I haven’t been scrapbooking lately because of my back problems and as a result my scrapbook left off around April of 2012. I broke up with my ex in May of 2014. So I have two more years of scrapbooking where I was with him to do. And now I’m not sure how to do it. We all know there’s no retcon in scrapbooking.
When I was with him I was determined to gloss over every bad thing that he ever did and pretend like we were one big happy family, even though nothing could have been further from the truth. Now that I’m out of the relationship and I realize just how bad it was, it leaves me wondering just what I’m going to do with this fucking scrapbook. I already have photos printed out and organized and tons of supplies for everything that I did in those two years. So it seems pointless just to not do anything.
But do I tell the truth? The whole truth? Part of the truth? It goes against everything I stand for to continue the scrapbook as if everything was fine and I had been having a great time with him. But at the same time, who wants to pick up a scrapbook and read about how their friend was depressed and desperate and trapped in a bad relationship? Moreover, there would be no continuity. My first scrapbook for January-March 2012 is already done and it shows us as a happy family. Suddenly, April rolls around and everything’s shit?
In the end, scrapbooking is a haphazard thing. It’s my story and it will be my own decision as for how to tell it. I’ve learned a lot in the last two years and I can definitely incorporate that into my scrapbook. Whether or not I will put in all of the gory details, remains the question.
I can’t say that I’ve decided what to do and I have a little while before I’m going to crop where I will need to make a choice. However, the question occasionally resurfaces to nag me. I’m sure if I just throw myself in there again and start scrapbooking it will all happen naturally. But the pull of remaining truthful to my own story and relating just how much pain I was in during the time, bothers me. I think that sometimes life is painful and occasionally, that needs to be related, too. At least I know the scrapbook I will do for this year will be much happier.