Hooking up with Tila Tequila: Chapter 7: Relationships, Part 2

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[Image: Tila Tequila at a red carpet event. She is wearing a pink dress with her hair down.]

The next part of this section is all about porn. Tila relates, “A lot of girls are weird about porno. Not me.” Sex positive (when it suits her) Tila continues, “I’m always the one who’s like, “You want to go rent some porn?” … He’s like, “Wow, this chick’s fucking cool.” ” Which makes me question why Tila previously mentioned that catching a man jerking off to a Victoria’s Secret catalog is a problem when porn is perfectly okay. Was it the idea of him masturbating in private? Was it the fact that his arousal with the catalog was based on a woman’s body alone and not in conjunction with actual sex? I have no idea.

Tila adds, “And don’t worry, after a while he won’t want to watch the porn anyway because he’s got you. I’ve definitely had that happen.” Just reading that makes me feel a little ill. No one should expect their partner to be the beginning and the end of their sexuality. When I’m in a relationship I still watch porn and masturbate on my own. It has nothing to do with my partner at all. It’s “me” time and sometimes I want a vibrator and horrible fuck dialog. If I was with someone that watched porn and then after we started dating, stopped because of me, I would be very worried. I would never expect someone to shut down their entire sexuality to revolve around me and the idea of someone doing that makes me very uncomfortable.

But Tila clarifies that porn is fine in the beginning, if you’re comfortable with it, but it will get old sooner or later. She pens, “I used to watch it when I was seventeen, but now I’m like, “Why watch that when I can do better?” ” Which makes me wonder why she’s even pushing porn when she claims that it bores her. Also, porn is not about how sex feels. It’s about how sex looks. On camera. Trying to learn to be a good lover from a porn film is like learning how to be a surgeon by playing Operation.

Starting off the next section, “Opening Up,” Tila laments, “Sex is easy. Feelings are the hard part.” She then talks about how you have to balance out what your heart is telling you and what your head is telling you. She relates, “Your thoughts might say, “Okay, I’m not going to call him because he might think I’m too needy.” But your HEART is like, “I miss him so much. I want to see him.” Even though it’s scary, you’ve got to listen to your heart.” Which doesn’t make a lot of sense when you consider her previous advice to give a man space, have your own life, not pressure him, play head games, withhold sex, and basically ignore him until he’s so hooked by your sexual refusal that he has no choice but to stay with you.

More confusingly, Tila tells her readers, “You don’t want to end up like, “Damn it, I love this guy so much, but he had no idea because I was playing these dumb games and pretending I was interested in other guys and this and that.” ” Tila openly called her tactic of withholding sex a game and said it was necessary to keep a man interested. Now games are bad and you will regret it if you’re not just honest with your feelings? What? Can any human being actual follow this advice or learn one consistent lesson from this entire book?

Strap yourselves in, Tila isn’t done yet. “You’ve got to be vulnerable and learn that vulnerability can feel good. Show him how much you care, and don’t be afraid of getting hurt. … You can’t think like that, or else you’ll be so paranoid and scared that the relationship probably WILL fail.” From another person with a more straightforward, game-free, and consistent philosophy, this is a good lesson. But coming from someone that can’t decide what she means or say it plainly, this is just more advice to add to the already convoluted mess that she’s already vomited onto the pages of her book. Whenever Tila brings up a good point it hardly balances out all of the damaging shit she’s already put out there. If someone is able to tell the difference between what is problematic and what isn’t, then they never needed Tila in the first place.

But Tila isn’t done with her hard-won wisdom yet. In the following section, “Stay True to Yourself”, she gives some vague instructions on how to handle it when the person you love treats you badly. She starts off by stating, “There’s a difference between giving someone your all and being whipped. You can show someone you really love him and still have self-respect.” She never elaborates on what this difference is. She mentions that you shouldn’t keep giving someone your life if they don’t treat you with respect. She then adds, “If you don’t respect yourself, he’s not going to respect you either.” Which, at this point, sounds like victim blaming.

If you can’t respect yourself, what you need is not relationship advice, what you need is a therapist. Tila adds that being too available and too dedicated means that he will stop valuing you. You have to let your man know that he could lose you, and that will keep him dedicated. As vague as this section is and as poorly as these points are articulated, this could easily lead to a woman mistreating her partner with threats of leaving because he doesn’t deserve her for how wonderful she is.

Now Tila moves onto a key section in this chapter. Sometimes relationships end and in “Breakups Suck”, she is ready to share how to survive them and what to do when it eventually happens to you. But even when Tila is trying to soothe the broken hearted, she can’t resist to tuck some fatalism in there. She writes, “If you two don’t end up being together forever, it’s just not meant to be.” Unfortunately, her advice doesn’t get any better than that cliche.

Tila continues, “I’ve learned a lot from every relationship I’ve been in. That’s the whole point of having relationships, and getting older and growing up – it’s to learn more about who you are. An the best way to learn about yourself is to have your image reflected back at you by another person.” While this pop psychology sounds lovely and calming, it’s actually a rather dangerous philosophy. First of all, the point of your relationships should not be to grow up. No one is in charge of raising you. Learning things through relationships is definitely an effect, but no one should think to themselves, “I want to be more mature. I think I’ll get into dating.”

Also, there are tons of ways to learn about yourself that doesn’t involve other people. Yes, you can learn a lot from a dating partner and understanding how your actions are interpreted by other people is very important. But not all people want or have romantic relationships and that doesn’t make them any less mature, complete people than the ones who do. If the only way you can grow personally is through dating, you might want to go see one of those therapists that I keep mentioning.

Your relationship with yourself and your own personal growth should not revolve around another person. There are so many ways that you can learn more about yourself and become a better person that has nothing to do with whom you’re dating. To read that Tila believes that best way to do so is through a boyfriend or girlfriend just worries me. No one wants to date a project. You should enter into the relationship with all that you have and be open to change. Not get together with someone in the hopes that they’ll make you a better person.

But that’s exactly what Tila is saying. She continues, “That’s how you come to know who you are, what you want to be, what you don’t want to be, what mistakes you made, what you’re not going to do next time.” There are a lot more ways to do this than just dating. I also object to Tila acting like romantic relationships should be the basis of your existence. It’s another stereotype that women are and should be focused on relationships and families and Tila passes this on to her readers without a second thought.

In the following section, “Move On Already,” all Tila can do is urge her readers to move past the breakup. Which, one should not fixate on something like that, because that’s not healthy, however, she never mentions a grieving period for the end of a relationship, which can be an essential part of moving on. Sometimes to truly overcome the loss of a connection with another human being, there needs to be time to mourn what you’ve lost and take stock of what you’ve gained. Occasionally this period is longer than you would like. But stuffing all of your unresolved emotions down into your chest and moving on like nothing ever happened is never going accomplish your ultimate goal of moving on.

Tila advises, “If you’re like, “Oh my gosh, I’m so scared. I always end up getting hurt because I’ve always been hurt in the past,” it’ll happen. The universe is always listening.” Since she was so vague with her religious beliefs, I can only wonder what she means by this. Tila seems so intent on saying things of this nature and never explaining it. It’s not helpful to make these vague claims and back them up without even a thought as to why this happens.

For no particularly good reason, other than to add to her own self-promotion, Tila writes, “I mean, look at me, I got hurt in the first season of A Shot At Love, and then I was like, “Oh, I don’t want to do a second season. It’s too much.” But then I did. And even when THAT didn’t work out, I’m still looking for love.” Yes, we know it didn’t work out, Tila. That much has been readily apparent. What isn’t apparent is why anyone should be taking relationship advice from a woman that has no insight or experience in long-lasting commitment. When all Tila has to discuss is her personal experience and she doesn’t have experience in the type of relationship that she’s giving advice for, why should anyone be listening to her?

Without missing a beat, Tila is back at it. In the next section, “Love Yourself”, Tila tries to advise her readers on how to form and maintain your most important relationship of all; the one with yourself. She writes that it’s common for people to say that you need to love yourself first, before you can love anyone else. But she questions, “But what does that mean?” She asks herself one day and even she’s not sure. Tila writes, “I’d like to think I love myself but I’m not sure that I do. It’s a process, you know?” Which, by her own standards, this means that Tila probably shouldn’t be in a relationship.

But she has an idea on how to achieve this. She pens, “Paint a picture of the person you want to be and create that person inside of you. Work at it. You have to find your own inner happiness and stability. … But when you love yourself, you don’t need anyone to make you feel better. It’s just an added bonus when you’re involved with somebody cool.” Which completely contradicts her earlier advice that the best way to find and know yourself was by dating. Now you can’t date unless you already know yourself. Which one is it, Tila?

Before I get into the last section, “Last Call for Love,” I want to discuss the insert that graces this page. The title of the box is “My Top Five Hot-And-Heavy Fantasy Hookups” and the list reads.

  1. Anne Boleyn
  2. Batman
  3. The Hulk
  4. Wonder Woman
  5. Cleopatra

What in the world is this? I can’t even begin to grasp the absurdity of wanting to have sex with historical women and a large, green comic book character in one list. Although the insert is meant to be silly and whimsical, it just comes off as bizarre when it’s read, at the end of what was supposed to be a serious chapter. Also, what is with her fascination with Anne Boleyn? It seems completely random that she has this attraction to her and it’s never explained why she was even mentioned in the previous chapter, let alone in this insert.

But back to the book. Tila writes that now that she’s accomplished so many of her life goals, she now has time to love. She pens, “And now it’s like, “Oh my God, I have this huge heart, and all I want to do is LOVE!” All I want is love, because it’s the one thing I never had.” She coos, “But I’ve never had REAL LOVE. And now I’m like, “Wow, I saved the best for last. My heart. Aw.” ”

Tila has talked about being loved as a right and acts as if love is something that will just happen, given enough time. But it’s neither and when Tila admits that she doesn’t even know if she loves herself and can’t manage to even follow her own poor advice, it seems hard to believe that she is truly ready and deserving of the kind of relationship that she claims to want.

None of this matters to the bad-ass author as she continues. She talks about wanting to be with a person that’s strong and loves her for who she is. She writes, “I want to build a life with someone until the day I die. That’s all I want.” As if you think that Tila was showing real emotion and coming down out of her persona for a second, don’t get too hasty.

The next part is, “I know, after this book comes out, everyone’s going to be writing to me like, “I can be the one. That sounds perfect! That’s ME!” And I’m like, “Great, so now I’ve got to do season three. LAST CALL for Love with Tila Tequila. Just as long as I find it!” ” So the show that Tila admitted did not capture the real her, the show that she said her feelings weren’t even real for during the second season, the show that she said almost killed her, she’s willing to do another season of it.

All for love? Or all for the chance to be on TV and promote herself again? The fact that she ends this chapter by talking about how all of her fans will be rushing to marry her and she will be forced to once again perform for an audience of millions on TV is a clear indication that love, commitment, and romantic fulfillment is not something that she’s really looking for.

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Hooking up with Tila Tequila: Chapter 7: Relationships, Part 1

tila-tequila

[Image: Tila Tequila wearing a strapless black outfit. Her hands are above her head, her hair is covering one eye as she looks at the camera.]

Tila begins this chapter with another reference to her unhappy childhood. She writes, “If anyone should suck at relationships, it’s me. Mean, how the hell do you know what love means when you’ve never experienced it from your family? So yeah, my childhood kind of messed me up.” Which seems apparent by her copious mentions of it. Yet she never goes into exactly how this happened or why it effected her so tragically. Of course, she also never even gives passing mention to her bipolar disorder. Which begs the question; why mention her incredibly difficult childhood at all if she’s just going to gloss over it? The answer may become clear in the outro.

Relating how hard it is for her to trust people and learn to love, Tila launches into the first section, “Bootcamp for the Heart”. She starts off talking about her reality dating show, A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila. She insists, “Let me tell you, my feelings were NOT fake! At least, not the first season.” So her feelings in the second season were fake? Also, she admitted previously that she was not acting like herself during the show. So even on the first season, how can her feelings be real if her actions were not? Tila dances around the truth about her show and her entire “real” persona for the entire book. In the end, whether she genuinely does anything is a complete mystery.

But she bravely presses on. She insists that every episode was unimaginable heartbreak. Tila moans, “Hell yeah, it was hard. It almost killed me.” Even for someone being overly dramatic, I find this hard to believe. She already stated that how she acted during the show wasn’t really her and then openly admitted that her feelings weren’t even real for the entire second season. So how exactly does that equate to her developing real feelings and having said real feelings crushed by the exit of people that she asked to leave?

Anyway, Tila relates being on her show to how she had always been so tough and uncaring in order to get through her childhood. She writes, “It was to the point where I didn’t realize that I had so much love inside of me because I’d repressed it for so many years. So no matter what else came out of it, and how much hate I had to weather as a result, I’m glad I did the show.” It’s statements like this that truly worry me for Tila’s health. She sounds like she needs therapy. She didn’t allow herself to feel love? She repressed these feelings? She only discovered them because of an exploitive, base TV show? Tila needs a professional to talk to. Not a girlfriend, not a boyfriend, not a person that wants to get drunk and act ridiculously on television, but someone that is actually providing support for her that has the education and training to deal with the problems that she experiences.

The next section is called “A Real Honest-to-God Bisexual”. As Tila feels the need to inform us of her legit bisexuality yet again. She argues, “No, I am not some fake, porno bisexual who just makes out to get attention or make guys hot.” Which makes you wonder why she gives so much credibility to the idea that she isn’t bisexual that she has to restate it again and again. Tila insists that MTV knew that she was bisexual before she was ever offered the show. She states, “I am a very sexual person, but that doesn’t mean it’s all about Girls Gone Wild and being stupid and flashing your tits for some crappy plastic jewels. That’s how I feel like I’ve been portrayed since the show.”

It’s strange that Tila wants to declare herself completely sex positive, then she openly shames woman who display their breasts, regardless what they get in return for it. Also, she previously described her own behavior on her show as “Girls Gone Wild”. So if she admits that she acted just how she’s claiming that she’s being portrayed, how exactly is that surprising?

Tila then insists that straight celebrities are never interviewed about how straight they are. Which is a good point and something worth mentioning, as it’s an example of social inequality. But just as soon as she makes that single point, without much elaboration, she announces, “Let’s get to the GOOD STUFF. Here are some tips for making your relationships hot and happy.” Let’s see what she suggests.

The next section, “Be Yourself,” opens swiftly with Tila announcing, “I know it sounds bullshit and obvious. But it’s so true.” Tila then talks about how when people try to fake it, it’s pathetic and forced. She announces, “Overdoing it is not being confident. It’s just annoying.” But Tila has already advised lots of things that might go against being who someone is. A highly sexual person might want to have sex before Tila’s imaginary time limit. A shy woman might not feel comfortable smiling and giggling at every man in the room. What is someone to do when they’re told to do something they might not want to do then told to do whatever it is that they want to do?

In the following section, “You Can’t Fake It” Tila announces, “I’ve never pretend to be something I’m not with my music, or my personality as a artist.” Which again brings up Tila problematic relationship with her own authenticity. If her true personality is captured in her music, then she has more problems than people viewing her as fake. Her music is at times violent, emotionally abusive, and even ableist. If her music speaks to who she really is, that person is a deeply troubled individual that needs far more than to prove that she’s “real”.

But Tila continues without even the slightest bit of self-reflection. She announces that people deciding not to work with you in business can be hard, but it’s just like the same in relationships. She writes, “If you try to change me, or make me into this other person, then it’s like, hey, well, I guess we’re not made for each other then, are we?” Which is a very astute observation. However, it makes me wonder if Tila stops to take other’s opinions into consideration even when they’re trying to help her. When you stop taking any and all advice, you close yourself to good advice as well as bad. And sometimes we need the point of view of another person to improve ourselves and point out what we aren’t aware of.

However, Tila seems to realize this, although she clearly fails to apply it in any meaningful way to her own life. She advises her fans, “It’s NOT okay to change them [someone you like], unless you’re helping them to be more confident and make their dreams come true.” Which seems like a strange thing to state. Given that she takes no one else’s advice, but also because it’s not up to another person to make someone else’s dreams come true. Only they can do that. Supporting someone to achieve their dreams is one thing, but that’s not what she’s stated.

Tila then relates, “Like me, for example, I’m really high-strung. I talk really fast. I get a little bit excited when I speak. I’m passionate. I have a temper sometimes. You can’t just come in here and say, “You know what? You should start speaking calmly all the time and try to be quieter.” ” People telling women to quiet down and be calmer is a societal problem, not just one that Tila faces. Women are trained to be demur and silent and quickly corrected if they are anything but. Learning to develop your own voice and use it is a very powerful thing. But somehow this message falls a little flat when coming from a woman that uses what little power she had to complain about people that dislike her and call other women straight-up bitches.

She ends this section with this, “Everyone has the right to be loved for who they are.” Which is not a right. No one has a right to be loved. Love is earned, not given. For all of the messages about being yourself and not bending for anyone, some people that take this advice use this ideology to be as rude, shallow, and uncaring as they want and demand that everyone accepts the “real” them. No one owes it to you to like you, accept your ideas, be your friend, be your date, or allow you use of their genitals. These are all choices that other people get to make. And if all you can do is promote hatred, intolerance, and stereotypes, then you don’t get to claim that you deserve love.

And no, I’m not talking about Tila here. I’m talking about people in general that have had it drilled into their heads so much that they have a right to love that they don’t stop and realize that they need to act like decent human beings for that to be true. There is no more need to share this toxic idea that you can literally do whatever you want and everyone is supposed to fall at your feet with admiration. If you want to exist within a society or social group, you have act appropriately. If you want to hang out with atheists you can’t keep talking about how hell fire will burn them all. If you want to hang out with feminists, you can’t insist that women deserve rape for the crime of having a vagina. Human society doesn’t work like that. And it shouldn’t either.

But Tila presses on with her relevant advice. She asks her readers to recall when she told them to wait to have sex. She then announces, “Because, let’s be honest, a good date is just an excuse to make out, right?” Uh, it is? To think I’ve been using dates as a chance to talk, get to know someone, enjoy their company, expand my mind with discussions of the world and human experiences, and learn about someone else’s point of view. It turns out I should have been just making out with everyone. What is wrong with me?

She expands on this idea. “You know, you plan it all out, watch a movie, have dinner, but then you just want to go straight back to the house, pretend to pop in a movie, and make out for five hours.” Who has time for that? Jesus Christ, I’ve been on some long dates, but there was no 5-hour make out session. I think my face would be numb by that point. And honestly, I don’t have the sexual patience to go through many hot and heavy make out sessions without mentioning where my condoms are kept.

Tila completely disagrees. She talks about how exciting it is to be a kid that has never had sex and, “hide in the closet and kiss for hours, and it was the most exciting thing ever.” She adds, “As an adult, we forget that feeling sometimes. We just assume we’re going to have sex. It can be so blah, blah, blah, been there done that.” If I felt that bored with sex, I wouldn’t be having it. If I don’t want to have sex with a person, I don’t. If I do want to have sex with a person and they want to have sex with you, then what the hell is the problem exactly? I personally only find it frustrating to hold off on sex and due to previous experiences, I see no point to. Waiting to have sex has never made a man stay with me longer, just like having sex has never made a man leave me sooner.

Disregarding any other thoughts on the topic, Tila insists that making out without actually having sex is the best thing to do for your relationship. She writes, “Believe me, the tension will build, and when you finally give it up, it will be HOT.” I find her language choice interesting. Sex is not something that women give men. Women don’t lose something and men don’t gain something when they engage in sexual relations. Sex will be what it will be, regardless of the time line that preceded it. Sex with someone you’re compatible and interested in will be exciting no matter when you have it. Sex with someone who communicates poorly in bed and doesn’t care about their partner’s pleasure is going to be awful no matter how much you hold off.

In the next section, “Mixing It Up,” Tila talks some more about sex. She mentions how she enjoys role play and recalls that she’s been a teacher, a nurse, and her favorite, a maid. She then states, “That’s the whole point of having sex; you’re free to escape into this fantasy world.” I find it automatically dubious when someone tries to give anyone the point of sex. Sex can be a lot of things. It doesn’t have to be one thing or another in order for it to “count” or mean something. Sure, sex can be an escape. But some of the best sex I’ve ever had was with someone that I was very deeply in love with and I was me and he was him and we were two people exploring each other bodies. No fantasy or character could have ever topped the experience I had with him.

Tila then advises how to get your lover into the fantasy world. She writes, “How do you get someone to role-play with you? … Just initiate it, and your lover will catch on. The better you are at leading the way, the better your special someone will be at taking up whatever role you want to have played.” She then states, “I also think blindfolds are a lot of fun. Definitely with handcuffs.”

What she leaves out of all of this is the fact that the other person indulging in this fantasy should be completely aware, prepared, and consenting before you spring it on them. It’s rude and can even be harmful to your relationship if you take things too far without knowing how your partner feels about a certain thing. A person that has experienced rape or sexual assault might be terrified by the idea of being blindfolded during sex. Someone that was once physically restrained against their will could panic if their partner, who is someone they trust, handcuffs them without warning.

Exploring new desires and incorporating kink into your relationship can be a fun and exciting thing, but everyone needs to openly discuss it and set boundaries before it happens. When you’re both naked and panting is no time to ask someone what they think about bondage. Being kinky means being responsible and respecting the other person’s experience and wishes. Don’t put your partner into a position where they don’t feel comfortable or safe.

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Hooking up with Tila Tequila: Chapter 6: Girls Get Real, Part 3

Shot At Love 2 With Tila Tequila Tila Tequila Courtesy MTV

[Image: Tila Tequila reclining on her side wearing a teal and yellow bikini. She is looking at the camera. ]

Tila carries into the next section, “Pleasing the Ladies”, with some advice for men. She tells them that women do not like arrogance, catcalls and, alert’s men who think, “that we like it when they’re like slapping us on the ass, going, “Damn, nice ass” – That’s disgusting. Go rent some porn and jerk yourself off, because you’re not going to get a real woman.”

Tila continues that if you want to date a girl, you need to compliment her when she’s around other attractive women. She writes, “If you go out somewhere, and you see lots of hot chicks around, does it hurt you to give her a compliment, just so she feels like, okay, my lover loves me, even though there are all of these beautiful women around? Girls can be insecure. That explains the cattiness. Say something nice about how your girl looks. It’ll go a long way.” Really? I mean, really?

Not all women are insecure, catty, and desperate for compliments. Not all women use other women as a measuring stick for their personal worth. Not all women need their partner to fawn over them and reassure them. Tila self-projection throughout the book just gets more and more worrying. For all of her endless self-esteem talk, if she can’t manage to be in a room with other women without needing a compliment to feel comfortable, something is very clearly wrong.

But she’s not done yet! Women are so complicated with their horrible neediness and personal flaws. Tila informs the male readers, “Ladies are very complex creatures. We are emotional. We are a little bit overly dramatic. Sometimes we do things we don’t mean to, because we just can’t help it.” You know why some people do some things that they just can’t help? Because they’re bipolar and experiencing an episode. Not all women are so emotional and dramatic that they can’t keep a handle on their emotions every day. At this point, it just seems like Tila is trying to excuse her own bad behavior.

Why was she acting catty and mean to other women during a night out? She’s a woman and she’s emotional! Why did she blow up at someone over a stray comment the other day? She’s naturally overly dramatic! Stop oppressing her with your rules of civility, she can’t possible follow them with all of the estrogen she has trapped in her body! All people have points where they get overwhelmed and do something that they regret. But treating this like a female problem and no only that, but as an unavoidable one is infantilizing and pointless. Women are able to act like rational human beings and women should not be exempt from acting like decent people because of their menstrual cycles. Stop treating femininity like a medical problem and start treating women like people.

But Tila’s not done with her advice for the poor men that are supposed to love and support these impossible women. She tells them, “No matter how crazy we get, just sit back and go, “You know, my girl is dramatic. She’s a chick. That’s just how it is.” ” Yes, men, don’t treat women like equals worthy of consideration. Treat them like children that need time outs and redirection for their behavior. You are not so much in a relationship with another adult. You’re the ring leader of the estrogen circus. Wear your top hat with pride.

Tila is hardly finished with her insights into her own gender. She states that women relate to people by talking. As if that’s universally true. She then says, “Sometimes girls want to talk about stuff that’s off-limits, like your ex-girlfriend… Just ask yourself, where is this coming from? Apparently she’s bringing it up because she loves you a lot, and she feels insecure, and wants to make sure you love her as much as she loves you.” Of course, why else do women perform actions in the real world if not out of insecurity? Also, asking someone about an ex-girlfriend is a perfectly appropriate question for someone in a relationship.

It’s not first date material, but after you’ve gotten to know someone, it’s common to discuss what happened in the previous relationship, including why it ended. This gives a partner insight into the other person and helps to discuss their past and why they might react to certain things the way they do. For example, I once talked to a man that had a million “crazy ex-girlfriend” stories. All of the women that he dated were completely insane according to him. He never realized that the common denominator in every relationship was him. I’m quite sure that if he ever talks about me, it’s to add to me his list of crazy ex-girlfriends.

But anyway, Tila has a completely different way of looking at it. She instructs the man to sooth his savage beast of a girlfriend and tell her that it doesn’t matter and that they can’t talk about it anymore. She adds at the end, “She just wants to know you’re not going to leave her and go back to your ex.” As if that’s the only reason why someone would bring up an ex. Also, why include this in the book at all? Are all women so fucking insecure in Tila’s estimation that she needs to make sure guys know how to handle a common situation whenever it eventually crops up?

Tila then launches into more dating advice. Because what she had to offer in the previous chapter was just so goddamn helpful. In this section, titled “Rules of the Road” she starts off by stating, “My rule is like, look, I’ll call someone at MOST twice.” She then says that calling more than that is just pathetic and the guy is clearly not interested. She then starts to discuss how girls need their girls’ nights out, just like guys need time to play video games. She writes, “If you love her, be sure to be nice to her friends. You want them all swoon over you as well and be like, “Oh my gosh, dreamboat!” Be a gentleman and be sweet to all their friends and family… Even if you’re thinking, “I can’t stand these bitches,” just pretend. It will go far.”

Sure, then, once you get married, you can keep pretending for the rest of your life! How fun does that sound? The people that a woman surrounds herself with says a lot about who she is as a person. It also greatly helps to get along with these people. No one is expecting you to be best friends with everyone that your partner likes, but if you can’t get along with the people important in her life, how do you think the relationship is going to turn out? You will be faking interest and enjoyment for literally the rest of your time with them. And that’s not healthy for anyone.

After spending almost two chapters talking about straight relationships, Tila finally delves into her bisexual side. She begins this section, “Lady Love”, with this gem, “One of the reasons girls date other girls is there’s just this easier connection, like I explained earlier, and we understand that we’re emotional.” In some ways I do find women easy to connect with and be close to. But I don’t sleep with them. Because I’m not generally sexually attracted to them and feeling connected with someone has nothing to do with whom you’re attracted to.

But we’re once again back to Tila’s encompassing opinion that women are so emotional that they have a hard time relating to anyone not in their gender. She is hardly letting it go, either. She continues to talk about women’s connections to each other, “We feel a level of comfort and trust immediately, as opposed to be with a guy and feeling like, “Oh, I don’t know how I should act, and I don’t know when I should call. I don’t know if I’m coming on too strong.” With another girl, it’s like you can be as honest as you want and not worry about freaking her out.” We do? We can? Also, why can we be honest with other women when we have to lie to men?

I’d love to know why Tila believes that her personal experience is universal. Because a lot of her experiences are opposite of mine and the way she states things, like all of her thoughts and opinions are facts, doesn’t leave room for diverging experiences. But Tila doesn’t even hesitate as she bravely presses on with more of her razor-sharp observations. “Me, personally, when I’m with a girl, I play the guy role.” Because gender roles are totes a good thing and something we really need to be continuing. Especially when we’re not even talking about heterosexual relationships.

Tila then pens, “But sometimes, because I’m not a guy, when I do want to feel like a woman, and I don’t want to have so much power all the time, then it’s nice to go back to a guy. That’s when I get to be really girly and cute.” So let’s go over what Tila said in these two sentences.

  • In relationships, men have the power.
  • In her relationships with women, Tila takes the power and becomes the “guy” in the relationship.
  • When she doesn’t want to be in charge, Tila dates a man.
  • Women that are girly and cute can’t be in power or in control in relationships.

That’s a lot of ground. It seems strange that someone claiming to be so ultra progressive in life is so far behind in relationships. Gender roles are not a good thing nor something that needs to be coveted and upheld like the right of kings. Women can be in control in whatever relationship they chose. They can also do it while being girly and cute. Tila keeps inventing problems where they don’t exist. But just when Tila finishes talking about how in control and masculine she is in her relationships with women, she then writes about her the first time she fell in love with a girl.

In the next section, coyly titled, “My First Time,” Tila relates that she had a very close female friend and while she had experimented with girls and had female crushes, she was platonic friends with this person for over a year. The social anthropologist claims, “She had her boyfriends, and I had my guys, and then we’d come back together and be like, “Guys are fucking stupid!” ” Because how else can you bond with women other than over the limitations of men?

She continues that they hung out together a lot and then one day, after not seeing each other for a few days, the girl presented her with a card and said that she had missed her. Tila then stayed up all night with her, talking and hanging out and when she saw her female friend looking sad that morning she asked her if she was falling in love with her. The girl admitted that she was.

Both of the young women involved had never been in love with someone of their same gender before. Tila writes that they took their relationship slow and didn’t even admit to other friends that they were a couple. She then writes that, over all, the relationship didn’t work out, but she still thinks fondly of this woman. She finishes the chapter with, “But I’ll always have a place for her in my heart. And whether it’s with a man or a with a woman, and whether it lasts or not, it’s still LOVE.”

At this stage, it’s hard to know what point she’s trying to make. Yes, relationships are important whether or not they lead to marriage or lifelong commitment. Yes, all relationships are important, whether they’re with someone of your gender or the opposite gender. But the final thought on the relationship being that it was love, seems strange. Especially given to how casually and meaninglessly Tila uses that word. She makes it sound as if she tells the barista at Starbucks that she loves them when they make her drink correctly and say her name right.

What does love really mean to Tila and how does she even define it? These two questions are never answered in this book and that leaves a lot of her advice and her experiences rather vague. She later writes in another chapter that she “loves love” and other projectile word vomit where she uses the word “love” about 50 times in one paragraph. But for all of her claims about the emotion and experience she leaves her readers with a very shallow understanding about what she actually thinks about it.

During her TV show, Tila treated love like a commodity that other people had to display in order for her to pick and chose from them. She openly admits that the girl that was on A Shot As Love does not represent who she really is. So is there anyone, even Tila herself, that knows exactly what she thinks about love and these experiences?

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Hooking up with Tila Tequila: Chapter 6: Girls Get Real, Part 2

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[Image: Tila Tequila at a social event. She is standing in front of a other people wearing a red shirt and black coverup.]

Tila then writes, “First, I was mad at the haters. Then, I got mad at our culture. I realized, “Holy shit, if I was a dude, I would get praised for having a healthy libido and an active sex life. Hell, I’d get a high-five for each and every piece of ass I bagged, guy or girl.” ” It takes a staggering amount of cognitive dissonance to claim there is something wrong with a culture in regards to sex and sexual behaviors, then in the very next sentence, refer to human beings as pieces of ass. But Tila is nothing if not unaware of her words and actions.

She then goes into a strange section where she complains about how men that run other dating shows are not shamed for their sexual behavior. Then entire time making it sound as if they should be called sluts and whores too, not that being called a slut or a whore is wrong and dehumanizing and no one should be called that. Then Tila works herself up into such a rush while talking about Hugh Hefner that she forgets how words work. Tila writes, “But does anyone call Hugh a SLUT or a WHORE? HELL NO! He is the king, baby! Hellll yeah…. that’s my boy, yo! Ohhhhh shit, High Hefner, that man is a pimmmmp, yo! Shit, son! Yeaaaaaah!” That is literally what’s on the page. I did not make any of that up.

Regaining what little sense she has, Tila continues in her mission to prove that people just hate her for no reason. She lovingly pens, “At the end of the day, it comes down to something so simple, yet so complicated. I am a WOMAN. On top of that, I am a woman with looks AND a brain. I just don’t get why that’s such a threat to people.” Of course, people that don’t immediately praise Tila’s show and every one of her sexual decisions is jealous or intimidated by her or just an insecure hater. She wants to promote herself as being so intelligent, when it suits her, then she’s perfectly happy to pretend to be a vapid, mindless model when she’s making money. She can’t be both at the same time and her hodgepodge image only sounds more and more contrived the more she insists that she’s both brainless sex object and fierce intellect wrapped into one.

Tila goes on, “I hope you’re starting to see my point, ladies. We need to stick up for one another and stop letting the men tell us how little we’re worth and how we need to behave.” If that was the point that she was trying to make, she utterly failed. The entire previous section just sounded like the rambling frustrations of someone that wants acclaim that they’ve never earned for doing things that don’t deserve it. Barreling forward, she states, “Yes, I know, this sounds like some feminist shit, but guess what??? IT IS! So deal with it and start being more pro-active about how you treat yourself and your fellow ladies.”

How about we start treating women better by not assuming that they’re shallow, hateful, pointless children who don’t know how to act? Also, feminist shit? I like feminist shit. I’m all about feminist shit and this book is not feminist shit. Because feminism is about equality. For everyone. Tila is not a feminist based on how she treats men alone. That’s not even broaching the horrible ideas she has about women.

Without warning, Tila is off on a strange tear about historical women. She rants, “If we were living a few centuries ago, I would be burned at the stake for talking like this. Or have my head chopped off. Either way, I would have been dead. Just like Joan of Arc and Anne Boleyn. Or I would have been degraded, like the rightful Queen, Catherine of Aragon!” Women in history did get murdered by the state for speaking out and doing extraordinary things. Joan of Arc, who very well might have been mentally ill, was burned for leading troops into battle and kicking ass. But Anne Boleyn?

She didn’t speak out for women or do anything involving feminist shit to earn her demise. She failed to produce a male heir and King Henry VIII was tried of waiting on her. As for Catherine, in some opinions she was the rightful queen that Henry divorced in order to marry Anne Boleyn. But there were doubts to her legitimacy as queen as well, due to her brief marriage to Henry’s brother Arthur. Not to mention that it’s hard to be a support of this supposedly rightful queen as well as support the woman that dethroned her, orchestrated her divorce, and then celebrated her death.

But to be completely fair is just sounds like Tila heard two names of famous historical queens and wanted to write about them in order to back up her claim of being the towering intellect that she likes to claim she is. Maybe she saw The Other Boleyn Girl and was inspired but it’s partial history? Who knows?

Tila starts the next page by admitting that this chapter is very different from the previous one, I Know What Boys Like. She explains, “Guys are so much simpler and easier to understand. … They’re just guys. It’s easy and fun with guys. Ladies, however… I expect a lot more from you. You are smarter than that!” Are you sure women are smarter than that? Because so far they’ve all been insecure, straight-up bitches. And why should we expect nothing from men but simplicity and ease? Why is Tila treating these gender roles like proven facts and not her own ideas?

The Champion of Women then starts on the ladies again, “Start sticking together and stop being such bitches to one another and blaming other girls for your own insecurities.” Which, I’m pretty sure, is just code for Tila demanding that everyone has to be mega nice to her, no matter her life choices because of female solidarity or something. It’s staggering how much Tila goes on and on about other women being insecure when it seems like she is the most insecure woman of them all. She can barely write a chapter without referring to her “haters” and how terrible it is when someone disagrees with her in any way. A truly confident person does not need to keep harping back to their detractors and completely ignoring whatever they say, even if it’s constructive and could make her a better person.

She then goes off on a tangent about women fighting over men. She advises, “If your guy is the one checking out another girl, or initiating the flirting, don’t try to rip out her extensions! Blame him! He’s the douche bag!” Then, frustrated with her intense writings on gender relations, Tila inscribes, “Being a girl can be so tough! We are complex: sensitive, emotional, loving, nurturing, and often totally misunderstood.” None of these traits, however, are the express territory of women, nor do all women experience these.

Ignoring that completely, Tila presses on with a section about women bringing life into the world. She implores her female readers, “God gave us that gift; only we women can ever experience such a beautiful blessing.” Which, no, not only women can give birth to children. And also, children are not always a blessing and sometimes carrying a child or giving birth to one can kill you and/or the baby in question. It’s one thing to want to discuss the joys of motherhood, but it’s another to completely negate the sometimes lethal effects that pregnancy and childbirth can have on a person. But Tila is on a magical diatribe about childbirth and she continues, “And it’s a good reason for women to behave with more self-respect, receive more respect from our culture, and learn to really love one another… even if it means you have to turn into a lesbian! Because there’s nothing wrong with that!”

And Tila once again manages to make problematic states in a multitude of ways in one sentence. First of all, women don’t deserve to be valued and respected just because they can give birth. Having children is one option for some women and is not the beginning and the end of their existence. Also, she seems to be saying that if you really love and respect women that you will turn into a lesbian. Which isn’t even possible. Sexual preference doesn’t work like that and is also as demeaning to anyone not attracted to women to everyone that is attracted to women.

Sexual attraction has nothing to do with how much you respect the gender that you are attracted to. You don’t reach a level of esteem for a gender and then decide that you want to bone them. Sexual attraction is hardwired into your brain and is not a conscious choice that you can make. Which, if Tila was wondering why no one wants her to be the spokesperson for the gay rights movement, this is probably why. She literally knows nothing about it and is willing to make statements such as this that are nothing but spewing ignorance about gay people and their attractions.

Tila then goes off on a strange tangent. She starts discussing women that she admires. The first woman up for discussion is Pamela Anderson. Tila notes, “Everybody tries to play her down as this dumb, big-titted blonde. But she’s smart. She figured that out a LONG time ago.” She then talks about Angelina Jolie. She states, “She is the world’s sexiest woman, but no one can talk trash about her. Why? Because she’s so smart.” Which, plenty of people talk trash about Angelina Jolie. She just doesn’t write books about how much she hates/loves them.

She also strangely brings up the love triangle between Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Jennifer Aniston. Tila writes, “If that had been any other woman, she would have been this home wrecker, this whore, this slut… But Angelina overcame that difficult situation because she’s such a respected woman.” There were plenty of people who called Jolie a combination of all three of those things. What’s different is how Angelina handled it. She ignored the people wanting to dictate her personal life, continued doing what she did in her life and career and eventually everyone calmed the fuck down over what happened.

Which, the fact that people made this situation out to be Jolie vs. Aniston is a prime example of what is wrong with pop culture. Brad Pitt’s actions were largely ignored as the media set this up to be a war between the two women with Pitt as the objectified prized. It’s sad how women can be seen as people only when they are in competition with each other over a mate.

Tila stops talking about respectable women there. Of course the two women that she names are highly attractive and sexual actresses. No scientists, no artists, no philosophers. Tila respects women that look good in tight dresses and live their lives through the tabloids. Her view of femininity is just as lacking as her view of herself. She is not pushing for women in all walks of life to be recognized. She’s pushing for her idealized self to be recognized.

After finishing that section she relates how terrified men are of the “brains-beauty” combo. She notes, “When it comes down to it, they [men] worry, “How can I keep up? How can I compare?” ” And certainly, an insecure man would worry about a mate outshining him. But a secure man that really cares about a woman would love her for her intelligence and value her for her insight. Men as a whole don’t deserve to be boxed into this infantile insecurity when the idea of being faced with an intelligent woman pops up.

Naturally, Tila can’t talk about being beautiful and intelligent if she doesn’t relate how difficult this burden has made her life in relation to other women. She writes, “And other women definitely see it as a threat, because they’re all like, “Whatever, bitch. You ain’t all that.” So it’s like how do we win?” The way you win, Tila, is stop acting like this is all a competition. You surround yourself with positive, intelligent people and you do not include those in your life that are too immature to maintain an adult relationship with you without lashing out. In my group of friends I am surrounded by devastatingly intelligent women with lots to say and the passion to say it, and guess what? There are no haters to be had.

But then Tila adds in a strange aside. “The only place we can win is with gay guys. They’re like, “You are fierce!” If only straight guys and straight girls could get it, too.” It saddens me that this self-proclaimed gay rights activist wants to perpetuate the stereotype of the flamboyant gay best friend that says rote gay phrases over and over again like this empowering and not an offensive limitation to the complexity and variety in the gay community. But Tila brings up an interesting point. Straight women are competition with Tila for the same resource. Straight men are that resource. Tila can’t get along with either because she views them as competition or prizes. The only people she manages to be okay with are gay men because they are neither. And that is rather sad.

In the next section, titled “R-E-S-P-E-C-T”, Tila discusses how women need to gain more respect in the world. She suggests that women accomplish this by being smart and sexy. She writes, “But there’s a time and a place to enjoy yourself. And even then, there’s a way to still carry yourself like a lady. You’re not out there, totally trashed and no class.” She continues, “And if you want people to see you as a smart, sexy woman, then ask yourself what do you think is smart and sexy? And be that.” But why do women need to be either? Most of Tila’s advice is not what is best for the person asking for the help. It’s all about Tila telling them to be more like her. Tila wants to be smart and sexy so she advises all of her followers to do it. No women has to want what Tila wants in order to successfully woman.

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Hooking up with Tila Tequila: Chapter 6: Girls Get Real, Part 1

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[Image: Tila Tequila in an animal-print bikini top. Her hands are above her head, holding up her long hair.]

And now we start the most problematic chapter in this book. That’s right, kids. You thought that everything up until now was bad? Well, that’s nothing compared to the pile of WTF, bullshit, gender fuckery that I’m about to unleash on you right now. I understand that you might have a lot of difficulty processing just how many insulting stereotypes and outdated gender roles have been crammed into a single chapter of a book. So, in order to prove that I’m not just making shit up, or embellishing what’s been written, here is my dramatic reading of just one section of Tila’s book. As you can see in the video, I am reading directly from the work itself.

Are you ready? Are you sure? Let’s dive in.

Tila starts off by discussing how she would have no idea if she wanted to be a man or a woman. She relates this by giving a scenario where if a god of some kind—she mentions a god here and there but never defines her views—gave her a choice to be male or female, she would have to think about it. Of course, she never considers that there is any other option other than male and female. She’s all about the gender binary and this chapter is no different from the rest of her confining book.

She then goes on to talk about the “advantages” of being a woman. They include having a soft, sexy body, being in touch with your feelings and how to communicate them, and having deep connections with other women. However, none of these are specific to women. Men can have soft bodies that can be highly sexy. Men can be in touch with their feelings and (gasp!) be able to articulate them. Men can have deep connections with other men as well as with women. There is nothing in any of these “advantages” that are gender-specific. It’s sad that Tila thinks that men are somehow incapable of dealing with their own emotions or expressing their feelings. Not to mention her idea that men don’t have deep connections to other people. What are men to her, exactly? Emotional toddlers that stumble around until a woman directs them down the right path?

But Tila notes that sometimes being a man is easier. Think she’s going to discuss male privilege now? Think again! She states that, “Women have to deal with uncontrollable emotional outbursts, otherwise known as that little demon called PMS.” She helpfully tacks on, “(don’t laugh, dudes, it’s a real thing!)”. I’ve written about PMS before and how it’s been stigmatized by the patriarchy. But it’s sad to see a woman characterize a real issue that many women go through as an “uncontrollable emotional outburst”. Also, Tila has bipolar disorder, so her experiences with PMS are probably not the same as the average woman’s. When mental illness mixes with hormone imbalance, anything can happen.

Her need to assure men that PMS is a real thing is just sadder. Why act like men don’t believe women when they report having issues related to their menstrual cycles? Why does she think that men have be specifically told that PMS is real and not just something lying bitches say when they want attention? Why does Tila have such low opinions of men and their ability to handle the results of biology?

Never fear, Tila isn’t done talking about how much easier it is to be a man. Apparently, men also never worry about things not worth worrying about. Then she writes that women are scrutinized more for their weight and men age better. Which, there are plenty of men out there that worry about everything as much as women do. Anxiety is not a female trait. It’s just more stigmatized in women. And Tila is here to continue that good work!

As for how women are treated for their appearances, Tila is on to something. Women, especially ones in the limelight, are treated as if they are nothing but bodies that exist for the male gaze. But does she bring up that point? No, she then states that men age better. They don’t actually. They’re just not held to the same ridiculous standards of youth and beauty that women are. We have a better concept of older men because the patriarchy doesn’t emphasize their youth nearly as much as they do with women. Tila casually adds to the problem.

Tila then gets right back to her sermon on haters. She writes, “…We [women] have to deal with other females being catty toward one another because, well, sometimes when girls get insecure, they are just straight-up bitches. It’s as though it’s in our blood to be overly dramatic. Women always seem to be so jealous and needy, too, and some of them can be really conniving.” It’s sad that Tila’s “self-help” book has so much in it that’s extremely negative and unfairly critical to everyone. She talks down to men for being too silly and unintelligent to stop playing video games long enough to pay attention to their girlfriends, then she accuses women of being horrible, insecure people that lash out at other because they can’t keep their terrible natures contained.

It’s easy to see why Tila accuses other women of disliking her. She thinks that they’re petty, demanding shrews. Who would like someone who holds that opinion of not only them but their entire gender?

Tila then says something that everyone in the world who has ever known a man in their lives can disprove. She states, “Dudes are a lot different. They’re so chill. They don’t hate on other dudes…. In my personal opinion, it’s because dudes have less shit to worry about, so they don’t think about much more than bonding with one another and checking out hot chicks.” Really? Really, really? Did someone just actually put these words down and have them published? Men are not robots that come out of a “dude” box that fit all of Tila’s nicely constructed stereotypes. Plenty of men don’t get along with each other out of dislike, insecurity, jealousy, or cattiness. Women do not corner the market on negative social interactions while men rise above it and drink a beer with their bros.

Also, do I need to point out that not all dudes check out hot chicks? Because not all dudes are attracted to women? Do I need to do that again? Because I will.

She continues, “If they [men] do have insecurities, they hide them.” Sometimes it really sounds like Tila doesn’t regard men as human beings who have all of the same emotions as women. Men have insecurities and they are often afraid to address them because they have been told their entire lives that having feelings or recognizing a negative emotion is something that women do and it will threaten their masculinity. Must be like what Tila is doing here. She can’t even write that men have insecurities because, in her experience, they must have never experienced them in their lives.

But if you talk to men, if you present yourself as a caring person they can feel comfortable with, men will share their insecurities and reveal that they are indeed humans and not robots. I share very deep connections with men who have told me very intimate feelings because I’m both a good listener and a caring person. They know I will not judge them for having emotions or expressing them. I have an entirely different view of men than Tila does, based off of my own experiences, and in my view, men are people.

Charging forward as if there’s no question about the legitimacy of what she just wrote, Tila goes on, “When I go out to a club or a party, there is ALWAYS at least one girl who says something bitchy to me, for no reason, other than to be a hater.” Which makes me recall that she said she didn’t care about what haters say. Then I recall that she uses this hate for fuel for her professional life. Then I also recall how she already in this chapter called women catty, needy, emotional nightmares. But we’re not even at the worst thing she has to say about women yet. Hang on for that.

Tila insists that guys never act like this. They wouldn’t talk smack about a girl in a club or do something nasty to her. But social anthropologist Tila is going to ask some difficult questions. She ponders, “Why do females have the tendency to hate on each other so much?” And really, I don’t really even know what she’s talking about here. I’m friends with lots of women, online, offline, and through social groups. I don’t walk around thinking that other women are insecure bitches that all hate me because they’re jealous. I don’t see any of this behavior being displayed at all.

One of the main problems with Tila’s advice and attempt at self-help is that she can’t engage with any idea that exists outside of her own experience. She has her views of how girls and women treat her and each other based on how she sees herself as having been treated in the past (and possibly how she treats others) and that’s that. It’s scientific fact that girls behave the way she exists and she believes it to be universally true for everyone. But it’s not true for me at all. And when even one person can offer evidence that contradicts her blanket statements, they all fall apart. But Tila, without any consideration that she might not be completely accurate about an entire gender, bravely presses on.

She writes, “I think a lot of it isn’t really our fault. Over the years, we’ve been conditioned to turn against each other by a world that’s run by men.” And that is one of the only legitimate things she says in the entire book. In order to keep women from wanting to advance in the world or taking jobs and resources from other men, the patriarchy has made it so that women are set up to obsess about their body, their clothing, their physical form and their relationships. While women are distracted, thinking about how they need to lose ten pounds and get their hair highlighted, that gives men the chance to rule society and improve conditions for themselves. But Tila doesn’t stop to realize that this is a systematic problem and can only be dealt with through a change in American culture. Instead, she goes back to blaming women.

“We have to start sticking together and standing up for one another, instead of backstabbing each other. I don’t care if she’s wearing that new dress you wanted to buy, or if she smiled at your boyfriend. Grow up!” Tila must really believe that women are pointless, shallow people. All they have to fight about are dresses and boyfriends? But she goes from addressing a very real problem that is entirely part of a system to making it the individual fault of each and every woman. No amount of banding together is going to change popular conceptions of how women are supposed to interact if we don’t address the actual problem.

However, Tila veers wildly off-topic so she can discuss her haters some more. She coyly mentions her TV show, A Shot At Love, and then announces, “Holy shit, have I gotten a whole fucking mess of new haters since that show first aired!” She then continues on her insistence that she should be credited with being a gay rights activist, all for being the subject of a trashy MTV dating show.

She begins, “You would think that, being the first person EVER on TV to finally address bisexuality in a real way, I would be praised, at least by people who aren’t total close-minded bigots!” I like how she cleverly inserted the phrase “in a real way” to her claim. Because she is far from the first person to address bisexuality on TV. But if you would bring up any of the other people that have openly discussed it or made a positive impact on culture for it, she can always claim that that wasn’t “real” enough to qualify. I also enjoy how she phrases her statement to make it sound like if you disliked her show then you’re a “close-minded bigot”. This is an ingenious sentence of fuckery and I appreciate it.

Tila continues, “I’m not the the first bisexual, gay or lesbian person out there. And I’m not saying I’m the perfect spokesperson for the entire gay rights movement, but at least I had the fucking balls to put out a show like this and talk about something that has been hush-hush for so long!” It’s rather amusing how Tila tries to frame a show meant to exploit people and promote herself as an example of selflessly increasing visibility for the gay rights movement and improve the lives of bisexuals everywhere. She wants to take mounds of credit for things that she never did while also resolving herself of any personal responsibility in the show. She’s already stated in this book that the girl everyone saw on TV wasn’t the “real” her. So how was this show, which, according to Tila herself, wasn’t even a genuine expression of her own personality, supposed to help anyone else?

Without pausing, Tila rushes forward, “But what do I get instead? I get bashed and criticized!” Which is probably just code for ‘someone dared to question her.’ “Not only from the straights, but, surprisingly, from the lesbian and gay community as well. I mean, what the hell? I should at least be recognized for standing up for what I believe in and helping others to ‘come out,’ as I did.” Tila seems to be laboring under the impression that she can do no wrong and moreover, since she’s a bisexual, everything she does is a benefit to the gay community.

But, in the real world, the gay community has enough problems without Tila Tequila showcasing her bisexuality for profit and fame and using alcohol-fueled fights and pointless “challenges” meant to exploit inhibition-less young people. Simply being a visible bisexual is not enough to earn you a title as a gay rights advocate. Do something to actually make a difference instead of using self-promotion of the most blatant kind and then see if anyone respects your body of work.

Not to mention, what was she expecting? Do people only advocate gay rights now in order to get cookies and pats on the head? Did she do any of this to make a difference when she can offer no tangible proof that she did and only keep insisting that people praise her for it?

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