Men of OKC: Sharyna’s Takeover: The Twilight Zone

Weird things happen on OKC. Somedays you talk to total assholes, sometimes dudes can’t even converse in English, but sometimes the dudes are in luck. So in luck that they get to talk to a Space Queen. Or a dead person. Or someone who knows that everything is a web of lies.

OKC is a place of magic and wonder. And, when Sharyna takes over, so much fuckery.

Outer Space Queen

 

screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-14-48He went on OKC looking for a date and what he got was royalty. Space royalty. Space royalty that will eat your face!screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-14-55And why would she? Alistellandra is a very important person and doesn’t have all this time to cavort with commoners.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-15-07What a woman! She’s ambitious, she’s a go-getter, and she rules her own planet. What more could a man ask for in a date? Come on, men of OKC, get your act together. Because Alistellandra has her shit together and she is set on conquering the Skrahsteerts. Which, Sharyna assures me, is totally not “Street Sharks” spelled backwards. screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-15-14What part of that did he not understand? Sharyna laid out her plans very clearly to him. But just in case he misunderstood, she clarified for him. Because royalty is gracious like that.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-15-26I find it funny that he can’t manage to write properly and he asks Sharyna, who is typing flawlessly, to write normal[ly]. But Sharyna remains steadfast in her proud alien heritage.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-15-33He could have just called her out on trolling him, at this point. I mean, come on. It would be more than fair to accuse someone of claiming to be a space queen that they’re fucking with you. But he doesn’t. And that’s okay. After all, who wants to call out a cannibal space queen? He’s just one frail human who will never understand the glory and the might of this space ruler.


Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Dr. House once said that everyone lies. And on the internet the chance that someone is lying goes up rather fast. So how do you know the liars from the truth tellers? You don’t. You should just suspect everyone. Of everything.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-16-10It begins…screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-16-14Sharyna doesn’t just want to know the truth, she wants proof. Proof, damn it! And she wants the Men of OKC to deliver.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-16-28So he tried. I mean, not very enthusiastically, but he tried. I have no idea what the chacha girls were for, though. Sharyna is quick to assure him that a shirt with a name is meaningless and he would have to do better.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-16-38He stopped messaging after this. I can’t imagine why. Probably too scared that someone took him to task about who he is. COULDN’T HANDLE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE TRUTH, COULD YOU, CHRIS? IF THAT EVEN IS YOUR REAL NAME.


Dead Girl Typing

Ever wake up and just feel dead? Yeah, me too. I had talked to this person prior to handing him over to Sharyna. It was a boring and tedious conversation filled with requests about how my day went, only to have him disappear for a few days, then reappear and ask how my day went again. Here is the last exchange we had before Sharyna got ahold of him.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-17-22I didn’t want to give him my number. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. So I ignored him. When he messaged a third time with no response, I knew it was time. It was Sharyna time.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-17-33Sharyna calls for compassion here. She just died. She needs some kindness and understanding through her difficult transition through the afterlife. But does she get it?screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-17-43Is she all right? She just said that she died, you squid! Do  you go to funerals and look over at the corpse and ask if they’re all right? screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-18-02Even if he was attempting to play along, this is hardly witty or interesting. But he seems to have one goal on his mind and that does not include actually listening to who he thinks is me.screenshot-www.okcupid.com 2015-05-18 13-18-11He didn’t respond after this. But being that she told him she was dead twice and then he asked for her phone number, this is already beyond ridiculous. I have no idea what he was expecting from either his conversation with me or his conversation with Sharyna. Because goddamn, no one was enjoying any of that. Well, OK. Sharyna kind of did.


OKC is a very strange place. But a strange place where magical things can happen. So just know that the next time you contact someone on OKC you could be talking to royalty or a dead person or someone entirely too paranoid to function. It’s just tonight’s little lesson on…the Takeover Zone. Until next time…

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