The Indoor Adventures of Happy Cat: Traitor

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[Image description: Happy Cat, a stunningly beautiful Maine Coon, lounges next to Bijou’s shoes. He looks slightly surprised at his photo being taken during this intimate moment.]

May 23, 2015

3:04pm

She’s here.

3:05pm

She’s definitely here.

3:10pm

My heart has stopped. Lady Cozette de Lune Babineaux has returned! When she used to live here, I affectionately gave her a cat name. I bestowed upon her a formal name and then nicknamed her Bijou. She’s so beautiful. She speaks French sometimes, among other languages. But French is, by far, the most beautiful. She speaks it like the most sophisticated human has ever spoken it. Probably. I don’t speak French, I’m a cat.

And then, sometimes, she rubs my tummy. I wonder why she’s come back. Perhaps she had missed me and wants to be around her Happy Cat again.

3:21pm

I just remembered: she left me.

It was my darkest day. She was here, then she loaded up her things and she left me. Left me as if I was nothing to her. Just a cat in a house where she was renting a room. Not a cat who was her soul mate. Her cat mate. Her one, true kitty.

I shouldn’t trust her. She might do the same thing and leave me again. I shouldn’t trust her at all.

3:30pm

The Petter is back. Where was she today? She’s been gone for years! Or it might have been a few hours. I don’t know. My emotions are in such a jumble.

I should watch and see what happens. Maybe Bijou is coming back to live with me. Maybe she has seen the error of her ways and she has returned to be my secondary Personal Petter. Mine runs off so much, I should have a backup anyway. I should go find one of my pink fluff balls to present to Bijou as a gift for her welcomed return.

5:23pm

The Petter is back downstairs now. She and Bijou seem to be watching something on the Petter’s computer. There’s music and some nonsense going on. I don’t know. I’m a cat.

I decided to go make my presence known. I stepped into the TV room and waited for everyone to fawn over me. Welcome home, Bijou! Welcome home!

5:24pm

Okay, so neither of them are paying attention to me. They keep talking about someone singing this and Russia singing that and other things that don’t make sense. Humans.

I need to remind them who is in charge here and who needs their abject, devoted worship and who —

Are those her shoes?

5:26pm

I LOVE SHOES, I LOVE SHOES, I LOVE SHOES!

Forget Bijou and the Petter and everything else in the world! I have lovely, lovely shoes! I roll and play and roll and play and put my furry paws right back into the shoes and then back in again. It feels so nice.

They smell like Bijou, too. How can feet smell so good and why do shoes smell even better? I don’t know. I just know that I must play in them and around them and enjoy everything I can about them. Oh, sweet shoes. Where have you been all my life?

7:47pm

She’s gone.

AND SO ARE HER SHOES!

Why are humans so cruel? They play with your emotions so much. I just wanted a secondary Personal Petter to love me and snuggle me and remind me how elegant and beautiful I am every hour on the hour. And then she just leaves and takes her shoes with her. Humans don’t need all of those shoes. They have so many pairs. What about a cat pair? That would only be reasonable.

Farewell, sweet Bijou. You break my heart, once again. If you ever return, please leave your shoes as a tribute to me and our undying love. And if that’s asking too much, then just leave your shoes.

To read more in the Adventures of Happy Cat, click here.

The Indoor Adventures of Happy Cat: The Day the World Moved

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[Image: Happy cat, reclining on the stairs. He has his head over one step.]

April 23, 2015

9:01am

Something is wrong.

I was asleep on my pillow, basking in the loving glow of my mom and the knowledge that I, Happy Cat LaBranche, am the undisputed King of the House and ruler of my domain, when mom got up and started acting very strangely. At first she put on those clothes that humans use to hide their strange, fur-less bodies. That is nothing strange, other than how strange it is that humans think they need clothes. But then, she started to put things in different places.

It’s hard to explain this behavior. I’ve seen it a few times with humans, but usually not with mine. It’s like they’re rearranging their belongings. Maybe it’s to categorize them or ensure that all of them are still there. Maybe they get bored with how things always look and they want something different. I have no idea. But she stared moving things off of the floor and putting them onto the bed. Eventually, she got too close to my pillow throne and I removed myself to the bathtub. I wanted some water anyway.

10:23am

I’m tired of playing in the bathtub. I’ve had all of the water that I want and then I dumped my water dishes over to watch it go down the drain. Water is so fascinating. It’s fascinating but scary. It’s like it’s harmless in small doses and then you add too much and suddenly it’s a big glob of terror for most cats. I’ve read on the internet about cats that like water. But, well, some cats wear sweaters. So what can we say for my once-proud feline race?

I emerged from the bathroom to see that the landscape had shifted. Drastically. I jumped back and looked around suspiciously. Parts of the room had been moved. I wondered if I was having some kind of catnip-induced hallucination. But I couldn’t be having one of those. I hadn’t had any nip in ages! (Thanks for that, useless caretakers.)

This is strange. I walked around and found that there were fresh spots of carpet underneath where the things used to be. I sat down on one of the dusty spots and surveyed the new landscape. Just then I saw a pink puffball. A new pink puffball! I ran over and grabbed it in my mouth, jumping onto the bed to play with it. I love my puffballs. I have his brother down in the closet kingdom right now. Maybe I should reunite them and play with them both at the same time!

“Oh, there you are, kitty,” I looked up to see mom entering the bedroom. With her she had the vacuum. I dropped my pink puffball in surprise and ran from the room.

11:45am

There’s vacuuming going on upstairs. Sure, humans say that they love you. They give you treats and food and tell you that you’re a good kitty, but then they do bullshit like this.

If I was a political kind of cat (which, my politics do not extend out of my closet kingdom), I would fight against the use of vacuum cleaners everywhere. Buildings need Roombas that we noble cats can ride on! Not these horrible monsters with hoses and wires. I should bring this up next time the humans have a family meeting. Although, this time they have to invite me with a formal invitation. I can’t drop everything to run and help the humans, after all. I’m entirely too important for that.

2:00pm

I was so stressed out that I had to take a long nap in the closet. The personal petter was in the TV room messing around. That little box she has must be utterly fascinating because she’s on it all the time. I wish she would go somewhere. I want the entire couch to myself. I want to sit on the arm rest and just look at the room. For hours. And I can’t believe she is there and would mess up my flow.

2:12pm

I wandered back upstairs to see what mom was up to. The bedroom was still in this different state with the things in different places, but the floors seemed cleaner. I wonder if there is a connection between that and the vacuum. I have no idea.

Anyway, I looked around and surveyed my new domain. I guess I will have to get used to this now. The walkways are not so clear, but I can still get to the bed and the bathroom. I guess things could be worse.

I hopped onto my pillow and got onto my Sphinx pose. Just in case mom needs to be reminded who is really in charge here. Speaking of which, I didn’t see her. I wondered where she had gotten off to when she emerged from the sunset room with a stack of blankets in her arms. Where do humans get all of these things?

I have just a few cat toys and that’s more than enough for me. Humans are so strange. Hmmm, I think I’m hungry. Time for some kibble and maybe a kitty treat if my petter is around. Then a nap. Lots of naps.

7:34pm

Okay, no one panic, but I went back upstairs and… the room is just like it was this morning. I don’t know how she did it, but mom replaced the objects and mountains of things and the room is back. It’s like magic. Human magic.

I wonder if this will happen again. Maybe it’s a one-time thing. Maybe not. I will be cautious and not panic if this does occur once more. Humans do keep my life interesting, at least.

To read more in the Adventures of Happy Cat, click here.

The Indoor Adventures of Happy Cat: The Sardine Lady

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[Image: Happy Cat, a beautiful and fluffy Maine Coon, reclining on his pillow. He looks regal but exhausted from his important cat duties.]

February 8, 2015

6:21pm

I was grooming my luxurious fur when mom came into the bedroom. I thought that it was a little early for sleep. Besides, I usually migrate to the petter’s bed when she comes up for bed so that I will not be without a queen-sized bed for sleeps. Mom came in and petted me. She told me that Nikky was coming.

I wanted to ask her why in the world I was would be interested in this Nikky person. Also, why can’t humans give themselves decent names? I have a fantastic name, befitting to a cat of my stature. This Nikky person should be named Ms. Fluffy Tail or Ganymede or Usurious. But that’s beside the point, I suppose.

Mom tells me that she will be arriving tomorrow and she will be staying in the guest bedroom downstairs. Immediately, I bit mom’s hand. Why does SHE get to be in there and I can’t? That is discrimination! Cat-based discrimination! I am a member of this family and I demand access to all rooms in this house! I continued to voice my displeasure to mom and she tells me not to bite and leaves the bedroom. She must be going to make changes to my current living arrangements right now.

February 9, 2015

9:01am

There is a new person in the house. My personal petter, who was mysteriously absent again last night, picked me up off of mom’s bed and brought me downstairs to see her. While I appreciated that I was being carried to view this new person and approve of them, I was not in the mood to have an audience with anyone. I was in the middle of this awesome dream about mice and catching them and the rest of the mice all getting together and declaring me their king.

I sniffed this person a bit and decided that I wasn’t that interested. The petter called her Nikky. I guess this is the mysterious person that is staying with us. She needs a new name. I will call her… Countess Flufferton. That will be a good name for her. But for now, I will be going back to sleep.

February 10, 2015

3:23pm

So I was downstairs doing my rounds, ensuring that all was well in my kingdom, when something strange happened. I heard a sound that I vaguely remembered, but couldn’t quite place. The next thing I knew, I heard someone calling for me. But not just a general, “come here, I want to see you” call. It was an “I have food” call. So, of course, I went to go see what was happening.

And there was Flufferton, holding a can of sardines. Of course! It was the sound of a metal can opening! I looked up at it, hungrily. What could it all mean? Then she put down a dish for me. A dish of sardines!

I immediately dove in and ate with gusto. These sardines were fantastic! At last, the people in this house were finally recognizing me as deserving of proper food. Not just that allergen crap and the occasional scrap of cheese that I steal from my petter. I like Flufferton after all.

5:05pm

After I had my full of sardines, I went to inspect the downstairs bathtub for water. I had water at my food dish, but I think we all know that water in the bathtub is far more exciting. So I was walking into the bathroom when I turned and noticed that the guest bedroom door was opened. I was in awe. This room has always been closed off to me. Whenever I try to get in there, mom or the petter chases me out and closes it again. Which, as I’m sure you know, is completely unfair.

So I walked in. I sniffed around for a little while. This place smelled like Flufferton. Which, I guess wasn’t unpleasant. It just wasn’t familiar. So I went around the room and sought out all of her items in order to properly inspect them. After all, I can’t be assured that my petter did it for me. She hasn’t been around much anyway. I’m not sure where she is right now. But she should have cleared her comings and goings with me first. That much, I know.

Anyway, after I took a careful look around the guest room I decided to sleep on the bed. I’ve taken only one or two naps there, so this is a special treat. I curled up by the pillows and snuggled down for a comfy nap.

February 11, 2015

9:55am

Tuna! I have tuna! Not just sardines but tuna! Flufferton is a goddess amongst humans!

I have to say, the juice is better than the actual meat. I’m not sure why. But I lapped up the juice first before starting on the meat and then got full very quickly. This is so delicious. I just love having house guests!

10:00am

Wait… What if this is all a clever ploy to win my trust and exploit my superior cat abilities? What if Flufferton is a secret operative that just wants to kidnap me and ransom me back to the family for an insane amount of money. I need to be cautious of this Sardine Lady. Although I am a gifted and amazing cat, I am not without my enemies. How many humans would be happy to have a cat like me in their house? How many would kill for it?

February 12, 2015

12:36pm

No sardines today. I’m quite sad about it. My petter came in so late and I only got a few pettings before she went limp. I hate it when she does that when I need pettings. Mom was busy with Flufferton all day, then they came home and went to bed. I still can’t trust Flufferton enough to get pettings from her. So as a result, I got very little pettings yesterday and today!

Now mom and Flufferton are gone, the petter left a few hours ago and I’m home alone. Alone with my ponderings… What is Flufferton’s true purpose? What does she want in this house? Is she planning something?

I decided to go investigate her belongings again. Maybe there’s something in there that will give me some clues. I have to find out what’s going on before I begin to trust her too much.

1:02pm

I love hair ties.

1:13pm

No, I REALLY love hair ties.

7:49pm

Flufferton gave me more sardines. I accepted them, but I told her first that this doesn’t mean that I trust her or that I was letting my guard down to her possible machinations. I don’t know if she understood me. It often seems no matter how eloquent I am, these humans just don’t get it. But whatever. I have sardines now.

I sniffed them carefully before trying them, but it all seems legit. So I chowed down on my sardines. Then Flufferton began talking to me about how good this was for me. She said it was very healthy and would help my hair grow back. I paused for a second.

  1. I wasn’t aware that the humans were that conscious of my thinning hair on my hind parts and now I was most certainly aware not only of it but that other people were aware of it.
  2. Telling me that food is healthy for me is one sure way of ruining it. Don’t tell me that it’s healthy, just tell me that it’s delicious!

I think I have figured Flufferton out. She’s not evil; she’s just really boring. All worried about health and silly things like that. I suppose it would be alright if a had a human in charge of my health. But I certainly don’t need to concern myself with it. I have far more important things to worry about. Like the Closet Kingdom. I haven’t checked on it in ages! I should go look at it now.

February 13, 2015

6:45am

Mom didn’t want to pet me. She’s so unfair. Sure, she wants to pet me sometimes. But if she’s asleep, she’s not very receptive to the idea. Humans are so inconsistent. When it’s petting time, it’s petting time. Everyone needs to respect that.

Anyway, I went to investigate my petter and she was asleep, too. One day these humans are going to realize that there needs to be a human awake at all times in case I need pettings and work out some kind of schedule in order to accommodate me. But, clearly, that day is not today.

I went downstairs and sat at the window for a while. There was a bird outside. Sitting, chirping, doing whatever it is that birds do. I could take him. I could take him and all of his little bird friends. I issued a warning that he needed to get off of my lawn right now if he wanted to live. The bird just hopped around and ignored me. I continued to tell him how I was going to kick his ass if he wasn’t careful, but he just went about his way. I get no respect.

6:21pm

Where is everyone? The petter’s gone, mom is gone, Countess Flufferton is with mom. What is the deal with this? Is this abandon the cat week? I need to have a family meeting when everyone gets home. I need to assure them that this is not how you treat your cat.

Usually, I love to be alone and roam the house and do whatever important cat things that I need to do today. But this is just excessive. I’m behind on pettings, I want more sardines, I have NEEDS and no one is attending to them. I am a neglected cat. Truly neglected.

February 14, 2015

4:32am

The petter is up. Something is wrong. She’s never up this early unless she didn’t go to bed and I saw her go to bed. I walked across her face just to make sure she was really asleep last night because I wanted pettings. I saw her helping Flufferton take her bags out of the guest bedroom.

Is she leaving so soon? My feelings were slowly morphing into mild distaste. Hmm, this might mean that they’re going to close off the guest bedroom again. I might as well get some more quality time in there while I can.

I scampered off to the guest room and found my comfy spot on the bed again. Too bad Flufferton is leaving so soon. She would have made a nice addition to my collection of servants. I suppose that we will always have the sardines.

To read more in the Adventures of Happy Cat, click here.

The Indoor Adventures of Happy Cat: The Invader, Part 2

1.5.15 502Did you miss Part 1 of this adventure? Click here to catch up, you lazy human!

December 25, 2014 (Christmas or something)

7:34am

My personal petter told me last night that today is Christmas and I will be getting catnip. I guess I have to wait until they get up though. I came downstairs to enjoy my nip and there was none on the floor where it usually is. I wonder if they will give some to Meowface. I hope not. She’s so young. She doesn’t need nip. I’m an old man with thinning hair. *I* need the nip.

I will go down and tell Meowface about this in person. Although she might be asleep now. Some cats just think that they can sleep all day until their petters come home. So lazy.

7:59am

So I took a quick catnap before going downstairs. I got to the closed TV room door and I paused. I heard Meowface singing. She has such a beautiful voice! Suddenly, my anger and resentment of her all slipped away. I was entranced by her sweet mews. I called out to her and told her that she had the voice of an angelcat!

And then she told me to get lost. I sat outside of the TV room and just listened to her sing some more. I want to meet her again and see her in the fur. I can feel a longing in my heart already. I think I’m in love.

5:45pm

The petter is back from work and she has disappeared to go see Meowface. She took the catnip with her. I hope Meowface enjoys it. I sat quietly outside of the door listening to the sound of her paws scampering back and forth. I called out to her to chase the purple puff ball, but I don’t think she heard me. I hope she’s enjoying her nip.

December 27, 2014

5:22am

I wrote Meowface a poem. I’m going to practice reciting it a bit, then I’m going to go woo her from beyond the TV room door. It’s so hard to recite poetry! I have to get the inflection just right. I want her to hear all of my emotions. I want her to know just how deep my feelings run. I must convince her to love me!

Here’s my poem:

Meowface, the name of an angelcat,
I love her little paws and that

She’s so dainty, little soft kitty
I never thought I would meet someone so pretty

Be mine, Meowface, I will love you so
You have to say you love me, I have to know

This has to work! It just has to! Meowface must be my girlfriend!

6:01am

I am a lost cat!

Meowface has rejected me. She laughed at my poem, she mocked the words that sprung from my very soul! She crushed my heart under her dainty paws and then kicked litter onto it. Was there every such a distraught cat as I?!

I stood outside of the door and recited my poem to her. I didn’t hear anything so I called to her and asked her what she thought and she said that she had dozed off as soon as she heard my voice. So I repeated my poem. Then she laughed at me! She said she had never heard something so silly in her entire life. She said that I was treating her like a love object just because she was female and that I didn’t respect for the womanly lady cat that she was. She then talked about smashing the patriarchy. Which I had always thought was some kind of couch cushion, but from the way she was talking about it, I think it’s something else.

I will go back to bed now and try to sleep off this nightmare. Maybe when I awake she will have rethought her position and realized that we belong together. Yes, that has to happen.

December 30, 20141.5.15 497

2:13pm

Meowface still does not love me. But I am determined to see her again. She didn’t get a good look at me the first time. I’m sure if she sees me again that she will realize what a beautiful cat I am and how much I deserve her love. That has to work. I have been writing more poetry, but I can hardly recite it to her anymore, since she doesn’t seem to appreciate poetry.

I went down to the TV room door the other day and asked her if she was alright and needed me to get her anything. She said that she wanted sledgehammer. I asked her what in the world that she was going to do with that and she said that she was going to go smash the patriarchy. What in the world is this patriarchy? It must be really bad if Meowface wants to smash it so much.

I thought — No wait, that’s it! I need to go help her smash the patriarchy! Then she will love me!

2:30pm

Okay, so I’m not going to smash the patriarchy. I asked Meowface what the patriarchy was exactly and she said that it’s a societal construct that puts men in charge of everything and oppresses women and lady cats. I pointed out to her that I was a male cat, so I would be benefiting from said societal construct, so it’s not in my best interest to smash it. She then called me a sexist and said that I was part of the problem. I told her that the only problem I was part of was putting cat hair on everything in the house.

January 1, 2015

10:48am

It’s a new year, apparently. My personal petter invited some weird person over and they cooked plants and ate them as if that was a normal thing to do. Then they toasted to the new year and she told me happy new year when she was going to bed. Since I have just learned that this is a new year I have decided to make changes to my life.

I should no longer be the docile cat that takes rejection while I sit on my hindlegs. I should show Meowface how beautiful I am and how much I have to offer her. She needs to know that I am not a cat to be easily turned down! I am a beautiful kitten that deserves love and pettings and fresh kibble every time I meow!

11:15am

I am out of breath! I followed my personal petter into the TV room and tried to approach Meowface. She lunged at me and chase me around the coffee table, threatening to kick my ass for being a sexist swine! How unreasonable is this cat? Thankfully my petter grabbed me before she could harm a hair on my beautiful fluff. My petter carried me out of the room and told me never to do that again. She said that Meowface was not my girlfriend.

But she is my girlfriend! We were meant to be together! I know we were! We are cats of destiny and we must love each other!

January 4, 2015

8:11pm

I am on the rack of love. I have been here for several days now. Every morning I go downstairs to listen to Meowface sing with her angelcat voice. I call to her and tell her that I love her and she yells back something about respecting her as a woman cat and not forcing my sexual objectification on her. I don’t even understand what she says half the time. I just know that I love her and I want to be with her.

My petter told me last night that Meowface is going to be gone in a few days because her owner is coming back. I tried to correct my petter that no one “owns” Meowface because she is a strong, beautiful calico that don’t need no man. But my petter wasn’t paying attention to me. She is so oppressive.

January 6, 2015

6:58am

I am laying in front of the door to the TV room just listening to Meowface sing. She’s so beautiful. Why won’t she love me? Why must she torture me like this? I just want to be her boyfriendcat. I want to have her worship me and serve me and show me how much she loves me on a daily basis. Is that so wrong? Is that so hard? All cats need love. And I am no different.

January 9, 2015

6:30pm

She’s gone.

I came downstairs to find the TV room door open. I thought that maybe someone had gotten careless or Meowface had escaped, but I looked around and I couldn’t find her. She is definitely gone. I went back to my closet kingdom. She had made a bed for herself in the coats. She had arranged my mouses and jesters in order and even added some new fluff balls that had been lying around the place to the ranks.

But none of this calms my heart. She’s gone. She’s gone away. And I have no one now. I am a cat alone. Devoid of love and attention. I have nothing. Nothing.

8:23pm

I forgot how much I love my personal water trough in the downstairs bathroom. It’s so fun! I’m so glad Meowface is gone. I really like hopping onto the bathroom counter and getting water whenever I want it.

To read more in the Adventures of Happy Cat, click here.

The Indoor Adventures of Happy Cat: The Invader, Part 1

1.5.15 475December 16, 2014

11:01am

The personal petter came in to pet me and tell me what a good boy I am. I am a good boy. I know. But then she told me that she was going to bring over a friend for me. A friend who would live in the TV room for a few weeks while her owner was away. While I know the abject pain and rejection that accompanies an owner heartlessly leaving you, I do not want a friend. I do not need one. And I certainly don’t want another cat in my house.

I expressed my displeasure at this idea to my petter by biting her arm and kicking at her with my back paws. I don’t think she got the hint though because she just told me to be gentle and then left. There was no acknowledgment that she just said a terrible thing to me and she would not go through with this awful idea.

December 17, 2014

2:34pm

THERE IS ANOTHER CAT IN THE HOUSE! THERE IS ANOTHER CAT IN THE HOUSE! PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! MAN THE BATTLE STATIONS! I REPEAT; THERE IS ANOTHER CAT IN THE HOUSE!

5:01pm

So, I finally calmed down. I can barely stand to describe what happened to me. The petter brought this monstrosity into the house with her. I saw the little cat under the chest of drawers in the living room at first. I hissed at her right away. She told me that they had just given her a flea bath and she had managed to escape with only her life. But I didn’t care. Those are MY chest of drawers in MY house with MY humans giving her a bath in MY kitchen sink.

I told her to get out and she said that she couldn’t. Likely story. I tried to ask her other questions but mom grabbed me and shoved me upstairs. I protested very deeply when I saw my personal petter grab the other cat and take her into the TV room. Didn’t she know where she was? Didn’t she know who I was? Why is this happening to me?

9:10pm

I have learned that the other cat’s name is Meowface. What kind of asshole named her that? Meowface. That’s not a real cat name. I have so much less respect for her now than before when I had absolutely no respect for her.

The personal petter is delighted to have this cat in the house. She keeps talking about how “cute” she is and other crap like that. Um, excuse me?! How can you call another cat cute when I am right here? Right here and in need of more pettings! Humans are such horrible creatures.

December 19, 2014

6:45am1.5.15 510

I am plotting my next move. Clearly, this cat, this Meowface, is a formidable opponent and I will need to deal with her in a special way. The petter has kept her segregated in the TV room. Probably for her own safety. I can hear her meowing during the morning sometimes. She keeps asking where she is and what kind of place this is. But I’m not answering her.

She will learn the hard way that I am the king of this house and everyone who wants to speak to me needs to take it up with my catnip mouse jester before… Oh no….

She’s in the TV room with my closet kingdom! That’s where my armies and my mouses and everything else is! What if she gets in there and begins to rule it and screws everything up?! Which, of course, she will. She’s such a young and inexperienced cat, she has no idea how to handle the pressures of ruling. Oh, this is a disaster.

10:10am

So I went down to the TV room door and shouted at Meowface that she wasn’t allowed into my closet kingdom. She told me that she spent the night there and my kingdom is now made up of her royal subjects. I told her that this is unforgivable and she should prepare for war. She said I should bring my best and some extra litter.

Clearly, she is unreasonable and must be dealt with quickly.

December 22, 2014

3:32pm

I just got up from my mid-afternoon nap. It was quite relaxing. I mean, sure, there’s another cat in the house. But she has the run of three rooms. I have far more than that. Including all of the beds in the house. The blue love seat in the TV room is no match for two queen beds piled high with pillows and blankets, all willing to keep me warm.

In a way, I feel sorry for her. She’s just in there with the closet and I have so much of my own. I mean, my owners are also here and didn’t heartlessly abandon me. There’s some kind of human holiday coming up and I have both mom and my petter to celebrate with me. Granted, dad is gone, but that just means more space on the bed for me and more quality time with mom.

Still, I should go see her and let her know all of this. I mean, it’s not fair to her if she doesn’t know quite how well I have it and how much her living arrangements are lacking in comparison. I should really inform her. This might help adjust her attitude problem.

December 23, 2014

12:00pm

My paw shakes as I write this. I was determined to go tell Meowface just what I thought of her, in person. I waited until the petter was walking out of the TV room and then I moved! I raced into the room and started to announce to Meowface just how unwelcomed she was in this house and before I could even finish the first sentence of my prepared speech that I spent all morning practicing, she bapped me in the face!

Just like that! I ran in and BAM! Right in my face!

I was so shocked that I couldn’t even continue my speech. She just started hissing at me and telling me to get out of her room. HER room?! The petter grabbed me before I could enlighten this impertinent cat as to what was really going on in this situation. I protested to my petter, but she stuck me on the stairs and then went to go see Meowface again. How dare that cat.

This isn’t over.

To read more in the Adventures of Happy Cat, click here.