thought he was talking to a 2015-04-26 13-58-24Now one specifically mentions the content of one of my photos to the other one. He did not have Colonial Williamsburg photos up on his profile. Is he going to notice and ask questions? 2015-04-26 13-58-35Nope. He just confirms that he doesn’t work for CW. Doesn’t even bother to ask why someone thinks that they have costumed photos up on their account. 2015-04-26 13-58-52Sharyna left out Mark’s name when she sent it to the other man. Ironically, my name IS on my profile. It’s also in my username. I don’t make it difficult for people, I really don’ 2015-04-26 13-59-47On my profile I have indicated “single” and looking for “short-term dating”. All of my information is completely filled out and there’s no reason to ask me these questions. But since he’s not actually talking to me, this goes completely 2015-04-26 13-59-54Look at how well they’re getting along! They’re the perfect couple. They can ask each other about their days until they’re blue in the fucking 2015-04-26 14-00-16I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that neither of these gentlemen went to my blog. If they did, they might get a little concerned about the fact that I know how to type in coherent English and I just choose not to while talking to people that I’m considering dating. But yeah, that would take too much thinking. Let’s not hurt anyone’s grey matter 2015-04-26 14-00-38“How’s your day going?” “Fine. How’s your day going?” “Fine. How’s your day going?” THEY ARE MEANT TO BE!!

Seriously, people! I have been stuck in this loop more than once when talking to people and it’s just fucking annoying. I’d rather have someone ask me my opinion on abortion than just endlessly ask me how my day was. Particularly when I respond with something interesting that I did or saw and all they can do is ask me how my day was the following 2015-04-26 14-01-06It’s so perfect! They want to meet! It won’t be long now for our 2015-04-26 14-01-14So one is still calling this man “young lady” and the other is calling him “beautiful”. But neither is the wiser and Mark wants this other man there to make his nights all 2015-04-26 14-01-29And here’s where the trouble starts. It was already decided that we weren’t going to send their numbers or any personal information to each other. Sharyna may be doing some hardcore trolling here, but she’s not actually a monster. So she sent the message and deleted the numbers. It was the beginning of the end for our 2015-04-26 14-01-37First attempt to get the number 2015-04-26 14-01-50Second attempt 2015-04-26 14-02-02Third attempt failed. And now it’s about to get 2015-04-26 14-02-14And this is where our pair ends their conversation. Sadly, there were no phone numbers, there will be no brunch, and this man will not make Mark’s nights any better. Farewell, sweet lovers. We will remember you fondly.

A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon’d, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of [REDACT]iet and fair [REDACT]eo.

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Want to read more of Sharyna’s Takeover? Click here.