[Image: Happy Cat, a beautiful and fluffy Maine Coon, reclining on his pillow. He looks regal but exhausted from his important cat duties.]
February 8, 2015
I was grooming my luxurious fur when mom came into the bedroom. I thought that it was a little early for sleep. Besides, I usually migrate to the petter’s bed when she comes up for bed so that I will not be without a queen-sized bed for sleeps. Mom came in and petted me. She told me that Nikky was coming.
I wanted to ask her why in the world I was would be interested in this Nikky person. Also, why can’t humans give themselves decent names? I have a fantastic name, befitting to a cat of my stature. This Nikky person should be named Ms. Fluffy Tail or Ganymede or Usurious. But that’s beside the point, I suppose.
Mom tells me that she will be arriving tomorrow and she will be staying in the guest bedroom downstairs. Immediately, I bit mom’s hand. Why does SHE get to be in there and I can’t? That is discrimination! Cat-based discrimination! I am a member of this family and I demand access to all rooms in this house! I continued to voice my displeasure to mom and she tells me not to bite and leaves the bedroom. She must be going to make changes to my current living arrangements right now.
February 9, 2015
There is a new person in the house. My personal petter, who was mysteriously absent again last night, picked me up off of mom’s bed and brought me downstairs to see her. While I appreciated that I was being carried to view this new person and approve of them, I was not in the mood to have an audience with anyone. I was in the middle of this awesome dream about mice and catching them and the rest of the mice all getting together and declaring me their king.
I sniffed this person a bit and decided that I wasn’t that interested. The petter called her Nikky. I guess this is the mysterious person that is staying with us. She needs a new name. I will call her… Countess Flufferton. That will be a good name for her. But for now, I will be going back to sleep.
February 10, 2015
So I was downstairs doing my rounds, ensuring that all was well in my kingdom, when something strange happened. I heard a sound that I vaguely remembered, but couldn’t quite place. The next thing I knew, I heard someone calling for me. But not just a general, “come here, I want to see you” call. It was an “I have food” call. So, of course, I went to go see what was happening.
And there was Flufferton, holding a can of sardines. Of course! It was the sound of a metal can opening! I looked up at it, hungrily. What could it all mean? Then she put down a dish for me. A dish of sardines!
I immediately dove in and ate with gusto. These sardines were fantastic! At last, the people in this house were finally recognizing me as deserving of proper food. Not just that allergen crap and the occasional scrap of cheese that I steal from my petter. I like Flufferton after all.
After I had my full of sardines, I went to inspect the downstairs bathtub for water. I had water at my food dish, but I think we all know that water in the bathtub is far more exciting. So I was walking into the bathroom when I turned and noticed that the guest bedroom door was opened. I was in awe. This room has always been closed off to me. Whenever I try to get in there, mom or the petter chases me out and closes it again. Which, as I’m sure you know, is completely unfair.
So I walked in. I sniffed around for a little while. This place smelled like Flufferton. Which, I guess wasn’t unpleasant. It just wasn’t familiar. So I went around the room and sought out all of her items in order to properly inspect them. After all, I can’t be assured that my petter did it for me. She hasn’t been around much anyway. I’m not sure where she is right now. But she should have cleared her comings and goings with me first. That much, I know.
Anyway, after I took a careful look around the guest room I decided to sleep on the bed. I’ve taken only one or two naps there, so this is a special treat. I curled up by the pillows and snuggled down for a comfy nap.
February 11, 2015
Tuna! I have tuna! Not just sardines but tuna! Flufferton is a goddess amongst humans!
I have to say, the juice is better than the actual meat. I’m not sure why. But I lapped up the juice first before starting on the meat and then got full very quickly. This is so delicious. I just love having house guests!
Wait… What if this is all a clever ploy to win my trust and exploit my superior cat abilities? What if Flufferton is a secret operative that just wants to kidnap me and ransom me back to the family for an insane amount of money. I need to be cautious of this Sardine Lady. Although I am a gifted and amazing cat, I am not without my enemies. How many humans would be happy to have a cat like me in their house? How many would kill for it?
February 12, 2015
No sardines today. I’m quite sad about it. My petter came in so late and I only got a few pettings before she went limp. I hate it when she does that when I need pettings. Mom was busy with Flufferton all day, then they came home and went to bed. I still can’t trust Flufferton enough to get pettings from her. So as a result, I got very little pettings yesterday and today!
Now mom and Flufferton are gone, the petter left a few hours ago and I’m home alone. Alone with my ponderings… What is Flufferton’s true purpose? What does she want in this house? Is she planning something?
I decided to go investigate her belongings again. Maybe there’s something in there that will give me some clues. I have to find out what’s going on before I begin to trust her too much.
I love hair ties.
No, I REALLY love hair ties.
Flufferton gave me more sardines. I accepted them, but I told her first that this doesn’t mean that I trust her or that I was letting my guard down to her possible machinations. I don’t know if she understood me. It often seems no matter how eloquent I am, these humans just don’t get it. But whatever. I have sardines now.
I sniffed them carefully before trying them, but it all seems legit. So I chowed down on my sardines. Then Flufferton began talking to me about how good this was for me. She said it was very healthy and would help my hair grow back. I paused for a second.
- I wasn’t aware that the humans were that conscious of my thinning hair on my hind parts and now I was most certainly aware not only of it but that other people were aware of it.
- Telling me that food is healthy for me is one sure way of ruining it. Don’t tell me that it’s healthy, just tell me that it’s delicious!
I think I have figured Flufferton out. She’s not evil; she’s just really boring. All worried about health and silly things like that. I suppose it would be alright if a had a human in charge of my health. But I certainly don’t need to concern myself with it. I have far more important things to worry about. Like the Closet Kingdom. I haven’t checked on it in ages! I should go look at it now.
February 13, 2015
Mom didn’t want to pet me. She’s so unfair. Sure, she wants to pet me sometimes. But if she’s asleep, she’s not very receptive to the idea. Humans are so inconsistent. When it’s petting time, it’s petting time. Everyone needs to respect that.
Anyway, I went to investigate my petter and she was asleep, too. One day these humans are going to realize that there needs to be a human awake at all times in case I need pettings and work out some kind of schedule in order to accommodate me. But, clearly, that day is not today.
I went downstairs and sat at the window for a while. There was a bird outside. Sitting, chirping, doing whatever it is that birds do. I could take him. I could take him and all of his little bird friends. I issued a warning that he needed to get off of my lawn right now if he wanted to live. The bird just hopped around and ignored me. I continued to tell him how I was going to kick his ass if he wasn’t careful, but he just went about his way. I get no respect.
Where is everyone? The petter’s gone, mom is gone, Countess Flufferton is with mom. What is the deal with this? Is this abandon the cat week? I need to have a family meeting when everyone gets home. I need to assure them that this is not how you treat your cat.
Usually, I love to be alone and roam the house and do whatever important cat things that I need to do today. But this is just excessive. I’m behind on pettings, I want more sardines, I have NEEDS and no one is attending to them. I am a neglected cat. Truly neglected.
February 14, 2015
The petter is up. Something is wrong. She’s never up this early unless she didn’t go to bed and I saw her go to bed. I walked across her face just to make sure she was really asleep last night because I wanted pettings. I saw her helping Flufferton take her bags out of the guest bedroom.
Is she leaving so soon? My feelings were slowly morphing into mild distaste. Hmm, this might mean that they’re going to close off the guest bedroom again. I might as well get some more quality time in there while I can.
I scampered off to the guest room and found my comfy spot on the bed again. Too bad Flufferton is leaving so soon. She would have made a nice addition to my collection of servants. I suppose that we will always have the sardines.
To read more in the Adventures of Happy Cat, click here.